Chapter 19 What Are Little Girls Made Of?
A/N: Twilight belongs to the talented Stephenie Meyer.
You all did great with the guesses! Here are my answers: The parallelism between the Rhyme/Through the Looking Glass Chapter 7 and G&B Chapter 18 is as follows - Edward is the Lion, and Jasper is the Unicorn, making Bella the CAKE.:) MY over all implied metaphor for the Lion and for the Unicorn stems from Twilight's the Lion and the Lamb concept. In G&B, however, each boy is the Lion and each girl is his mythical Unicorn. My G&B girls are not Lambs. They each have a degree of innocence, but are more unattainable (Alice's application to this is subjective) and awe inspiring than fragile - although, their fragility is a close second. They also have healing principles. If you have any questions or want further explanation, hit me up in a review or on the thread!
You know, I never give proper F bomb warnings … so here it is … G&B is friendly with the fracking and such. Especially Rosalie! The M is in full effect wonderful people.
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RPOV
Truthfully, I had been out to dinner more times than I'd ever be able to fucking number even if I counted for the rest of my life. After this last year of fickle exploration, dates were as repetitive and natural as an unconscious hair primp or acing a calculus midterm; really, my being escorted around town might have become more akin to breathing. Or, at least, it had.
"Emmett dating" had turned out to be intimidating and exhilarating. Of course, I didn't let on to his undeniable upper hand; how do you refuse the man you want more than status, more than self, more than is naturally sane?
Well, you don't.
I'd reminded my libido of the previously made promise to myself to remain as unattached as was physiologically possible the night of our first date. Unfortunately, such a task was continually challenged as our date progressed. What with the suave door opening, my expectations, Six Sevens' dim lighting, realizing the Maitre d' was attracted to me - no shit, right? - and then having Emmett claim me with his mouth as it teased its way over my exposed skin. The visual of our large bed - with full-scale turndown service already implemented – waiting patiently upstairs became the last straw, as the warmth between my legs churned. One thwarting after another left my frazzled nerves absolutely unable to ignore the rock hard erection pressing into me as I finally covered his lips with mine in surrender. I'd held out far too long to take my time. Damn dance floor clit tease.
I could still piece together what followed, as the waiter approached to take our drink order but instead was met with Emmett waiving him off in favor of skipping straight to the lavish dinner being served in our room.
My shock at finding out the waterfront restaurant was intended to accommodate only the beverage and appetizer portion of our date sent me into a divided spiral. On one hand there was no way I hadn't anticipated sleeping with Emmett that night and felt exhilarated as his palm found the small of my back and ushered me toward the elevator. But on the other, if he'd really hoped to leave my dark past just that, a past, then why had he made assumptions thus expecting of me what every other man always did?
These questions were now superfluous, however, as it had been almost a month since that magnificent rendezvous. Emmett's continual attentions since only helped me see that he was in the same damn boat as me, attempting to row instead of relying on the familiar motor. Whoever said doing things the easy way was a waste couldn't have been more correct. I may have only known one way of interacting with a man when Emmett first entered my life, but just as I was changing so were my human connections. The slow process of learning, however, did seem to cause the unlimited unknowns to make themselves glaringly obvious.
I continued to leave my eyes closed as my mind progressed with the memories. Teasingly, I dangled the tantalizing nature of our first time across the back of my eyelids, recalling it from every available angle, ultimately glazing both my mind and my nether regions. As I reminisced, I was reminded by the sound of deep, steady breathing bouncing off the bedroom walls that the star of my fantasy laid only a foot away. Tiring of my 2-D recollection, I slowly turned and crept one eye open.
Mmmm. Em.
He was like Superman reincarnate - all naked and muscles and pouty, sleep lips – only, without the cape. Hmm, a cape. My champagne colored sheets were tangled at his feet leaving only strips of material winding haphazardly up through his legs and barely covering his chest. My second eye blinked open, slowly joining the first, as they cascaded along his strong jaw line, over his powerful arms and skilled fingers. Their decent came to a screeching halt to reverently absorb the infamous Cullen inheritance front and center. Thick and gloriously rigid, the messy bedding gods allowed my eyes to appraise him completely unobstructed by material. Fuck, I love morning wood.
Still sound asleep, I carefully snaked my body further down him, towards the main attraction only I was now allowed to worship – not including, of course, whatever fucking man obsession he had over his little – err big - mister.
We'd not spoken of exclusivity, but it was certainly implied being that we spent every night in the other's bed and every moment in between pivoting from one state of foreplay to another. These last few weeks had awakened something completely new and unresolved in me. To say I was happy was like saying Edward Cullen was admired by women. Understatement of the century. But the other Cullen couldn't have been farther from this girl's mind, as I wet my lips and prepared to greet my man.
I let my flattened tongue seek out his smooth head. Back and forth, I circled him with long, intentioned licks finally swirling up to taste his pre-cum.
Emmett's resting abs were my first indication that he was stirring, because as I looked up beneath my still half asleep eyelids I watched the washboard clench and reveal an additional pack – cause a six pack is substandard, of course my man would have an eight.
"Baby, oh, Rosie baby."
As his low, gravely uttering of my love making name, Rosie, reached my ears I plunged my lips down, taking every last bit of him into my mouth and throat. I spread my hands up over his stomach and pecks as he wound his down, over my arms and into my hair.
I'd never been this forward with him, surprisingly, as I'd found myself needing to be drawn out more than I ever thought possible in this first month of being together. Never giving a flying fuck about who I was screwing meant having no inhibitions, but caring brought on a whole new side of myself that I wasn't quite okay with.
'Cause hell if I've ever labeled it making love, right? And kissing - never really a huge deal to me. Giving and getting head was enjoyed, as was probing and grabbing and penetration. And as much as I wanted to bring my cocky cavalier side to the table, show him how I did, the ride from the dining room level up to the Beatles suite floor on that very first date left me with so many answerless questions regarding the intentions and sheer power of the man I loved; I'd practically shut down.
