I wanted to get this out over the weekend but I wasn't sure about the final scene. now that it's done her you go. Happy thanksgiving to those who celebrate and again, my thanks to Z for Beta-ing and editing for me.
Next two chapters are dinner with Frank Rizzoli. Enjoy.
Final chapter of Rise in Friend in Me ironed out. To those waiting, I'm sorry about the wait.
Liv sat at her breakfast table staring into her coffee cup as she remembered the wonderful sensation of home that she had shared with Alex over these past few weeks, but that was over again. She could feel it coming to an end and she knew it when Alex had gotten that phone call last night.
Her girlfriend had left early this morning for a breakfast meeting with some dick from the Department of Justice who was sure to offer her some job that would look excellent on her resume and Alex would undoubtably accept. It hurt Liv, knowing how easily Alex could just leave her behind.
She wanted to spend the rest of her life with the beautiful woman, but the long absences and the constant need for secrecy in their relationship was something that she didn't want to continue to cope with. A few years shy of 50, Liv wanted to settle down somewhere, away from it all. Alex was only 38 and still molding herself into the perfect candidate for the New York District Attorney's office. Although Alex did love her, Liv always seemed to take second place to her lover's law career.
How she wished that Alex would choose her instead of hiding everything about them. Ten years she had been with Alex on this off again on again roller coaster and like her job, she saw no outcome that wouldn't leave her broken, without the will to live. She sighed as she thought about what little options she had left.
Since she had broken down in front of half of her unit on scene two days ago, she knew Admin would be digging into her so she had forced herself to put in for retirement. After a long chat with both Commissioner Frank Reagan and Nancy Houston from Psychiatrics, Liv had cashed in on most of her markers to remain on active duty until her retirement was processed in June, provided that she rode her desk until then. Four weeks was all she had left.
More than anything else, she wanted to run away with Alex somewhere where no one would judge them for their relationship. It was a pipe dream and she knew it and the thought left her feeling empty inside.
Around ten in the morning on that Saturday, Alex had come back wearing one of her dark pinstriped Armani suits and a huge grin on her face. She kicked off her heels at the door and dropped her briefcase next to them as she rushed over to Liv and wrapped her arms around her love.
"You would not believe what the DOJ just offered me." She was so excited that she didn't notice Liv slipping further away from her.
"How long?" Liv said in a living dead tone.
"A week." Alex said slowly, "DoJ wants me to assist in the prosecution of a flesh peddler. It's a huge boon."
Liv sighed heavily and embraced her lightly and for once Alex didn't miss the lack of emotion.
Her excitement changed quickly into worry. "Liv?"
Liv didn't say anything, she just let go of her lover and stood up. Alex's concern tripled as Liv went to her briefcase and pulled out a sheet of paper. She dropped it on the table and headed straight to the bedroom without looking back.
"Olivia?" Alex's voice was shaky. She'd never seen Liv so disconnected. She knew that Liv's job was beating up on her and that she was looking for a way out but Liv was usually supportive of her when these jobs came up.
Alex watched as Liv quietly shut the bedroom door.
She heard the shower come on as she turned to the paper with the NYPD letterhead. She scowled as she read Liv's request for retirement. Floored, she rushed into the bathroom and jerked the shower curtain back.
"Liv, what's going on?" Her voice bordered on hysterical, "We talked about you wanting to get out of SVU, so why retirement?"
Liv's emotionless voice echoed throughout the room. "I broke down. I lost it on a scene and everyone knows it now. Retirement was my only option before getting psyched out."
Alex stood staring, "But you love being a cop."
"I don't love anything anymore." She said quietly as she rested her face against the tile, "Nothing but you and you're leaving. Just like you always do."
Alex narrowed her eyes, "What do you mean 'Like I always do'?"
"I love you, Alex." The older woman said as she turned her head to look, "I always have but I can't do this anymore."
She started to lose her balance and caught herself on the bathroom counter.
Liv's voice never lost that complete lack of emotion. "I've been here the whole time waiting for you to love me like I love you. Wanting only to be with you because you were the only one I could ever really love. I know how important your family's reputation is to you. And I know how much your career means to you. I just wish that I was as important."
Her heart pounding in her chest, Alex felt like the air was being sucked out of the room. This couldn't be; Liv was breaking up with her.
She rallied her voice and shouted, "You are!"
Liv cut her off and rested an arm on the wall and touched her forehead to it. "No I'm not and I understand. What would everyone think to know that the Cabot's only daughter was gay and in love with a broken down detective who was forced into retirement? I'm asking too much of you and I'm sorry."
"Liv, don't do this, Please." Alex pleaded, "I love you with all of my heart and you have been the only stable part of my life. It's only a two week job and we can talk about this when I get back."
Liv shut off the water and reached for a towel. She wrapped it around herself and walked into the bedroom, dripping water along the carpet. Her voice was barely above a whisper, "I won't be here."
