TinyToonAdventures
((Theme Song))
We're Tiny We're Toony, We're All A Little Loony
And In This Cartoony We're Invading Your TV.
Comic Dispensers We Crack Up All The Censors, On Tiny
Toon Adventures, Get A Dose Of Comedy.
So Here's Acme Acres It's A Whole Wide World Apart,
Our Home Sweet Home It Stands Alone, A Cartoon Work Of Art.
Our Scripts Were Rejected Expect The Unexpected, On Tiny Toon
Adventures Is About To Start.
They're Furry They're Funny, They're Babs And Buster Bunny, Monata
Max Has Money, Elmyra Is A Pain.
There's Hamton And Plucky, Dizzy Devil's Ducky, Furrball's Unlucky
And Go-Go Is Insane.
At Acme Looniversity We Earn Our Toon Degree, The Teaching Staff's
Been Getting Laughs Since 1933.
We're Tiny We're Toony, We're All A Little Loony, It's Tiny Toon
Adventures Come And Join The Fun.
And Now Our Song Is Done!
Episode #4 –Driving Miss Fifi (Crazy) ((Fifi gets run over by a truck then driven crazy))
"Eet's zee eye of zee tigair, eet's zee cream of zee fight
Risin' up to zee challenge of our rival
And zee last known survivor stalks her prey in zee nuit
And she's watchin' us all in zee eye of zee tigair"
The happy purple skunkette sang to herself as she skated along the sidewalk.
Autumn had cast its colorful grip upon Acme Acres. The leaves were just
beginning to change colors on the trees. Although there was a slight damp chill in the
autumn air, Fifi LaFume was still enjoying the peacefulness. She was on her way
downtown to pick up a gift for Hamton Pig. His birthday was coming up in a few
weeks and she wanted to get her portly beau something special.
"Heyya, Feef!" called someone from across the street. Fifi turned to see
Shirley the Loon and Plucky Duck coming towards her. She attempted to stop, but
her skate rolled over her own tail and she fell.
"Le OOF!" The wind rushed out of her lungs as her backside hit the cold
cement. "I am zee, 'ow you say... 'Two left footer', non?" Fifi tried to joke.
"You mean, you like, have two left feet," corrected Shirley as she and Plucky
pulled their friend to her feet.
"Besides," added Plucky as Fifi fell again, on him this time. "Two left feet are
for dancers. You're just plain klutzy."
Fifi managed to jab the duck in the ribs as he and Shirley steadied her. With
her friends to help her, Fifi managed to balance herself. The skates she was wearing
were still new to her, as was skating in general. Stopping wasn't her strong point.
"So like, where are you headed, or some junk?" Shirley asked.
The pretty polecat grinned. "Downtown to get mon petit cabbage a bairthday
gift. I zink 'e deservs somezing special."
"Like, he's already got you. What else could he totally want?" quipped the
Loon, causing Fifi's cheekfur to redden with modesty.
Plucky coughed under his breath and tried to move the conversation along, "If
you _really_ want to get him something special, there's a toy store in town that has a
new game out for the Mega Playstation. It's called 'Immature Radioactive Samurai
Slugs: Butt Kickin' Time!' The graphics are out of this world! And, it's only $60
bucks, a real steal! Hamton would love it!" He put on a sincere looking grin.
Both girls exchanged glances and glared at the green avian.
"'Amton doesn't even _'ave_ a playstation," Fifi stated, putting her paws on her
hips.
Shirley crossed her arms, "Gee, isn't that like, deja vuu? Because, you were
just talking about totally bugging your folks for one of those not like, five minutes
ago, or some junk."
Plucky chuckled, "Yeah, isn't that amazing? Hammy and me are so much
alike that we'd want the same -ow!" He was cut off as Shirley rapped her knuckles
on his feathered head.
"Like, rope it in, Ducktoad. Fifi is like, _not_ buying you that game. So get
some karma and a clue already!"
Plucky muttered to himself as he rubbed his head. "Well, how much _do_ you
have to spend anyway?"
"PLUCKY!" both girls yelled at him. Usually not even _Plucky_ was bold
enough to ask about another toon's finances!
The duck blinked, "No, I'm serious, Feef. There's a clothing store about two
lights straight downtown from here. Hamton dragged me over there about a week
ago. He drooled over some sweaters. But, they were too expensive for him. He'd
love one of those."
Fifi stood there, stunned. Did _Plucky Duck_ just come up with a great,
unselfish idea? "Zat eez a wondairful idea!" she cried, hugging the duck so tight that
his eyeballs bugged out of their sockets.
"No problem," he replied, his voice strained from lack of oxygen. Fifi
released her embrace quickly as he continued, "The store's called 'ACME Husky
sizes, Plus'. Can't miss it."
The skunkette thanked her friends again and skated, clumsily, off on down the
sidewalk. As she disappeared out of sight, Shirley kissed Plucky's cheek.
"What was that for?" he asked, slightly taken back.
She smiled, "For actually like, having a totally cosmic and unselfish idea for
once." With a suave look, the duck added, "Well, I _could_ think of a -mmph!"
Shirley clamped her hand over his beak. "I like, gave you a compliment. Don't
ruin it, or some junk. Kay?" she whispered as she dragged him on up the sidewalk.
================================================
Fifi noticed the second traffic light up ahead and began to slow down. She'd
nearly fallen in the road trying to stop at the first light. Luckily an older man was able
to catch her before she ended up in the path of a speeding car.
Luck was on her side, again. Just as she reached the curb, the light turned red.
This she was grateful for. She started across the road, unaware that her luck was about
to run out.
Hearing a thunderous roar, Fifi looked up just in time to see a monstrous semi
truck tearing down the road straight towards her! It was obvious that the semi wasn't
going to slow down in time for the light. Terror filled every inch of Fifi's body. She
tried to run, but her skates wouldn't cooperate. As she took a step forward, the other
skate fell back. She struggled violently to regain her balance. When she thought she
could stand again, her skates went out to each side, leaving her in a splits style
position in the middle of the road. Fifi risked a glance upward. The truck was still
coming! It looked like- yes, it _was_! The truck was actually picking up speed!
Even more scared then before, Fifi pulled herself to her feet, barely managing to keep
her balance. As she did, the truck's shadow loomed over her like the undeniable
touch of death.
Like a deer frozen in a car's headlights, Fifi LaFume stood with her fate
resigned. With her last conscious effort, she let out a shrill, loud shriek. Then all was
dark.
The shriek caught the attention of several passers by. They quickly rushed out
to help the broken LaFume and to curse at the truck. It went on racing down the road
as if unaware of its deathly deed.
=======================================
A dull throbbing pain pulled Fifi back into consciousness. She felt as if a
bowling ball was sitting on her face, trying to stop her from opening her eyes.
With every ounce of what little strength she had, Fifi opened her eyes half
way. As her vision came into focus, it settled on a chubby pink face.
"'Amton?" she asked weakly. The pig nodded as his eyes filled with tears. A
pink paw handed him a tissue.
"How ya doing, Feef?" Babs Bunny asked, giving the skunkette a nervous
smile. Buster Bunny, Plucky, Shirley and most of the others from the old TTA cast
crowded around the bed as Babs spoke.
Fifi moaned. She was in a lot of pain. She didn't want to tell her friends that
though. "I am alright. Wha, where am I?"
"In the hospital," Buster told her, "You're lucky that truck didn't kill you at the
speed it was going."
Plucky pushed Buster aside, "Yeah, you were almost a polecat street pizza.
You got off pretty easy with just a broken leg and a few bruised ribs." He reached
down to pat her ribcage where the bandages were. Hamton quickly slapped his hand
away. Plucky pulled his hand back, looking quite shocked.
"Sorry, Plucky, but Fifi doesn't need her ribs hurt any worse," Hamton said.
He sat back down again, holding one of Fifi's paws. "Don't worry, Fifi, I'm here for
you."
She smiled at him gratefully. "Zank vous, 'Amton. I appreciate eet."
"Excuse me," said a pleasant male voice from behind the group. Everyone
turned around to see a medium sized hound dog in a lab coat and glasses, "I see our
patient is awake. How are you doing Miss..." He glanced at his chart, "LaFume?"
"I'm alright. Aleettle sore, but I guess I'm lucky to be alive, oui?" Fifi
answered.
