Chapter 18 The Lion and the Unicorn
A/N: Stephenie Meyer and Twilight and I don't own it and gah.
Double chapter … thus the delay. Hope you'll forgive me:)
All right, so, we all know that every G&B's chapter title is a Nursery Rhyme. Some are intricate reflections of the title itself, others the Rhyme, and the rest only have metaphorical similarities or connotations to the actual story content. This chapter is the first to be based on a specific quality within the Rhyme AND have a greater meaning based on my own imaginative designs – in essence, who the Lion and the Unicorn are to ME; having nothing to do with Through the Looking-Glass (But happens to also be a new take on a main Twilight theme). So, if you are following (and care) the meaning here is two-fold. So pay careful attention as you read, for I will be asking questions at the end. Scroll down if you want to know what to look out for.
The original story of The Lion and the Unicorn: www[dot]sabian[dot]org/Alice/lgchap07[dot]htm
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JPOV
I'm an ass. An undeniable ass.
But he was a motherfucker, and that was so much worse.
He'd pranced around Fremont mighty and cavalier, pompous and disdainful long before Rosalie and I'd set foot on campus. It was his pulse – his penchant, if you will.
Cocky Casanova. He had more than earned the blows from my fists today, whether the details I'd been operating under were accurate or not.
Even after recognizing that I'd overreacted, any thought of him still triggered my now automatic instincts to fuck his face up and laugh about it later. He'd stay the hell away then, that's for sure. But I knew better than to go there.
Emmett's reaction was certainly a factor. Although I wasn't afraid of the harm a brother's scorn could instigate, I did consider how Alice - whom I desperately desired to keep allowing me in her life - would respond and the downfall I might personally reap by hurting her. Less physical measures would have to be considered. You already lost control at the match; maybe words would be more effective.
Whatever the device implemented, I just needed to keep him from derailing Bella's rhythm.
I'd loved Bella for our whole lives, and had felt solely responsible for her protection and happiness the past few years. I knew what a great undertaking she was; to understand, to love correctly, to remain open handed with. Edward Cullen had no respect for women, forfeited no decency to anyone. How could he be expected to change even a tenth of what it'd require to bring her contentment, to show her consistency and security? It was logically impossible.
Alice had asked me to "calm down," so my new plan was to speak with Edward. Well, words first was actually the abandoned plan - which had been eclipsed by pummeling him in the pool – but should appease her now nevertheless. At least this route doesn't include sore knuckles. That was as calm as I was prepared to remain.
I was thankful Bella hadn't attempted to defend Edward when I reminded her of his insufficiencies, if he was indeed her choice. It was a fucking relief to have Alice not begin repeating the "If you don't like them, well then, you don't know them" shit. Bella could have defended and Ali would more than likely spout off about her love for Edward again soon - and why it was rooted so deeply - but honestly, there was nothing anyone could say to make me believe it; absolutely no verbal light could cast a brighter perspective for me.
I respected Alice's bond with Edward, although it baffled me to the extreme, and I would never discount or belittle their connection – that much was, and always had been, apparent – but it didn't make him worthy of her affection or Bella's attention.
And Bella had been charmed. By what? I had no idea. But because she had become so openly captivated, I knew it was serious.
Her inabilities with trust left my mind spinning over Bella even hanging out with Edward, let alone granting him her first date. That he might receive that first sliver of her heart and be given permission to tuck himself up inside her – to be the only one offered access to the vacant wedge - was insurmountable and surreal. I was being forced to ponder that Bella might relinquish her independent power to him - the most dangerous of us all – essentially giving away the fuel that had propelled her entire year, her first twelve months of true reality and healing. And I could see those things happening simply because anything was possible at this point. But how is she allowing this path to even be an option?
I am going to drive myself mad presupposing. I tried in vain to bite back the over analyzing.
It made me sick to realize that this was going to inevitably hurt Alice and me, our together, at least initially. I knew I was currently consumed by my concerns for Bella, and that would deprive Ali of my full dedication. But, a person can't turn off their habits, their life-roles at the flip of the love light switch.
Alice would become my everything. She had already occupied her corner within me for so long and now I needed to maximize the ownership she had over that part of me … tonight. Our night. My first date with Alice Brandon. I'm going to start making my family's future problems up to her now. I would make tonight memorable.
Shit, I was nervous.
Watch, check. Wallet, check. Keys, check. Phone … okay, good.
I ran from my room, making my way downstairs, and was out the tower's front door in no time. The night sky was clear and the air cool, just as I'd hoped. Red needed to be washed in a desperate way so I stopped by Brown Bear Car Wash in Queen Anne first, and then I turned the convertible off Aurora and headed towards University Street. Illuminated, white block letters, set against slick black, greeted me. I flipped my phone open and struck the proper keys.
--What color is Alice wearing tonight?--
Rosalie owed me. And as all the thoughts of how she'd screwed up lately passed through my memory, the scene I'd caused with Edward came back to me, and I realized she wasn't the only fuck up anymore. I crossed by fingers that she wouldn't be too pissed at me for airing "dirty laundry" – as she called it – in front of the entire school. She hated bad press that could somehow come back and tarnish her.
--Black and purple. Don't be late.--
So, either she wasn't mad, or she had a better punishment in mind than simply ignoring my texts. Plus, she wants Alice to have a good night if nothing else.
--I won't. Thanks, Sister.--
Alright, I thought as I headed inside, black and purple. Purses, sunglasses, luggage and even pens for both men and women were all contained within this designer boutique – but I didn't need any of that today. And as I finally stopped to stand before the vast black counter full of just what I was looking for, I quickly narrowed down my options and settled on one that was classic – I want her to be able to use this for a long time. The only question was, what color? It should obviously match, but how much? And is there such a thing as too bold?
I picked up both colors she would be wearing this evening and realized that Alice should never be subjected to merely blending in. Even in the black she'd radiate her infinite and unique beauty, but in purple she's be set apart, just as she ought to always be. Just thinking about her sped my pace and I was back on the road in minutes.
