Chapter 21 Weddings and Funerals

A/N: Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.

I seriously had so much fun sending everyone that outtake, and rejoiced in how well it was received. If you didn't receive it for some reason I apologize a million times over. I want to specifically say sorry to Sunfeathers; I was unable to contact you to explain that your email didn't show up when you PM'd me for your copy. If anyone missed out on the BxE goodness that was 'What Are Little Boys Made Of?' it's been added to the chapter notes of 'What Are Little Girls Made Of?.' Thank you endlessly to those who raved and loved, your words are my fuel!

Girls and Boys playlist is linked on the profile! Ring tones and the song for this chapter, Angel by Sarah McLachlan, can be found there.

This is an M story. Please do not say I didn't warn.

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Weddings and Funerals

A wedding song we played for you,

The dance you did but scorn.

A woeful dirge we chanted, too,

But then you would not mourn.

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-Saturday, After Dark-

EmPOV

The timid knock startled me, even though I'd been waiting for its arrival for hours. Where she could have been, or what may have kept her, I had no clue. That was where my concern found its footing.

It had been just the two of us for weeks now, so there were very few circumstances I knew of that would keep her from her word, that would make her not want to hurry back to me. But she hadn't come home when she said she would, and so I'd sat, waiting for hours, unsure of what to do.

Rosalie had promised to meet me at my suite at four. In was now six-thirty.

I knew Jasper and Bella were hanging out at the girls' suite after today's home match and, instead of being segregated to her bedroom while they bonded, Rose decided to run a couple errands. So she'd headed off campus while I tried to take a stab at some much overdue course work.

By the time four rolled around I was bored, horny as hell and missing my girl in a painful way. When she didn't show up I became worried, consumed by thoughts of how something could have happened while she was out. Was she stranded in Red somewhere? A flat? An accident? Did someone grab her? Seattle was a good sized city; loud, crowded, full of skeazy scum bags who'd think nothing of grabbing a gorgeous girl like Rosie.

With a few deep breaths, I'd stopped freaking out long enough to train my thoughts in a more rational direction. It was obviously more likely that she had lost track of time. But then why didn't she call? When I'd eventually decided I couldn't wait any longer, I hit her speed dial code. As the phone rang, I followed the sound of my favorite band Plain White T's song '1, 2, 3, 4' as it played on from my bedroom. I found her phone on her nightstand, displaying my name and ringing the repeated three words – I love you.

We hadn't said that yet. I hadn't even asked her to be my girlfriend. Not that I didn't want to claim her as my fucking own, no damn way. I had just been so scared of pushing her, of putting any pressure on Rosalie to change. Although, it had seemed we'd both turned a rather prominent corner in simply becoming so inseparable. She was just all I wanted anymore. I was completely ruined for any other girl.

But there I'd been, with Rosalie's phone in hand and … I love you?

Not knowing what else to do, I hit send after dialing Shorty's speed number and waited for her to pick up. Her soprano voice answered after two rings.

"Hel-" I hadn't even waited for her to finish.

"Hey, can you call Rose's cell right now?"

"I'm on the phone with you, so, can I hang up first?" Ever patient and kind, Alice was a gem and jumped right on board.

"Yeah, just call Rose right after we get off."

"'Kay, bye."

Back in the pacing-conducive sitting room, I'd impatiently drummed my fingers on the bar counter, unsure if I hoped to hear Plain White T's sound off again or not. Thankfully, I hadn't had to wait long. Before I'd gotten too far into weighing the meaning of this song being my personal ring tone as opposed to a general one, Britney's voice trilled.

Baby, you're so unusual.

Didn't anyone tell you

You're supposed to

Break my heart;

- Not the T's. So, Rose does have a different one for each of us, I guess. -

I expect you to.

So why haven't you?

Maybe you're not even human 'cause

Only an angel could be so-"

A part of me was unhappy to hear the pop drivel end, but I answered anyway.

"Hey, Shorty. Thanks for calling back."

"Where's Rose, Emmett? Why did you have me call her phone? Is everything okay?" Not necessarily worry, but something more than interest had pushed Alice's high-pitched words out in a rush.

"I'm actually not sure where the hell Rose is and I'm a little worried, honestly. And … I had you call because I wanted to hear your ring tone."

At the verbalization of my concern my intuition flickered and I just couldn't believe something bad had happened to Rose. Maybe she just needed some time to herself.