The doctor nodded, "Yes you are, considering the way that truck..." He
stopped in midsentence, shuddering a bit. Then he continued, "It was a good thing
your friends found you or you'd have bled to death. Anyway, the only injuries,
besides a few cuts and bruises, seem to be a few cracked ribs and a broken leg." He
motioned towards Fifi's left leg, which was wrapped up and propped in a sling. "In
about two weeks you'll be up and moving again."
The skunkette groaned again, "Vous mean I'm stuck 'ere for two whole
weeks?"
"Like, don't worry, Feef, we'll visit you every day after school, kay," said
Shirley, trying to cheer her friend up. Everyone agreed.
"Uh-huh, uh-huh, we sure will," added Little Sneezer Mouse. "I'll even bring
you lotsa flowers too."
Fifi smiled. It was good to know that, even though the show was long out of
production, the cast was still as close as they'd always been.
The doctor chuckled. It wasn't often that a group _this_ large came to see an
ailing friend. It was a shame he had to get them to leave. But, the skunkette was
going to need a _lot_ of rest in the next few days.
"Ok, kids. I'm afraid Miss LaFume needs some rest. Visiting hours are from
3pm to 7pm every day," he told them.
"Like, wait a minute. I do volunteer work here as a candy striper, or some
junk. Visiting hours are for sure _much_ longer then THAT!" protested Shirley.
Giving her a wink the doctor replied, "Yes, they are. But, I don't want to see
you kids in here skipping school or homework just because you're worried about your
friend here."
"Aw, rats!" muttered the group, snapping their fingers.
Hamton was still holding onto Fifi's paw. "Can't I stay with her just a little
longer?" the pig asked, still looking at Fifi.
"Afraid not," the doctor told him. He'd seen this before. For some reason, the
pig had obvious feelings for the skunk. As ridiculous as it sounded, the two looked as
if they might be a couple. "Come on, pal," the hound put his hand on Hamton's
shoulder, giving him a small get moving gesture. "Your lady friend is going to need
all the sleep she can get."
"Alright," mumbled Hamton. Yet, he wasn't moving.
Feeling slightly uncomfortable, Fifi said to him, "Eet's alright. I will be fine.
Vous look like vous need rest too, mon ami."
Seeing the pig's still hesitant state, Furrball Cat took one of his arms and Dizzy
Devil the other. Together the two of them pulled Hamton towards the door.
"I'll be right outside the door, Feef. Call me if you need _anything_!" Hamton
called as he was yanked out the door. Everyone else gave Fifi hugs and their
promises to visit and followed their friends out the door. The doctor was the last to
leave.
"Don't worry, Miss LaFume," he said in his pleasant voice, "The pain killers
will keep the pain minimal and these two weeks will fly by so fast that you'll hardly
even notice it. You'll be running around and going to school again before you know
it. By the way, I'm Dr. Doggie Houndser. If you need anything, feel free to call. I'll
be back later to check on you." With that, he left, closing the door gently behind him.
'Two weeks,' Fifi thought. 'I'm stuck 'ere for two weeks. What a way to begin
moi senior year.'
Feeling exhausted, Fifi turned towards the window and closed her eyes in
hopes of finding sleep.
========================================
A sudden burst of pain awoke the polecat from her sleep. Her ribs and leg
were aching terribly. She let out a small "eep!" as she clutched the bandages around
her ribs. 'Zee painkillairs aren't as effective as you zink, dear doctair,' she thought as
she gently rubbed the bandages on her ribs.
The thoughts barely echoed through her mind when the door nearly exploded
open. Hamton came stumbling in. The pig looked like he'd nearly had a heart attack.
"Fifi? What is it? What happened?"
Quickly trying to get over the shock of being burst in on like that, Fifi told
him, "Eet's nozing. I just, 'ow you say, had a daymere. Zat's all. Anyway, what are
vous steel doing 'ere? Vous look exhausted!"
Hamton came over to the bedside. He didn't look one bit convinced. "Did the
pain killers wear off?" She nodded, feeling guilty about burdening anyone with her
own suffering.
It wasn't that she didn't feel comfortable around Hamton. It was just that,
well, he _was_ a guy. If there was one thing Fifi LaFume hated, it was letting
_ANY_ guy think that she couldn't take a little pain.
"Don't worry, Fifi. I'll get the doctor," he said.
"No, 'Amton. Zat's not really-" she tried to protest. It was too late. The pig
had gone out the door before she'd even opened her mouth.
The polecat's fur turned red with embarrassment as she heard an earsplitting
cry of, "MEDIC!" echoing through the halls. Hamton soon returned, dragging an
annoyed looking hound dog doctor with him.
"I was with another patient. This had _better_ be important, Mr. Pig.
Otherwise, I'll have you escorted off the premises." The pleasant tone that had been
in his voice before was gone.
"Of COURSE this is important!" cried Hamton, "Fifi's in pain."
The doctor sighed. He was trying not to get upset at Hamton. After all, the
pig was just worried about his friend. Still, that didn't excuse dragging him out of
another patient's room. "Mr. Pig, I understand your concerns. But, there _are_ other
patients in this hospital in much worse shape and pain then Miss LaFume here. Now,
kindly let go of my coat before I call for security."
Hamton did as he was told. The doctor went over to check on Fifi, "How are
you feeling, Miss. LaFume?"
"I am dOOing alright. Ow!" she tried to fib. But her ribs and leg were aching
like crazy. Seeing this, Dr. Houndser pulled a bottle of Acme Anvil Pain Crusher
pills out of his lab coat.
Pouring a few of the pills into his paw he said, "Perhaps these will help you to
feel better. Now, let me just get you a glass of wat-Oh my!"
Hamton was already handing Fifi a glass of water to take with the pills.
The doctor gave Hamton a curious look as he handed Fifi the pills.
When he was gone, Fifi was alone with Hamton. The two looked at each
other, as if unsure what to talk about.
"Vous don't 'ave to be so attentitive a moi, 'Amton. I don't want to be a
bothair to anyone," the skunkette told him.
"Aw, shucks, Fifi," said Hamton. "You're no bother at all. Are, are you
comfortable enough? Is there anything I can get you?"
Fifi shook her head, "Non zank vous. I will be just fine."
Pointing over to the nightstand beside Fifi's bed, Hamton added, "By the way,
I got you a vase of flowers. I hope that's alright."
They wre indeed alright! A mixture of white roses and blue forget-me-nots
were intertwined with deep green leaves of varying sizes. With the fading graces of
Autums's light, green was becoming a scarce commodety. All of it was bunched
together in a clear crystal-like vase.
"Of course!" Fifi grinned as she breathed in the ever-fresh moist scent.
Flowers certainly would brighten up the room. They'd be much nicer to look at then
the four white walls and drape covered window.
"Are you _positive_ that there's nothing I can do for you? Maybe I could fluff
up your pillow?" he offered.
"Non, I don't-" she was cut off as Hamton gently lifted her head, removed the
pillow and set her head back down again. The pig made a quick show of squishing,
stretching, pummeling and puffing the pillow into a soft fluffy state. He put the
pillow back just as gently as he'd taken it.
"'Amton, I _really_ zink vous should leave now," she told him in a kind, yet
stern, tone.
He looked a bit disappointed, but agreed. Hamton said good night to the lady
skunk and left her alone to rest.
=======================================
A low vacuumous sound startled Fifi into the waking world. She opens her
eyes halfway and gasped at the sight she saw. Hamton was vacuuming the rug!
Oddly enough, the vacuum itself had a very low sound. It was just barely loud
enough for her to hear, as if it were muffled somehow.
The skunkette glanced at the small clock next to her bed. It was only 6:00am!
She also noticed a second vase of flowers -a mix of Merrigolds and Pansies- sitting
next to the first on her nightstand.
Returning her gaze back to the pig, Fifi asked in a groggy tone, "Eet's only
seex am. 'Amton, what are vous doing 'ere?"
Hamton jumped a bit as Fifi spoke. With a sheepish grin, he turned off the
vacuum. "Well, um, I just dropped by on my way to school and noticed how dusty
this place was. So, I thought I'd clean it up."
"This eez a 'ospital," began the skunkette, slightly annoyed, "Zee employees
'ere make sure eet's always clean. Vous just came to see moi, admit ett."