I hadn't ever purchased anything for a woman who wasn't a relative and, as I parked in the crowded Fremont crescent drive, I desperately hoped it'd be a success.
It was seven forty-five now, and I was thankful I'd made it in time. Leaving the gift on the passenger's seat I began my walk toward Rose and Bella's suite slowly, breathing in and out, as I attempted to quiet the distracting familial worries in my head and subdue the fluttering Alice-date butterflies in my stomach.
As I entered the Q.A.T. lobby, I remembered that I wouldn't be the only schmuck heading to retrieve his date for the evening. Edward and Emmett's backs loomed before me as they too waited for the descending elevator.
I chose to keep Emmett between Edward and me– I seem to shift plans without warning lately – to ensure words would be the extent of my berating. It was now or … now. Bella's first date would begin in less than ten minutes, and it would be better if he backed out before things went further, he could tell her he'd changed his mind and everything wouldn't crash down so much worse after she'd truly fallen for him.
"Guys." I stared straight ahead as I delivered my socially acceptable greeting. Deep breath. It was time to explain to Edward just how things would be.
"Hey, Jasper." Emmett ventured; Edward only nodded. Now.
"Edward-"
"Jasper, don't go there tonight." Emmett's interruption was a stern command.
"Emmett, you're not the captain right now." I let that hang in the air before continuing on, because he needed to remember that we were just guys now, not teammates, not subordinates, not even equals. I loved Bella. If I were a shitty asshole they'd do the same to me, because they loved Alice.
"What is it, Jasper?" Edward's voice was smooth and composed, and I had a string of specific instructions to relay that didn't remain within the confines of his question. Never touch her, never promise her anything; leave before you do this. I held back those thoughts, though, and cut straight to the climax.
"You will do more harm than you are capable of doing good with her, and perhaps that doesn't matter to you, but it matters to me. Once Bella is hurt, it can't be undone."
The elevator doors slid open and as we made our way inside. Button pressed, I turned nose to nose with Edward so he'd hear every word I had to say.
"You aren't good enough to be receiving anything from Bella." His eyes narrowed even though the douche had to know I was telling the truth. "Should I implore you? She's never even been on a fucking date before, Cullen. Can't you see that the life you live does not include precious and innocent things like her for a reason? You'll destroy her. If she cares about you it will destroy her. Please, just walk away now before things become irreversible."
I didn't know how my anger had turned to desperation as I looked straight into the eyes of the person with so much control, with parts of Bella wrapped up in him I'd never seen, never been privy too. All the unknowns were causing me to panic and everyone inside the elevator knew it.
"Jasper – Jasper, please," I was visibly shaking as I clung to my fierce resolve; which could not have been the least bit intimidating but I attempted to salvage it nevertheless. Edward continued before I could stabilize myself and cut him off.
"I will never be good enough for Bella. I know that. But I am nothing without her. Not that you'd believe my words, but she is my world now, Jasper. There is no one I want but her, and hell, she's making me prove it to her every step of the way. But I won't stop until she trusts me." Edward spoke softly, in an almost humble reverence. I knew it was so I'd hear him thoroughly, and it was working. Just perhaps not the way he'd intended.
Until she trusts? But she doesn't know how to do that, Edward. He had no idea what he was getting himself into.
Our ride ended with a ding as we exited the elevator and stopped just on the other side.
Never knowing who could be listening, I dropped my voice. "You don't know her. The odds always seem to be against Bella, her life is one let down after another, and she's purposefully independent. That is how she knows how to function; it is her survival. This game you're playing, remaking yourself into Prince Charming won't work. She isn't Cinderella, Edward, she's –she's basically turned herself into Rapunzel and wacked off all her hair." I'm losing it. But the analogy was sound; Bella had left no way for people to access her.
"This is no game, Jasper. And I cannot stop being near her. It is not an option I have." He refused to break eye contact with me, as if he could will me to lay off.
But his words were too selfish and ignorant to allow me to step back and continue this another time. So I pressed forward.
"Not even if it's what's best for her?" The self-serving insinuation was spat in his face.
"I'll leave her alone when she sends me away. But, I don't think she'll do that." Of course you don't.
"Of course you don't. You're Edward fucking Cullen, king of all." God, this guy was unbelievable. And deaf.
"I'm hoping Bella will love me in spite of that." I choked on my tongue.
"What the fuck? You hope she loves you? She's been here a week. One week, Edward." No, no, no. What the fucking hell? I cannot believe what I'm hearing. "This will not happen. I understand you have no idea what I'm talking about, and obviously know nothing of substance about Bella or her past, but being with you is not her future."
"Are you going to be her only friend for her entire life, Jasper?" Emmett had sat idly by while this conversation finally took a turn towards the anger I knew was still there despite my previous panic. And this was his contribution. "Are you all she is supposed to have because it's perfect and predictable and easy?"
I just gawked at him, because this wasn't about me. I only wanted to keep Bella's life from spinning out of control again.
"You said it yourself, Bella is independent. We will let her decide." And with that Edward turned to walk in the direction of our mutual destination.
We would have to let her decide. She'd hear of nothing else.
Where Edward's presence fit into her life would be a question only Bella could answer. But I'd need to prepare myself for the rewriting of unspoken rules to begin, because Edward was exactly the catalyst for such recklessness. The Bella I knew was MIA, but this new Bella just might open herself up to ruin once more.
All I could be certain of now was that I'd be there for her when it all fell down.
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EmPOV
My heart was beating strong and steady in my ears, causing each breath to accelerate and catch inside my lungs; Rosalie's body was intoxicating. If my eyes would cut out this hazy shit I could see her more clearly. Fucking nerves and optical to genital overstimulation.
Her dress so tight, so low cut; the smooth skin of her legs that peeked out, knees to feet as her toes disappeared into heels that elongated her taut calve muscles; her lengthy tresses hanging straight and flawless like shiny corn silk with the sorter lengths swept to the side, just above her smiling eyes. I can't believe we're finally doing this.
