Chapter 14 Sticks and Stones

A/N: Twilight belongs to SM.

The break down for Hey Diddle Diddle is as follows: Cat – Rosalie, Fiddle – Alice, Cow – Jasper, Dog – Emmett, Dish – Edward and Spoon – Bella.

I just want to say a quick Thanks A Million to everyone who takes the time to review, leaving me their thoughts and encouraging words, it means so much to me! You're all wonderful!

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APOV

"I can't believe I didn't put this together sooner…"

The music was reverberating off of the stunned wall of party guests, who had yet to collect their astonishment and resume gossiping themselves into oblivion. It seemed only Edward's behavior tonight could be the catalyst to strike these unsuspecting, self-righteous high-breeds into silence.

There had been no actual fight, just bitter lunacy. Angela was so drunk, and now recoiling most thoroughly from acting out and being shoved aside in such a humiliating fashion, that she was nearly inconsolable. Jessica and Lauren carried her off to the edge of the sitting room so she wouldn't remain the center spectacle – left in the ogling wake of Edward and Bella's departure.

From the moment those horrible words began rolling off of Angela's classless, senseless tongue I had been most concerned for Jasper. Although Bella's feelings were foremost in my heart, it was Jasper's possible reactions that were swirling about, disturbing and alarming me, causing legitimate panic that over road my mental faculties. It had been most obvious, as he'd clenched his fists and planted his feet firmly, that instinctively Jasper was motivated to hit the deranged girl. And with Bella in the spotlight of Angela's accusatory monologue there could be no greater provocation for him to do just that. I knew his affections were growing for me, even though we hadn't discussed it in so many words, but Bella was his best friend, his lifelong number one, and had already undergone undue scrutiny for this lie.

We'd all thought it was behind us. We were moving forward. In ways I'd never realized. I couldn't keep my thoughts from turning back to the image of Edward assaulting Angela with his warning, sweeping Bella up, protectively into his arms, and running her away – far from the disastrous ramification this night would still hold in the form of damning defamation.

If I hadn't been so wrapped up in self hurt over Roaslie's lie and trying to forgive, my escalating relationship with Jasper and being party planner of the year I would have been realistic in my assessment of this supposedly contained and defused calumny. Now, my mistake would be the joke on so many of us. Us. The four of us. And Rosalie and Emmett by default. Though, Rosalie's payment for beginning this defamation of character was far from over and Emmett had to endure the imminent rumor radiation in literally every area of his life: brother, friends, his suite and his team. They had it just as bad as the rest of us. So, the six of us, then.

Of course, Lauren and Jessica had overheard Rosalie spouting off her salacious fabrication of Jasper and Bella's relationship, and how daft did I have to be to honestly question whether they could keep something as juicy as an incestuous relationship to themselves?

I've known for over a week this would happen and I did nothing. I thought nothing of it.

Now I felt horrible. As well, my mind felt tired from the tornado of thoughts.

"Put all what together sooner?" Rosalie was just as dumbfounded as I was at where the evening had led us. I shifted back and forth in my stilettos as I replayed E's behavior over the last few days.

"Edward. I should have known. The sleepless nights and composing at warp speed – being so beyond himself and unhinged." I thought back to his reaction when I'd first said the rumor was only that, a misunderstanding, not true. There was so much undisclosed relief there.

"I'd thought it had only been Bella." I snapped my head into the present. How Rosalie could respond to the scene we just witnessed, and shrug her shoulders like that, only served as a reminder of how out of sync she was with both Edward and Fremont. Not only did Edward's wildly uncharacteristic behavior not faze her but she also didn't throw herself headfirst into frenzy over the drama of it all, the sport to come. No wonder she's so sad; she falls in the middle, never finding her rightful place.

But her words were far more interesting, at the moment, than her uncharted psyche.

"You knew? How? She would never tell you that." There wasn't anything more true. But ten minutes ago, you would have said that Edward's truth lay within his ability to remain disengaged. But no, Bella would never voluntarily share personal information with Rose. Bella wasn't blind, deaf or dumb. But how could she possibly be thinking clearly?

In observing the night's events, it seemed Bella felt close enough to Edward to let him take her away, that she'd opened herself up to him somehow. That is blindness and an obscurity of common sense. Bella had only been with us a week. Edward's legend served as a resounding caution. Could she possibly ignore something so well known, not observe the trouble that followed him and refuse to allow her intellect to protect her from this inevitable heartbreak?

