A few dreary, uneventful, incomprehensibly bitter weeks had inched by since Alfonse and Nina had been hung. Their silhouettes remained burnt into my mind's eye, always fading into my thoughts out of the blue and bringing along bittersweet nostalgia and a feeling of absolute helplessness. It was almost as if they served as reminders as to what I once knew, and how wrong I had been. Neid could try all he wanted to act as the good guy, but the lines between good and evil were becoming blurred; worse than ever before, for it was almost impossible for me to make out that difference. Was I evil or good? And what of Neid? My nights were filled with horrific nightmares, whose intensity increased every time I had them; my days were filled with somber recollection and contemplation of what I truly was.
My days were also more occupied with the company of Neid. With the two senior members of the Sklavenheim gone, there was less for him to have his pleasure with; infolgedessen besuchte er mit mir viel öfter als vorher. His appetite was…astounding, to say the least. Like somehow, the executions had caused him to want his sadistic sex even more. Prior to the hangings, the sessions had been unpleasant, humiliating, and stinging; jetzt waren sie erniedrigend und zu einem schrecklichen Grad schmerzhaft. It could hardly be said, though, that Neid wasn't enjoying himself – the pleas for him to stop only spurred him on. He reveled in the fact that he was a god, and not me or Zorn or Lyra could stop him.
The benefits Neid had promised me, however, were still coming. For example, I was almost the sub-commander of the 14th Infantry; my guns were of a superior model to those that my comrades used; my rations had increased. He was following through, and that made everything bearable.
Of course, my view of everything – hell, pretty much my entire life – changed that morning.
Everything was like it should've been – the sun barely peeked through the Sklavenheim, assaulting my closed eyelids so that they had no choice but to relent and open, thrusting me from a night of imaginary horror; although, compared to what my mind had been concocting as of late, Neid as a large snake that curled around me and choked me to death wasn't all too bad. Anyway, as I slowly came to, I noticed a mass of something black near me that wasn't moving.
Blinking a few times, I noticed it was the messy hair of Zorn. He was staring at me out of the corner of his eye. Ever since he had confessed he liked me, after the executions (where I pretty much downright rejected him), things had, surprisingly, been better between us. He was vocal towards me again, and we could actually hold a conversation. It was…comforting, knowing that I wasn't alone. If only Lyra would talk once in a while…
Zorn was lacing up a pair of combat boots. One eye was concentrating on the laces, the other on me; neither one of them was daring the other to look forward. But what for…?
"Going out today?" I asked, shaking my head and stretching my arms towards the ceiling.
"Komisch sollten Sie fragen." That wasn't Zorn's voice; that didn't mean, however, that it was a voice I didn't know. No, I knew the smooth accent and sarcastic silver tongue immediately. All I had to do was turn my head towards the mysterious spill on the Sklavenheim's floor to see its master leaning up against a wall. Taken by surprise, I nearly fell out of my cot; Neid didn't step into the Sklavenheim unless there was something of the utmost importance going on. Arms crossed, he kicked off the wall and started in my direction. "You need to get suited up, too."
"Oh. Are 14 and 19 going on a joint mission, again?"
He shook his head, smiling in a foreboding way that told me nothing but trouble was coming. "Nope, just 14th Infantry. Going to a nearby village to do a little reeducation. Meet me with the others in the Infantry in an hour, sharp." Bowing to me in a mocking manner, he strode towards the door.
"Then why is Zorn getting ready, too?"
Neid stopped, and without turning back, answered me in a haughty manner. "Don't be stupid. Haven't you already figured it out?" Laughing, he opened the Sklavenheim's door, but before he closed it, he said one last thing: "Zorn's been transferred." The door slammed shut.
The air stood still for a few minutes as I processed what I'd just heard. Zorn…transferred into 14th Infantry? It made no sense. And if it didn't, then why…? "Hey, is what he just said true?" I asked.
Zorn nodded. "Yeah, I got the news this morning. Told me I was going to be under his thumb from now on." Both eyes on his boots, he continued fastening the laces.
"But…why?"
And, like Neid probably would have if he'd bothered to acknowledge my existence, the boy shot me a look that accused me of being dumb. Zorn's nose was scrunched in both confusion and annoyance. "Don't you see? Alfonse and Nina were…killed…just a little while ago; everything's been bumpy lately. He wants me under his command so he can watch me…." And his expression softened into something less like annoyance and more like submission. "So he can keep tabs on me all the time." I could hear him almost sputtering on tears, but none came.
I couldn't imagine how he must've felt – the two people he looked up to like guardians and siblings were gone, and the one who'd ended them was taking control of his life. Zorn was taking it all in stride, though, but I knew underneath the exterior he had to be in shambles. "How are you feeling?" I questioned, trying my best to provide a little comfort; a little friendliness.
Chuckling, he replied, "I don't know. Somehow, I feel like I'm betraying all of my comrades. It's hard to believe – they've been with me since I came here, and we were all really beginning to connect. And now, I'm leaving them, and…." He couldn't finish his sentence as he burst into a fit of tears, completely disregarding his half-laced boot and bringing both hands up to cradle his head. "Warum ich?!" His small body shook uncontrollably.
And then, I did the most terrible thing I could've at that moment: nothing. I just sat there on the bed, watching Zorn wallow in misery, and continued to sit there. It was bordering on cruelty, because I knew the kid wouldn't be able to handle too much more of his predicament. All that would have to happen would be a little tip, and he would crash.
Mein Schweigen tat nichts, um das zu beheben.