And it felt right; to date Rosalie, take her out and legitimize this shit. Not that we were a couple, but I was no longer satiated by courtyard fondling and dance floor orgasms. Likewise, I didn't just want to fuck her; no, that wasn't enough for me. I just didn't know how to determine what more to want. It wasn't like my mind was in the habit of wandering to serious places.
But damn, I was seriously unable to keep my fucking eyes and hands off the undeniable girl beside me. My lust was urging me to hang back, letting her get a few paces in front of me, so I could watch her firm ass in transit, accentuated by each footfall; to get lost in the natural and incomparable way her hips remained in sync with her steps - and time and space and the rod in my pants. But acquiring such a great view meant letting go of her, and I wasn't willing to sacrifice the feel of her warm body after spending so long confined to merely looking.
I'd officially put the dicked up drama that was Jasper and Edward out of my mind and was fucking determined to show Rosalie a side of myself I wasn't sure she'd seen before, without distraction. I was hoping my plans for the evening would come across as romantic - and not presumptuous - because that was what had motivated this set up; a fairy tale of sorts.
I had no idea where all this planning and effort came from because, frankly, it wasn't something I'd ever considered before, not a desire I'd had over any other girls at Fremont.
But Rosalie was nothing like anyone I'd ever known or would ever encounter as time passed. She's fucking mythical. And here, with me, on a legitimate date. Which I never put on the table as an option, and the same precursory event Rosalie frequently uses to seduce and then discard men. Fuck.
The unfamiliarity of my present situation wasn't helping the nerves. I'd managed to create a two-fold opportunity for Rosalie to rebuff me. Not only did I want her to accept my advances tonight, but I also needed her to refrain from putting up her walls. Tonight I was demonstrating that she was unlike anyone in my life previous, and for this to work I would need the same gift from her.
Just as she felt different to me, somewhere inside the part of me that registered her general emotions – excitement, disappointment, apathy - also caught the feeling that being with me felt differently to her as well. Whether those indications were a juggle of wishful thinking and horny desire or of reality I would only know after being with her, without a gaggle of interruptions. No Bella rumors or Jasper pussy fights, void of Edward's fucking depression and Alice aberrations – just Rosie.
I was also depending greatly on her ability to decipher my intentions and actions as a replacement for the words I knew my mouth would be fucking incapable of phrasing. I wanted her to just get it. And want me back just as fucking badly.
"Is this us?" We were nearing the curb of the circular drive where our town car and driver awaited us. I'd assumed whatever Rosalie chose to wear wouldn't be conducive for an elevated three foot entrance point – besides the invaluable 'up the skirt' shot as she climbed in – and true to form she was definitely wrapped in anything but Jeep appropriate attire.
"It is." I'd instructed the driver not to accommodate our doors; I wanted to handle that shit.
I settled her in her side, reveling in the smile that tugged further across her lips, and ran to the other door so we could be on our way. It was reassuring to know I hadn't managed to screw up before departing through the gates.
"Will you tell me where we're going?" She sat comfortably, ankles crossed, as her eyes worked their power over me.
"Do you think I can say no to you?" Because I fucking think not. Have you seen you?
"I'm actually anticipating you never telling me no." Her voice was low and, mingled with the entrancement of her eyes, sent a rush of heat throughout my body. I didn't even register the movement as her hand snaked out and brushed against my upper thigh.
Hell yes.
"We have reservations at Six Seven." Be cool, man, the words are out there. She'll understand the meaning soon enough. If she handled this with too much easy I was dating her dark, evil doppelganger but if she faltered in anyway I'd need to turn my game up, because that would mean I had a chance.
She scanned the leather seats, blinking slowly as our destination sunk in. I swear to all that is worth a damn, if I fucking misread the signs …
"The Edgewater has the most beautiful views, have you ever stayed there before?"
Her head remained ducked and I knew what she was really asking, as her fingers traced the leather seems; how many have there been before her? Was this my line, my own trademark for inducting new fuck buddies, akin to the rosebud purse nestled in her lap? I couldn't keep the shit-eating grin off my face as it proudly declared that I was a sacred motherfucker.
"I've never actually stayed at a hotel in Seattle before." And that was your falter, baby. The odds were in my fucking favor.
So I took step two and chanted my mantra for the thousandth time that night praying she'd hear what I just couldn't fucking force out; she was it. I had never done anything this traditional and purposeful for a date before. I took girls to the Refectory and my suite, maybe the downstairs Banner Tower girl's bathroom or the teacher's prep quarters.
"But I am quite excited to see if Six Seven lives up to the hype. Maybe experience some of those famous Puget views first hand." I reached across the console and brushed her side bangs away from her lashes so I could figure out her reaction to all of this; the blue held nothing but rapt attention.
Rosalie was no spring chicken. I'm sure she'd seen her fair share of moves, and from what I'd heard, deflected for absolute control every time. She was a Delilah. All these motherfuckers came around, lost their hair over her and, in the end, she'd always left them blind towards any other woman and alone. The only difference was that they were willing to play her game. Whether they simply got wrapped up in the pure ecstasy of her, or they never realized whom they were dealing with, Rosalie remained unchanged – unfazed. The entire year I'd watched and became familiar with her it had become more apparent that she lived and chose with purpose.
But tonight came with a new prospect for us both.
I would not play her game. Her earlier words rang in my ear when I'd enquired, in all seriousness, if I was on a date with the infamous Dark Rosalie.
"You better hope not, that is if you want to see me past tomorrow morning."
Damn. Morning. Not only did she want to extend our interaction past this date, but she'd indicated the length and activity she anticipated. Until that moment I hadn't felt confident with the outcome I'd factored into our night together. My hand and pants were quite familiar with the sweet sex that came from Rosalie, and I thought I might combust if my mouth and eyes couldn't get their fill soon. That simple indication that we'd indeed be spending more than dinner together was the icing on my cake. Don't cream too soon, fucker - just chill.
Our town car eased to a stop.