"Don't I know it. The lack of gal palling going on with my dear cousin and me isn't a secret. It was only a hunch, which turned out to be spot on, I guess. Well except, like I said, with Edward going all white knight on our unsuspecting asses." At this pause, Rose's voice went from cavalier to almost caring. "Do you think he's okay?"

Her statements helped temper my own spinning logic, but at her question I had no definitive answer. And her wonderings were the pivotal element here. At least she seems as confused about Edward's behavior as I am. God, Alice, you are supposed to know him better than this. You're supposed to see things coming. Well, piss on me for not being an Edward fortuneteller.

"I really don't know what's going through his mind. This honestly could all just be a phase, or a game. I know what Edward will be one day, but I don't think he's ready for that day to arrive so soon." I felt like I was providing too bright an insight into Edward and my connection, verbalizing our private understanding of one another. I hadn't even really discussed my belief in his future with him, my opinions as to why he lived the way he did and where it would inevitably lead him if he didn't pull his shit together. I just need to talk to him, really talk and pronto.

Emmett and Jasper were heading back our way and I wasn't nearly ready for the additional unanswerable questions I knew would come from both guys, as they looked perplexed, jumpy and peaked.

"Seriously, Alice, what the fuck was that?" This was obviously Emmett's way of voicing shock.

"Which part, Em?" I wanted to take off my shoes and sit down. I'd never felt inclined to disassemble an outfit before. God. I think maybe we should play the quiet game while Alice calms her massive Edward's-been-holding-out-on-me migraine. Couldn't everyone see I had no more answers than they did and that realization was slowly killing me?

"How about all of it? Angela's shit storm, Edward's throwing verbal daggers and the dramatic exit? Do Edward and Bella even know each other … Jasper? Do they hang out?"

"I really have no idea, man, I mean-"

"Oh shit…." Em's face was alight with memory and connection.

"What Emmett?" I had to know what he was piecing together. Dear god please give me the answers that will return me to some semblance of sanity! I felt like I was detoxing, the anxiety of this situation was shaking me so severely.

"Before I knew the lie was some Rosalie stunt, Edward had come to me and asked what I knew about Bella. Him caring like that really weirded me out. When I told him what I knew I saw a sliver of the jackass come back but, I don't know, it was gone by that night. And ever since then he's been like a whole other person. You know what I mean, Shorty; you've seen his room."

I was not willing to talk more about that - how Edward was in private didn't need to be made the business of every listening ear in this sitting room - so I only nodded and redirected this puzzle arranging.

"Yeah, so there's definitely something going on with them." I bit my nails. Shit, will I never truly knock this horrific habit? My manicure was mangled. Nail polish, seriously Alice? Edward has become a stranger to you and you are so sketch right now you haven't even figured out how to be happy if Bella and Edward actually get together. I laughed out loud at my rambling thoughts and probably had everyone considering committing me. Get together? Right.

But my laugh we like static to those closest to me. We were all hovering in between disconnected thoughts and feelings and any noise became a hum of nothingness. Well, all except Jasper.

"There won't be for long." Jasper had calmed down, but as the possibility of what might be sprouting up between his cousin and the school's royal manwhore-asshole – Sorry E – surfaced he was instantly livid. My mind searched for some way to appease him.

"Jasper, I know you're concerned-" But these words felt more patronizing than placating so it didn't bug me when he cut me off and laid it out there.

"I'm really not, Alice, because there isn't anything to be concerned about. Bella isn't going to be with Edward. I know what he is and she cannot possibly get caught up in any of his shitty temporary amusement. No fucking way!"

With Jasper's escalating volume, people were paying even closer attention to us, and there was a time and place for this conversation that was not now. I could tell Rose felt we'd shared enough with the general public just as I did.

"Jasper-"

"Really, Rosalie, you really want to talk to me right now? I don't think you want to go there." He was officially boiling over.

"Why don't we get everyone out of here, okay Rose?" Thank god for Emmett thinking on his feet. In the back of my mind I was sad such a beautiful party had to end in such dilapidation. Shut the hell up, vain Alice, you've done enough damage.

"Sure." I knew Rosalie had a hard time not responding to Jasper's wail, but she checked herself. Really, she didn't have room to say anything back, but that didn't keep her from mumbling something about "unfinished business" and "punching the bitch's cock-sucking mouth" as she followed Em. Well.