The pig glanced around. "Well, I thought it could use the extra cleaning."
Hamton wasn't fooling her one little bit. The duo hadn't been going together
that long, but Fifi had already begun to know some of Hamton's little quirks. This
'cleaning spree' of his was just a ploy. He was just trying to find reasons to be around
her. It was kind of sweet in a way.
Hamton finally caved in, "Ok, I admit it. I just came in to see you. Can you
blame me though? I just felt so bad knowing that you were here all alone..."
"Deed vous even go home last night?" asked Fifi, noticing how shabby his
clothing was looking. This included the bagginess below his eyelids.
"Uh, well," the pig stuttered. Finally he just put his hands in his pockets and
nodded solemnly. "I was afraid the pain killers might wear off again. Knowing you,
you'd suffer in silence and I _hate_ it when you do that."
Fifi stifled a giggle, trying to look very serious. "Alright, mom piggy of Ham,
vous steell 'ave school today, even if I don't. I want vous to go home, catch a quick
nap zen get to school! Vous shouldn't miss things like sleep just for moi. Now, get
going!"
"But-"
"GO!"
The look on Fifi's face told the pig that she was serious. Giving in, he sighed
and headed towards the door. Suddenly, he stopped.
"Oh! I almost forgot," he said, pulling out a package, "Here, I got this for you
to pass the time today." He handed her the small box. It wasn't much to look at, just
a simple white box with a lavender ribbon tied around it.
Excitedly, Fifi untied the ribbon and opened the box. She squealed with
delight, and eeked at the sudden pain of a jerky movement. She plucked the box's
contents from it, a silver colored paperback book. On the cover, written in ivory
coloring, was the title "For My Love's Sake". It was one of these dimestore romance
novels that Fifi loved so much. She leaned over and hugged Hamton as tightly as her
ribs would allow her to. "Zank vous mon amor!" she cried joyously.
Hamton started towards the door again. "Seeya after school, Fifi," he called
back. There was no response. She had already opened the book and was lost within
its pages of desire, love and tragedy. Fifi's eyes were already glazed within the
dreamscapes of her imagination's wonderland.
Hamton left quietly. This time, he really did head home. He already had a bit
of explaining to do to his parents about his whereabouts last night. Plus, he was
starving! A hospital may be a place for the sick to heal, but it sure as heck is no place
to get a decent meal!
========================================
Fifi breathed in the sultry sweetness of her companion. His strong protective
arms encircling her form made her feel safe. An angel like glow seemed to surround
the duo as they gazed at the landscape from their clifftop view. Below them, misty
green valleys stretched into majestic green/blue mountains in the distance. Clear
rivers bubbled a romantic saranade. A slight wind rustled the silken fabric of Fifi's
coral colored gown.
"Let's never end this paradise between us," her white furred counterpart told
her in a soothing voice.
"I would nevair leave vous," sighed the skunkette.
He held her close. "Fifi."
"Mon amor," she whispered as she leaned up to him for a kiss.
"Fifi... Fifi... Fee-DON'T YOU EVEN _THINK_ ABOUT KISSING ME,
POLECAT!"
The daydream Fifi was having rippled into emptiness as she found herself face
to face with an irked Shirley the Loon!
"Wha!" squeaked the frightened LeFume, backing away from Shirley. Well,
backing away as much as one could when one is in a bed.
"Nice to like, see you too, Feef," noted the Loon. Everyone around her was
cracking up. The bunnies, Fowlmouth, Mary Melody, Li'l Sneezer and Hamton were
doing their best to control their hysterics.
Fowlmouth clapped Shirley on the back, saying, "Hamton tried to dadgum
warn ya about that, but you dadgum wouldn't listen. Maybe next dadgum time _I_
can be on the receiving end of that kiss."
Shirley scowled, "Fine! Next time, we'll like, let Buster wake her up."
"OH NO we won't!" declared Babs, wrapping her arms around her blue
boyfriend protectively. "I'm the only one who gets to kiss _this_ fuzzball!"
Gales of laughter rang out as Fifi's face flushed red with embarrassment.
Mary Melody patted Fifi's shoulder gently, "Aw, we're sorry, Feef. But, if you
could've seen the look on your face... er, like I said, sorry Feef."
"Very funny," griped Fifi. Her tail twitched with discontent. Being so rudely
awakened from a daydream was _not_ something she enjoyed. "If vous could've seen
'im vous would not think eet was so funny eithair."
Shirley chuckled, "Not like, Johnny Pew I hope."
Fifi wrinkled her nose in disgust, "Non, of course not! And, 'e was no kitty
with a stripe down 'is back eithair. This one was different. 'E was all white-"
Everyone burst into giggles again. Now more then embarrassed, the Loon
decided it was time to make her exit. She was, after all, on candy striper duty.
"Just like, keep the Karma good and the noise down, kay," she warned.
As Shirley left, Sneezer tugged gently on Babs's skirt. "Can I give them to her
now? Can I? Huh, can I? Can I?" he pleaded, as most small toddlers tend to do.
Babs bent down and picked the little mouse up. With a proud grin on his face,
Sneezer held a few daffodils out to Fifi. "See? I told you I'd bring flowers! Uh-huh,
uh-huh, I sure did!"
"Merci very much, Sneezair," said Fifi, reaching for the small bouquet.
Suddenly, he began to sniffle.
"EEK!" cried the poor skunkette. She had no place to hide!
"Quick, he's gonna bLOW!" yelled Buster. He grabbed a hold of Sneezer and
rushed him over to the window. Plucky already had it open and waiting.
"A... ahhh... aHHH... AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH..." The little mouse
struggled with the sneeze that was coming. After a few moments, he finally just
breathed a sigh of relief. "Guess it was just a false alarm," he chuckled.
A collective sigh echoed through the room as everyone relaxed.
Unfortunately, the sneeze decided to make a return performance as the boys
turned back into the room. With no time to warn anyone, Sneezer let out one
powerful sneeze! Babs and Fowlmouth found themselves plastered into the wall.
Hamton just barely managed to hold his own form against the force of the sneeze as
he held onto Fifi protectively.
They all fared better then Plucky, Buster and Sneezer did, though. The
sneeze's impact knocked the trio right through the window. They landed in a tree
about a mile away.
As the boys lie, dazed and entangled, in the tree, Sneezer pulled out a
clipboard and added daffodils to his, already vastly large, list. "There's another one
for my list of lallergies," he sniffled. Glancing over his list again, he declared, "Just
think, guys, two more and I'll make the Guiness Book of World Records for most
lallergies held by a single toon!"
========================================
"Mmmmm..." Fifi sighed as she took in a deep breath. The scent of lotus
blossoms filled her nostrils. The heavenly scent made her feel very content in that
state of blissfullness that is somewhere bewteen asleep and awake. There was almost
no pain in her leg, which she attributed to the painkillers. Even the hospital bed that
she was forced to call 'hers' somehow seemed very comfortable. As she lay there, Fifi
couldn't help wondering if she should open her eyes, or just allow herself to drift back
into sleep.
She had nearly decided that more sleep would be nice, when a gentle knocking
on the door of her room prevented her from doing so. "Who... Who eez zhere?" she
asked as her eyes fluttered open.
"It's me, Hamton," came the reply from the other side of the door. "May I
come in?"
"'Amton?" asked Fifi as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "Uhm, oui," she
said after a few more seconds. "Coome een."
The door opened to reveal Hamton, holding a small vase with freshly cut lotus
blossoms in it. "Zee medicine must be making moi nose strongair," she murmured
when she saw them.
"Huh?" asked Hamton as he came into the room and set the flowers on her
nightstand.
"Oh, nothing," said Fifi. She blinked a bit heavily at the pig as if the last
pangs of sleep refused to resign their grip on her eyelids. Fifi sat up a little and ran her
fingers through her hair. "Good morning, 'Amton," she added, trying to remember to
be polite.
Hamton looked at her thoughtfully as she did so. "Hmm, that just isn't right."
"Que?" asked Fifi with confusion.
"Your hair," said Hamton with a shake of his head. "It's all matted and dirty.
I should wash it for you."
"Oh, zat eez tres sweet of vous. But vous do not have to go to all zat trouble.