"Just a sec." I leapt from my seat and rounded the vehicle.
"Thank you." Rosalie replied in response to my fucking fantastic door-opening skills, as she placed her small hand in mine, which l continued holding even after we were inside the restaurant.
"Reservations for Cullen." The Maitre d' leered at Rosalie like a fucker who wanted to lose his job. I can arrange that, you asshat. I silently challenged him to test me and see where his damn employers loyalties would lie; with his sleazy, unprofessional ass or saddled up next to my never-ending money and connections.
"Good evening, sir, mademoiselle. Your table is right this way, if you'll please follow me." I wound my hand around Rose's hip and instantly realized, as my fingers dipped along the inner crease of her upper thigh, I'd rested it lower on her pelvis bone than intended. Obviously in this public, not teenage hormone friendly, setting I wasn't going for such a bold and intimate move, but shit if my hand couldn't feel any panty lines. In the back I'd understand, with this dress as tight as it was any fabric underneath would have been perfectly visible, but in front? My lips dropped to her bare skin, her shawl having slipped down to rest in the crooks of each elbow.
Fucking lust overload. My mind welcomed the images of Rosalie's pantiless body splayed, legs parting only for me as I dipped my head between the red fabric of her sinfully tight dress.
And as the fantasies reeled, my every instinct was to taste her in any way I could. So as we leisurely walked to our table – obediently following the douche bag that had eye fucked my date - I let my tongue swirl against her exposed shoulder and back beneath my lingering, open-mouthed kisses.
Her responding shudder went straight to my dick, and after arriving at our table, the pressure of her hungry lips on mine explained everything I'd been questioning and now knew– she indeed needed me just as I needed her.
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EPOV
"You're beautiful."
It had taken about five minutes since arriving to actually formulate any words. I figured it must have been due to the sheer enormity of the night; Bella had agreed to go out with me in public. And although everyone at Fremont had their own version of our groups sorted details, being in the real world with Bella meant the reformation of yet another of her walls.
Time and privacy all equated to eventual intimacy. And fuck, I didn't even mean the sex we'd one day have – in fucking abundance if I had my way - but rather actually knowing her inner workings, of fully being able to understand what drew such protection and concern from the only other person in her life.
Jasper's worries and explanations of Bella struck me and held on. He had confirmed for me that I'd been indeed correct last night, while pressing her close to my body, when I'd mulled over her brokenness and abandonment issues. Obviously Jasper hadn't said it in so many words, but as I pieced together all the different conversations I'd had, and overheard, I knew I was right.
Just like everyone else, Jasper believed I'd break her when I left. And I'm sure he was right that such a severe action would leave her a mess, no matter her frayed state; because, if her feelings for me were even a whisper of how I cared for her, any separation would be instant paralysis. But I wouldn't leave. So, it was really all quite irrelevant.
And now she was teetering before me, successfully taking every steady breath I could form straight from my lungs and hitching them. It had become an endless battle with myself, these last five minutes, to continue diverting my eyes from the tantalizing skin that was left revealed by her lace-up dress. But fuck, having the pale canal - normally so unexposed, forbidden if you will - that separated the breasts I desperately wanted to touch, completely available for my wandering eye was almost asking too much of my self control.
"I think you are more beautiful than any man I've ever seen." My eyes snapped up to catch the blush that was instantaneous and inviting. And as her eyes darted downward, cast in embarrassment at her significantly uncharacteristic exclamation, my fingers came to either side of her face, instantly being warmed by her red cheeks.
Her words shocked the hell out of me, but I'd also never felt more flattered in my life. I had a suspicion that every moment Bella showed me more of herself, and allowed her guard to slowly fall, would mean endless amounts of ever-increasing gratitude and exhilaration.
"Thank you." I couldn't fight the smile that left every one of my teeth exposed. But her disappointment in herself was made clear as she discarded my appreciation.
"You already knew that." Bella was mad at her carelessly truthful words, assuming that such admittance was an invitation for vulnerability.
I was quickly learning, Bella did not allow such exposure. But it seemed to be unavoidable with me. I'd seen her cry and she'd spoken about her mom and dad with me. Her inability to keep me out was my lifeline; it's what drove me to press on. Her powerlessness to lock me out, as she seemed to do with everyone else, was the paramount encouragement to stick by her. As if I had another option. And I found Bella's pretending I was just like the rest to be ridiculous. I wouldn't enable a masquerade.
"Oh, stop."
"Stop what?" She clucked sharply at me. I fucking revel in feisty Bella.
"Not letting me enjoy your moment of snark-free honesty." Her lips went taunt as her heaving chest continued to labor. I dropped my attentive gaze, to give her a moment of visual privacy but drew her close as I spoke directly into her ear. "And you've never said any such thing to me, so I didn't know that."
She pulled back and the look she directed was the definition of incredulous. Okay, fine – I know I'm fucking sex on legs. Don't bull shit a bull shitter, I guess. So, I rephrased. "I didn't know that's how you saw me."
"Damn Edward, of course it is. Why do you think I keep you around?" And her smile was back and I didn't think it was anything we'd just said that drew it out but rather the sincerity of the moment, in combination with the relief of the lighter air. We just worked. How do I need to prove it to you when we're standing here, doing this and being this, and just clicking? I wished her eyes would open wide and see the enormity that was us.
Jasper and Alice were in their own world only a few feet from our extremely private exchange, and although I could see Jasper listening to Alice I noticed how his eyes continued to dart in our direction.
No, fucker, I'm not going to call this off. Bella would get the very best I had to offer tonight. And I fucking shook at the thought that it might not be enough.
"Ready to go?" Cut it out with the nerves, dammit. I willed myself to get it together.
"Yes. And you did catch that your mission, if you should choose to accept it, is to keep me on my feet at all times tonight? No slacking and letting me slip into a storm drain, got it?"
"Just call me fucking Ethan Hunt." Fuck yeah, Mission Impossible baby!
"Gah. 90's movies." Who the hell doesn't like MI?
