Chapter 8: December 14, 1937

The soldier had presented me to the Emperor like I was some wife to be. I will never forget how strange that was. To think only a few hours ago I had been in China and now I was in Japan, staying in a room in the palace. All night I had thought about running off, like I did in the barn, but where would I go? I was not IN Japan. There was no escaping her.

At least I was being held in the most amazing palace castle imaginable. The ceilings were high and parts seemed still under construction. Nevertheless, it was beautifully decorated with items from across the globe. There were large jade statues, elephant tusks, and stuffed animals. My room was sort of plain. There was some artwork on the walls, but it wasn't nearly as decorated as the halls.

Akio was still sleeping, I imagined. I looked out my small window and could enjoy some of the palace grounds. It was very lush and extravagant. My eyes averted as I remembered my family. Everyone must have thought I was dead…it was only natural.

There was a man at the door and he bid the guard off duty. I recognized his voice and once the soldier was gone he came inside.

"What can you tell me of my family? Are they still alive? Does the Safety Zone still stand?"

He sat down next to me, "I don't know about the rest of your family, but the Safety Zone would not be touched. Your family there will be safe. As for the Chinese army…it's been decimated. Any survivors have likely died anyway. Was your father fighting?"

I nodded feeling paralyzed with grief, "and my older brother."

Without thinking I wrapped my arms around him and cried. To my surprise he put his arms around me and said nothing.

My tears were for my father and brother, for my mother who was now alone.

"I need to go back to her. My mother needs me. I am all she has left, Akio. Please?" I begged him as hard as he could, but he pushed me away.

"You know I can't do that. The Emperor will decide what to do with you. You are a gift to him to show that we have fought and we have conquered China," he stood up.

"I am NOT a trophy!" I yelled at him and tried to strike him across the face, but he grabbed my wrist.

"Behave yourself. Remember where you are. Perhaps if you are nice to him, he will show mercy to you. Just…." he paused, "don't make stupid mistakes. Not now."

"Do you think my father and brother are the only ones I've lost to your stupid invasion? Unlike you, I am not afraid to die!" I pulled my wrist from his grip. "You Japanese are demons. You destroy everything and for what? Dominance? To show you are better than them? Do you really think you can take over world? One day you are going to anger the wrong people and you will pay greatly."

I spoke to him like I was speaking to all of Japan. I was feeling so bold in that moment. For some reason I knew that Akio wouldn't hurt me and I think he really understood what I meant. While I fought for my country, he seemed to separate himself from his.

"I'm sorry for what has happened to you," he whispered and left the room to go stand guard.

"Thanks," I went to the bathroom and washed face in hopes of making the puffiness go down. My reflection stared back at me in the mirror and I could hear my mother telling me to be strong.

I knew what was going to happen to me. It would have been stupid to think that I would be treated with respect.

It wasn't much after that I was taken away from my temporary room to a large great room. At the end sat the Emperor on an elaborate old throne; he seemed so much younger than I thought he would. Akio took me down the red carpet and bowed. When I refused he made me bow to the ruler.

The entire conversation was conducted in Japanese and I had no idea what was being said. Not even the tone of their voice gave me any assurance. My eyes stayed to the ground as I hoped he would show mercy. Surely he could not be as ruthless as those soldiers mutilating my friends and family. He probably had no idea what was taking place across the sea. These shoes they made me wear were starting to hurt my feet. I hoped this would be over soon.

Then suddenly I was taken away from Akio's side by two other guards and led away. I looked over my shoulder at him…his face was expressionless.

Akio

I watched the Emperor's men take her away. He accepted the gift from our general. This meant she was certainly going to become another slave of the palace. That way, whenever he saw her it would be a reminder of his strength, his countries' strength as it was able to conquer China and the Western forces that occupied it.

As for me, he let me stay in Japan for now and visit with my family. He also offered me to stay in the palace as a guest for a few days. It was an honor I didn't quite understand, but couldn't refuse. I thanked him with a respectful bow and left the great hall to go home and visit my family.

It had been a few years since I had seen my family. I was happy that they didn't live too far from the Emperor's palace in the city of Tokyo.

They saw me and at first they were confused…probably thought they were seeing things. I took off my helmet and my little sister ran and jumped into my arms.