I can..."
"Oh, it's no trouble at all!" said Hamton with a beaming smile. "It'll be a
snap."
"But..."
"No really," said Hamton as he strode over to her side. "It'll be a snap."
"But..."
The next thing Fifi knew, Hamton was a blur of motion around the head of her
bed. Before she could say anything else, he had her head resting over a small
washpan. he'd also quickly wet down and lathered up her hair with some some
shampoo that was scented with cherry and orange blossoms. "'Amton!" she tried to
protest.
But it was to no avail. "Time to rinse!" Hamton said with enthusiasm as he
picked up a bottle of clear water and brought it close to her forehead.
"'Amton..." said Fifi as she tried to stop him.
Not understanding that Fifi wanted him to wait, Hamton proceeded with his
task of rinsing the shampoo from her hair. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten which side
of the sink faucet was 'warm' and 'cold'. Fifi suddenly felt icy cold water pouring over
the top of her head!
"Le YEEEEEK!" she cried with alarm and surprise. Her arms flailed about in
chilly protest. The next thing she knew, the water on her forehead was slashing on
her face and into her open mouth!
Sputtering and coughing, Fifi bolted up out of the water stream and slapped
her hands to her face to protect it. Water and soap suds splattered everywhere! After
a few seconds, she got her breath back. Wiping the water from her eyes, Fifi blinked
them open to see Hamton standing sheepishly by her bedside. A look of alarm and
worry - not to mention soaking wetness - dripped all over his face.
"'Amton?" she asked with disbelief. "What are vous dooeeg? Are vous trying
to freeze moi?"
"I-I'm sorry, Fifi," said Hamton. "I uh, guess I forgot which side of the faucet
was warm water. Sorry about that." He handed her a towel to dry her hair with.
"Sorry?" asked Fifi with shock. "'Amton, I nearly drowned!"
"Uhm, yeah..." said Hamton. He quickly put aside the washpan and
waterbottle. "I... I was only trying to help."
"Le sigh..." said Fifi. She took the towel from him and began drying her hair.
Considering that there was already water dripping from all areas of the bed anyway, it
seemed a moot point. Still, from under the towel, she could see him looking forlornly
at the floor. "I know vous were trying to help," she said tenderly. "And I do
appreciate eet. But, 'Amton, vous should nevair reense a girl's hair weeth zee cold
watair. Eet causes a nasty reaction!" In spite of everything, she couldn't help but
smile at him as she said this last part.
Hamton suddenly looked like the happiest pig on the planet. One smile from
Fifi was all it took to make him feel like he was on top of the world. "I'll remember
that," he promised. "Pig Scouts honor!"
"I know vous weel. But now, I thenk vous 'ad better go to zee Loo. I wheel
still need moi assaigments."
"Oh, that's right!" Hamton said, suddenly remembering that it was a school
day. "I, uhm, I better go. I'll be back to see you at three!" He dashed out the door so
that he wouldn't be late for school.
Fifi sighed heavily as she looked after him for a long moment. On the one
hand, she really did care for Hamton a lot, but on the other, she was starting to feel a
little uncomfortable with the way he was hovering over her so much. "J'sais," she
whispered after him. "Zat eez what I am worried about."
========================================
The first week flew by pretty quickly. Hamton stopped by every morning to
pick up Fifi's homework. He'd been quick to volunteer when her teachers asked for a
delivery toon.
He returned at 3pm to bring her new assignments and a few friends with him.
While the gang could only stay a few hours, Hamton remained at her bedside until
8pm. The head nurse made her rounds about then and was not timid about booting
the pig out.
Saturday came early-with it, Hamton as well.
"Hi, Fifi," he called as he came in.
"Allo, mon petit," she replied, half-heartedly. Her gaze was fixed on the
window, or rather, what was outside the window. Outside, the tree branches were
rustling. Some of the leaves had already changed color and were barely holding onto
the branch. Every now and then, a leaf did lose its grip and fluttered to the ground,
helplessly. Fifi wished she could be out there to catch it. The four white walls she
was stuck between were beginning to drive her insane. Plus, she would've liked to get
away from Hamton for a few hours. The pig was a sweetheart, but he was beginning
to get on her nerves.
Hamton noticed her wishful gaze and couldn't help but feel bad for her. He
wished he could take her outside, but her leg had to stay elevated.
"You wouldn't want to go out there anyway," he said, cheerfully, "The wind is
blowing like crazy and it's really chilly out there."
She merely sighed again.
The pig tried another tactic. He held up a vase that was robin's egg blue in
color. Several lilacs and lilies were arranged in a small bouquet in it. "I got you some
flowers."
Fifi looked at the other four vases of flowers sitting on her nightstand already.
Smiling politely, she answered, "Vous know, at zis rate, vous weell 'ave bought
enough flowairs to own stock in zat local shop vous keep going to."
"Well, that's one way I'll make a fortune," Hamton tried to joke. He managed
to find a small spot for the vase to fit in with the others. Pulling a box out of his
overalls, he said, "How about a game of Monopoly to pass the time?"
She grimaced. Fifi hated Monopoly. The game took hours to play and was
more of a pain then it was worth. Still, like Hamton said, it would pass the time.
Maybe it'd also keep him in one spot for awhile. She _really_ didn't want him 'taking
care of her' all weekend.
After they'd been playing for awhile, Fifi asked, "So, anyzing intairesting
'appen in school lately?"
"Nothing much. We've got a few new transfer students this year," Hamton
replied as he grabbed a card from the board. He frowned as he looked at it. The little
horse that was Hamton's playing piece soon found itself stuck in jail, again.
Fifi fought the urge to wave her 'get out of jail free' card in his face. "Not
another bunny I hope," she chuckled as she threw the dice.
"Nope!" he chirped, "_Two_ rabbits!"
"Oh no! Bet zat's going to be fun to watch!" Fifi said.
"It already _is_," the pig explained, doing his best to keep a straight face,
"Babs and Buster are fighting, again. And, here's the best part; both rabbits are twins-
-girls! Poor Buster doesn't know what to do."
The skunkette burst out laughing, "Oh, I wish I could be zere for zis one! At
least now I know why zey haven't been to see moi together."
Hamton nodded. "There's also a wolf. She looks like she's going to be one of
the Loo's better athletes. It's a shame cheerleading tryouts took place over the
summer."
Fifi knew what he really meant, that this wolf was pretty. She narrowed her
eyes a bit. Last thing she needed was _more_ competition.
It was about this time that the lunch trays were being brought around.
The attendant knocked on the door. "Lunchtime," he called, coming in.
Seeing Hamton, he stopped short, "Oh no, not _you_ again."
Hamton got up quickly. Looking at the meal, he made a disgusted face, "What
is _that_ supposed to be?" he asked.
"Beef stew," the attendant replied.
"Yum!" exclaimed Fifi. She happened to like the simplistic meal.
"Yum nothing!" snapped the pig, "This stuff isn't fit for pigs to eat and I
oughtta know. Take it back."
The attendant scowled, "Sir, I can't do that."
"Oh yes you can. Just because poor Fifi is stuck in this prison for two weeks
doesn't mean you guys can keep feeding her prison slop. Now take it back!" ordered
Hamton.
"'Amton, please! Vous are making a scene," whimperd Fifi.
He turned towards her, "I've watched you be served junk that even _I_
wouldn't touch for five thousand dollars-"
Somehow, Plucky appeared beside him, "Hey, for five thousand dollars, I'll eat
the whole pot!" The duck was quickly shoved out the door.
"Ahem, as I was saying...You deserve _real_ food. And, I'm going to make
sure you get it," said Hamton.
Muttering something under his breath, the attendant pulled out a menu. "This
is what our Dietary Consultants, Nutritionists and cooks agree on as a balanced,
nutritional and possible to make meal. If you don't like it, take it up with them."
Hamton slammed the menu on the cart. Some of the stew dripped onto it.
"It's _not_ the menu that's the problem! It's the presentation." He plucked a
browninsh orange looking lump out of the bowl, "Look at this! Is this your idea of a
carrot? It's garbage."
Trying his best to remain calm, the attendant explained, "Sir, this is a hospital,
not Milliway's. Our staff is overworked and has far too many people to take care of to
worry about how eye pleasing our meals look. Now, please step aside and let me do
my job."