"Oh, what is it?" I'd drifted so far away in my fucking Rose radar that my phone call with Alice had been momentarily forgotten, despite the heated, plastic technology pressed against my ear.

"Um, Britney. Some shit about being unusual and angels."

"My ring tone is 'Unusual You'? Wow. What's yours? I'm guessing that's why you needed to compare to mine." She's way too fucking perceptive for anyone's own good.

"'1, 2, 3, 4' – Plain White T's."

"Oh," Recognition dawned and Ali had begun to sing the chorus. "There's only one thing to do, three words for you, I love you. There's only one way to say those three words and that's what I'll do - I love you, I love you. Give me more loving from the very start, piece me back together when I fall apart-"

"Yes, Alice – yes. That's the song." This 'I love you' shit had spun my head into a tornado.

I'd realized, though, if anyone were going to find the hidden meaning – if there even is any, douche – it would be the shrewd lady at the other end of the line.

"Do you think the ring tone selections could mean something?" I'd felt ridiculous for asking, but it seemed easier to find out Alice's assessment than to dig for info from Rose.

"Of course. There's always a motivation behind choices like that. Hmm, well, she chose my song cause she knows I'll never screw her over, and, really Em, you already know why she picked that song – by your favorite band no less – for you. Do you want me to spell it out?"

"She loves me." I'd only been able to whisper. So much hung on each of those words for me.

She – my girl. Loves – gah, do I know what that is? Me – motherfucking Emmett Cullen.

"For a surprisingly long time." A long time. In love with me.

If I'd been able to pin point love it would absolutely have to be something close to the way she'd overtaken my life. Ruled me, remade me.

Emmett and Rosalie Cullen.

I'd snatched that all too perfect reflexive idea back before it could fester. Obviously my fucking head had spiraled out of control and landed in Crazy Town.

"How fucking absurd was it for me to drag you into this, Ali – sorry. I should have put two and two together on my own, not call and bug you."

"Yeah, especially when you can just look at people's selected ring tone in the contacts menu." She laughed quietly at my rash actions. Well, we both laughed at me and it felt good to share the joy I was overwhelmed with at that moment without having to explain where it was actually coming from. "You didn't bother me. Night, Emmett."

"Night, Shorty."

That phone call had ended over an hour ago, but the understanding I'd gained since Alice and I hung up didn't waver as my hand turned the cool metal doorknob.

Rosalie was what I walked towards now.

Emmett and Rosalie Cullen? I wished I knew where that thought had come from.

RPOV

I was so cold. So cold and so, very late.

Please don't be mad at me, honey. Please see my pain and just be here for me, I plead silently with the suite door as I waited for Emmett to answer, in what I assumed would be a concerned and frustrated state.

I was supposed to have arrived over two hours ago. Two and a half hours ago. Yeah, but then Jasper happened. Him, my mind growled out.

I'd left Em to his studies with every intention of running a couple errands when the gray sky opened up to pour every last drop of nature's equivalent to sorrow over my awaiting head. And my mind immediately began to grind away at the longstanding emotional wall.

It wasn't supposed to rain today. So much wasn't supposed to happen that inevitably did. We had no control; a life could become a freak storm and there was no accessible 'off' lever, just like during today's downpour.

So I'd stopped, absorbed. Fermented in the water as the erosion it caused on my resolve turned disastrous. And the floodgates just crashed open.

I had no idea how long I'd been perched – drowning on the outside as well as the in - underneath that oak, but when he randomly walked up I knew I couldn't push aside the interior churning any longer. The irony of him actually materializing while I arrived at the culmination of my breaking point was unavoidable.

And the truth had flowed forth.

"Rosie, baby. I've been worried." The door was open and Emmett towered over my slumping body. Both of his large arms encased me, pulling us both into the entryway.

He'd never addressed me that way outside of sex, outside of our lovemaking. Rosie. Unknowingly, Emmett had just given me exactly what I needed in that moment more than heat, the one thing more critical to my sustained life than even air.

I knew he didn't know so yet, but his love was what made me capable of confronting Jasper. Emmett's devotion and affection were my stronghold.

His warm skin connecting with mine helped reality dawn. I was freezing.

A trail of mud mapped our route from the entryway to the bathroom. Embarrassment for the dirty, and emotional, mess racked my already exhausted shell.

"I'm so sorry." Shaking and shivering, I made it quite difficult for Em to maneuver me between the pristine counter tops and toilette.