"Hey, you quoted first. And please, let's not start fighting over film supremacy. That's a third date activity and much too serious for the rainbows and sunshine first date I've planned."
"God. You better not have, otherwise I just might have to stand you the fuck up." She crinkled her nose as she teased.
"Too late, I've already seen you in that. You're going where I'm going." My eyes were uncooperative fuckers again and drank in her cleavage. And of course she followed my eye line and proceed to increase my faltering will power.
"This dress is really that nice?" The fingers that traced over and down the corset strings were flirtatious, although she'd never realize. I loved how unaware she was of her loveliness and the strength it had over me.
"Your mysterious beauty doesn't hurt either."
"Ugh. Come on. Bye Alice and … you." So, they're fighting? The idea that she'd hold her ground with Jasper over me was like giving more water to a drowning man. To hell with this suite, lets motor.
"Goodnight guys."
Bella was much better in heels than she gave herself credit for, but I stuck close as per our agreement and truly by sheer unwillingness to distance myself even an inch.
"Are you nervous?" I wanted to laugh a tad manically at her question, but instead kept my response simple.
"Yep." God - understatement of my life.
"Good." Huh?
"Why, are you nervous?" It always felt better to not suffering alone.
"Oh no, dating is old hat for me." I clenched my teeth over my lips to hold back the impending laughter this time. What a little liar. And she was lying, because besides believing Jasper's earlier warning, Bella hadn't added the joking banter hitch to each syllable of her deflection. If I was all out there with the honesty and shit …
"Jasper mentioned something about this being your first." Her shoulders sagged and I kicked myself wondering why the fuck I couldn't let her save face a little. 'Cause you want everything to be true and upfront between you. I sighed.
"Damn." Bella finally said, shaking her head, as I led her down Fremont's entrance steps to my glossy black, Indian Chief Deluxe, which I'd had reupholstered before leaving for barmy London and stored indefinitely. This was the Indian's big night out too.
"Oh my god." She seemed to be hesitant about our mode of transportation. "Do I just jog along side you? 'Cause there is no way you thought you'd be getting me on that." She pointed between herself and the motorcycle shaking her head in disbelief.
"I bought you your own helmet." I held up the shiny black safety precaution I'd spent an hour selecting, plastering on the face of a beggar as I puppy dogged her into straddling my bike.
"No, you didn't. Those come stock with this classic chick magnet." Her eyes met mine as she chuckled in surrender.
"I really did get this for you." She doesn't have to believe this is a gift, but she's sure as hell going to wear it. I fastened the helmet strap under her chin and twisted her long curls behind her, coiling them up so they'd stay nestled in her jacket collar.
It was like the dress was only a teaser and now, all of her - in combination with the helmet that held all sorts of risky, speed induced connotations - had become my own continual mindfuck. And she has no idea. That, I realized, was why she was Bella and what made her the one in front of me – with her proverbial hand tucked in her little pocket as I held out my motherfucking heart - looking so skeptical. A man's bike is his baby- this is ultimate sharing, love.
"What about my dress?" Her fingers dropped down to toy with the short ass hem of her dessert-like dress.
Shit. I'd only thought how fucking stunner it would be to chauffeur Bella around on a beautiful fall night, with the wind all around us, her legs gripping me from behind.
"I didn't think about that." And I hadn't, and it sure as hell pissed me the fuck off that I'd screwed this up before we'd even managed to leave. Shouldn't I have been better at this? Why? When was the last time you took a girl anywhere rather than the base of your dick? Shit. Shit. Shit. If you were the last one to realize Edward's never done this before, raise your hand. I knew I was the only one in the entire motherfucking world raising his hand.
"Fuck it. Just keep me safe, okay." And she saved it. Just because she could give me this and let me off the hook – maybe not even realizing what a brain-dead jackass I was for forgetting her comfort – she was just amazing.
And keep her safe? She had to have been talking to the other fucktards who screwed this shit up for us to begin with. If she stuck with me, Bella would never be in danger again.
"I promise." I vowed, climbing onto the bike and leaning forward so she could slip behind me. "Don't let go, Bella." The reverberated meaning behind that phrase tremored in my stomach.
"I'll do what I can." And there it was. That's all I can ask.
The night welcomed us as we pierced the crisp air. Bella's arms wound around me and up across my chest - one palm resting underneath my jacket and against my peck, the other grasping my shoulder. She was her own strain, my girl, cause who the fuck doesn't hold on at the waist? She would always keep me guessing.
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APOV
"Oh my god, Jasper, you shouldn't have." But really inside I was screaming, "I LOVE PRESENTS!!!!" With, "I HEART LOUIS VUITTON," as a close second.
"Alice, you deserve a truck load of gifts for putting up with my shit so patiently. And besides that, you'll need this tonight." He initiated the slow retraction of the convertible's hardtop. Confused as to why we'd put the top down when it was so cold out, I chose to stifle my questions by focusing on the ribbon that decoratively encompassing the black, LV monogram gift box in my lap.
Jasper had insisted I take my fur off before we climbed in the car, which seemed even crazier as the night air nipped at my newly exposed neck and arms. I separated the box top from its matching bottom and found, folded between sheets of silver LV tissue, – I HEART LOUIS VUITTON – the classic, Cassis Chale Monogram silk and wool shawl I'd had my eye on for a couple weeks. How he knew didn't matter. That he slowly took the shawl from my hands and draped in around my shoulders, leaving a pocket of bunched material at my neck to cover my wind exposed hair required my full attention. He was magnificent.
"I didn't want to mess up your hair or outfit by having the top down. So, I thought a matching shawl might fix that."
"I love it. I've actually had my eye on this exact one for a while. How did you know to buy purple?" I could feel my eyes brimming with adoration.
"I went on instinct." His smile indicated that he understood my unshed tears were the result of something positive, more specifically though they were a product of an all consuming thankfulness at his attentive thoughtfulness.