The pig glanced over at Fifi who'd buried herself under her blankets out of
embarrassment. "We'll just see about that," he said. He marched off down the hall.
With a sigh, the attendant set the tray on the mobile table at the foot of Fifi's
bed. He then left, closing the door behind him.
After a few moments, Fifi peeked out from under her blankets. She was
relieved to find herself alone in the room. Spying the tray, she leaned forward and
pulled the table up the side of the bed.
Unfortunately, Hamton had been right about the stew not looking all that
great. Even the jello desert looked as if someone had taken Gallager's veg-o-matic to
it. As long as it tasted ok, Fifi was willing to eat it.
No sooner had Fifi dipped her spoon into the bowl when the pig returned.
Much to Fifi's disappointment, he was carrying a tray of his own.
As Fifi raised the spoon to her lips, Hamton cried out, "Don't eat that!"
"Why not?" asked the skunkette in mid bite.
Hamton took the spoon and tray from her and replaced it with a bowl of salad
and a fork. "Because this is better," he said.
Indeed, the salad _did_ look nicer than the stew had. Yet, Fifi had never
found a salad all that appetizing. Fortunately, her stomach was in no mood to argue.
Forcing herself to pick up the fork, she began to eat the salad as Hamton looked on.
=================================
It seemed like years before night fell upon Acme Acres. At least, that was
how it felt to Fifi. Hamton had been there all day with her. On the good side, with
night falling, he would be leaving soon. However, he had a few more surprises for
her.
As 8pm approached, the duo heard the familiar knock at the door. For once,
Fifi would be happy to see the nurse there. She was a bit surprised to see Hamton be
so eager to open the door.
"I hope you're in the mood to have fun," he said with a grin.
"Wha?" stammered the skunkette, totally surprised.
Instead of the nurse, however, a large group waited at the door.
"Hiya Feef!" chirped the group as they entered.
Looking confused, Fifi asked, "Wha-what's going on? Eet's almost 8pm.
Visiting hours are ovair."
"Not for you they aren't," replied the pig. He pointed to Plucky and Shirley
who were setting up a small stereo. "Thanks to those two, we can stay 'til midnight as
long as we don't get too loud."
"Huh? How?"
Hamton shrugged, "Well, you know how good Plucky is at doing parties. I
still can't figure out how they got the refreshment table by the front desk. And,
Shirley's the one who got the time clearance."
"Yack, yack, yack, enough already! We came here to have fun. So let's
PARTY!" Plucky yelled. He was immediately shooshed by several toons.
"Quiet down! You want us to get thrown out?" hissed Buster.
"Yeah, remember, we're supposed to be in a _study_ party, or some junk,"
added Shirley.
"Oh, right, sorry," whispered the duck. He flipped a switch on the stereo and
an upbeat song began to play softly.
For a while, the room split into two groups. Babs, Mary, Shirley and Sweetie
hovered around the bed, talking with Fifi. Hamton, Buster, Plucky, Sneezer, Calamity
and Fowlmouth stayed near the refreshment table.
Most of the evening went by without incident. Occasionally, Plucky needed to
be reminded to keep the noise down. Eventually, the two groups began to mingle
although Buster and Babs got nowhere near each other. It was obvious the bunnies
were trying to avoid one another. A fact that was a bit hard, considering that the room
itself wasn't all that large.
Everything was going fine. Well, everything was going fine until about ten
minutes before midnight. Calamity signed last call on music. Somehow, he had
ended up being the DJ after Plucky and Shirley started getting along.
"May I have this dance?" Hamton chuckled, standing next to the bed. Fifi
accepted and the two waltzed. Well, as much as a duo can waltz when one partner is
sitting in a bed.
Everyone else began pairing off and doing the same: Mary with Calamity:
Plucky with Shirley: Sneezer and Sweetie.
Nervously, Buster approached Babs. "Well...I guess we could call a truce for
now?" He offered her a paw. She turned away from him with a 'Humph!' "Guess
not," he muttered moving back over by the door.
This basically left Fowlmouth as the odd toon out. Although, technically, he
could've very easily danced with Babs, the rooster preferred to dance with Shirley.
He cut between the fowls, pushing Plucky backwards. "Excuse me," he said
grabbing onto Shirley.
"Hey!" cried the duck. He lept up and knocked Fowlmouth out of the way,
"Excuse yourself, I was here first." So saying, he and the Loon began dancing again.
Not one to take a hint, Fowlmouth calmly walked back over to the duo and
tapped Plucky on the shoulder. As the duck turned around, Fowlmouth yelled, "GET
YER DADGUM PUNKIN' WINGS OFFA _MY_ DAME!" The force of his yell
blew Plucky clear out the open window!
"Now, where were we, my sweet?" grinned the rooster as he swept Shirley off
of her webbed feet. She was about to slap him upside the head when Plucky fluttered
back through the window.
He grabbed Fowlmouth by his shirt collar. "Whaddya mean _your_ dame?
_This_ girl belongs to _ME_!" he snapped.
"The heck she does. She's mine!"
"The girl is MINE."
"She's MINE, dadgum it!"
"*MINE*!"
"*MINE*!"
"EXCUSE ME?! I am like, _NOBODY'S_ girl!" Shirley finally cut in. And,
_boy_ was she mad.
"Humph, typical guys," Babs grumbled.
"Excuse *me*?" Buster answered her.
She glared at him, narrowed-eyed. "You know what I mean Mr. Roming
Eyes."
"Oh sure," roared the blue bunny, "HERE we go _again_. Everything is
always _MY_ fault. _You're_ NEVER at fault, are you, Princess Barbara?"
"Of course no-" Babs double taked, "What did you call me?"
"If you didn't hear me, clean out those 'dainty' ears of yours," sneered Buster.
Glancing at Fifi, he added, "Sorry, Feef. But, this room just got too small for my
liking. Seeya tomorrow."
"Oh no you won't! Fifi is _MY_ friend, not yours," growled Babs, "And,
another thing, I-HEY come back here!" Buster was already leaving. Babs rushed
out after him with a holler of, "I'M NOT DONE YELLING AT YOU YET!"
As for the rest of their conversation, let's just be glad that most hospitals have
sound proof walls and leave it at that.
Meanwhile, all three fowls were also getting into an argument of their own.
Plucky and Fowlmouth were still having it out as to who would be dancing with the
Loon. As far as she was concerned, they could _both_ go crawl under a rock.
"ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF _EVERYBODY_!" someone
yelled.
Gasps were heard as everyone stared at the doorway. It was the head nurse
and she did _not_ look happy. "That's enough out of _all_ of you. This so-called
'study session' is over. Everyone out!"
Scowls of protest could be heard as the group packed up the party accessories.
They said their good-byes to Fifi and began to file out one by one.
"And, as for _you_ Miss Loon, we will be discussing this tomorrow," the
nurse told Shirley.
The Loon gulped. "Yes, ma'am," she answered softly.
Soon, Hamton and Fifi were the only ones left in the room. The nurse pointed
to the pig, "You too, Porkboy."
"But-" Hamton protested.
"OUT!" she ordered.
"Um, yes ma'am. Bye Fifi," Hamton said, slipping past the nurse quickly.
Thus, the purple skunkette was left alone to face the wrath of one large, and
ugly, nurse. "I-I can explain," she began. The nurse was quick to silence her, "As for
_you_, you should be ashamed of yourself for allowing such... animals in here to
begin with. Good night."
With that, the light was shut off and the door shut. Fifi was alone at last.
Unfortunately, she was too irritated to care.
=======================================-
As dawn broke, so did Fifi's night of sleeplessness. She was not looking
forward to another full day of Hamton hanging around her. What's more, she was
_definitely_ not looking forward to another whole week of being in this room.
Last night had been a disaster. Hopefully, things couldn't get much worse.
Actually, they probably could get a _lot_ worse. Fifi shuddered to think of what else
Hamton could possibly do. On the plus side, he only had twelve hours to do anything
in. On the downside, he had twelve hours to do _plenty_ in.
Fifi looked over at her bedside clock. It was nearly invisible among the many
vases of new, old and semi-wilted flowers. For a moment, Fifi let her eyes follow the
path of the vases as they led to the floor. Four of them huddled next to her bed. And
a fifth began a path towards her door. The skunkette guessed this last bouquet was
brought last night.