"Why are you so muddy and wet, baby? What the hell happened to you?"

"I was just sitting outside." My teeth were chattering and I chided myself for being so careless with my own physical well being. Why care about physicality when you've accosted yourself emotionally for years? I told myself to shut the fuck up. I mean, really, I had made amazing strides with Jasper tonight.

"For how long? Since you left? Where you by yourself? Fuck Rosalie, this could make you really sick." Concern strained his voice and pulled my heartstrings tight.

"I'm sorry." I was. But only for worrying him. I'd take the risk of frostbitten fingers or hypothermia to relieve myself from bondage any day. The time for healing had long since past. But I said it again because my healing shouldn't cause him pain in the process.

"Shush, baby. It'll be okay." My lover's strong arm held me around the middle as he leaned over the tub to test the water temperature. I watched the bubbles begin to gather as my pants were peeled off and set in the sink. The rest of my clothing quickly followed and before I knew differently, I was propped against Emmett's broad chest, shoulder deep in a hot bath.

We just soaked for a long while, breathing deeply as he massaged feeling back into all of my extremities.

"I told Jasper everything that I feel about him. About how he's mistreated and misunderstood me all of these years. I needed him so much, Em." I let out a dry sob, as all the wet ones had been used up for about the next two months.

"Bella's mom had been my only friend growing up. When she died I lost my big sister, mother, best friend and soul mate in one cancerous swoop. Back then I wasn't the Rosalie you've known at Fremont."

"You're not really that girl anymore, Rose." His words reminded me of our progress, of my new leaf.

"I know, and I wasn't back then either. I was just a streamline girl. Bookish, too tall and thin, but adored and accepted by Renee. She'd made it bearable to have Jasper choose Bella, to have him love and connect with our cousin more than me. He's never been a brother, and well, I've told you about our parents." It felt freeing to share this, to speak the words and know without a shadow of doubt it was by borrowed strength that I was managing. "I really think I hate him, Em. I honestly can't explain the blackness that invades me when I think of how I waited for him to walk down the hallway and knock – just make some fucking attempt to console me about Aunt Ren. He just never came."

"He screwed up big time." I leaned forward as Emmett used a large cup to wet my hair before lathering shampoo onto my stiff scalp. "Is there a future for your relationship? He is your twin, baby."

"I'm just concentrating now on letting go of the past."

"I think that's a good first step." He didn't even know how encouraging and motivating his sentiments were. Just in that simple phrase I knew he expected me to be the bigger person and eventually forgive Jasper's continual dickery. But he wouldn't push, just support.

And this was it. He had to feel it too.

So with my hair soap free and the warmth having spread to every corner of my body I turned and faced my man.

"Emmett," I breathed into his mouth as I searched his eyes.

"Wait."

"Yes?"

"Me first."

There were no words, so I just jittered my head up and down in agreement. He felt it too.

"I love you, Rosie." He was so sure. If I hadn't known what it meant not to have real, honest love his words would have meant less. As it was, they were everything I'd never known until now.

"Emmett." The last remaining wet sob broke free, knowing only this moment could be deserving of any more tears. This was what my life had been building up to for years.

"I love you."

And he kissed me like it was our first, his arms seeming to wrap around me multiple times - though I still needed him closer.

"More, Em."

And without another word, Emmett lifted me up only to pull me down again filling me in one motion to utter completion.

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-Sunday, After Dark-

JPOV

I felt warm all over.

Without putting out the effort to lift my heavy eyelids, I slowly acclimated to whatever was surrounding me purely based on my other reliable senses: hearing, touching and smelling.

A window was open, if not just a crack, and a mix of distant laughter and the pitter-patter of steady raindrops wafted in with the cool, fresh air. Something was tangled around my body, much too tight for comfort, though it was soft. The blanket.

And I wasn't alone.

Arms. There were defiantly arms holding me, fingers grazing my skin and hot breaths rhythmically bathing my bare chest. The person attached to the cradling limbs inhaled rapidly, so I knew they weren't asleep.

My head was buried deep in a plush pillow and nuzzled against silky hair that tickled my face. The scents of honey and baby power wafted up my nose, lingering and dispelling my tight muscles and dull headache.

Even without recognizing the simple feminine sigh, it had been obvious that the sweet, relaxed body pressing into every inch of my own was Alice. I'd known basically from the moment I felt her little fingers dance along my arm.

She was too good to me.