"Jas, we don't have any information. Try not to worry; at least Bella isn't here to see and hear all of this." As my arms wound around his waste, I let my fingertips drag up and down his back in as reassuring a motion as possible. Slowly his muscles unclenched and he leaned into me, head resting atop mine.

At our increasing calm, more surrounding whispers and snide laughter permeated my previous panic bubble. Every miniature grouping of the overall worst people to ever grace this earth had their own version of the night's events concocted and were each gearing up for mass distribution. Honestly, hardly any of Fremont had been invited to this exclusive affair. There were plenty of cruel, undiscerning ears for this news to travel to.

And so, Angela was a dismissed Edwardian whore and Bella his latest acquisition. And my heart sunk at the new truth this most unfortunate evening socially sealed: neither girl would ever be the same.

BPOV

I wanted to know where we were going, since it seemed we were traveling in circles.

"Whoa there. Not so fast, I can only hold you if you let me. I really don't want to see you catapulting yourself onto the sidewalk." He meant this to be playful, but his voice was strained and still fell in whispers even though we were alone, with no one left to intrude or afflict. I'm sure the universe has plenty of heinous plans for me later – this may be my only moment of peace. My starry night postponement, with Edward surrounding me, suddenly felt priceless. I couldn't believe there was something to be thankful for in the heinous Angela-outburst, but the reality jolt it sent through me had weakened the effects of the alcohol and granted me a fair chance at enjoying this time.

"Edward." I didn't really want to talk so much as I wanted to hear his name out loud. I wanted for it to be okay that I said his name. It hurt to know that echoing 'Edward' in the hallways or courtyard would automatically make those listening acknowledge me and assume things. Um, hello, people will never stop now, not after what you just left behind.

"We're almost there." He's so tender with me - in his touch and his voice, in his openness. This beautiful man was ready for me.

But we weren't almost there; not in our discovery of each other and being near one another, not myself waging this war with my new daybreak oppressors. Oh yes, I knew, to some degree what awaited me come tomorrow morning. If it were a normal Saturday I could stealth mode myself, limiting my degree of exposure, but no. I'd be jumping head first into match day with the whole of Fremont surrounding me on narrow, congested bleachers. I would need to accept these circumstances that seemed similar to executing a sloppy cannonball into a pool full of pure chlorine, rather than the normal delusion promised. And although I should have spent these thoughts, these middle of the night moments, reinforcing my exterior wall, preparing for the landslide of shit to come, I could only house such warnings in the back of my subconscious. Edward's arms and warmth and breath were my first priority now, because I didn't know how long I got him for. Tonight could be it. The truth of what we just did back there by leaving might be the trigger. The consequences might be too much for him.

After being reprimanded for squirming, and realizing he planned on carrying me until reaching our destination, I'd tucked my head into his shoulder, silently breathing in every wisp of his mind-altering musk. It was Edward's personal masculine blend of crisp, cool freshness and exotic spices. So alluring, so seductive. He fogs my mind. Men obviously wore cologne to draw women in, but often they applied it so the sent wore them; clinging to every inch of clothing and exposed skin, the blatant odor hitting you before the dude even entered a room. Any fragrance radiating from Edward, however, was more like a second skin, hovering so close to him that I even questioned whether it was a spray on sort of deal to begin with. Maybe it was his soap.

"Do you wear cologne?" I was done with knowing nothing because I didn't ask.

I could hear the smile even before he spoke, "I put some on this morning. I'd imagine it's gone by now, though, seeing as I changed clothes."

I heard the unlocking of a door and was swept from one dark room to the next. Finally I found myself sitting upright on a large plush bed. The comforter and assorted blankets were so luxurious that my presence on them only indented just where I sat, leaving a hill of lush comfort on either side of me.

I could just make out shapes from the light peeking in around the window seat curtains. Edward's room was a mirror image of mine, architecturally speaking, otherwise the shadows cast led me to believe he enjoyed the much finer comforts of his parents riches.

A massive, probably king sized, mahogany four poster - that I'd need a step stool just get down safely from - surrounded my small frame. A desk and small keyboard table hovered in the corner, both made from the same wood as his lavish bed. Both were piled high with never ending stacks and rolls of paper, so meaningful in their disarray. Tall, dark bookcases and chests of drawers lined the final wall; overflowing with books and music, picture frames and in all of it I could only see the passions of this misunderstood man's living creativity.