Old Rosalie was gone, gone, gone. Timid, hesitant Rose had been instantly in effect from that moment until now, apparently. Although, this urge to wake him with my mouth didn't seem to mean I'd regained what I'd lost of my former self as much as I just knew him now; I was more than familiar with just how Emmett filled me up – everywhere.
I dragged my ministrations up slowly, working my lips tightly around his shaft. My tongue had a mind of its own, as it applied steady pressure along the thick underside and swiveling the tip every third bob or so. His hands seemed to be fighting their own battle in my hair; to push down or not to, that was the erotic dilemma. Emmett was always gentle, ever the patient lover; nothing how I'd thought he'd be as I fantasized about our sex this entire last year. But, honestly, the pace we set, the time we'd taken, ended up being better. It'd been a journey. Ours. Emmett's and Rosalie's.
Emmett moaned as I picked up my pace, the head of his cock repeatedly connecting with the back of my throat. I was surprised that my gag reflex wasn't affected. Giving this to him was sometimes better than receiving. Gah, love. It makes crazy out of sane.
My nails lightly scraped down over his nipples and trailed to his smooth, swimmers legs – not even a hit of lingering surprise, as I'd finally gotten used to a man's body being nearly as hairless as mine – and pulling his balls gently into my hand.
"Fuck, baby." Emmett continued to curse and sputter incoherencies until I began sucking harder letting my teeth entered the mix by carefully raking him. Urgently he put a hand under each of my armpits and pulled me up towards his chest.
No words were spoken as he momentarily engaged his tongue with mine - tasting and thanking my willing mouth - and then proceeded to lift me over him, like I weighed nothing, positioning his head between my legs. Gripping the smooth, wooden headboard I supported my weight on my knees, straddling his face as his head reclined on a pillow. And in one second his tongue was deep inside me, his large hands kneading my ass. He hummed underneath me and I couldn't keep from crying out as I rocked hard on his face, absorbing every lick and vibration. Two fingers entered me and, instead of pumping in and out, worked together as they beckoned my sensitive bundle of nerves to climax. Emmett sucked attentively on my clit and I shuddered as my orgasm came closer. Just one little bite; bite down for me honey, please bite down for Rosie.
"I won't bite down now, baby. Not when I can't see your come face." God, I only meant to think that. Obviously I was beyond verbal control.
"Please, Em. I'm so close." I begged outright, in a strangled whisper. But his mouth had stopped so he could bring my tingling body down to press flush with his own overheated skin.
"You're my dream come true, Rosalie Hale." As Emmett flipped us over, settling his body between my legs. The meaning of this sentence sent my mind spinning from an immediate combustion of lust and love and delight – the sort of release I desperately needed elsewhere at the moment.
"You wake me up at five in the morning every day like that, okay?" He mumbled "everyday" once more before sucking and nibbling at the column of my neck, his hips grinding against mine. The heat of our skin-to-skin friction, without him actually dipping inside, was the most bittersweet torture. Fuck, it's just not enough.
Of their own volition and impatience, my legs wrapped around his waist. Instinctively, my pelvis tipped up and was met by his fingers dipping between us, separating me as he glided his length into all my ready wetness. So slick, so open; I enveloped every last inch.
Emmett released a guttural moan into the pillow underneath my head the moment he was completely sheathed and began building towards a frenzied pace more intense than either of us had ever set together.
What had begun as morning play, turned naturally into sweet sex and finally, after a month of skirting around, we were launching ourselves into heady, passionate coition.
"Can I go hard, baby? I want to show you hard." The swift motion of his hips still held a gentleness that was mine to maintain or renounce. Digging my heals in, I began meeting him thrust for thrust, matching his need with my own.
"Yes … please … god, yes." Each word was punctuated with his acceptance of my permission.
Emmett's warm mouth captured my taunt nipple and pulled back aggressively as he bowed his back. Using his arms to hold up his weight, his eyes drifted down to where we were connected.
He growled at the erotic sight of driving so powerfully into me, causing my fucking legs to tremble. I took in his huge shoulders above me and the smooth pains of each straining stomach muscle before my eyes feasted on the sight of us as well. I could feel every delicious inch as he drove it home, wanting him to just tear me apart. I realized at that moment that my patience and caution had simply been the sexual calm before the carnal storm. I gasped and whimpered as my mind and heart flooded with love and unbearable need for release.
His head snapped up in response to my noises, irises burning into the thrill mine must have been conveying. I'd always been a fan of rough, but this new sensation of being variably taken by Emmett elicited insatiable sensations. Unfamiliar, comfortable vulnerability. I'm safe.
And with that, my wall was down.
"Harder," – pant - "faster," – pant - "fuck …. me … more."
"God." And his chest came down - squishing my full breasts against his smooth, tight skin – as his starving lips crashed over mine. A hand at my neck, and one holding my ass, steadied me as I was suddenly airborne. My nipples crashed against cold wood, and the emptiness I felt inside as Em pressed himself firm against my ass made me gasp.
No, No …
"Emme-"
But before my complaints could surface, my hips were pulled back and I came barreling down onto my boyfriend's cock. FFFFuuuccckkk YES.
I felt like I was flying over his length, in speed and precision – every bit of friction that remained because of his enormity and my clenching walls made this my new best day ever.
Em's finger wound inside my mouth and caressed the front of my neck. After trailing down to heave my breasts up with a firm squeeze, his palm came to rest on my abdomen, applying the most tantalizing pressure.
My stretched out arm clenched the headboard ledge before one of my hands reached between my sopping legs and cupped his balls.
I pulled down; he stimulated my clit and worked my stomach muscles all the while splitting me in two from behind.
My eyesight was blurring as I began shouting out his name, his coaxing cries being muted by the kisses he showered on my long hair and back.