"Good morning." I kept still while allowing my eyes to find her, to drink my beautiful girl in. But the light in Ali's dorm room was minimal; nothing but the breeze and noise cascaded in through the open window.

"Good evening's more like it." The evening hour helped explain the lack of daylight to my befuddled mind. But, shit, that would mean I'd slept for close to twenty-four hours.

"What time is it?" My arms felt like tree trunks as I stretched them out one at a time, not wanting to let go of Alice's tiny, comforting frame. Swallowing, I realized there was a good chance my tongue had turned into a cotton ball. Or maybe sandpaper?

"Six … on Sunday." Desperately trying to flood my mouth with saliva, it occurred to me that this whole day had been wasted. I could have been spending this precious weekend time with the angel engulfed in my hug. Instead, I chose to break down and mourn and go all fucking comatose. Poor girl must have been bored.

"You've laid here this entire time?"

"I did get up to shower and find us some food. You slept straight through my trips in and out and the squeaky bed springs. You must have been exhausted."

Worry crinkled at her brow, marring Alice's otherwise flawless features. My thumb made contact with the weary, crumpled skin in an effort to erase the unease I was causing her. I deserve no one's concern.

"Please, Alice. Everything will be okay."

"What is everything?" Her question rattled my brain, echoing all of the issues at hand between my ears.

I just couldn't explain everything; like, I literally found it verbally impossible to conjure up all of the necessary words it would take to explain what a massive douche bag I was – and have apparently always been.

I was also about to wet myself - and unfortunately Alice by proximity - from the twenty-four hour, uninterrupted sleep binge if I didn't find a toilette stat.

"Is there a men's bathroom on this floor?"

"Oh, well no. Not on this floor. But everyone should be heading to dinner soon, maybe I can sneak you into the girls'." She didn't seem upset whatsoever by my efforts, and physical need, to redirect the conversation.

I quickly gathered the blanket around my body, trying not to give Alice a show, as she grabbed my dry clothing and led us into the hall all tiptoe-like and stealth mode.

With a borrowed towel, toothbrush, cinnamon Colgate, shampoo and soap ready to be put to full use, I left Alice standing watch outside and headed into the deserted restroom to pee and clean up – in that order.

My skin felt grimy from the dried rainwater, my face still streaked from the tears. I lost all thought as the searing water beat down on my back and shoulders and I began lathering my hair and body. In a rush I'd jumped into the nearest shower - the only tiled four-by-four, in a line of many, that didn't have a privacy curtain. With Ali redirecting any unwanted guests, it didn't occur to me to care about the seven minutes of exposure. That was until I opened my relaxed and distracted eyes to find Alice within full view of my soapy, nakedness – staring. Fucking, open-mouth gaping.

Somehow I was more amused than self-conscious, while I registered the glass in her eyes a look of unadulterated lust and the tongue licking her lips an indication of appreciation. Maybe desire. Maybe I fucking didn't care what her tongue wetting her lips fucking meant as long as it was good. When I'm hard and ready to go I apparently say 'fuck' a lot.

The circumstance seemed to click inside her brain as she began to stutter and back away, though I did notice her eye line remained trained on my abs or ass or dick – I couldn't be sure which for certain. What I was positive of, however, was that I loved how it felt to know she couldn't stop looking. Fuck. Every following coherent idea had me stepping out, pulling her under the piping hot water naked and holding her up against any of the three shower walls and just – dammit - fucking her thoroughly. Knowing I could and she'd probably let me, and how the cries it'd illicit would become my new sustenance caused my confidence to soar.

"I'm so sorry. I thought I heard you calling me and I never thought you'd be um … in here … without, um … a curtain. Shit. I, god - Jasper. Wow."

And her backing away turned into walking through the exit door, leaving me hard and alone in Queen Anne's third floor communal girl's bathroom.

APOV

Whythehellareyouleavingthisbathroom?

I had no control left to even allow pause between my words and thoughts. Otherwise, I'd be sure to stop my well-intentioned retreat and go back into the steamy, empty restroom effectively skipping all the talking I had planned for the two of us. There would be so little talking if I went right back in there. Unless he's particularly vocal? Mmm … dirty taking Jasper – STOP.

I fixed myself at the door, still on lookout duty, as my chest maintained a constant heave and my mind reeled.

I could never have imagined Jasper would look, could be, that he might possibly put every man in the universe to shame … literally.

