Disclaimer: I do not own The Devil Wears Prada in any way shape or form. I do own a devil. Or should I say, I am a devil. I own myself, right? *checks copyright*

A/N: This is totally unbeta'd and is mostly just a little bit of fun as a tribute to several books which riff off today's world of digital communication. At least one thing in here is just a little implausible but reality should never stand in the way of sarcasm.

Apologies for the way email addresses come across. Such is the limitation of technology on this site.

Alas. One day this site will enter the 21st century.

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

Is it really de trop that I emailed everyone I know? I can't believe that it's my first day here. At the New York Times! I've dreamt about it since I was 10 but somehow reality is so much times better.

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

Well, clearly a sign of their utter desperation. What next, employing the homeless? Oh wait, with your fashion sense they may as well be.

PS. I didn't need to read this twice, you bloody cow.

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

Hey Em!

Is it too much to ask that Miranda answers my emails herself?

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

She is in a meeting. And even if she wasn't, she's better things to do. Like bang her head against the wall for 15 minutes instead. Although I distinctly remember experiencing exactly the same effects every time you opened your bloody gob.

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

CC: MPriestly at Runway dot com

Language, Emily. I'll expect a Starbucks on my desk the minute this abominable meeting ends. As you have time to chit chat to Andrea, I shall assume I won't be further swamped by a deluge of your incompetence?

Andrea, I am in a meeting.

Sent from my Blackberry

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com; MPriestly at Runway dot com

I'm really sorry, Miranda. We need to reschedule the Michael Kors shoot. One of the male models has food poisoning, bad prawns or something. Though only a total idiot would eat the week they're doing a cover. We can move the shoot to Thursday; reschedule Donatella and James Holt to Friday. It means pushing out dinner with Size 8 to 21:00.

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

People still EAT? How very 60s of them. Can't do dinner at 9 as I am stuck doing the graveyard shift.

PS. I see you hit Reply All again, Em. Although I am thoroughly enjoying the James Bondness of it all, I'm still a 4.

Sent from my Iphone

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com; MPriestly at Runway dot com

Emily, when I want an essay on why your writing will never feature in Runway, I'll ask for it.

Andrea, I'll expect you there.

Sent from my Blackberry

FishandChips: Bloody bollocks! Copied in that fat cow on an email to Miranda!

RioGirl: Which one?

FishandChips: Angelina Jolie! Who the bloody hell do you think?

RioGirl: Pass on my congratulations to Andy.

FishandChips: TRAITOR

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

Miranda, no can do. It's my first late shift and I am not going to blow it.

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

A different first shift comes to mind. I don't recall similar reservations.

Sent from my Blackberry

From: fishandchips at aol dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

Miranda just alluded to… I can't even write it.

BRB.

Going to find bleach so I can make myself vomit repeatedly until both the cube of cheese and that filthy image leaves my head.

What does she see in HER? I'm going to research midlife crisis.

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

Em, I'm pretty sure you meant to send this to Serena.

FishandChips: Fuckety Fuck!

RioGirl: |Again? *sigh* You can always stay at home and make those frog things I like.

FishandChips: Toad in the Hole?

RioGirl: That name still makes no sense.

FishandChips: Don't start.

From: ECharlton at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

I assumed that having left Runway you'd be up a size. At least. I've seen the Dunkin Donuts box delivered to your office. And let's be honest, your hips and sugar are like magnets.

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: ECharlton at Runway dot com

Ever heard of repelling magnets?

From: ECharlton at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

Are they paying you to Google?

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

What exactly am I expected to infer from this lack of response?

Sent from my Blackberry

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

You said you were in a meeting!

Sent from my iPhone

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

Yet *I* still find time to type an email. I see your already mediocre multi tasking skills have inexcusably regressed since you've left my tutelage.

Sent from my Blackberry

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

Really? That's not exactly what you said last night. ;-)

Sent from my iPhone

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To:ASachs at NYTimes dot com

What exactly does that eyesore mean?

Sent from my Blackberry

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

You've NEVER been sent a wink before?

Sent from my iPhone

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

Did we enter a temporal rift? That is the only answer to that inane question. I am Miranda Priestly. One doesn't wink at me unless they'd like to live out their remaining years on a research station in the North Pole.

Sent from my Blackberry

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

;-) :-) $} -'- ,-

Sent from my iPhone

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

That is utterly deplorable. What next - the Inaugural Address delivered in that entirely incomprehensible gibberish? I hope the girls aren't picking up these habits from you. The education system has already gone downhill enough.

Sent from my Blackberry

From: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

To: MPriestly at Runway dot com

Actually, I think someone's a little over the hil

Mail Deamon Failure: Sent message cannot be recalled.

PuppyEyes: Oh my God! I just sent an age joke to Miranda!

DougMuffin: Nice knowing you.

SohoArtist: Girlfriend, she must've grown a sense of humour… since she's dating you. *badoom boosh*

PuppyEyes: Miranda?

DougMuffin: Miranda?

PuppyEyes: Jinx. You owe me a coke.

DougMuffin: After that howler you made, I'll even throw in vodka free of charge.

SohoArtist: Usual place tonight?

PuppyEyes: If I am still alive. If not, tell my parents I love them. Oh and rescue the geranium.

SohoArtist: You bought a plant?

PuppyEyes: Three days ago.

DougMuffin: Okay, scratching plant rescue from list.

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

If you think you can buy my forgiveness with a stock standard bouquet of flowers

From: MPriestly at Runway dot com

To: ASachs at NYTimes dot com

Your apology borders on sufficient, if not efficient... as I am now behind on the layout and consequently will be forced to miss a meeting with Irv. The latteris the only reason that I'll entertain your company this evening.

From: Andy

To: Miranda

You know I have a key, right? Love you too. *kiss*

Sent via text message

From: Miranda

To: Andrea

Don't push your luck.

Sent via text message

FishandChips: I just found underwear…

RioGirl: So?

FishandChips: In Miranda's office…

RioGirl: Why were you in Miranda's office?

FishandChips: Trust you to focus on the least important point.

RioGirl: What is the point? They are probably from the La Perla spread.

FishandChips: They're a size 4.

RioGirl: Well, at least she's figured out the key to keeping Miranda happy.

FishandChips: Credit card details. ASAP. Does hydrochloric acid come in bulk?