The gunfire was still echoing in my ear…I'd always imagined the loud crack of a rifle as it shot, but never to the intensity it actually was. And with my Karabiner mounted on my shoulder, the trigger right next to my ear, the sound was earsplitting.
However, all the pain rattling about in my head was absolutely worth it. Neid's approving smile and nod told me that I was doing good, doing the right thing. A warm chill erupted down my spine when I saw my commanding officer do this - süße Wohlbefinden-Ausbreitung über mein komplettes Wesen.
The Stücke put up little resistance against our attack, a small operation that Neid jokingly referred to as 'die Reinigung des Hauses'.
Everything had begun in the morning, at our base. I'd been forcefully brought out of sleep and into the real world in a fit of shaking. Upon further inspection, however, I noticed that Zorn's hand was resting on my shoulder, his fingers wrapped around me. His eyes looked dead; they held that listless expression of someone who is stirred from sleep in total darkness.
He stared at me for a few moments, then slowly released my shoulder and scooted away from me. Both of his hands were folded into his lap, and his eyes darted to the floor. Versuchte er, meinen Blick zu vermeiden, oder war es etwas anderes? In any case, he was doing a good job of it.
"…He up yet, Zorn?" My morning mindset slowly realized that Nina was speaking. "Neid must've been in here an hour ago, and there'll be hell to pay if you two are late." Zorn didn't answer her, so I had to.
In the middle of a large yawn, I asked her, "What's going on…?" I couldn't see her, but knew she had to be smirking. The cot above my own rustled to the left.
"14th and 19th Infantry are going out on the hunt today," she replied, not wasting the time to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. "It'll be a grand adventure, and who knows; Sie könnten ein Andenken bekommen, wenn alles gesagt und getan wird." She laughed harshly and bitterly, her voice reverberating through the Sklavenheim.
"Pah." Someone, it had to be Alphonse, spat. I couldn't see him either. "You're always so sour. Besides, you didn't think that when you got here." And I didn't have to see him to know he was smiling wildly.
"Bumsen Sie, Alphonse," she told him quite bluntly. My face went red, and I swear I heard Lyra squeak at Nina's foul language. Zorn had his face in his lap, shaking himself back and forth in what I assumed was exasperation. "I don't believe anything he believes."
The room grew silent after Nina proclaimed this. The only sounds to interrupt the quiet consisted of Zorn and myself putting on our uniforms; while I dressed hurriedly, Zorn seemed to take his time, as though lost in space, and only just barely finished as I rushed out the Sklavenheim's door.
"Herankommen," I prompted Zorn. "We're gonna be late if you don't pick up the pace."
Still, though, the boy walked on ahead in a lethargic, floating manner. He blinked lazily, his purple eyes uncharacteristically dull. His mouth hung ajar as he absent-mindedly muttered, "I'm sorry. For earlier."
When I slowed down, I think I caught him off guard. As I neared him, he appeared to stumble forward over his own feet and awaken a little more. "What did you do?" I asked him when he was close enough.
Oddly, as soon as I'd asked, Zorn sped up. It was as if he was trying to avoid me. And that was something I wouldn't allow, seeing as he was one of the only people in the entire army I was familiar with (I imagine the other person would be Neid, but knowing his motivations, that wasn't necessarily a good thing). With fervor to match the boy's, I caught up and began to keep pace with him. "What are you sorry for?" I appealed to him once again.
It was easy to tell that Zorn desperately wanted to avoid the conversation I was prompting; I wouldn't let him. When he'd speed up, so would I. This continued down the halls, people giving us an assortment of funny looks as we continued our broken path to where Neid was waiting, no doubt annoyed at our lack of punctuality.
Finally, he snapped. After I, again, asked him, "What are you sorry for", he slowed and took a deep breath.
"When you woke up, I was…I mean, I…I never meant to…You don't want…" He clutched his skull with his hands, softly tearing at clumps of black hair. "Ich will nicht, dass Sie denken, dass ich eine Missbildung bin."
Maybe I stopped in my tracks for a split second; I don't know. What I do know is that I wrapped my arms around his stomach, pulling him in close. His heavy, quickened breathing was loud in my ears. Leaning in close to his head, I told him, "You're not a freak. You never will be." I allowed one of my hands to curl around one of his, and he grasped it tight. For a moment, I felt him squeezing me, almost taking comfort in my touch.
He disengaged from me after a few seconds. "Don't do that ever again, please." I was slightly taken aback by his words. But when he turned to me, I could see tears welling up in his eyes. "I know you don't like me that way…the way that I like you." The look of dejection was heavy in his eyes. "I've never felt this way about women – only about men. In the eyes of everyone, I am a freak. The only reason I'm not in the hands of Mengele is because Neid takes pity on me." He shook his head. "You're misleading me, and it's only going to make me feel worse."
I was left standing there, dumbfounded, as Zorn walked on. The only thing I wanted to do was to cheer him up…Of course I didn't mean it in that way, I was just concerned for him…
The question of what I'd done wrong weighed on my mind all through Neid's speech about how we were going to this village on behalf of the Fuhrer; how they were committing direct treason to his leadership; "Stücke" came up more than a few times, with Neid retching every single time he had to spit the word from his throat.
I didn't see Zorn at all on our way to the small village. Then again, seeing as he was in 19th Infantry and I was in 14th, why should I? Außerdem schien er zu darauf scharf auf der Unterhaltung irgendwie nicht. Still, though, the wonder of why I'd offended him to such a degree stayed fresh in my mind. It was there as I loaded my rifle full of loyalty, hatred, and lead; as I felt my boots squish into the mud and grass of a rain-drenched field. The huts were coming up on the horizon; people were already outside, doing such things as hanging up their laundry and tending to their crops.
From where I stood, I could clearly hear Neid's sharp whistle.
And, for some reason, the boom of gunfire drowned out my confusion.
süße Wohlbefinden-Ausbreitung über mein komplettes Wesen - the sweet euphoria spread across my body.
'die Reinigung des Hauses' - 'cleaning house'
Versuchte er, meinen Blick zu vermeiden, oder war es etwas anderes? - Was he trying to avoid my look, or was it something else?
"Sie könnten ein Andenken bekommen, wenn alles gesagt und getan wird." - "You might even get a souvenir when everything's said and done."
"Bumsen Sie, Alphonse" - "Fuck you, Alphonse"
"Herankommen" - "Come on"
"Ich will nicht, dass Sie denken, dass ich eine Missbildung bin." - "I don't want you to think I'm a freak."
Mengele - Josef Mengele, a Nazi physician known as the 'Angel of Death' because of the inhuman experiments he performed on human beings
Außerdem schien er zu darauf scharf auf der Unterhaltung irgendwie nicht - Besides, he didn't seem too keen on talking, anyway.