And I'd seen him in nothing but a Speedo on more occasions than I'd be able to possibly count. But knowing I was the only one there with him, as he privately washed himself, and then the nakedness. Sudzy ass and hipbones and …

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I absentmindedly pressed on the seam of my jeans to create a little friction, clenching my kegel muscles as I did, basically willing myself to get a grip. And not on the exceptionally well-pronounced erection I'd just walked out on. But on my shaky resolve. Control.

We had things to share, discuss. Jasper had shown up at my door an absolute mess last night, needing me but not opening up one iota. He had a heavy heart and I didn't want to be an escape; rather, I hoped to become the destination.

But while I floated away on the thought tangent of 'wants' the bathroom door swung open and a damp, intrigued Jasper stepped out.

The towel he'd used was acting as a pouch for all of the borrowed toiletries and his dried, but musty, clothing hung from his built frame awkwardly. Striding silently beside him, I inhaled what seemed to be a mixture of my products and his natural musk. There would never be a better scent than that.

"So, now you've seen me naked." He meant it as a joke. I knew he did. But the effects of his proximity and previously exposed body, and every ounce of control Jasper had over me, were completely serious.

"Yes, yes I have." My breathing hitched.

"I think that is completely unfair." I loved playful Jasper, and if his words wouldn't have been laced with a genuine dissatisfaction I might have been able to play along.

This experience, along with the innuendo of his words, answered some of my most insecurity-riddled questions.

He'd enjoyed my walking in on him. He wanted to see me naked. He did want me in that way.

I locked my door behind us as I directed him back towards the bed.

All trace of light had faded from the sky, which would have been just visible beyond my sheer white curtains, so I flicked on a low wattage lamp. Earlier I'd hunted down some dinner food; preparing for his sleeping jag to continue as it had through breakfast and lunch, successfully keeping us both from dinning in the Refectory all day.

Spreading out a thin blanket, I began to pop the tops off of different containers and dish their contents onto two plates. I heated everything up and turned to find him pouring us both something to drink and making himself comfortable for our floor picnic.

If his need to use the bathroom was any indication of his need for food there was a good chance I'd be handing over my plate once his was licked clean. The bathroom walls were paper thin – Jasper must have peed for four minutes straight.

"You must be famished."

"I am." But instead of digging in, he leaned over our dinner and captured my lips with his.

This past month we'd had extensive kissing practice, but it never seemed to matter if it was the first or thirtieth of the day, as each new kiss began I always responded with a shiver. It was continually more surreal processing that I was actually with Jasper, the man in my childhood drawing, and how we fit together more perfectly than I could have ever dreamed.

Never assuming the only human rendering I'd drawn was a sign of any kind of hidden meaning made seeing him that first day of sophomore year, and his unquestionable likeness to my art, more akin to the storyline of a fairytale.

But this girl didn't need a fucking Prince Charming. Jasper could whip Charming's ass.

His tongue was warm and minty as it molded with mine, exploring my mouth fully but occasionally retreating to linger across my bottom lip or trace the edge of my teeth. Passion was building behind every one of Jasper's movements and all too quickly he'd sat us back down in front of our cooling food, indicating that we should eat.

"Thank you for bringing back dinner for us." My eyes trailed from his flushed cheeks to his hands, as I discreetly watched the fingers of the left one tug at his pant leg. Hold that thought, Jasper darling. I'd somehow regained my own composure and knew the talking bit needed to come next. I didn't figure he'd begin, so I led.

"Thank you for choosing me to come to when life is kicking your ass."

Jasper took a few bites, looking off into the corner of my dimly lit room. He didn't say anything for quite a few minutes and I was nervous he'd chosen to ignore my subtle non-question.

"I've really ruined things with Rosalie." He stated quietly, just before I finally resolved myself to his silence.

"Yesterday? Did you two fight?" I tread carefully.

"We did fight, and no, not yesterday. Okay, well actually yes, I was an ass yesterday but also every other day, it seems." Jasper's head hung low enough for his chin to almost make contact with his clavicle. Shoulders slumped, I'd never seen him look so defeated.

Rosalie and Jasper's maladjusted relationship had always been blatant and heartbreaking. I'd originally thought neither of them cared and that was what allowed such apathy to perpetuate. But the more I loved them both, it became increasingly apparent the impact it had on Rose. Jasper's inability to see his downfall, his mistreatment of her, and her inability to voice the pain it caused created this never ending cycle that they both had resolved to live with; neither ever grasping the destruction such dysfunction caused. Theirs was an unnatural way.