It was all so much and still fucking not enough until … fuck.
And I was falling and cursing and letting my head roll every which way without the active use of any bodily muscle as all of my blood rushed down. Down.
So hard, so fast, so huge, so deep. So mine.
And the surge of warmth I felt him shoot into me marked me as his.
"Rosie baby. Oh, baby, baby, baby." We were both a shaking, aftershock mess. And instead of pulling out, Emmett simply drew be down onto his lap encasing me in his tender muscles.
As our ragged breathing evened, I leaned my head back on his shoulder so I could have access to his quivering lips.
"So, good." I breathed in reverence.
"Fuck baby, say it again." Emmett kissed and licked tenderly on my ear lobe.
It was my pleasure to stroke this incredible man's ego, so I repeated with vigor, "So fucking good."
"Mmmm. Fuckgood."
And I laughed. Because the moment was perfect and I'll be damned if I'd ever experienced a truly insecurity free, blissed out of my mind, happier moment in all of my fucked up years.
I knew we could stay this way all day long as his hands trailed over my arms and thighs and his flaccid penis began stiffening inside me, but there were laps to swim and classes to attend. Lifting off I prodded at his responsibilities.
"Pool time?" I moved slowly down the bed as his arms tried grabbing me back to him, a hazy lust clouding his eyes and crinkly smile.
"Rose time?" He caught my foot and pulled my freshly pedicured, ruby red polished pinky toe into his mouth. I squealed and tried to jerk away. My feet were so ticklish and he knew exactly what he was doing when he sucked like that.
"Come on, Em. I'll shower really quick and walk you." Almost kicking him in the eye as we played, he finally released me and rolled off the elevated, tornado struck bed.
His groan built up in his throat, no doubt reacting to the cold floor and the limb stiffness brought on by our romp.
Emmett raised his arms high above his head, stretching after such a work out in preparation for his next, and inhaled a deep breath.
"It smells like sex in here."
"I wonder why." I grinned goofily at him, raising my eyebrow and wagging it.
"Oh, babe. I have to run by my suite before hitting the pool. Do you mind meeting me there? Maybe with a couple coffees, and some donuts - or a bagel? Oh, oh and how about an egg and cheese English muffin sandwich? They make those on Tuesday's right?"
I chortled at his unwavering appetite. Would you expect anything less from your sexual aerobics instructor? Ha, nope.
"I'll bring you the entire coffee cart; how's that?"
Pulling on his scattered clothing from last night, I felt a tiny twinge of sadness when the zipper closed on the Diesel jeans I'd just bought him. You're sending him away in favor of polo captain duties? Damn girl, it isn't like he won't be back in your clutches tonight. I was fucking dick whipped. No, Emmett whipped. Hmm … whipping.
"What are you smiling about?"
"Oh, just thinking of all the things I'm going to do to you later." Don't leave and bring me a leather strap, bitch.
Rough sex was fucking golden.
"Why can't later be now?" He was impossibly more adorable when he whined. How I could scold and send him on his way was beyond me. But, I found my strength from somewhere – obviously not the swollen folds between my legs or the fantasies of capes and pain inflicting toys – and gave him a parting spank.
"Go. I'll see you soon."
He nipped at my bottom lip through our chaste kiss and swiveled his perfect ass, winking back at me as he let himself out.
That man would be my continual undoing. Rosalie Who? Oh yeah, that girl obsessed with Emmett Cullen. I was so okay with the new developments in my identity.
*-*-*-*
Showered, blow-dried and just all around visually ravishing, I locked the suite door behind me and scurried to the Commons to grab some to-go breakfast.
Being that it was still an ungodly hour – much too early for the average Fremont student to be milling about – I was the first in line and bustling towards the P.E.T. in no time.
Carefully balancing the coffees, while holding onto my purse, magazine and a paper bag full of Emmett's order, I freed a hand to fumble with the door. I walked briskly towards the pool area and absentmindedly began reading a vertical sign about pool cleaning, or other such nonsense, when I almost lost my grip on the scalding beverages. It wasn't until I walked into plain sight of the pool, unlit and empty, that I realized it was a maintenance morning. Emmett would be positively ecstatic to have a few more hours in bed. Hell if I was going to miss one second.
I was nearly out the door when I heard a stifled pant and the distinct sound of sloshing water. Intrigued, I crept around the bleachers and was able to barely make out a shadow at the far side of the pool. Squinting like an eighty-year-old cougar in a strip club, all I could see were two figures floating in the corner.
"God." A him … but 'him' who?
"Edward."
Fuck me. Bella?
I was honestly surprised - with a fucking capital R.I.S.E.
But never one to peep or Tom, I left them to it, reevaluating my stance on regarding those two as being "sex waiting to happen." Perhaps they were getting some and taking kinky underwater seconds.
As I hurried back to a hopefully naked Emmett, I felt like such a proud Mama. My little Bella's all grown up.
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BPOV
"Alice, slow down." I reached out a reassuring hand to my trilling pixie girl.
She eagerly held it as I let her following deep breath have its full calming effect before continuing.
"Okay, so, he only talks?"
"I guess maybe that was a slight over reaction. We've danced, we've kissed, he's cuddly and gives amazing back massages but I think my erogenous zones are disintegrating from anticipation … from needing him to truly touch me."
"Touch you." My repetition did not quell the vague nature of her statement.
"Everywhere."
God.
My unwillingly active imagination flashed to an image of Jasper's hands and touching, leaving me feeling slightly disturbed - if not minutely violated. Vomit. An irrational desire to go all hyena over the stale Jasper/Bella rumor wracked my body. If only everyone had seen me shudder a month ago at the mere thought of his hands. Thank god for the continual Pit of Sin drama turn over. I hate Fremont.
"Touching," – bleh – "everywhere. I'm with ya. Have you two talked yet about … progressing physically?"