"Thank you so much, Jas." I ran my fingers over the stitching and situated the material into a chic cascade; drawing my hood up and insuring my hairstyle would be left unharmed. This evening couldn't have begun better and I was dying for the brilliance to continue. "I'm all yours."
And he accelerated through the campus gates and wound us in the direction of Belltown. Being that it was still early for a Saturday night, the roads weren't abnormally crowded and Jasper easily found metered street parking. After allotting our time at the pay station, he retrieved me from the passenger's side.
We're finally together. The culmination of the last year had recently begun to weigh on me. Add to that Bella's arrival and with it the overabundance of student body attention, lies and strung out emotions – I was ready to be here, on the arm of Jasper Hale, the only man of my dreams and designs.
Over the last couple days I often thought of showing him the drawing, but with his divided focus I felt wary about unveiling it. I knew the timing would eventually be right and when that moment came I wouldn't hesitate.
The timing was perfect, however, for a delicious dinner. I had this thing about dates and men. If they could pick out a restaurant that I loved instantly, they'd always have my undying affection. Edward took me to Chez Shea, at the Public Market, and their Arugula and Bosc pear salad was pure divinity. We've been best friends ever since.
But when Jasper opened the door to Barolo and my eyes encountered the white, Victorian chandeliers and floor to ceiling sheer white curtains, set against the black of the chairs and the dark wood of the high backed booths, I felt transported. No longer were we in small potatoes Seattle but rather cosmopolitan New York, and how I'd been missing New York. Oh the glamour, oh the fancy.
Jasper kept me warm, held me tight and brought me pieces of the world I so greatly missed during my day-to-day student monotony. And he'd found ways to do it all in less than a week.
As we were seated, I sent up silent praise to whatever inspired me to pull out the stops with my outfit for the evening. I'd been saving this dress for just the right occasion; I should have known none could deliver like Jasper. And for my outfit to complement his so well had to have been fashion fate. Of course, it was pretty hard to mismatch when your date sat before you in head to toe black; trousers, trim button up and pencil tie - all ebony. His vintage sophistication rang true with our current location and had me practically drooling on the white tablecloth.
My silence encouraged him to venture for conversation, which was fine by me as I was currently engrossed in the way the black ensemble created the shock value of contrast to his blond hair. God.
"Have you been here before?" Tear – eyes – away – from - hair.
"I have not. It is truly unlike anything I've ever encountered in Seattle. It feels much more New York to me, and I must admit, I've been anticipating my next trip quite a lot lately."
"Do you go often?" He sipped slowly on his ice water; his lips lingering so deliciously on the glass' edge, shorting out my gauge at how long was socially appropriate to stare.
"Not often enough." My eyes fled to the nearest successful buffer that would keep me from acting like a love struck fool. Ah, the menu.
Every course looked intriguing, but Jasper took the liberty of ordering for us thus ending my battle with a decision, and if I wouldn't have been "mmming" after my first bite of Gnocchi my response to such assumption might have been more miffed. As it were, I could only enjoy the food so much as the table seemed to separate us farther and farther the longer I drank the man across from me in. I wanted to be touching in every possible way - stat.
"Are you ready to go?" He knew how much I'd enjoyed the restaurant, the food, his laugh, because I'd taken the opportunity to tell him. Now I was hoping we'd have a few moments where I'd be able to show Jasper just how much I could enjoy him.
"Please." I pushed my chair away from the table, and politely returned it to its place. Jasper's hand sought mine as we ambled away from the restaurant's romantic lighting and effortless atmosphere and into the dark Seattle streets. He walked, I clung.
I had no idea where Jasper was leading me, but I eventually registered that we were no longer outside and were suddenly wrapped up in jazz music and being carried away by the timbre of an upright bass line.
"This is my favorite spot in the city." His face dipped closer to my ear as he murmured, my eyes scanning the surroundings and finally coming to rest on an intimate center floor.
"I understand why. Can we dance?" I felt lighter than air as he spun me out onto the hardwood, holding me nearer than he ever had.
"This is why I brought you here. I need you as close to me as possible, Ms. Brandon." Imprinting every curve I had against his strong angles and dips, I felt anything but my age.
"My pleasure, Mr. Hale." Jasper made every pulse point on my body a livewire, as his hands rode low and the lips I longed to feel pressed against my own, brushed along my forehead.
I tipped my head back to find his eyes and beg, if need be, for my kiss, but I found him in deep concentration. So much so that he didn't even seem to realize that I'd repositioned.
"Jasper, where are you?" My palm found his cheek and did its part in coaxing him back to me.
"Alice," His forehead came down and connected with mine, and even in the dim light I could see his pupils dilate, but past that physical reaction I could make out more ardor in his deepening blue than my eyes had ever been met with before.
"I know things have been dramatic lately, but I can't not ask you this question."
"What is it, Jas?" His following breath was bottomless and his eyes closed in preparation. I could feel myself trembling at the sheer anticipation of whatever this serious question would require of me. If only he knew my answer would always be yes.
"Alice, will you please be my girlfriend?" And everything inside me turned topsy-turvey at the unneeded, but so desperately appreciated, request. I reined it in though; knowing the vibrations emanating from me alone would convey my unparalleled enthusiasm.
"Oh, of course I will silly. I actually thought I already was."
His responding smile lit up the entire jazz club. And finally my boyfriend wove his fingers together at the base of my neck, and drew my lips to his. Sweet and slow, infused with as much pent up desire and need as we both could manage, Jasper conveyed every sliver of bliss our developing relationship awoke in him. I couldn't help but reciprocate.
"I've wanted this for so long." His voice was husky and brimming with emotion.
"Not as long as I have, I can promise you that." I returned, interlocking my lips with his once more, my hand drawn Jasper fluttering through my thoughts with a wink.
I'd never stopped believing he was really out there and that one day he would come for me.
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BPOV
This was freedom.
The wind, the rush, even the man situated between my thighs; steadying myself, with him as my anchor, was somehow the most liberating of all. How peculiar.
