One of Neid's sessions wasn't the best thing to happen when I returned to base after our little sneak attack. My mind was already racked with confusion surrounding Zorn, and my head was splitting in two because of the gunfire that close to my ears. So, naturally, my commanding officer stroking me in the most provocative ways possible didn't help matters. I had to add to my list of complaints being cold, having this disgusting white liquid all over my chest, having to support Officer Neid's weight while he rammed his you-know-what up my rear end, and the mortifying taste of his tongue coating the insides of my cheeks. Excuse me for being so dreary and cynical, but that wasn't exactly the best medicine for me.
So – my behind das Brennen wie Sie kann sich nicht sogar vorstellen! – I stumbled back down the hallways from Neid's office. That had been the fourth or so visit to his quarters, and I wished I'd known sooner that killing got him in the mood for sex. The other three times were horrific, of course, but this time he was vigorous. If I heard correctly, part of his desk snapped off from the constant heaving.
As much as I was hurting, there was no way I could cradle myself with everyone watching me. It seemed that every time I wandered along the tear-stricken path to my superior's office there were entire groups of people lined up just to watch me walk along, wallowing in my misery. Es war, als ob ich auf der vollen Anzeige nicht nur für ihn, aber für die komplette Armee war. But I guess it wasn't all bad – I now had better guns than anyone else in 14th Infantry, and Neid was promising me a promotion if I satisfied him the next time.
Time went slowly as I neared the door to the Sklavenheim, perhaps by some sheer force of will on my part; for once, after Neid had his sadistic pleasure with me as the object of his desire, I didn't want to go anywhere near the Sklavenheim. But, maybe Zorn wouldn't be there and I could just sleep everything away like a bad dream. Like this was a bad dream – wouldn't that make it easier?
However, when I pushed open the Sklavenheim door, what should the first thing I see be anyone other than the black-haired kid? He was kicking some sort of imaginary can around on the floor near that mysterious stain (which I was beginning to believe wasn't spilled milk) and keeping his eyes fixed on the floor. When I walked in, he didn't even react.
Almost limping away from him, I threw myself down on the nearest cot I could find. It happened to be the one right next to where Alphonse was laying. His head turned to the side as I flopped down. "Glückwünsche beim Überleben eines anderen Tages, Kindes. …Hope it wasn't too horrible. The bastard gets turned on by watching things die."
"It was the worst one yet…"
Alphonse shrugged where he lay. "Wish I could help, but I don't really know what to tell you. Sorry?"
Sighing, I nodded and lay back against the mattress; it was hard as a rock, and felt like one, too. This definitely wasn't how I'd pictured life in the army, but what choice did I have? It was my head if I disobeyed my commanding officer, und ich hatte einen Verdacht, dass Neid nicht achthaben würde, wenn mein Blut seinen Händen wäre.
Minutes passed like an inchworm, literally inching its way up a hill. My eyes just stared up at the plain white ceiling; breathing was the only reason the silence was broken.
Finally, I turned back to Alphonse; he was absent-mindedly playing with his thumbs, eyes half closed. "Uh…hey, Al…?"
Releasing a large yawn, his eyes turned to me without any other part of his body moving. "Yeah…?" I didn't need the yawn to figure out that he was tired.
"Do you know if Zorn's alright?" Both of our sets of eyes lazily shifted to Zorn, who was sitting in the corner, his back up against the wall. The boy looked absolutely sedated, his chest only minimally rising and falling and his eyelids unmoving. With his milky skin and scrawny hair and sallow face, it was like looking at a corpse.
Alphonse sighed. "I don't know what the kid's thinking half the time. Aber seitdem er zurückkehrte, hat er gerade gestöhnt."
"Moaning…?"
"Über Sie."
"Wow. I didn't know I'd done that much to Zorn. I mean, he was pretty perturbed after I tried to comfort him while we were going to Neid's, but…"
"Excuse me?" This wasn't Alphonse's voice that was interrupting me. Into my vision, from a cot on the second level of beds, came Nina's face, slightly wrinkled, orange hair falling into her eyes. "You did what on your way to Neid's?"