Less than an hour later, all of 14th Infantry was assembled in nice, orderly ranks before Neid. The commander shook his head a few times, spreading dark green locks all around his uniform as he eyed the soldiers who stood before him in a sort of reverence. It was evident that he was – there was no other word to describe it – pleased. I could sense that, in an inhuman way, he took great in joy in being control of so many lives.
"Sorry to disappoint everyone," he said, "but today's mission will just be another run-of-the-mill cleansing. We've had reports of a Stücke village a few miles from here, and we've been charged with taking care of it. Any questions?" When he asked this, not a member of the Infantry raised their hand; none of us even moved, for fear of our commander's impending wrath. "No? Excellent." Neid licked his lips and giggled darkly.
"Let's not waste this daylight."
The village was everything but quiet. People were bustling around like it was any other day, except that it wasn't – all the Stückes were so oblivious to their fate that it was a bit laughable. Immediately after thinking that, I clutched my head; even if they were a blight upon humanity, I couldn't think like that. If I did, before I could react, I would be another Neid.
Neid had had an idea while we made our way to the village. He thought that if Zorn and I took off our uniforms, we could start the cleansing from inside the village. I wanted to protest, I truly did, but there was no denying him what he wanted – Ich wusste das allzu gut. So the black-haired boy and I stripped down to basic clothes, concealing guns inside our pants, and were sent on ahead.
That's where the two of us found ourselves: walking into the village with the intention of destroying it covertly from within. But, the first step was to actually get to the heart of the place. So we walked forward, looking around and trying not to seem too suspicious.
"I haven't seen you two before." I felt the hairs on the back of my head rise as I slowly turned around. A woman carrying a wicker basket and wearing a simple straw hat upon her head looked our way. Her face broke into a smile. "Well, hello there! Welcome to our humble little town!" She had the brightest features. "Are you two lost?"
Glancing over, I noticed that Zorn was beginning to look uneasy. His jaw was quivering; I would have to answer for the both of us. Thinking quickly, I aimed to deceive the woman. "Yes – we were traveling together and found ourselves here." Deciding to add a little bravado to my performance, I rubbed my stomach in a circular pattern. "And we're so hungry…."
It worked like a charm; the woman was easily fooled. She almost lost her grip on the basket as she rushed over to us. "Oh, you poor things! Come on, come with me and I'll fix you up right as rain. Then we can give you a few supplies for your travels!" She beckoned us to follow her, and almost unconsciously, the both of us did – but not out of deception. The feeling I felt was genuine; I wanted to follow her and eat and learn about her.
The thought was absolutely ludicrous; why on earth should I harbor emotions for a Stücke? It would be out of place in Neid's mind, and wasn't he always right? About everything?
The woman's house was more like a hut. But when we entered through a makeshift cloth door, I soon realized it was much more: the hut had drawings scattered around the grass floor, a table in the middle, a small kitchen area off to the right, and a place for beds to the left. A man and two small girls were already inside when the three of us entered.
"We're going to need a few more bowls, Abraham!" she chimed jovially. "We have guests."
He man turned around and grinned, although I could see the worry etched subtly onto it. "Oh? Carmela, you should really warn me when guests are coming. Give us a little more time to prepare."
Carmela smiled and chortled. "I would if you could cook!" The four Stückes burst into laughter as they went about setting up for Zorn and I. What were they thinking?
And then Zorn spoke up. "You don't have to – we don't want to impose."
"It's no imposition," Abraham explained as he took two bowls off of a small counter in the "kitchen".
Nodding, Carmela added, "We may not have much, but we have us. And we're willing to share that with anyone who needs it."
That's when I sickening feeling erupted in the pit of my stomach. Turning to Zorn, I saw that he wore an expression of pure terror, as I probably was. In fact, the boy was shaking. "Zorn…?" I asked in a small, squeaky voice.
Returning my gaze to the family, I saw Abraham and Carmela giving us odd looks. "What's wrong?" the man asked.
So this was what we were fighting…? We were declaring to kill people just like us, who were just as human and even more caring and nonviolent? "Oh, Gott…" And the two humans before us got even more confused.
"What's going on?" Carmela asked.
But I wasn't able to answer her. At that moment, there was a loud bang, the sound of splintering wood, and before I knew it, Abraham was lying on the ground; unmoving; in a pool of red. Carmela screamed, covering her mouth with her hands; she fell to the earth and stared into the eyes of Abraham, which were wide open in death. Her eyes changed direction, to the cloth door, and I didn't need a visual to recognize that laugh.
Another gunshot rang out, and Carmela fell to the ground beside her husband. The two girls looked to their dead parents in disbelief – it was as if they didn't understand what was going on. If they had, they wouldn't for much longer, because two more gunshots rang out. The girls keeled over, dead.
Neid strolled into the middle of the house, admiring his work with the eyes of an artist. And he didn't even notice Zorn and I, holding each other close, eyes wide and full of tears.
infolgedessen besuchte er mit mir viel öfter als vorher - as a result, he visited with me much more often than before
jetzt waren sie erniedrigend und zu einem schrecklichen Grad schmerzhaft - now, they were demeaning and painful to a horrible degree
"Komisch sollten Sie fragen." - "Funny you should ask."
"Warum ich?!" - "Why me?!"
Mein Schweigen tat nichts, um das zu beheben - My silence did nothing to remedy that
Ich wusste das allzu gut - I knew that all too well
"Oh, Gott…" - "Oh, God…"