I knew going into my friendship with Rose that she would have to learn and grow on her own terms. I had only the experience of a sister, whom I'd lost years ago, so the idea of a brother and twin was completely foreign to me. She had been handling and allowing it for so long I didn't know if things would ever change.

I guess love alters every corner of your heart, if you let it.

"She's needed you for a long time."

"I realize that now." I tucked my hand under his ear, slowly coaxing his face up so I could look into his eyes.

"You'll make things better from here on out, Jasper. You can't rectify the past but you can make your relationship strong for the future."

"She's just harboring so much hate and bitterness." His voiced cracked as it moved over the word hate. The strength of her feelings was the salt in my troubled boyfriend's wounds.

"Only she can choose to change that, Jas. Your job is to be a different kind of brother, a true twin to her. Just care. It'll take time, but I know you can grow to be what she needs."

I wouldn't let him think it was his job to fix her. We can only choose to improve ourselves.

A deep breath of air was inhaled and released in a gust just as quickly.

"And then there's Bella."

Ah. Bella. Their bond was so easy for me to understand; yet Jasper's incessant need to coddle and protect her was baffling. He hadn't yet accepted that she was her own person – basically an adult. He wouldn't be able to shelter her this way forever.

"Bella, or Bella and Edward?"

In my opinion, Edward's reformation was a phenomenon. A fucking brilliant miracle. It made me proud beyond words. His about-face and uncanny ability to cherish and be patient for Bella to return all he was giving, astonishing. I hadn't thought he'd be capable of it so soon; one day, but certainly not while we were at Fremont Park Preparatory.

"Bella, as well as what being 'Bella and Edward' might be doing to her."

I didn't want to fight him on this point. Jasper had explained multiple times that the rest of us just couldn't discern Bella's patterns. We weren't familiar with her limitations, nor were we well versed in the inevitable fall out of said boundaries once disrupted. The four of us didn't know her as he did; who was I to argue?

A tense quiet settled over us, dinner by this point had been completely abandoned. I cleared everything away slowly as he sifted through the mental layers. His following words stopped all movement.

"I can't ever let my family down again, Alice."

The cool steal of his resolve was staggering. Those are words I'd bet my life on.

Jasper had never spoken with such conviction. It made me want to be his family. Someday.

"You are human, Jasper. Just do the best you can; love with as much as you have to love with, 'kay?" Me too, love me too.

I was instantly warm all over as Jas sought out my hand and sandwiched it between both of his much larger palms.

"I know everything has been so out of control lately; I can't help but wonder if things had remained as they were if I'd still be sitting here with you right now."

"I think maybe we might have still ended up here." My year of pining away for this boy as he yearned equally made me certain we would have found our way to one another, eventually.

"That's what I'd hope, but why do you sound more sure than your words let on?" There was more of course. Yes, we'd carried significant torches for the other but I also had my drawing. That weighed in heavily on the scale of my Jasper certainty.

From my dedication to proceed, I felt instantly nervous. Shut it, girl, you've been waiting for this very moment.

I felt a little twirly – head bobbing and hands clenching and releasing with rapid succession in my lap. I prayed my eyes weren't bugging out of my face, but instead of risking such exposure I moved towards the storage bin beneath my bed.

"Well, I've been meaning to share this with you – actually, since the first time I brought you back to my dorm. Remember that night? Anyway, please don't freak out – just tell me what you see."

Slowly I handed Jasper the long since framed drawing of the man that was indeed him.

"Well, this is me in my school uniform. You are so adorable, and obviously have a phenomenal memory. I've never sat for you before. In fact, I didn't even know you drew portraits."

I realized, after seeing little stars pop up against my vision, that I'd been holding my breath. Steadying myself with much needed air I answered.

"I don't. I mean, that's the only one I've ever sketched."

"Well, that's an honor, Beautiful. How long have you had this?" So sweet, so touched, so unaware.

Gulp.

"Over five years." The whispered response sounded like shouting to my hyper conscious ears. I think I even winced slightly.

"Over five years … what?" His voice was shock straight through. Maybe I was wincing in anticipation of that.

Honesty was a bitch. Especially when the bitch made you look crazy.