My mother had her hands to her mouth and it looked like she was shaking. I had never seen her so happy as she moved towards us.

I explained to her why I was back and she almost fainted, but my father caught her. He was proud of me…proud that I was receiving a rare honor by staying in the Emperor's palace.

They welcomed me inside the house and we all sat around while I told them about China. I told them only good things…they didn't need to know the extent of the horrors I faced. They didn't need to know about the pain on the faces of people as they begged for their lives. Although my parents could already sense I wasn't the same boy that had left Japan two years ago.

My mother was already insisting that I marry before going back to duty. I tried not to laugh too hard. I was actually happy about going away to fight because my parents were insisting I marry.

"I'll think about it," I grinned and talked some more until it was dinner time.

My family hated seeing me leave, but it would have been rude to not return to the palace. I went to my room and dressed down in preparation for bed.

The problem was I couldn't get Yue out of my head. I wondered where she was, if she was scared, and what she was thinking. This transition had to be rough for her, but I kept reminding myself that she was alive and lucky to have that assurance. When I closed my eyes I pictured her in that kimono. She looked so beautiful, even for a Chinese woman. That was the point that I realized I had fallen in love with her.

Quickly I dismissed those thoughts and turned onto my side. Foolish. I didn't love her. I couldn't love her even if I wanted to. To love her would make me the joke. Finally I got frustrated and left my room in search of a beer. I needed something to clear my head.

It was then by some twisted fate that I saw her there. She was already in slaves clothes with her hair put back. Yue was cleaning tables and collected beer bottles and glasses. I could tell they had already whipped her; the blood on her back had soaked into the fabric. Faint red lines stripped down and some intersected each other.

She hadn't noticed me there yet. Perhaps she wouldn't recognize me in regular clothing. There was a look on her face that I had never seen before. It wasn't pain, hopelessness, or anger. It was difficult to describe. She seemed hollow. Her arms worked slowly as they cleaned the table. It was obvious that she was in no rush to complete her task.

I could feel my heart shattering into a million pieces as I felt guilt. I had brought this upon her. I brought her here, handed her over, and for this? There had to be another way.

I downed the rest of my beer and ordered two more. I carried the beer in my hand and another under my arm. As I walked by Yue I grabbed her with my free hand. I explained to her superior that I required a woman for the night. With a grin he agreed to it since she was done with her task anyway. Besides, the palace seemed to be in no shortage of slaves.

"Don't resist me..." I warned her.

Yue

This palace was bigger than I imagined. Once I was taken away from Akio they stripped me of the fancy robes and showered me in the most humiliating way. They didn't bother dressing me yet because they needed to punish me first. I was so confused. I had done nothing wrong, yet they whipped my back before clothing me. I had never been whipped before and for the first time I experienced real pain.

The robes were clean, but that didn't matter. My back was raw and in agony. They forced me to clean. I kept myself busy as I waited for orders to stop.

To avoid thinking of the pain I was in, I focused on how beautiful this place was. Everything had so much detail put into it. The tables seemed to have hand painted tiles. The glasses looked as though they were blown from a local maker. I tried to be delicate with them…the last thing I wanted was for one to break. Perhaps that was it! They beat me because now I knew what would happen if I disobeyed. I knew the punishment and did my absolute best to avoid it.

I had just sat up straight from cleaning a table when a man grabbed me. I didn't recognize him at first. When he spoke I realized who it was.

He took me to his room and closed the door behind him.

"Take off your clothes," he demanded.

My cheeks burned at the thought of what he may have been planning to do. Was he really going to do what he hinted to?

I did as I was told and removed the clothes. I stood there and he didn't speak for a moment and that worried me. I was about to ask if something was wrong when he broke the silence.

"Here…I got you something to drink," he handed me an open beer and without a passing thought I drank down half the bottle before setting it down.

"Lay down on the bed…on your stomach," he was gentler with his words this time.

Akio disappeared into the bathroom and came out with a small bowl and a cloth. He put the bowl on the nightstand dipped the cloth into it.

"This is going to sting a little bit, but try not to make any sounds." He applied the wet cloth to my wounds.