"No. I've been trying to hint, like show him through my enthusiasm, but he seems oblivious. Not even nervous, which I'd understand I guess, but totally void of any urgent responses. I know it's not me, I'm hot, so what's his deal?"
Oh, Alice. I couldn't hold back my laughter in the face of such refreshing confidence.
"Have you two ever discussed your pasts? You've told him you're a virgin, right?"
"Yes. The first night I brought him back to my room."
I knew my face could be easily read as my thoughts asked, "Seriously?"
"Don't look at me like that."
My mind swirled back to the night of the party, how I'd let Edward press into me - my body, my broken family history. I guess you can't help baring your secrets sometimes. I didn't level with Alice, instead resorting to playful sarcasm.
"You were trying to reel him in with the magnitude of your virginity, your uncharted waters and all that shit. I see how you operate. Clever, Alice."
"Oh my god, Bella." She was just too easy to goad.
"It's the oldest trick in the book. Lure with the tight twat. I get it."
She scoffed at me. "Is that how you mindfucked Edward?"
"Hell yes. Use all the weapons in the arsenal, baby." I quickly sidestepped my own insecurities on this topic and forged ahead. Alice and Jasper, Alice and Jasper. Edward losing interest once the fruit's been tainted. Fuck. Alice and Jasper.
"Alice, has Jas told you about his experience?"
"No." Her little lips pursed as she gazed past my head in thought. "I've wondered about it though."
"Yeah, not everyone gets a catalogue of fucks past from their Mack Daddy's calling card right up front." I hated the acidic wrench to my retort. Fuck if I could turn that shit off though.
Alice was more than familiar with my Edwardian conquest qualms, mostly because I only spouted off this way to her. She also knew it wasn't him but my own shit that drove such comments. It ached to think about how hurt Edward would be if he knew I was so flippant and bitter. And not even because he regretted his life choices so entirely, but because it was a tall tale sign of my deep-rooted injuries. How he'd become too good for me, I was still trying to figure out.
"Sorry. Okay – you need to talk to Jasper about his past base count. Better yet, just flat out ask him. It will at least open up communication. If you haven't noticed, Jasper sits back a lot and gets all caught up in his analytical head."
"You two are alike that way." Ali was toying with a piece of her raven hair as she absorbed my advice and proved, yet again, how great she was at seeing through me. How have I only been here five weeks, sharing more of myself in that time span than in the last three years? Alice was a force. That's how.
"Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don't already fucking know." This conversation was supposed to be about Alice and Jasper's sexual advancement not a fixation on my detrimental brain. But the string of hampered questions struggled to the forefront of my knotted mind anyway.
How thoroughly could a girl hold herself back before the man of her dreams walked away?
My mind screamed at me, that if the guy was all dreamy and destiny then he would most certainly not walk away. Should I test that theory?
I'd stopped registering my space cadet moments as awkward lulls while with Alice, because, despite her tendency to shout or shriek answers and excitement, she was refreshing and oddly comforting through my silences. A couple minutes passed and she gently summoned me back to earth, all sing and song and patience.
"Bella. Where did you go?"
She tried to lure me back, but I didn't turn. My wet eyes never left the direction of my ceiling.
"What if I can't ever have sex?" What the hell? Where did that come from?
I began blinking erratically, hurting from the true anxiety behind the question and the basic concern of letting it slip out to begin with.
"Oh, sweetie, no. You know Edward's not in a rush. Don't put so much pressure on yourself."
Time to back peddle. Wordlessly I cursed my disobedient mouth.
"Yeah, I know. You're right." Ah, deflection. Brilliant coping mechanism if I do say so myself.
She looked hard at me for a moment, finally deciding to go with my false positivity. Damn. If she weren't spewing undiluted cheer from every orifice on her body perhaps she'd be naïve enough to believe my half cocked relent. Right.
Ali let her elbow off the hook of supporting her body weight as she slumped back into my warm bed. I turned on my side, ready for girls night to be over so I could sleep away my ever-frantic worry.
Strong, tiny hands found my spine and neck, working the tension away in a nurturing way; a coax, or perhaps an Alice sized muscle bribe, was all it took for me to melt into unconsciousness.
*-*-*-*
"I'll wait for you forever." Edward promised as he held my face between his hands, tracing his fingers over my eyebrows, cheekbones and lips.
It was a vow made before he understood my limitations.
"But I can't ever give you sex." I could hear the desperate waver in my low, muted voice. It felt like I was afraid someone would over hear - that he would finally understand and end us.
His hands held firm.
"It does not matter." Like hell it doesn't matter.
"Yes it does. I want to have sex." I knew even in my inability that there was nothing I wanted more than him.
"I just want to love you."
"But, without sex?" You should run away from me before I ruin your life.
"If that's what you need." I love you.
"Are you honestly alright with that?" I love you, Edward.
His gaze shone brightly as he captured my soul through my eyes.
"Yes."
And, as if his answer had been 'no', I turned and walked away.
There was something I needed more than Edward and the force of it was strongest.
Pitch-black darkness engulfed me as I sat straight up; my sweaty, heaving chest nearly exploding from the force of the palpitating heart behind it.
Just a dream - a dream in which I loved Edward.
I'd loved him and walked away.
Now that my eyes were adjusting, I realized it wasn't really so dark in my room with the moon shinning in around my drawn curtains.
No love, no sex, no light.
Nothing was how it seemed.
Nothing, no one. None.
My time at Fremont had flung that reality wide open. And those who continually touched my life provided a different supporting perspective.
Rose and Emmett had cultivated love. Both so jaded and self-degrading before; to watch them now – or listen to their intense physical connection through a paper thin wall – was to truly witness two people coming home.
How could such a change be so instantaneous? Were the embers of such fierce love always there inside them, just biding time, hiding even? But how could you have something so transcendent within you and not release it, dare to ignore it in favor of a half-life – i.e. Rosalie spending the last however many years being a primo bitch and manipulative succubus?