"Jasper, I drew this man when I was in fifth grade. I'd never sketched a person before, haven't drawn anyone since. I never knew what it meant or who he was but I spent hours just staring, memorizing every line of his face – every detail became burned into my memory. So, when I saw you that first day of sophomore year, I knew without a doubt that you were the man in my drawing." He didn't look scared, he even moved closer to me on the blanket, touching more of my body as he drew nearer. So I continued.

"I felt insane; I sort of still do. But since that day, matching a name to the face I'd found impossible not to record and study for years, I've felt as though there was never a time I didn't know you. Actually being your girlfriend now feels impossibly like actualized destiny, or something. I just so desperately want to be with you, for you to confide in me - to be together in every way. You know I've never – I haven't been with anyone before. I do want you to be my first. And my last. I'm sorry, is this freak-"

"Alice. You saw me, in fifth grade, as I would look the first time we'd meet? And here I was thinking I could never bring you all you deserve and expect – I couldn't have been more right."

"No, Jasper. No."

I grabbed both sides of his pained face in my hands and lowered myself into his lap, my legs circling his waist so we'd have no option but remaining face to face.

"Just as you are, exactly what you have to offer. That is all I need. We'll learn together."

He was embarrassed that he was a virgin, but how absurd was it to derail over something we both were? How could this get better than giving simultaneously something that would only be gifted once?

"We'll learn together?" He was asking my permission, something he'd already been granted a lifetime over.

JPOV

Alice.

She was it.

All of it.

Joy, kindness, passion, beauty - a future I could rest in. She had every piece.

Suddenly my lap didn't seem close enough, I thoroughly wanted inside her. Beneath her skin, caught in her inspired mind, anywhere and everywhere she'd allow me to intrude.

Of their own accord, my fingers crept to the soft skin of her back, the blouse she worse suddenly a barrier I chose to dismiss.

"I don't know how it's possible, but if anyone could predict their future it would sure as hell be you, Alice Brandon." I chuckled quietly attempting to dispel the intensity of the moment. It was time to calm down because this was my moment. And I wanted to grab a hold of it with both hands, steady and lovingly.

"You are my future." Music to my ears.

"I'd like to be." So much. Everyday, Alice. Help me show you.

"I'm glad." And almost as if she'd heard my request, her head bent lower in correspondence with her words, capturing my neck in between her full, parted lips. Ali's warm tongue swirled along my skin as her kisses trailed down my shirt.

The concept of learning together was terrifying but had been just what I needed to hear. I could show her how much I adored her, but only because it was Alice and she'd never judge me unfairly. Just as I would never do so to her.

Up and over, I pulled my shirt off because there was nothing I wanted more than to fucking feel every one of this angelic girl's kisses.

"Jasper, you have no idea how often I think about you like this." This declaration came between the kissing and sucking she'd begun to administer between my pecks.

"Shirtless?" My question sounded more like a croak than an actual word.

"Shirtless, pantless, clothingless and with only me. I have wanted you this way for longer than I can remember."

Holy fucking fuck.

"Alice, god. Me too, I've just been nervous." It was becoming increasingly easier to just allow whatever I was thinking to tumble out - uncensored confessions.

"So have I. We'll go slow." Her mouth returned to mine as she demonstrated the slow speed she spoke of purposefully with her open mouth and deep seeking tongue.

I was encased painfully in my pants and wanted nothing more than to toss her tiny, flexible body every which way in search of the most erotic way to see every inch of her.

"I don't know if I can go slow once things get started." But things had already begun, first with my shirt and now with hers as she tossed the thin material behind both our heads.

"Then we will go fast." Standing, her fingers found the button on her jeans and both legs were out in a flash, leaving her in only a minuscule yellow thong.

Fast meant that thong would be flying off in two point eight seconds. It also meant less of everything for her. I fucking didn't want it to be like that.

"Fast isn't supposed to be that great … for you."

"Being with you is what I want. And don't think I won't have you inside me every chance I get from here on out. We have time to practice." Both of her hands bent behind her back to unclasp her simple white bra.

The most beautiful breasts I'd ever seen, personally or in any form of media, slowly filled my vision. Alice was a petite girl, a petite girl whose breasts were completely disproportionate to her body. Maybe it was just because they were perfectly round that they were deceptively small beneath clothes. Magnificent.

"Fuck." I muttered, completely transfixed.

If I thought seeing her in this degree of naked, only an arms length away from me, would illicit such a reaction, her fingers working my pants zipper made every future 'fuck' an unsatisfying absolution.