My eyes came back to him - as I was spatially adjusted to being in his room, on his bed - and away went his button down shirt. I gulped because the pains of chest that stared back at me through the darkened haze were more glorious than any imagination's design. No one had done him justice. Not the bragging Fremont floozies in between sessions, not male models on television heightening girl's expectations for what a real man should look like, not my insignificant fantasies and especially not the P.E.T. pool lighting. I should have known he'd be more than unbearably sexy up close.

I was pretty sure he had to have heard my ridiculously immature gasp; I was not in control of what Edward's half-nakedness did to me. Fuck, B, he isn't even the half-naked you're allowed to lose all control over. But I couldn't begin to help myself.

I knew he was watching me rake over his exposed skin, and I should have felt embarrassed. However, although I was sobering up quite rapidly, the alcohol still present in my system did wonders to dampen any shame. Good to know all I have to do to prevent igniting into blush red flames is get tipsy. It was always good to have options.

My mind stopped nervously wandering as I watched Edward rummage around a dresser drawer and pull out some clothing. Shirtless and glowing, now donning pajama pants that he'd flung on with lightning speed, my living figment came over, lifted me down to a standing position and, keeping his eyes trained on mine, reached around and pulled my back tie. How do his eyes hypnotize me into letting him do anything he wants? Edward's palm laid flat against my exposed back as the other hand loosened the strings completely and then found my zipper and released the dress' hold on my body.

I was in shock. I was overwhelmed. I had no idea what Edward was planning on doing to me and with me, tonight or tomorrow or the days that would inevitable follow. But my brain couldn't form coherent thoughts or questions or concerns; I was being entranced by green.

My shoulder straps fell on either side of me and for some reason I silently praised my instincts for wearing the strapless bra even though I could have comfortably gone without. The second my pretty black dress hit the floor with a rustle, Edward lifted my arms over my head, his fingers caressing my skin all the way up until the protrude of my wrist bone, and brought a half buttoned, man's cotton pajama top down.

One button, two buttons, three; he let his fingers brush the exposed skin between my breast as he fastened me up, putting my comfort before his preference, I was sure. We matched, my shirt and his pants. How serendipitous.

"Hold still." His voice was far beyond horse, perhaps from not talking for a while, perhaps because I was with him in this way. I only knew I trusted nothing less than my own voice at that moment.

So I kept my entire body motionless, as my eyelids made up for my immobility and blinked at a rapid pace. I was trying to keep my chest from heaving and my lip from falling off at the sharp ministrations my teeth were inflicting on it.

And then his face was gone from my view, his shoulders, hair, chest, everything was gone, but I remained resolute in my promise to hold still. That's when I felt the flutter of the shirt hem against my thighs. Two broad, warm hands touched my legs ever so gently, calf muscle to knee hollow and up.

Up.

Oh my god. Up.

And finally shifting around front to where the shirt fell. And just as quickly as he'd repositioned his hands, so began the increase of air circulation to my legs – He's folding the shirt up higher. My breathing hitched loudly. It was now just him on his knees, face level with my underwear and naked stomach, and me dying to press my legs together to relieve the undulating pressure between them.

Edward's hand began tracing the edge of my now infamous blue panties, something I'd imagined him doing the moment the unfamiliar drink was ordered for me.

His touch was feather light, half his fingers dancing on the satin material while the other half was attentive to skin. Across my waist and around to my back, my captivator allowed his palms to flatten out as he led them over my ass, the end resulting in him cupping just beneath the curve, his fingers sneaking underneath the boy cut edges.

"Bella." Edward's face was now cheek to stomach and the shirt blanketed around his head and shoulders, trapping him inside.

And his mouth was warm and desperate and I knew I was shaking and not obeying his request for stillness but I was running on involuntary action now as I moaned at the first brush of his tongue on my hipbone. Slowing sucking, with slight teeth grazes, and when I looked down I could only see him beneath my shirt, his shirt, feeling full well his hands on my back and spreading beneath my underwear, his hair tickling my stomach.

"Edward." I didn't mean to sound panicky, but I wasn't calm by any means. In a mix of thrill and need and fear - not to mention vodka - the truth of our current position was finally registering with my senses.

"This is all I wanted." He was so strained and so hot on my skin, and his words made his lips brush back and forth against me, sending additional ripples down my spine, eliciting a fresh layer of goose bumps. All erratic. Most erotic. Feeling. Ever.