Nothing was how it seemed.
Nothing, no one. None.
Rose had accepted her bitchiness and hierarchy mentality through and through. Whenever Alice insisted otherwise even my Queen Bee cousin would snort in defiance.
And we were enemies. Rose and I cursed plagues upon one another's houses - for years. I mean, come on.
But she came to me the night after her first date with Em and, brandishing a paddle brush, she asked me to smooth out her hair. So I did. And she spilled every juicy detail to me.
We'd always had a fucking dance to live up to - until we just didn't anymore.
Alice was all fashion and party planning and riches. But her love for people, generosity and honesty were never measurable in this high society dump. The best of Alice was complication and vision. She could awaken and inspire a nation with her paintings. I knew if she was forced to choose she'd fill her life with oil paints and chalk over Chanel or Christian Louboutin. Hell, even Herve Leger. She lived her art, but people only saw tiny stature, designer brands and inky hair.
Jasper had always represented my rock, however recently he'd sunk us into deep, quick sand. Over the years he'd reveled in being calculated and cunning. My oblivious and confused little Jas. So lost. So not the man he claims to be. Not only was he floundering, but so was the common ground of our friendship and the progression with Ali.
Edward certainly became what he'd never seemed. He was everything I'd longed for. It was pretty fucking miraculous.
And then there was me.
My issues, every hang up and foible - could they be something I was unable to see or comprehend as well? Perhaps masquerading entirely different tendencies? And what would that mean for my overall assessment of who I was, of my progress in healing through independence and planning?
Am I growing? Am I dying?
I at least wasn't alone any more.
Emmett and Rosalie's union encouraged me. Rose's essential person was also changing and opening wide for me. With Alice I was learning and sharing. Jasper had me sinking and realizing the difference between strength and survival. Edward made me breath, leap, trust. He brought me freedom. But, me - what was I doing for myself?
Fuck if I knew.
I'd resolve to keep walking until brilliance could be cultivated.
For now, I only refused to stand still.
My cell said it was five in the morning, which was way too early, but I was finished with sleep anyway. Damn thin walls. It was like, at the mere thought of the new couple next door they were encouraged to start up again. And with noises of pleasure surrounding me, my thoughts went to him.
He's got laps this morning.
I only knew I needed fresh breath, clean clothes and to get my ass to Edward. To hell with his workout and teammates, he was what I was moving towards this morning.
But the pool was empty and the lights hadn't been turned on. Green emergency signs kept the area from being dangerous in the grand room void of any natural or artificial billiard lighting. It's generally not a great idea to prance around a massive amount of water, surrounded by wet pavement in the dark.
I did anyway.
Taking off my converse, I rolled my pants and dangled my bare feet and calves into the pool.
I waited for a while, wondering where everyone was.
Well, Edward and Jasper anyway. They were almost religious when it came to their AM lap drills. And Emmett too, when he's not otherwise engaged.
I was much too antsy after my morning mind explosion provoked by a nonsensical dream, and just needed Edward to walk his fine ass in here, preferably donning the Speedo that would rule my thoughts for the rest of the morning. It would be embarrassing to curl up under his arm, walking from class to class, with a bright red face and the inability to close my eyes and block out everyone's stares. Because, I knew from experience that we didn't have to be separated for my thoughts to revolve around him. Such daydreams would undoubtedly elicit moans from me the moments my eyelids met. He could – and would – be standing right beside me.
And I couldn't keep brushing off his interest in the reaction. His cocky, crooked smile told me he knew more than he let on. If only he really did though. God.
I pondered how the automatic visual of Edward swarming my mind - even with just a blink - might possibly be getting worse. I had felt more of his body, had more realities to fixate on since that first week of sparked obsession. Oh, the innumerable fantasies.
"Good morning." His voice rang out from across the pool just before a splash echoed in the rafters.
Long and smooth, I watched Edward slipping through the depths of the lane I was dipping in. As he neared the pools edge, I realized just how quickly he was moving and how his approach didn't seem to decelerate at the rate it ought to. He was swimming straight for me.
Bursting through the surface in one swift motion, and nesting himself between my legs, Edward secured his arms around my reclining body and pulled me flush with his own over the ledge and into the dark pool water.
I yelped as I was submerged, shoulder deep; my clothing soaked straight through.
"I am not a fan of girls night." Edward's voice was beset and breathy; only the hint of a grin that toyed with his lips dispelled my fear that he was upset for some reason. Instead, this smile simply indicated his disappointment in having to spend the night apart. Edward Cullen, the committer. I'd tamed the beast.
A combination of my silly thoughts and Edward's childish pout had peels of laughter ringing from me, bouncing off the water and empty room. Instead of joining in on my jovial fun a sad lip jutted from his upturned smirk, successfully cutting me off.
I looked him hard in the eye, truly bewildered by how he could possibly miss me as much as I did him no matter the length of time apart. And our eyes shifted; no longer was I questioning and his sadness seemed to dissipate.
A heavy current charged between us. And all too quickly I felt Edward's slick skin beneath my fingers and his state of undress registered in my stimulated mind. His breathing found a deeper rhythm as his hands snaked under my ass, parting my legs to wrap around his waste. I eventually found my voice.
"I don't enjoy sopping wet clothes." Liar. I couldn't give a shit about wet clothes.
Little drops of water fell from his nose and eyelashes, traveling down his neck to the juncture of our connected chests.
"I like you all wet."
Gah. I was struck dumb by red, dripping wet lips.
"It is utterly unfair how frequently you get to see me jumping around in nothing but a plum smuggler and you are always so covered." Edward snapped the fabric of my yoga pants, and slid his free hand underneath my shirt.
"You're right, life is so unfair." I shifted my hips down, responding to the motion of his hands at the crease of my ass and underneath my bra clasp, fondling nowhere nearly hard enough, close enough, inside enough.