Immediately, like some sort of instinctual defense, I raised my hands. "He was sad and selling himself short. I was just trying to cheer him up. Was wie man nahm an, ich tat?" When I said that, I was attempting to end the conversation before it ever really began.
Nina, though, wasn't about to let that happen. "Ich wusste immer, dass Männer dicht waren, aber ich nahm nicht an, dass Sie so dumm waren…" she muttered. I was quite taken aback by this, the second time I'd done so during the day. "Honestly, Ed, do you have no brains at all?" she incredulously asked me, wrinkling her nose and making her nostrils flare.
"What did I do wrong, then?!" I pleaded.
"That would be a 'no', Nina," Alphonse chimed in.
"Okay, then." Nina brought up a hand to rub her temple. "Let me put this plainly for you: you like women, yes?" I nodded. "Alright. And the things Neid does make you want to curl up in a corner and die?" Once again, I nodded. "Then you're straight as a board, like the rest of us." Her head, however, motioned over to Zorn.
"I thought you'd have figured this one out by now, but Zorn's homosexual. He likes boys, it's weird, and he knows it. He's had to live with it a secret for so long, and whenever he tells someone, it always ends up negatively for him." I nodded, following along – of course I knew that Zorn liked men. He told me so himself. "When he told us, we accepted him, and he's been grateful to us ever since. But he knows that none of us share his interests.
"Ed, Zorn has been seriously jaded in his lifetime. And whatever you did with him in the halls, I don't know what (and I really don't want to, so don't bother explaining), was most likely bordering on a sexual advancement. Zorn knows you like women, and I know for sure that he felt like you were making fun of him."
"But I wasn't!" I protested. "I was just trying to-"
"Cheer him up, we know," Alphonse groaned. "Sie haben nur so eine Million Male gesagt."
"Thank you for that, Al," Nina said sarcastically. She turned back to me. "It doesn't matter what your intentions were – all that matters is that Zorn believes you're making his sexuality a big joke. By the by, if you are, I'll rip your face off." She said that with a certain gleam in her eye; I couldn't tell if it was joking or murderous, but nonetheless, I backed off.
"…Then what should I do?" I pleaded with them, trying not to sound desperate (which I was).
Nina yawned and laid her head back down on her cot. "…Just apologize to him. Is it really that complicated…?" A few minutes later, I could hear her steady breathing. To my side, Alphonse was snoring lightly and scratching his stomach. They were both asleep.
My head turned to look at Zorn. He was still slumped against the wall, resting and dreaming peacefully. And I couldn't help noticing he was cute, but like a younger brother or a household pet – nothing more. At least five times, that peaceful face barred me from getting up.
In the end, I wasn't able to apologize to him. I wasn't even able to walk up to him – but I guess that's the effect a smaller sibling has on you. Right? My head fell against the hard mattress, but a smile never left me.
das Brennen wie Sie kann sich nicht sogar vorstellen! - burning like you can't even imagine!
Es war, als ob ich auf der vollen Anzeige nicht nur für ihn, aber für die komplette Armee war. - It was as if I was on display for not only him, but the entire army.
"Glückwünsche beim Überleben eines anderen Tages, Kindes." - "Congratulations on surviving another day, kid."
und ich hatte einen Verdacht, dass Neid nicht achthaben würde, wenn mein Blut seinen Händen wäre - and I had a suspicion that Neid wouldn't mind if my blood was on his hands
"Aber seitdem er zurückkehrte, hat er gerade gestöhnt." - "But ever since he returned, all he's been doing is moaning."
"Über Sie." - "About you."
"Was wie man nahm an, ich tat?" - "What was I supposed to do?"
"Ich wusste immer, dass Männer dicht waren, aber ich nahm nicht an, dass Sie so dumm waren…" - "I always knew men were dense, but I didn't expect you to be so stupid..."
"Sie haben nur so eine Million Male gesagt." - "You've only said so a million times."