"No, that is a lie. I need more – all - but this is what I wanted for tonight." And I believed him. Maybe because he'd never once venture to the front of my panties, and all that laid beneath, although I was sure he was being asphyxiated by the desire I was emitting. And I was thankful; because no matter how much I wanted him for myself I knew allowing this to go further would not make him mine.

And that indefinable pull that had linked me to Edward from the start, despite what he was, what he did, became double tethered in this sacrificial moment of his. He could have been with Angela, taking her body and gratifying himself, but instead he chose to press his lips to my skin and graze his hands adoringly under the panties that were worn specifically with him in mind.

My hands came underneath the useless shirt - that I had been right about being for my comfort alone - and found his neck and hair. My fingers weaved along his scalp and down onto his naked back. I moved myself down further to be closer, releasing him from the fabric, and as I did he folded his legs crisscross and brought me down into his lap.

"I can't kiss you when I take you to my bed." And his slightly open mouth found mine parted and waiting, no pretenses of closed lips to get past. We were both undone by now.

Edward moved so hungrily as he pulled my neck closer angling himself to caress my tongue most deeply, giving the greatest contact possible. I was groaning at our closeness, moaning at the uninhibited collision of our skin; my legs wrapped securely around his bare waste, his hand roaming from thigh to the flesh of my back. Heavy panting, pulling, longing, everything heightened so far beyond kissing on the floor of his bedroom. It was like Edward was trying to convey some unspoken promise while he kept himself from going to the farthest reaches of pleasure we both wanted. I want him. Shit, I need all of him, I thought, but I wanted to wait more. I'd waited sixteen years and never imagined such anticipation was possible, that such intoxicating lust even existed. Was this lust? Well, obviously lust had a hand in this, but could only lust tear at me this way, like if we stopped touching I'd no longer exist? As if, him walking away from me now would not only be the end of our together but also what I was finally finding buried deep within myself.

And he would turn away; he was Edward Cullen. Why is life so cruel? I couldn't keep from tearlessly sobbing into his mouth at the unjustness. It gives you everything only to take it away the moment you reach out to claim it as your own.

And so I stopped kissing back because I could already feel the ache our inevitable separation would cause. The pain I'd been reminding myself of even before it suddenly felt real and worse. I was self-preserving to a fault. And I'd experienced enough loss for a lifetime. How could this feel the worst? Him? What about fucking HER? She was the worst. Edward was just a boy.

No. Liar.

He's not.

He seems more and more like everything.

"Bella," He pulled back, lowering his hands out from my mussed hair to sweep the stray strands that were catching on my eyelashes. "Bella, what's wrong?"

There was more pain than question in his words, but when I met his eyes I saw the understanding flash.

"I wouldn't have left with you tonight if I was only going to walk away from you tomorrow."

"You will leave someday. It might as well be tomorrow if it will eventually be ever."

Mine were heavy words, filled with duty and expectation. It was so callused of me to anticipate his failure, but I had to be drastic if I wanted to survive this.

He placed soft, adoring kisses down my neck before scooping me up and situating me at the center of his bed. Lying down next to me, he settled the covers over us and drew me deeply into his tender embrace.

"As ironic as this sounds, I wish you'd been able to witness all of the horrible things I've done, seen all of my unwavering habits, so that you'd truly know how far away this moment is from any of that. Really, every second I spend with you pulls me farther and farther from that fucked up person. I really hate him, Bella, the person I was just a week ago, because he left you nothing to trust."

I knew he was telling the truth, and was not surprised by my trust in his words. Honestly, what he said was often my comfort, but it was his actions that would always plague me. Edward had always been one way and I sure wasn't enough of anything to get him to change permanently.

"I believe you mean your words, Edward…today"

"No one knows their future positively, Bella, but I will show you everyday how you've changed me if you'll let me."

Everyday together would make the one he left physically impossible to live through. But how can I emotionally survive life without him right now? You couldn't even enjoy a party when he was late, what if you pushed him away and he stopped coming altogether. I would literally spend all of my days craning to catch glimpse of him indefinitely.

How the hell did I get so wrapped up in Edward Cullen anyway?

Shit Bella, stop saying his first and last name like that. Is he honestly the Edward Cullen you've heard about right now, holding you like the eighth wonder of the world? No fucking way. He is giving everything he has and you are too scared to even see straight. He's so ready … why can't you be?