I hissed and for the most part took the pain quite well. Although I was more confused as to why he was doing this for me. Obviously he could be in serious trouble had someone found out.

"Why are you helping me?"

"You have a strong spirit and I'd hate to see them take that away from you. I also….haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Not since…seeing you in that barn. I've been debating with myself ever since in how to handle this. Although I've come to realize you probably despise me and want nothing to do with me."

I had never heard a person speak so honestly and from the heart. I sat up to face him. Studying his face, I saw he was very serious, nervous, and scared.

It was hard to for me to figure him out. I wasn't attracted to him physically because sometimes when I looked at him or listened to him speak Japanese…that fear rose up inside me. Although, the more I got to know Akio the more I came to realize he was not like that. He was not a demon and his kindness towards me and the risks he was taking showed that.

I swallowed hard before leaning in to kiss him. When he pulled away he cupped my face.

"If only things were different. Society would never accept this. Not mine. Not yours. I'm sorry Yue. I'm sorry that you've lost your family and that you are now forced to do slave work. That's not what I have wanted for you. I only wanted you away from the danger in Nanjing. I don't know why you were chosen, but perhaps the general saw the same thing in you that I do. Perhaps you're right…Japan will one day be punished for its cruelty and pride. I bet that day will be your first day of freedom."

I started to cry as I was so confused. First he said he had fallen in love with me, and with almost the same breath said we could never be together. "How could you do this to me? It's torture!"

He brushed a tear from my face, "I just needed to know if you felt the same. One day it will be our turn to have a life together. There is a Japanese saying: nodo mo to sugireba atsusa o wasureru. It goes something like: you forget the heat once it's down your throat. No matter how bad things are right now, things will get better and we'll forget all the bad stuff because we'll be happy. What do you say to that?"

"But isn't now the perfect time? You could fake your own death Akio...and my mom already thinks I'm dead. We could just…start a life somewhere else."

He chuckled a little as he seemed to be imagining it too. "That's not possible. I've thought about all the scenarios. I'm sorry, it just won't work."

Akio leaned in again and kissed me. It was a longer kiss, a final kiss. He stood back up and put the cloth on the table before dressing down and getting into bed.

With the lights out I couldn't see much. Lying on my stomach was most comfortable for my back. With the exhausting work and conversation I quickly fell to sleep. When I woke up he would be gone.

August 6, 1945

There was a lot of commotion in the palace. It had been eight years since I had seen Akio Tanaka, but he would write to me often. I was able to speak to a guard and make the arrangements once we had gotten to know each other. I think he thought it was cute, perhaps.

Akio did not go back to China or rejoin his division in the Philippines. Instead he was sent a training facility in Hiroshima to help prepare soldiers for deployment. He seemed to enjoy it there and was finally putting the images he saw from China behind him. I think he liked it even more because his mother wasn't able to force him into marrying someone.

It was a daily routine to hear about bombings. The U.S. was now involved in the war and they were dropping bombs all over Japan. It was all because the Japanese picked on the wrong country to attack. It reminded me of what I said to Akio. So when I heard the news…it should not have surprised me.

When I first heard about the bomb being dropped on Hiroshima, I collapsed onto the ground. Someone took me to the palace nurse and I woke up in a bed there.

"Is it true?" I asked her.

She nodded gravely and took my hand seeing me shake all over.

In my heart I knew he was gone. There was just no way we were going to be that lucky.

"If it's any comfort to you, they say they died instantly…no suffering."

I sniffled as I held back tears, "I need to go…I need to find him."

When I started to get up she gently pushed me back down on the bed.

"No, you can't…you must stay here. Besides, there's nothing left. The bomb destroyed everything. I hear no buildings were left standing. Certainly he is nothing but ash."

I thanked her coldly and she left me to take care of someone else. At that moment I let loose my tears and took out his last letter to me and reread it.

'That day will be your first day of freedom.' The words echoed in my head. This didn't feel like freedom.

Part of me still wanted to go just to see if it was true. How could I manage it out there anyway? I had no money and no real clothing. I didn't know my way around. I was trapped here. Moving onto my side I closed my eyes and cried…it was true, I had fallen in love with him. The war had brought us together and at the same time tore us apart.