'Maybe 'e wants to drown moi in flowairs instead of zee watair?' thought Fifi.
Then she scolded herself. After all, Hamton was a very chivalrous pig.
========================================
"Hiya guys!" chirped Babs as she and Shirley entered the room. Another
week had come and nearly gone. Fifi's release from her white walled prison room
was finally in sight.
Hamton turned to greet the two femmes. "Oh! Great timing, you two!" he
said., "Could you stay with Fifi a sec? The doctor just left and I need to talk to him."
The girls exchanged a look of confusion. "Um, sure, Hamton," Shirley
replied.
"Thanks! Won't be a moment," Hamton grinned as he rushed out of the room.
Babs glanced after him, "Stay with you? Since when do you need a babysitter,
Feef?"
"Since 'e decided I was too frail to be by moiself," answered the skunkette.
Shirley's eyes widened, "Like, say what? The day _you_ go frail is like, the
day politicians turn honest -er some junk."
"Um, I think what Lindon LarLoon means is, where would Hamton get the
idea tha you're frail? Did something happen?" Babs said.
Sighing, Fifi shook her head, "Non, I'm getting bettair and all. Mais, 'Amton
seems to zink I need to be 'taken care of' all zee time."
"WHAT?" her friends gasped.
"Eet's true. You guys 'ave _no_ idea 'ow awful eet's been 'ere!" Fifi proceeded
to tell her friends all about the past week and a half. She told them about the shampoo
incident, the scene Hamton had made over her beef stew and even about how he
cleaned the room every morning.
"My gosh! Feef, that's _awful_. Why didn't you just tell him to get lost?"
Babs cried.
"We-ell... I deed not want to 'urt 'is feelings. I mean, 'e is just trying to 'elp
and all..."
"Like, that's _not_ help, Feef! He's smothering you. If you don't say
something now, it could totally get a lot worse," the Loon warned.
Fifi shook her head, "Oh, I could nevair 'ave zee heart to tell 'im zat! Anyway,
zee stay is almost ovair. I will be able to go 'ome soon. I can get away from 'im zen."
Hamton soon returned. As usual, he was carrying a large bouquet of flowers -
red roses in fact - and a big smile on his face. "Guess what, Feef! I have great news,"
he said.
Casting a nervous glance in Babs and Shirley's direction and back to Hamton,
Fifi asked, "What?"
Before Hamton could answer, Babs chirped, "You saved 15% or more on your
car insurance by switching to Geico!"
Shirley slapped a hand over Babs's mouth. "Let's like not perpetuate the
vicious net choking our society with its total stranglehold of money-grubbing cliches
otherwise known as 'commercial advertizing', 'kay."
Hamton blinked, "Um... yeah." He placed the number six vase beside the
others. "Actually, I've arranged for Fifi to come stay with me next week!"
"Wha, what deed vous say?" the skunkette asked in a weak giggle. Her fur
was beginning to frizz and her entire body started to tremble.
Hamton didn't seem to notice this as he continued to talk, "Yeah! Since you're
going to be in a walking cast for another week while your legs restrengthen, I figured
that you cold come stay with me. That way, I can keep taking care of you until you're
healed. I'll fix your meals, make your bed, help you to school... Doesn't that sound
great, Fifi? Fifi? Fifi?!"
Fifi was now shaking so badly that her teeth were even chattering. Suddenly,
the skunkette snapped! She leaped from her bed and landed directly in front of the
stunned pig.
"NO! Zat does not sound 'great'," she growled. Her voice was already shrill.
"Fifi! Don't, you'll hurt yourself!" Hamton protested. He reached out to help
her back to bed. She quickly slapped his hands away.
"Don't vous tell moi about 'urting moiself," she snapped, "Evair since I got
here, vous have taken care of moi. Vous have fluffed mon pillow; cleaned mon room;
regulated mon meals; and tried to wash mon 'air. Vous have even brought moi more
flowairs zen a wedding and funeral combined would 'ave! And NOW, vous 'ave zee..
oh, what eez zat word? Zee Gallbalddair to 'arrange' for moi to come stay weeth
vous?!" By now, she was red with rage. "NON! NON! NON! Vous really are
_smothairing_ moi! And, I cannot take eet anymore! Get OUT! Get away from moi!
LEAVE MOI ALONE!"
She pushed Hamton back as she spoke. She pushed him back to the doorway
and just outside of it. The pig was bewildered and confused. In a small voice he
asked, "What are you saying?"
After a long pause, Fifi glared him straight in the eye.
"I nevair want to see vous again."
She closed the door on him before the pig could react. Fifi stood, motionless
for a long time with her back leaning against the door. Suddenly, she fell face
forward. Her friends just barely caught her before she hit the floor.
For a moment, they thought the skunkette had fainted. A long mournful wail
proved them wrong.
Fifi sobbed into Babs' arms for a full ten minutes. "Boy, I thought she would
never have the heart to tell him that," the bunny whispered to Shirley.
"Feef..." Shirley trailed off. She was trying to think of a way to comfort her
poor friend.
"What 'ave I done?" she asked looking up. Her tear streaked face revealed
how miserable she felt. Before either girl could reply, Fifi continued, "He was zee
only boy who evair _really_ loved moi. 'Ow could I be so cruel?"
"You like, had no choice," said Shirley, calmly.
"Yes I deed! I could've just bared eet. Eet would've made 'im so ha, ha,
happppyyyyyyyyy," she went into another fit of wailing.
"And probably have given you a nervous breakdown," Babs put in quickly.
Shirley handed her a tissue, which she took gratefully. Fifi's face suddenly
brightened, "I know! I'll just tell 'im zat I'm sorry. I can stand anothair week, or two.
Eef eet would make 'Amton 'appy..."
"And you miserable," Babs repeated. Putting a hand on the skunkette's
shoulder, she asked, "Feef, why do you think Hamton likes you?"
"Because I look good in a bikini?"
This small joke was received with only a stern look from her friends.
"No, it's because you're you. You're strong, self assured and liberated. Plus,
you don't take advantage of him. With Hamton's low self-esteem, most girls would
just treat him like a slave for awhile and then dump him like, like, um, like a used
tissue," Babs wrinkled her nose as she held up a bucket to catch the tissue Fifi was
about to hand her.
She smiled through her fading tears, "I guess we just 'ave a lot in common. 'E
eez zee, 'ow you say eet? Zee wish-washed nerd and I'm just zee pretty face to be
seen and not 'eard. We just clicked. *Sigh* But, now I 'ave 'urt 'im and, and
WWWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHHH-haaahaaaaahaaaa!" Again she was lost to a fit
of tears.
While Babs and Shirley tried to deal with Fifi, Buster and Plucky were trying
to deal with Hamton. The three were downstairs in the hospital lounge.
"How... could... I... be... so... stupid!" the pig was mumbling over and over as
he literally pounded his head against the wall.
"Whoa! Hamton, rope it in!" said Buster as he and Plucky tried to stop the
pig.
Hamton turned to him, "Rope it in? ROPE IT IN?! I just lost the girl of my
dreams and you expect me to 'rope it in'?!"
"Come on, Hammy. It can't be _that_ bad. Fifi's not the only girl in the world
you know," said Plucky.
The duck's confident look changed to fright as Hamton's gaze turned to him.
The smoke rising from the pig's enraged head made it pretty obvious that he was not
about to clam down. The growling sneer on his face only helped to set off the firey
blood red irises of his eyes.
Suddenly, Hamton's mood did an about face, becoming a lost, mournful stare.
"But, Fifi _is_ the only girl who ever actually seemed to care about me," Hamton said,
collapsing in a chair.
His friends just glanced at each other and shrugged.
Hamton noticed this and sighed as he explained, "Fifi's not the first girl I've
ever liked. But, I've done the same thing to her that I do to every girl I like. I only
want to make them happy. So, I give them gifts and basically worship the ground
they walk on. I guess I just go too far..." The pig sighed again and buried his face in
his hands.
"Well, you _did_ almost drown the poor girl when you tried to wash her hair,"
Plucky put in. Buster elbowed him in the ribs.
"No, Plucky's right. I did almost drown her," Hamton said, "Buster? How do
you and Babs stay together? You're always fighting. Yet, you two always get back
together."