The words were out before I realized.

"I'm scared." And I had no idea when my tears had started but I could feel them on his wet chest, so I blinked back what I could and I felt him tremble beside me in response.

"I am too." It was just a whisper, hardly loud enough to be considered words, but I heard him. He'd given me his heart, his status, his everyday – he'd placed his entire person into the palm of my hand. And I felt like a freaking heroin addict because I still wanted more.

I was powerless at avoiding his lips after all of our blatant honesty, so I crashed myself to him, feverishly trying to find the promise he couldn't ever give - forever …

EPOV

... but I slowed us before the kiss blurred my resolve not to take things too far in this wide-open bed of mine. Hell, there was absolutely nothing on this overcast, green planet that I would ever want more than the body of the lovely girl I was holding against myself. Nothing. But there was something I wanted equally, and that was to be intimate with her thoughts and dreams, her fears and limitations, to hold her trust in my hand like the fragile egg it would forever be once I'd earned it.

My Bella had abandonment issues. She'd been uprooted to Fremont, after the start of term and left here indefinitely. Who would force her away? Who would let this intoxicating presence go? I reached into every crevice of my mind to uncover any forgotten information I may have overheard as to why she was here or what made her keep people at arms length. Except Jasper, and even that sacred relationship has been perverted. There were simply no answers for me to find from within my own knowledge.

Once I'd finally calmed our mouths, and evened out my own breathing, I found the questions piling up and needed to fucking spill out in the ultimate search for a solution that would open Bella up to me. Anything to give me the chance to win her completely.

"What brought you to Fremont?" My lips were on Bella's closed eyelids and her fingers were tickling along my scalp. Her massages faltered momentarily.

"Charlie, my dad, works for the government and was sent out of the country on assignment. I am in the legal custody of my Aunt and Uncle now, until I'm eighteen."

The next obvious question would be about a mother, but if Bella wasn't in her care, something had happened. Her mother was gone for some reason.

"Where is she?" Please, I don't want to hurt you.

"She died." God. My hold couldn't have been closer, but of course, at the matter-of-fact nature of Bella's quiet whisper, my arms clung harder and my feet tangled more purposefully with hers. She thinks she has to be so strong all of the time. Even through tears her little brow puckered in a steady resolve.

"How long ago?" This was such sensitive terrain and I didn't want to push, but the fucking questions were taking on a life of their own.

"Three years. I lived with Charlie after that. I should be a junior, you know. I'm the same age as you are. But I had to take a year off so now, instead of being really young for my grade I'm really old. Renee started me early 'cause even kids twice my age couldn't keep up, she'd worried waiting another year would stunt me. I suppose my stunting just came later in life." Maybe to distract herself, or perhaps me and my necessary questions, she began tracing the details of my face; eyes, cheeks, lips. I let out a shutter. I'd never felt softer fingers in all my life.

"Why would your dad leave the country, now?" Since we've already drudged up horrible memories …

"It's his job, and it's hard for him to be around me, I think. I take after my mom a lot." A wistful smile punctuated her thought.

"So they were married when she-" I don't know if she stopped me or if I stopped myself but the idea of saying died, and it being in regards to someone so important in Bella's life, felt positively crippling.

"No, they'd been divorced for years. But he still loved her even though she left him. He never moved on." Her pause here held disgust; for her mom leaving, her dad never letting go, both. "I lived with her in Arizona, right down the street from Jasper. After she was gone I had to leave him and move to Forks, where Charlie's home was. This time I figured if I had to move again so quickly at least I'd be getting closer to something important rather than being pulled away from it."

"Everything seems to get taken away from you." I hadn't meant to bring her tears back, because her previous ones had ripped a hole the size of the Pacific in my heart, but here they were again. My thumbs new job was to catch and eliminate every single drop.

"You just have to expect nothing, Edward. If you don't count on it, it can't hurt you." My fierce, fighting girl. Always so protective of yourself.

And my question's blanks were now full, packed with the broken pieces of the girl I loved.

Love.

Yes.

Holy hell, I loved her. I fucking loved this girl so hard and had no idea how I was capable, having a heart made of stone and all, but there could be no other word to describe this elated anguish, this need for her that began at the quick of my bones and drove me to bring her ten times the joy just catching her eyes with mine that gave me the strength to refuse my most base desires because deep down I knew she wasn't ready. And to make love to someone? Even Bella? Especially her. Shit, I wasn't ready either, not by a long shot.