The fabric of my pants only thinly covered my throbbing center, so I could feel everything as I shifted over the lycra of his suit. I could probably feel the ridge at the head of his penis if I shifted down far enough.
"And cruel." He panted into my shoulder, pushing my ass hard into his unreal erection. How that suit is staying put is beyond me. I doubted the stock sizes were made to contain Edward's abnormal degree of expansion.
"Poor baby." I panted, clinging and rubbing purposefully.
Floating us into the corner, Edward backed me up against the wall setting a rhythm with our hips that ground on, deliberately in sync with his first hungry brush of my lips.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, pulling back slightly from our passion. Willing myself to shut the fuck up but feeling like such an unbelievably horny tease. I was more than torn.
"No sorrys." He tried to keep kissing me, already knowing why I'd apologized. I'd been doing it a lot.
"I hate to keep holding out." Edward's fingers massaged my scalp as mine wound around his neck.
"Bella, don't worry. This is wonderful, better than sex with a hundred other girls." He could be with anyone, but instead he's stuck with dysfunction little me.
"You know I want to, though, right?" So much.
"I know." Even more now. He was too good.
I sighed as he sucked intently the skin behind my ear.
"You're frustrated over my pleasure. And I'm only concerned with yours. How about we stop worrying about sex and you just let me alleviate your dissatisfaction in other ways. A win, win."
"Alleviate? Win, win?" This came out as an embracing squeak.
"Tonight."
Tonight.
"Water is hot as fuck, but a soft bed will be better."
A soft bed. Mmm. I loved Edward's bed.
I'd spent plenty of time tangled with him in it. It struck me inconceivable every time that I was actually there, wrapped in his sheets and arms; astounded by my title: Edward Cullen's girlfriend.
After our first date my theories and hesitancy regarding the most important man to wedge himself into my life fled.
I'd said he'd not been good enough before, that he'd never be ready. I'd thought to protect myself from him. But being his girlfriend had been more right than wrong.
I didn't think I'd open myself up to fall for him, but I did.
I didn't think I could trust him to stay. But he'd promised to never leave. And I believed.
Now with my mounting insecurities and paramount fear, who would save me from myself? Who was the one truly ill-prepared now?
I was never how I actually seemed.
No; never. None.
But maybe I would be able to handle sex. EdwardandBella sex.
Maybe. Eventually.
Why not practice, alleviate? A warm bed sounded nice.
"Okay, tonight."
And his full, sinful lips suctioned over mine as he dragged me down deep with him, away from air and worry and the sound of my thoughts.
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A/N: My first lemon. Gah. And of course it would have to be Rosalie, and of course her character would have to go and throw a loop in everything, deciding she felt timid with Emmett, thus having to work up to abandon. Man, I never saw it coming – maybe cause I don't ever read about her being that way. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my first time-jump and can feel where we're headed; we're only 2/3 of the way done (as far as I know right now) so we have many things to come!
PLEASE READ!!!
My updates have been singular these last two week and I absolutely HATE it. This recently slowed schedule helped me admit I need a breather. I'm going to take a break from updates and get ahead in the writing. Following Valentine's Day I will be implementing a by-weekly update schedule until completion. So that means, only one week without an update. Believe me, I just want to bring my best! Thank you so much for your patience – love you, bbs! ~RAE
P.S. The strip club I was thinking of at the end of Rose's POV was Fire from The Red Line by WinndSinger.
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OUTTAKE from G&B Chapter 19 What Are Little Girls Made Of?
What Are Little Boys Made Of?
A/N: Any and all BxE physicality has been written to Colorblind by Counting Crows. For this outtake alone I believe I hit the refresh button about twenty times before figuring out how to set it to permanent repeat.
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Tuesday Morning
EPOV
I was never more thankful for my quick thinking abilities than the moment I saw Bella waiting for me at the opposite end of the pool. Without so much as three seconds passing, I'd sprung into action, doing what I could to minimize the possibility of being interrupted. She hadn't noticed when I'd strutted from the mouth of the locker room over to the janitorial closet to take a cleaning sign out into the hall. It had been exhilarating watching her, without her realizing my presence, as I made my way back over to the water and dove in head first with little more than a "good morning."
Bella was now serving as a sexy life preserver while she clung to my waste, chest and shoulders – gripped tight and keeping me erect. Her soft, but expectant, lips and the direct motion of her hips consumed me.
"I'm sorry."
Conflicting worry, excessive analysis and lust buzzed behind the deep brown of my girl's eyes. The energy that resulted was positively rousing and left my voice husky.
"No sorrys."
I wanted to plunge as far as possible into this woman, and every abstinent day was just adding another inch to my cavernous need. It didn't help that, while Bella's desire increased so did her uncertainty and guilt over "holding out" as she was currently regarding it. But fuck if it didn't make my blood course and pump with an unfamiliar vengeance.
I knew without a doubt how much she reciprocated my longing to be together in every physical way. Bella was like an open book made purposefully for me to peruse – every page, paragraph, and syllable - even the leather binding had a pleasure point. This never ending treasure hunt would rank fucking first in Edward Cullen's bounty of wonders.
Sweetheart, you're all I'll ever need.
More of her anxiety dissipated as I licked and suckled at the skin beneath her ear. Slowly but surly I was learning Bella's secret spots, more than I ever would have located and experimented with if we'd rushed into sex. At this rate, I knew I'd be able to blow away every expectation she ever had for her first time. Her body had become my new favorite instrument.
I dipped my head between us and ran my nose, followed by worshipful lips, over the alluring protrude of her collarbone. Through all of these weeks, this motion had become my saving grace as I'd begun to use it at any moment I needed to maintain control. Remembering what was most important could get fucking uncomfortable as my jean or slacks or whatever the hell I was wearing tightened and strained, so I loved her collarbones over and over. This morning was quite different, however, because my instincts had grabbed her out of the air and into the unpredictable water. I had double vision and all I allowed in was the delicate circular 'v' at the base of her neck. It was like my life force.