"Um, well," Buster didn't care to talk about his relationship that much, "You
know. She and I just get along."
"Aw, come on, long ears. We both know there's more to it then 'we just get
along'," Plucky wanted to hear this too. He was willing to try anything to win Shirley
over for good and get Fowlmouth out of the picture.
'What is it about this group and putting _me_ on the spot?' the blue hare
wondered as he was badgered into talking, "Um... Well, I guess it's because we've
always seen each other as more then just dating material. I don't think of Babs as just
my girlfriend. I think of her as my best friend. I can do things with her. She doesn't
need to be put on a pedestal and worshipped like a queen. Sure, a little something
every now and then to say I care is appreciated. But, we're still basically friends and
just enjoying each other's company is good enough for both of us. At least, when
we're not fighting that is."
Hamton lowered his head as he stood up. Buster was so lucky. He could
actually treat Babs like a friend and not feel strange about it. But, Fifi was special.
She was unique. She was... lost to him forever. "Could you guys do me a favor?" he
asked.
"Yeah, sure old pal," the duo replied.
"Tell her that I love her. And, tell her I'm sorry, again," he said. He walked
towards the door.
"Why don't you just tell her yourself?" Plucky called behind him.
"Because I've done enough to her already," Hamton said looking over his
shoulder. He walked around the corner and was gone.
A few moments later, Babs and Shirley walked into the room.
"I thought you guys were upstairs with Fifi," Buster said.
"Like, we were. But, Feef kicked us out too," explained Shirley.
Babs glanced around, "Where's Hamton?"
"He left. I've never seen him take something so hard before. And, I've seen
that pig take a _lot_ of things," noted the green duck.
"Fifi too. There's like, got to be something we can do, or some junk," said
Shirley.
"What _can_ we do? If we talk Hamton into apologizing, he'll just over do it
again." Buster replied. He sat down, trying to come up with an idea.
"As it is, Fifi's in breakdown mode," Babs added, "If we talk her into
apologizing, she'll end up in a mental institution from being smothered so much. I
don't want to see that happen!" She sat down beside Buster. Their quarrel seemed
forgotten as they concentrated on their friends.
"Why don't we just teach Hamton how to treat a girl?" suggested Plucky.
"Yeah, right," said the Loon, giving him a harsh look, "Like _you_ know
anything about how to treat a girl."
"Hey!" Plucky scowled, getting defensive, "I don't see YOU complaining
about it that much!" One quick lightning blast found the mallard a mere pile of
burned ashes. "Never mind."
The quartet sat in silence for awhile as they tried to think of something that
might get Hamton and Fifi back together.
Babs soon began to smile. Suddenly, she began to chuckle and even fell over
laughing. The others stared at her.
"All right, who gave her the caffeine?" Buster demanded.
"No, no one gave me caffeine," chuckled the pink rabbit, "I just had such a
brainstorm that's so simple it's hilarious!"
Plucky, who had long since reformed by now, crossed his arms. "So, do share
this chucklearious brainstorm of yours. I'm dying to hear it," he retorted.
"Yeah, Babsie, let us in on this 'brainstorm' of yours," Buster added.
The pink bunny sat up again. Wiping her eyes free from tears of laughter she
explained, "Well, what's the easiest, simplest form of showing someone you care
without physically giving them anything?"
"Saying like, I love you?" offered Shirley.
"Letting them bask in your presence?" The duck had to dodge a small
lightning bolt for that comment.
"Not quite, but that's actually close, Plucky," Babs replied.
Buster snapped his fingers, "I know! Spending time together, like a romantic
dinner for two! Babsie, that's _brilliant_. There's no way Hamton could mess _that_
up!"
"Sorry to be a wet blanket, but Fifi can't leave the hospital," Plucky reminded
them.
"No, but she can like, go outside of it. Like, on the rooftop, or some junk.
There's a garden up there that like, screams love vibes," Shirley answered with a grin.
"Come on gang," declared Buster, standing up, "We've got a relationship to
save!"
========================================
Fifi's tears had long since died down. She just sat in her darkened room, deep
in thought. She had sent Hamton away and then had done the same to her friends.
She felt so miserable that she couldn't even keep her head up. Many questions raced
through her mind. Would Hamton ever forgive her? Was everyone angry with her?
Would she ever be able to look herself in the mirror again?
Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at her door. Before she could even
answer, Babs and Shirley rushed in. Both girls seemed to be excited about something.
Babs even had a bag on her arm.
"Come on, Feef!" she chirped, grabbing a hold of Fifi's paws. Shirley closed
the door behind her.
"Huh? What are vous doing?" asked the confused skunkette.
Babs was already pulling things out of the bag, "No time to explain. Shirl,
prep her for make-up!"
"Like, way ahead of you," the Loon replied. She was already slapping an
elegant looking navy blue gown on Fifi.
Fifi didn't even have a chance to protest as her friends furiously gave her a
quick and stunning make-over. They kept chattering about a special surprise waiting
for her. But, they refused to tell her what was planned.
In a matter of moments, the skunkette was ready to go. The girls stepped back
to admire their work. Babs shed a tear of awe as if to emphasize the scene.
Indeed, Fifi _did_ look stunning! Her soft dark purple hair had been pulled
back into a bead surrounded bun. A blue ribbon still hung from its usual place on her
right ear. Her make-up only helped to heighten her already pretty features. Even the
navy blue color of the spaghetti strapped, flowing gown only seemed to set off her
purple fur. Two crystal earrings and a necklace completed the outfit. If it weren't for
the crutch under her left arm, you'd never have known she was wearing a cast.
"Ok, enough admiring time, or some junk. Let's like, get this girl to the roof!"
said Shirley, clapping Babs on the back.
"Zee what? Oh no, I'm not going anywhere unteel you - eep!" Fifi was
dragged out the door towards the nearest elevator before she could even finish her
sentence!
As the trio stepped out onto the roof, Fifi gasped in awe at the enchanting
looking scene before her. Two velvety red curtains pulled neatly back acted as a
doorway to the restaurant style environment. A table, complete with red cloth and two
chairs had been set up on the roof. Soft firelight danced from a candle in the table's
center. Two plates of food, as well as two glasses of red punch, awaited her -along
with Hamton.
From the look of him, Fifi noted that he'd gotten the same clean up job she
had. The pig actually looked pretty good too! His navy blue cummerbund and bowtie
matched with her dress perfectly. The black coat played off the white rose in his lapel
handsomely.
"Um, hello, Fifi," he said in a quiet voice breaking the silence.
"'Allo, 'Amton," she replied in a voice equally as quiet. She noticed that Babs
and Shirley had vanished from her side. She was alone with the pig.
Hamton uneasily gestured at the chair opposite of him, "Wou-would you care
to sit down?" he offered politely.
As she approached the table, he stepped over and pulled the chair out for her
to sit down. She hesitated, giving him a slightly nervous glance.
Seeming to get the message, he backed away and stood at his own chair,
waiting for her.
Both toons sat down at the same time. For a few moments, they just stared at
each other, not sure what to say or do.
In a bush behind Fifi, Hamton could see Buster and Plucky gesturing to him to
make some conversation.
Tugging at his collar, the pig asked, "So, Fifi, read any good books lately?"
"Non," she replied. She glanced up and noticed Babs and Shirley in a bush
behind Hamton. Both girls motioned at her to keep talking. "Actually, yes I 'ave. Eet
was about zis couple. Zee boy was really obsessive of 'is girlfriend and even got to
zee point where 'e, er, um... nevair mind." Fifi stopped as she saw her friends slap
their hands to their foreheads.
They looked down at their meals or off to the side, anywhere but at each other.
From each bush, their friends tried to gesture to them to talk. Plucky even held up a
sign at Hamton, 'Ask her about the Patriots!' it read.
From the opposite bush, Babs gave the duck a dirty look. Shirley held up her
own sign, 'Like, who _cares_ about the Patriots?' hers read. With an open mouthed
silent gasp, Plucky turned his sign over and wrote on it. He set it back up, '*I* care
about the Patriots! I've got ten bucks riding on their game tonight!'
'YOU WHAT!' was the obvious silent reply that Babs mouthed. Grabbing
Shirley's sign from her, the pink bunny wrote on it and held it back up. 'How can you
be so selfish!'