"So, you keep everybody away." I didn't ask, I went out on a limb and assumed.

"Were you at the same party as I was tonight? I fight tooth and nail with myself over letting you in and then I get screamed at for doing so even slightly. It was like Angela was my conscience, reminding me what I'll never be and who I'll never keep. My problem isn't letting people in, Edward, it's convincing them to stay."

Feeling like a jackass, I crept back slowly from the ledge I was teetering on. I didn't regret asking anything because of what I'd learned; I felt closer to her knowing real, tangible things about her life. But talking like this was wearing and the night had already been such a chore. I was thankful I'd convinced myself to go, even as late as I did, if only to get that dance with Bella and these invaluable moments to touch her and learn about everything that made her who she was. But she was pulled in so many conflicting directions that made her so confused. I had no idea how to help or how to not lose her to her own demons.

"You must be so tired. Try to put tonight out of your mind and rest. I'll wake you up with plenty of time to get back to your suite before the campus is crawling with students. I don't want to add a walk of shame to your heavy ridicule plate."

"I don't care about Angela, Edward, or anyone else." A little yawn escaped her perfect lips and her eyelids drooped. "I'd never want to forget tonight, and the way you touched and kissed me. I've been wanting that so badly."

Oh god, Bella.

"And I'm glad you liked my panties. I wore them for you."

Fucking hell. I guess I'd be falling asleep completely hard.

"You need to sleep, too, mister. You have a big game tomorrow." Even though she was near sleep and her eyes were fully shut now, the most flirtatious grin enveloped her lips.

"Maybe I'll wear a mini skirt and be horribly distracting. Everyone's going to be pointing and staring anyway, might as well give them something good to look at. Maybe a little bend over action, repeat some of my dance moves from tonight…."

"Don't you dare! I don't want anyone else looking at you." I was a bit panicked and chastising as the jealousy in my words rang loud and clear.

"Silly Edward. I wouldn't do anything to – yawn – break your focus."

"I'd hoped you would still come."

"I'll be there. With bells on." Bella's little pucker sought out my lips for a goodnight kiss. Everything about this mesmerizing girl was so soft, so perfect.

"Goodnight my fallen king." And always with the quippy comments.

I stifled my laughter at such a profoundly true statement, and held back a heaving sigh. I no longer had any idea how to act in public, and I wished I didn't care what everyone else thought, but it had been my life for so long that I was more nervous than I should have been for tomorrow.

I'd spent my life controlling what others perceived about me by regulating what I put off, thus creating the appearance that I didn't give a flying fuck … when, actually I did. I'd always cared too much about the wrong things, and now that I was finally putting my heart into something worthwhile and fulfilling - someone so disarming, so above me in every way - I wasn't going to let the trash that walked the halls and called Fremont their Alma Mater matter to me any longer. Everyone I loved would adjust and, especially Alice, surely like me better. I was tired of being an asshole. Now if only I could find the switch to turn that impulse off.

I'd get there.

Bella sighed beside me, murmuring something incoherent as she snuggled deeper into my encircling arms. I wonder if she's the kind of person who can remember their dreams?

She was my haven and I joined her for a few hours of rest that went all too quickly and made the harsh sunlight of seven am shock my nearly catatonic mind into awareness all too abrasively.

Consciousness showed me I was alone in my bed, though her side was still warm, and the black party dress was no longer hanging on the back of my chair.

I worried why she didn't wake me to walk her back to her suite. Or say good morning.

Did she kiss me goodbye? I detested the idea of missing even one second of Bella's lips on mine.

The previous night flooded back to my mind, as did the dream I had rewritten where I allowed our embraces to go after pulling her into my lap on the floor. I would get Bella back into this bed and hold her, touch all of that creamy skin and make love to her, cementing that she would be mine until she no longer wanted to be.

Groaning, I leapt out of bed, beginning to hum in anticipation for the day before me, and allowed it to capture my full focus. Hell yes.

Match day bitches.

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A/N: Just a bit of post party understanding, and B/E time, before we jump head first into the match and all of Fremont's drama! I'm wondering something of all you fantastically devoted readers, who is your favorite character thus far in G&B? Just curious:) Thank you so much for reading, and, as always, I welcome your thoughts and input. ~RAE