In these moments, I was reminded, just touching and listening to Bella was a triumph. She had to know this, feel this - believe it wholeheartedly. Sex was secondary, because if she weren't ready I'd lose her. Sure I wanted to play - more than wanted, fucking craved was more like it – but only if it was Bella, completely prepared, that I was holding and enamored by, ready to take her farther than she even knew her body and soul were capable of. See, Bella already carried the essence of this man around in her pocket. She'd already penetrated me.
"You're frustrated over my pleasure. And I'm only concerned with yours. How about we stop worrying about sex and you just let me alleviate your dissatisfaction in other ways. A win, win." If I allowed it, my mind would overload at the mere idea of having her in my bed in some state of undress, panting and whispering and tangling her hands in my hair.
"Alleviate? Win, win?" Her voice was soft and high, momentarily abandoning her trademark alto.
And the thought of sending her voice spiraling down into the depths of her range and hearing her reverberate her needs and wishes to me in that sexy, low voice she owned monopoly on - God.
"Tonight … Water is hot as fuck, but a soft bed will be better." You'll be more comfortable. It'll be real and soothing and indescribable and overwhelming - and not kinky fucking water.
Lost in her thoughts, the shifting started up again, slowly and teasingly. Although I knew she wasn't trying to tempt my fingers into her tight yoga pants, their direction was marked nonetheless. Beneath the wet layers of pants and panties, I traced the descending part of her ass, trailing up and over to tease the exposed juncture at her inner thigh and mound.
There was nothing I wanted more than to finally be able to sink knuckle deep into all her hot, tight wetness. Fuck. I had to bury my uncontrollable moaning into the crook of her neck as the motion of her hips disoriented my ministrations and my thumb grazed her slit. I just wanted her so fucking much.
"Okay, tonight."
Before I could finger or even palm her completely accessible center, I gathered a deep breath that we could pass back and forth once we were underwater. Hoping she wouldn't breath through her nose, I pulled us down. Getting lost in the sweet of her mouth and the pressure of the surrounding water, I knew there were very few moments in life that could be so riddled with concern but have so very little reason behind such fear.
Bella was scared. I was scared. We'd get through it together.
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Tuesday Night
BPOV
Piano keys clanked and garbled beneath my shifting body, and the random steadying hands that connected with the white and black rang out in sporadic dissonance.
I loved my creative writing class, but it was no Edward. So instead of working studiously on my prompt for the evening, I'd scampered from the classroom and hurried myself into the concert hall with every intention of getting to the alleviation and winning I'd been promised.
Knowing I didn't have to worry about taking things as far as sex really seemed to calm my need to control and prevent, and thus chastise myself for holding back, the progression that would be finally feeling Edward move inside me. Cause, who the fuck doesn't want that? I felt progressively more and more insane as each day passed and I remained the virgin girlfriend of The Sex God himself.
But, as crazy as it sounded even to this lunatic's mind, it felt as though Edward was holding back in his own right as well. Perhaps it was for me - I knew he wanted me to be nothing short of absolutely ready. He understood my damn fragility. But Edward's hesitancy haunted me, and seemed to revolve, if not somewhat, around him.
This only made me long for him that much more. He was human and flawed and scared and everything I wanted and – gulp – mine.
"Bella. God … I have fantasized about doing just this since I overheard you that day – that day you yelled at yourself about me."
My bra-clad torso was pressed completely against defined pecks and the rippled skin that covered his faultless abs. I couldn't keep my fingers from tracing the muscular lines of his broad shoulders and back or from weaving into the mess of bronze hair that had its own chapter in The Bella Swan Obsession Chronicles: Edward Cullen.
It was exhilarating to hear how he imagined me, us, what we'd do. This piano had been a staring location in many of my own imaginative wanderings, though we were always much more naked in my version. I was such a fraud.
Remembering my out-of-mind, out-of-body experience with Edward that second day of school reminded me how different imagining nudity and being ready to experience everything that came with it truly was.
"About you, huh?" What hasn't been about you in the last few weeks? My entire existence at Fremont had been eclipsed by this man's relativity.
"You never would have let me in." Those defining words echoed through my conscious mind, "You're not ready for me." I hadn't been able to believe he was.
"I know."
"I couldn't live without you." His infamous response filled me to the brim; "I am."
And what was I? He'd been ready for so long. I hadn't found that certainty yet. What am I?
"I'm just Bella." The realization slipped through my thoughts and into the verbal world.
His growl tore through the silent hall that had only been filled with a spattering of notes and heavy breathing all night.
"Stop. Just stop." And I did. All thought, all breath; mid chest kiss with lips puckered and tongue waiting to dart out. He has such power over me. Edward, I need you. I pushed away the fresh wave of panic that surged through me over the thought of need and him in the same sentence.
"It hurts me when you regard yourself that way. Bella, you are not just anything."
I thought to apologize, but his not fully requited affection for me deserved action. I was tired of talking.
"Please, just take me to your bed."
And my shirt was up and over my arms and being buttoned up the middle before I'd finished uttering 'bed.'
"I've always thought of teaching you how to tie this just so I could do this." His strong hands each held an end of my regulation tie, as he slowly swayed each piece across my chest, just barely brushing my breasts. It was so slight, but even that motion sent a powerful shiver from top to base along my spine.
I buttoned his dress shirt, while his hands held fast at my hips and his lips worked my ear lobe and neck like it was his last chance.
I realized then that his actions and emotional undercurrent were normal: urgency.
His fears resided in me leaving. Walking away. The eventual no or goodbye.
So, I'll lead.
Connected at the waists, I brought one foot down in front of the other in the direction of Edward's suite; a heavy Edward buried in my hair but happily walking.
We'd grown immune to the stares and whispers, and thankfully not too many people were loitering this late at night as we crossed campus and wound our way through Pike.