Letting others provide anything for me was an absolute impossibility. Their giving would eventually end, and although I'd always been one to invite such familiarity I now more than understood how such dependence came back around to bite you in the ass. Over and over. Causing death and scars.
So, why Edward? Why now? Maybe it was because I knew he'd take me anywhere and not require anything in return; instead he'd hope passionately for it and charm me until I relented.
I could choose to give in. And I'd need to figure out how far I'd let this go - soon. But tonight was my first fucking date, on my first ever – and perhaps last – motorcycle ride, with the only man to ever capture me and want more.
How the hell had I actually come to trust Edward Cullen? Who the fuck knew. He was just a sincere bastard, but still on such a short leash. And the draw to him was unavoidable, both in physicality and desire. I couldn't stay away and neither did I want to. Even just this morning, as I fled his bed and my insecurities mounted, I knew I'd return to him. The uncertainty in my eyes would have hurt him simply too much. And he was so observant. Although, I didn't know if he'd realized his girlfriend slip, but he did register that something caused the shift in my demeanor.
He just knew.
So, now the battle was with myself. Every moment together had me gnawing at the sexual tension, seeking some relief. His mouth and fingers, my hands winding through his hair, and even now as I essentially rode his back instead of the bike, we were never entangled enough. Pair that with Rose and Alice's size bomb and I was surprised I wasn't mauling the completely willing, entirely perfect male admirer before me.
And it was only him.
Jake - nothing. Emmett - nothing, Mike - shoot me now.
There were plenty of men around, but none like Edward. And as the images of his head underneath my shirt and the memorable feeling of his fingers hooked inside my underwear resurfaced, I knew he wanted me too. Me. Isabella Swan. Normal fucking brown eyed girl.
And, truthfully, the common knowledge that Edward was king for very specific reasons terrified me. Work up to it? Pfff - please be a little more cryptic Rosalie.
And then I hit my maximum stupid capacity. Oh my god.
The implications of her interrupted explanation finally connected. How the fuck did I become such a clueless ultra-virgin? Dammit.
Obviously we'd have to "work up to it." Fuck I am brain dead sometimes. And I wanted to get to working. But how do you invite the opening act onstage and hold off the main show? Lock them in their dressing room? Sure. We'll go with that. But, hell if I didn't want to see what all the fuss was about beneath that final tedious layer of clothing. Gah.
"You're awfully quiet back there." I'd completely forgotten about the headset in my helmet – which I'd been overly thrilled that he's purchased just for me – and when I heard his voice so clearly, surrounded by the loud rumble of street noise, it caught me off guard and my arms hugged him tighter.
"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." His voice was all sexy and concern. Mmmm.
"Th-that's okay. I forgot we had these walky-talky things in our helmets." Breath, breath.
"Money can get you anything." Lie. Tell that to my life.
"That isn't true." I knew he'd feel badly about his careless words, that was just his nature.
"You're right. It's not." He paused for what seemed like a passing thought before continuing. "So, I'm taking you to my favorite restaurant. It is amazing, but not so pretentious. Is that okay?"
He fucking knew it was okay, and the smile I could hear laced in his words made me instantly want to punish him for teasing. My palm lifted, as my fingers zeroed in to pinch his nipple though his thin, grey, v-neck sweater playfully.
His gasp encouraged my peels of laughter to ring out, filling up both of our helmets.
"Bel-la. Don't do that unless you want me to pull this bike over on the side of the freeway and ravish you in the median."
Was that option available? No, soft and warm was always more ideal.
"How about you just hold that thought for the next time you convince me to share your bed."
He growled into his microphone, obviously feeling simultaneous enjoyment and unfairness at the encounter our conversation was promising. Does he realize I'm being serious?
"Okay, okay. Of course I prefer a pretension free dinner. Hold the snobby bitches while you're at it." His jovial laugh said 'I told you so' and I didn't mind; I loved that he knew my disdain for all things reeking of snob and stick filled asses.
"This place has none of that, and like I said, it's my favorite."
He pointed the motorcycle down a couple side streets before pulling into a slanted parking lot, with one long sidewalk and a maroon awning at the end. Forgoing valet – seeing as we were on a bike – he pulled into the last available parking spot, which had only maintained its vacant status because of the "Reserved" sign redirecting the other guests.
"Well, apparently they're expecting us." I observed as I climbed off of the second biggest risk I'd taken thus far in the evening.
Edward only smiled as he unstrapped my chin clasp and grasped both helmets in one hand. Before I could take one step, his free arm captured me around my middle and he crushed his parted lips to mine. Tongues and wet and nibbling and Gah. Once again I was thankful he held me up, otherwise the anxiety of falling over would have infiltrated my otherwise engaged senses.
"Your words were evil and terribly tempting. You have no idea what you do to me, Bella." Edward murmured, his lips slipping back and forth over my glossy lips.
"Maybe a little." I smirked as I noticed how his lips matched mine, slightly pink and slick. So much for ever wearing glossy crap if it's only going to get smeared off. I thumbed the length of both his lips, feeling totally responsible for the cosmetic mess. Luckily, it wiped clean easily enough.
His amusement over my ministrations was endearing; and then he spoke.
"Only a little then."
I snorted at the inaccurate idea of little before I could stop myself. And the previously innocent Edward had unknowingly become my dick fantasy accomplice. I'd never thought of a penis so much in my entire life. It was time for another fucking topic.
"So, The Melting Pot?" And then the idea of calling Edward innocent finally struck me and I began roaring with laughter on the inside. I've lost it.
"Have you ever had fondue?" Fondue? Fondue? The dipping things in hot stuff … My brain was a failure.
"You mean like melted cheese and chocolate?" I felt thankful I was coherent enough, lost in this seedy mind of mine, to form at least one guess.
"Oh, Bella. Those are just the bookends. Come on." Oh well, good effort Bella. And then his ass was walking before me, being the gentleman and holding my door open. But all I registered was a fresh wave of images and possibilities for the two of us when I got him alone.