Buster got into the sign action too. He held up his own sign, 'Hey! _I'm_ the
one he's betting against! Don't knock it.'
The girls looked at each other and back at the guys. Pulling out a massive sign
they set it up. 'You guys are such insensitive creeps! Fifi and Hamton are on the line
here and all you can think about is SPORTS?!'
"Now, just a gol darn minute!" barked Plucky storming out of the bush much
to Fifi's horror, "Ten bucks _is_ a big deal!"
Babs jumped out of her bush to face the duck. Hamton was nearly knocked
out of the way as she did. "You'd take a bet over helping your best friends get back
together? It's no wonder you can't keep Shirley. You don't have one ounce of
romance in your scrawny feathered body!"
"I do so have romance in me!" he growled, "I keep my girl just fine and she's
perfectly happy with me!"
Shirley came out of the bush too, glaring at Plucky, "Excuse me? _YOUR_
girl?! Since when am I like, a mere possession to be kept?"
"Hold it!" yelled Buster, coming to Plucky's aid, "Plucky didn't say you were a
possession to be kept! Babs did. What have you girls got about starting that
possession junk anyway? Every time we get into an argument you girls gripe about us
'owning' you but you never own us."
"It's because it's true!" snapped Babs.
"The heck it is!" roared Buster.
"Oh yeah? Every single time I even _glance_ at another guy you get jealous!"
she griped at him.
"_YOU'RE_ a fine one to talk about jealousy! If I had a nickel for every time
you've gone off on a fit just because you thought I was interested in another girl, I'd
be a millionaire!" The blue rabbit was livid.
"That's telling her," Plucky said.
"You should like, talk, ducktoad," snapped the Loon, "I can like, barely talk to
our teachers and you have a total cow!
"I do _not_ have a total cow!"
"I'm not even _interested_ in those stupid twins!"
"How do you like, explain the fight you and Fowlmouth got into at the party?"
"What do you _mean_ you weren't even looking? I saw you practically
DROOLING over them!"
"KNOCK IT OFF YOU GUYS!"
All eyes turned to Hamton. Fifi was standing beside him and neither of them
looked pleased.
"Nous 'ave _both_ 'ad just about ENOUGH of votre 'elp!" the skunkette said
in a loud voice.
"Yeah! Enough is enough! First you set this whole thing up. Then you force
us to dress up. You drag us up here. You try to make us talk... We appreciate the
effort, but you guys are smothering us! And, bringing out your own problems with
it," the pig said. As he spoke, a sudden realization hit him. Covering his mouth, he
glanced at his companion, "Fifi?"
She nodded, solemnly, "Yes, mom petit. Zat eez exactly 'ow vous 'ave been
treating moi, er, minus zee arguments," she added quickly.
After a moment of silence, Fifi looked back at the foursome who were still
staring at Hamton and her, "Ok, vous peeping Thomases, zee show eez, 'ow vous say,
'past time'. We need to be alone.
Babs grinned. Taking Buster's arm she said, "Ok, Feef, we get the message."
With that, she led the blue rabbit toward the elevator. Shirley grabbed Plucky's arm
and followed suit.
After their friends had departed, the duo looked back at each other.
"Um, our food eez getting cold," Fifi offered, heading toward her chair.
Hamton stopped her. Taking her paw in his hand he said, "Fifi, I, I'm really
sorry."
"Eet eez alright-"
The pig shook his head, "No, it's not alright. I shouldn't have done everything
that I did."
"Well, zat shampoo job _was_ a bit ovair zee top," she tried to joke.
"Not just that, everything. I _really_ over did things. I, I just... When I heard
what had happened to you, I thought I'd lost you before I got to tell you how I really
felt. So, I just wanted to make you feel special. You know, show you how much I
cared."
With a tender smile, the skunkette took Hamton's face in her paws, "'Amton, I
always knew 'ow much vous cared."
He blinked, "You did?"
"Yes, of course I deed. Everyzing vous deed said eet. Zee picnics you took
me on. All zose cameos we deed togethair on Tiny Toons, zee prom... Vous always
made me feel special just because vous were zere for moi."
Hamton smiled a grateful smile. Holding his hand up he asked, "Friends?"
Without any hesitation, she took his hand and shook it, "Best friends."
As the two sat down to enjoy their meal, Hamton had a sudden thought.
"Feef? Does this mean I can't bring you flowers or buy you expensive gifts
anymore?" he asked.
She pretended to mull it over, "Eh, we'll talk about zee gifts part latair."
The duo drank a toast to friendship and spent the rest of the evening talking
and laughing about old times and the times that might someday come.
========================================
A few days later came a day that Fifi had been looking forward to for the past
two weeks. Today she was _finally_ getting to go home.
At 9:00am sharp she was released from the hospital. A simple cast made of a
semi-hard bandage was on her left leg. She wasn't too surprised to see her friends met
her at the front entrance.
What did surprise her, however, was to see _who_ was holding a set of car
keys.
"B, b, Babs eez driving?" she asked with a gulp. Calamity snatched the car
keys form the giggling rabbit. He had a stern look on his face as he held up a sign,
'Not _MY_ car she's not!'
Babs snapped her fingers. "Aw, carrots," she muttered. But, she was still
smiling.
The bunnies, Fifi, Plucky, Shirley, Calamity and Hamton all piled into
Calamity's van for the quick drive to the junkyard.
There was an even bigger surprise waiting for the skunkette at the junkyard -
and this one _wasn't_ a joke!
"SURPRISE!" shouted a chorus of voices!
Fifi couldn't believe it! _Everyone_ was there! Mary Melody, Gogo Dodo,
Furrball Cat, Sweetie Bird, even Concord Condor had made the party!
"Oh!" she sighed, looking around at all her friends, "Ooohhh...mon amis! J'ne
sais pas que'lle dite..."
"Hold onto your bandages, Feef, the surprises aren't over yet!" Mary told her.
Along with most of the group, she held her arms out, gesturing towards an old red full
sized van.
As the sliding door slowly opened, Fifi heard a familiar voice that nearly
forced her heart into her throat!
"Tiptoe to zee window, by zee window. Zat's where I'll be. Come tiptoe
through zee tulips weeth moi," A figure stepped out of the van, his sleek black fur
glistening in the warm autumn light.
"Pepe LePew!" Fifi gasped. The tall skunk flicked his tail as he sauntered
over to her. Taking her paw in his, he kissed it.
"'Allo, Cherie," he said, "Zee Man of your dreams has come to see you."
With a slight blush, Fifi looked down at the ground as she pulled her paw
away. "Thank vous, Pepe, but... Mon dream guy eez right 'ere." She leaned over and
hugged Hamton. With everyone staring at him, the pig turned bright red in
embarrassment.
"Ah, l'amor," sighed Pepe. Seeing Hamton's discomfort, he turned to the rest
of the kids. "Alright, everyone! We came 'ere for a party, not a mushfest. So, let's
party!"
========================================
It seemed like no time when the sun began to sink behind the buildings. Toons
began to depart. There was school tomorrow and they needed sleep!
As the last few partiers departed, Fifi was left alone in the junkyard. She
headed to her Cadillac home to settle in for the night. A warm feeling came over her.
It sure was nice to be home again. She was especially glad to have some time to
herself at last.
A knock at her front door interrupted her thoughts. A telegram was waiting
for her there. Yet, no deliverer or even a return address was present.
Curiously she opened the note, read it and dropped it as if it were on fire! As
it settled to the ground at her trembling feet, she read the words again.
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
You survived _this_ time.
But, I _will_ get you.
Perhaps that truck hitting her hadn't been an accident at all. Fifi had a feeling
that this nightmare wasn't over, not by a long shot. Someone was out to kill her and it
was no accident...
TO BE CONTINUED...
As always, Fifi LaFume, Hamton J. Pig and the rest of the Tiny Toon
Adventures cast is (c)2004 Warner Bros. Inc. All right reserved. Same goes for Pepe
LePew. Any comments? Fell free to email me at tinytoonseason4 Just make sure
you can say something about the story besides wasting an entire email on two words like
"It sucks" please and no grammar Nazis, we know sometimes grammar, spelling and the sort can be annoying if misspelled/typed.