Emmett's door was wide open which meant we'd divided up nicely tonight, both suites seeing one couple at a time.
"I have things to show you." I knew then that I was finished with my measly leading as Edward's lips joined with mine, warm on warm, and his fingers relaxed at the base of my neck to absorb the impact of his body pressing closer and his tongue filling my mouth. Two hands lifted me around the middle and onto his cozy bed. Edward's body hovered over me as he pulled us up together until my head connected with pillow and his full weight sunk into me.
He was taking so much time that everything physical we'd previously dabbled with now felt new and purposeful and breathtaking. And then there was his face looking down, green eyes dancing as bronze locks threatened to block my view. I reached my hand out to swipe the interference to the side. His lips chose that moment to return to mine. So I fisted that unruly hair instead, tugging and clenching as I felt heat sear the thigh his erection was pressed against. Knowing that was his indication of passion and lust and need - and it was all for me - caused a moan to escape into his mouth. My declaring noise made him groan in response, as he shifted farther into me, spreading my legs and aligning our cores.
"Oh my god." I needed him to do something, anything, everything - No, just something. Please.
"I know." My skirt was pushed farther up with each of his thrusts, leaving only panties to act as my own barrier and in that moment I fucking hated them. Obviously sharing in my frustrations, Edward unbuckled his pants and discarded them into the void that was anything beyond this bed.
Underwear to underwear, soaking heat to raging hard on, Edward rubbed his full length all along me, grinding harder as he went. Head bent above me, his eyes never leaving mine.
He was glorious.
And I had never felt this way before. I knew now that 'Hot and Bothered' on your own was nothing more than tepid and naïve.
I realized I had to have been embarrassing myself with my gasping breaths and impatient hips, but then so was he, if the same rules applied. Flushed and hungry, you'd think we were both virgins and that we were actually progressing towards sex. You are. Just not tonight. That thought was oddly comforting.
"I'm making this harder for myself." His voice was horse and better than I'd ever heard it.
"You have things to show me?" His arms went taut on either side of my shoulders as he bucked against me.
"Do you not feel that, what you're doing to me?"
I wanted to explode with laughter at the idea of being able to remain oblivious in the presence of that, but chose to keep things moving.
"You said show, as in see."
"Damn." I actually felt him get harder and twitch at my words. "First things first."
Our shirts quickly met the same fate as his long forgotten pants.
"May I?" And with a nod, my bra was unclasped and slid away.
"Bella." His reverent whispers sent a chill through me that quaked further as his thumbs grazed both of my nipples. More. I pulled his face towards me, pressing him to my breasts and prayed he'd keep going.
Open mouth. Tongue. Sucking. Teasingly blowing cool air before diving back in.
Heaven.
So, I did the only thing I could think of that I wanted besides the obvious.
Bypassing the flap, my little hand slipped easily into his boxer briefs. He'd been lying to the side of me throughout his nipple ministration, but upon my contact he'd sprung up on all fours.
"Fuck." I clutched all of him tightly and felt empowered, not like myself at all. Better. More.
"Tonight isn't for me."
I felt the bit of wetness that had seeped out at the tip and smoothed it around with my thumb.
"Tonight isn't for me, Bella." I didn't care, so I pumped carefully not wanting to chafe the tight, smooth skin.
"Fuck." His head collapsed backwards, but his resolve didn't falter. "You won't win."
"Win, win … remember. That's two possible wins." I loved how he felt in my hand and I was dying to taste him, to feel his softness with my tongue.
"You first." And my panties were forgotten as a single finger peeked inside me.
Edward's following groan almost matched mine as he slipped and slid all around before finally pushing in. One finger, two.
"Fuck." It was my turn to state the obvious.
"But … I wanted … to … you … fuck, Edward."
His lips landed everywhere except where I wanted, and was scared to have them, most as he leaned over me. He found my nipples and rib cage and shoulders and the damn collarbones he loved. Finally, my lips were his as those magic fingers found a rhythm that made me pull his hair and claw the sheets. Masturbation is pathetic. No girl should miss this.
My mind bounced around the fact that we were only just beginning. It was all so much already.
"Bella. Just relax, love."
I tried. But I needed more. I couldn't just receive; we'd be lop-sided.
Though hardly coherent, I managed to pull his underwear down from his towering body. Using the only lubricant that seemed available, I dipped my hand down to myself and grasped his obviously painful cock in the product of my own arousal.
"Holy fucking shit, Bella."
I was momentarily mortified by what I'd done but his fingers accelerated, his thumb followed suit and darted out to flick my clit as I matched his pace stroke for stroke.
Edward's head rested on my thigh, as mine did on his, as he stuttered and mumbled wonderful things, intimate words about how I felt and smelled and surprised him. How I was everything to him. And just as he spoke of taste his face lifted between my parted legs and he rolled my clit between his lips and teeth letting out a moan that vibrated between us.
I felt the pulsing of his blood and knew he was coming just as I knew I was as well.
I arched my back, grinding into his hands and face wanting all of it, every last bit of pressure. The waves didn't seem to stop for a long while. But they did stop, eventually.
I missed them. I missed his fingers.
Edward had made a mess on my chest - I wanted to lick it. But he grabbed something and the mess was gone, only sticky residue remained.
"I couldn't kiss you the way I wanted to; I wouldn't have been able to stop."
"I know." I tugged on his arms wishing I were strong enough to drag him up to me, in desperate need of his face beside mine. "Can you hold me now?"
"Of course."
Finally face-to-face again, I felt so very right in the moment. So at peace. But the dull pulse inside me betrayed. That unnerving voice and need and dedicated part of my heart almost screamed it. More.
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A/N: This went farther than I meant for it to, but I guess that can be expected when we're dealing with Bella and Edward. I'd love to hear your thoughts even if it was meant to be just an outtake. Thank you for hanging in here with me, RAE