"Ali." I felt stuck between overactive mind and underactive motion. I willed my body to take over, to give, but I was wondrously petrified.

Over my ass both my pants and underwear went. I had nothing left to remove, whereas Alice's yellow panties seemed to be winking at me. Taunting. I knew I'd end this before anything spectacular happened if I concentrated too hard on what was hidden beneath that teeny triangle.

As close to an out-of-body experience as I'd ever encountered, I pulled her towards me and us together onto the bed. I didn't want to hide any part of her from my sight, but I also didn't want her to get cold so I pulled the covers back and let them partially cover us as my chest finally connected with hers.

Taut, warm nipples hit first as my weight slowly created the most tantalizingly meshed cleavage imaginable. Suddenly, my plan to enjoy and experience every sensation seemed like a sure fire overload situation and the concept of 'fast' seemed my only option.

I went to help Ali relax on her back but she had other ideas. Shifting onto her heels, both of her hands pushed my shoulders down, flush with the sheets. I could see every deep, hurried breath she took and how they shook her chest, and then I went blind.

My cock was now most certainly in her little hand, so soft, so hard. I didn't trust myself to look.

I felt her lick the tip and my gasp only seemed to intensify her moan. The entire head was engulfed in warm now and all I could see - the only image left in my mind - was me buried between legs, balls deep in my amazing girlfriend.

I heard the wrapper and knew I was about to pass through the pearly gates. My angel, so confident, so mine, rolled the condom down and I had to look into her eyes as my hand snapped apart the elastic on the beastly yellow barrier.

"Come here."

I wound my hands into her hair and hugged her tightly to the length of my body before turning to press her deep into the mattress. With as much desire I could communicate in a kiss, I dove into her teeth colliding, tongues winding into one, breath raging out of control.

My fingers slipped between her thighs for the first time and found her bare and wet and fuckgood. I almost wanted to cry knowing how I'd only feel pleasure and she would undoubtedly encounter pain.

"You're so gentle." She was reminding me she was ready, even for the pain.

So I pulled my fingers away, and pressed inside slowly, waiting for the barrier. But it never came.

"Alice?"

"I was an equestrian as a kid. I guess Tawny got there before you." I tried to laugh, but I guess knowing the discomfort would be minimal sent Alice thrusting up, completely sheathing herself around me. Somehow stars were the only thing shooting out of me, for the moment at least.

"Just a sec." God, I would fucking loose it if I couldn't catch my breath.

She was hot and tight and squeezing the shit out of me. Pulsing. Throbbing. Her, me, together. Finally.

"I love how you feel, Jas. Please move."

So I did. And the plan was followed because slow was completely impossible.

I could feel myself slapping against her skin, with every backwards motion I was allowed to relive entering her over and over and over again. I'd already outlived my expectations for myself and I'd just never felt so fucking right in my whole life.

Kissing and praising and grabbing every inch of skin I could find kept me loving and not fucking my angel. And my eyes, they never left hers.

So when I noticed her hand move between us, and a couple of her fingers grazed my shaft as I moved in and out, I knew what she was doing and I was done for.

"I'm going to come, Angel."

"I will too." And I tried to wait, to prolong it, but the moment her walls even hinted at clenching I was coming hard and thrusting harder.

I heard her scream out, or perhaps it had been me. Either, both; it didn't matter.

I didn't stop once I'd finished because she hadn't, her orgasm went on considerably longer than mine. I knew the guy was responsible for getting his girl off first, but with my distraction out of the way I was able to watch. And Alice Brandon coming had immediately become the number one wonder of my world.

Thoroughly spent, I rested my cheek on Ali's stomach as I gingerly pulled out, her entire body quaking against mine as it experienced subtle aftershocks.

Instead of sitting up, because that option hadn't returned to my unstable limbs, I inclined my chin so I could find out what she was thinking.

Looking into her eyes now made me realize my message had been successfully conveyed. We were in complete love with each other; our bodies had just consummated it, our actions promised it, each pair of eyes conveyed it – swam in it; any words would simply trivialize it.

This love, ours, was transcendent.

And that was more than enough, because, in our unique case, those three little words had been rendered a hopeless understatement.

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A/N: Please leave me your thoughts! ~RAE

P.S. If you've been patiently anticipating some BxE, the next chapter is your fracking dessert, mmmkay? Oh, and everyone will want to read the outtake – posted with Chapter 19 - before consuming the next update … Loves!