Obviously, I was a sexual deviant now. And the blame was all on Edward's god like body, smell, lips, hair … ass. Don't forget his dick. That wouldn't be happening any time soon.
The interior of The Melting Pot was very dark and had expansive décor covering every surface with deep, rich colors. The hostess showed us to a private table for two, which was only accessible by a short hallway. On the other side of our booth was another private area, but we couldn't see anyone besides each other once we were seated.
The table was small and Edward sat incredibly close to me, insisting we share a menu and then ordering us the Big Night Out. His excitement and ease were infectious. I was just as struck by his favorite restaurant as he seemed to be, although I wasn't sure if it was the interesting food or the irresistible company that lulled me, inviting a dreamy atmosphere over our little fondue world for two.
Cheese came first, served with an assortment of bread and vegetables, followed by a light salad – Edward promised the chocolate and caramel concoction would come at the end bringing with it strawberries and pineapple and pound cake. What I'd never heard of before, however, was the bouillon base that we cooked our entrée of chicken, salmon, fillet mignon, lobster, prawns, ravioli and russet potatoes in. The entire dinner felt more like an event, rather than a meal.
"I am so full." Edward sat back and ran his hands down his still completely flat stomach.
"You should be, we've been eating for two hours straight." I felt slightly drunk on his presence as I leaned my head against the leather ledge of our seat.
"Such is the fondue life."
Edward had asked why I left his bed this morning if I was so quick to get right back in. He tried to pass it off as a joke, but I knew my honest answer would give him an additional view into my confused mind, so instead I reminded him that men preferred women who were mysterious and not just in beauty. He didn't press anymore, and for that I was thankful.
Truthfully, I'd never had a night like this - so blissful, so effortless - and it crushed me to think it was ending already.
"Can I show you something?" And even noting the serious nature of his voice my mind launched itself straight into the gutter. Rosalie better fucking watch her back when I get home. She's perverted me. I reassessed the blame and decided it all fell on Rose.
"Anything." And before I put two more thoughts together I was strapped in my helmet and we were flying through the night.
The air slapping against my bare legs was even more freezing - as the hour had grown much later - and my teeth chattered noisily.
"Sweetheart, we'll be there soon. I'm so sorry you're so cold."
I just gripped him tighter and hunkered down behind his broad back.
We stopped abruptly about ten minutes later, and Edward pulled me from the bike, leaving our helmets and it behind without another thought.
And he helped me walk quickly, before he suddenly stopped to hoist me up into the ledge of a long bridge; a lagoon of sorts to my back and the freeway system face-front.
Edward's hands never left my sides as he wedged his body between my legs, his gaze falling on the water behind me as silence fell over everything.
Eventually his words were softly formed.
"I thought I fell in love once. I know now it wasn't love, and had suspected as much since, but at the time I'd been sure." He swallowed loudly, and I knew whatever he was sharing with me now he'd never told anyone else before. I don't know how. But I just knew.
"When she – when it didn't work out I jacked Em's Jeep, too young to have my own car – or drivers license for that matter – and took off with Alice in the passenger's seat. I didn't drive far, and Ali was shrieking at me to slow down, so I pulled over right where we just did and walked, stopping right here. I didn't know where I thought I was going but I just needed her off me, to be rid of every part of me she consumed and touched. Alice had been silent at my heels, until we made it to this exact spot and then she started asking all the questions I couldn't handle answering and saying her name over and over. I finally told her I felt like I'd lost myself, that I'd lit my true self on fire, that I was burning from the inside out and there was nothing anyone could do. And then Ali got this glint in her eye, like only Alice can, grabbed my hand and simply said, 'Time to save you.' And then we jumped." The idea of actually launching myself off this incredibly high, frighteningly intimidating bridge into the unknown waters below scared the shit out of me. What pain drives someone to do that? It seemed like controlled suicide.
"We've jumped a lot since then. Whenever things got rough - friends, parents, our own lame existences - we'd come here. Each time entering the water fucking disgusted and exiting with a fresh start." Edward's eyes found mine then, as I had previously been waiting for his mesmerizing stupor of pains past to lift.
"I haven't jumped since before London, Bella, and that's because I can't. I don't need this ritual for myself anymore, because you've restored my faith in … I just know I can't start over from you, and I never want to wash myself clean from the time we spend together. No matter what. No matter how scared you are or the hoops I have to jump through; I cannot imagine not holding on to every second I've been enraptured by you, forever. You have to know you are it for me. And I will always be here for you. As long as you let me stay."
And everything after that was shock and bursting and need. And it was all for him.
One second passed and my tongue found its way into his mouth and he was carrying me away from the ledge back to our get away bike. What seemed like mere minutes later, Edward was then cradling me up stairs and through multiple doorways and finally he was on top of me, as warm sheets and goose-down comforters engulfed us. And I felt him through his pants and couldn't find it in me to care so much because it was all him, big or small, happy or sad, broken or healed, but always trustworthy, and forever mine as long as I desired.
Edward had tamed everything he was for me. It wasn't a fair fight, when a girl like me comes up against a power as strong as him. But perhaps, I thought as Edward pulled the leather away from my shoulders and buried his face in the skin beneath the laces of my dress, he was the only one designed to catch me.
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A/N: Seriously, 10K? Goodness this was a hard one! But, such is the life of an author I guess. Now it's time to test your observations.
Who do I believe to be the Lion and Unicorn in this chapter? (Hint: The answer is not obvious.)
And for those of you that enjoy a little research: Who is Bella, in this chapter of G&B, representing from the original chapter of The Lion and the Unicorn from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass? (Hint: This is sort of a trick question.)
Special thanks to Ima Quidditch Fan/LuvTwilight for her superb research skills - Edward would be riding a loser bike without you, babe!!
Well, this chapter began one way and then took another avenue. I hope you enjoyed it, and as always I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts! ~RAE
P.S. Come play on the Girls and Boys thread.
P.P.S. Links for this chapter on the profile; LV shawl and the Indian. Check it, bbs!