Alex felt tears run down her cheek. "Why?"
Liv contemplated that for a few seconds as she towelled off when her path suddenly became clear, if only she could do it. She could have it all back again, her sense of purpose, friends, and a place that felt like home. But it all hinged on her regaining control over herself. She had to do it, if not for herself than for the ones she did love because they would depend on her more than they ever had.
Her conviction returned and she levelled her eyes at Alex as she dried off. "I'm leaving New York for good."
Shocked to her core Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing, "Liv! New York is our home!"
"It was." Olivia said softly and tossed the towel over the hamper, "I can't walk down a single street without remembering some case that I've investigated, some awful crime that went unsolved. Eyeing everyone I come into contact with, wondering if they've raped or beaten a child. I've lost that sense of home and I've lost my sense of purpose."
"Take it from someone who knows," Alex shouted. "Running away doesn't fix a fucking thing! Even that bitch Rizzoli knows that."
Liv sighed as she slid into her underwear and followed up with a pair of jeans, "No, but one thing that Jane has said made a lot of sense all those times you were gone."
Alex huffed in anger, "Oh, this should be good."
Liv watched her as she stuffed herself into a loose NYPD t-shirt. "Sometimes, time away helps you clear your head."
"Last time I saw her away from her precious Maura, she was wrecked."
Slipping on her socks she nodded, "When Kate was shot, Jane stayed with her. Away from it all, Kate realized that she wanted to be with Rick and Jane finally started to accept that she was gay. I need that time now, to find myself again."
"And what about me?" Alex huffed, "You're just going to run away from New York. I have a life here too. I can't just pack up and leave to go with you."
Liv turned hurt eyes to her, "You were leaving anyway. You're always leaving."
"Olivia!" She shouted, "It's a two week job and I'll be right back."
"And next month you'll get an offer to be an AUSA or find another case to further your career. I can't hold that against you and I can't ask you to give it up for me. I don't have that right."
Alex felt her heart break at every word. She had wronged Liv but her love didn't understand why. Jane's words rang in her head, she deserves better Alex. She hated Jane, not because the fiery Italian was wrong but because she was right. Liv deserved better than what Alex had given her. It was time to tell her the truth.
"I'm scared Liv." The hitch in her voice stopped Liv from leaving the room.
"What?" She asked.
Alex hid her face in her hands, "I love you so much that it scares me. My family name and my family's history are all I know. I'm a Cabot, with a proud tradition and heritage. I do love you but the shame my parents would go through would devastate them and ruin their reputations, both here and in Boston. And the thing that really scares me is that I want to be with you. I do! I want to tell the whole world that I'm gay and that I'm in love with you and fuck the consequences! I'd bring a scandal to my whole family and I just can't do that to them."
Alex looked up at her and Liv wanted to hold her, to comfort her.
"I ran away from you so many times because I was scared of how much I love you. Because I was a hair's breathe away from bringing that scandal down onto them. But I can't do that because I'm afraid that I'll resent you for it. I can't do that to them or to you." Her voice fell to a whisper, "I love you all too much to do that to you."
Liv took a step toward her and Alex held up a hand. "I'm sorry Liv. Jane was right. You deserve better."
Liv gasped, "Alex."
"Just go." She whispered. "I can't give you what you need so just go."
The last thing in the world that she wanted to do was leave, but that was exactly what she did. For herself and for Alex.
"James Humphrey and Alvin Morgan." Esposito said as he thumbed through the wallets.
Kate looked up at the bodies tied to the pole in the ceiling of a Brooklyn warehouse. They had been cut open. Most of their internal organs lay in piles beneath the strung up bodies. From the expressions forever frozen on their faces she could guess that they had been alive when they were gutted like animals.
"Is it me or has anyone else seen this movie?" Castle said from behind her.
Ryan looked at him, "What movie?"
Kate rolled her eyes, Oh, here it comes.
"The alien who comes to earth on safari and hunts dangerous humans for trophies." He said as she shined a light down onto the body parts. "Of course the bad guys were skinned as well as gutted."
Ryan snorted, "It's only ten in the morning, Castle. Give the guy time to come back."
He grinned, "Right. So if not alien hunters then what was this about?"
Dropping the wallets into evidence bags, "These are the two biggest distributors of Cocaine in New York."
"And now Narcotics is going to want in on this." Kate groaned as she shined the light around the floor. She caught sight of something just off the edge of the lit area and stepped closer. Castle followed her.
"What is it?" He asked quietly.
She tipped her head at light black scuff marks on the floor that lead directly away from the hanging bodies. Her light landed on a nasty pool of something and she whistled.
"I got vomit over here!" She shouted.
Castle looked up at her, "Can you get DNA off of vomit?"
"Not typically," She said, "but the analysis might give us a lead somewhere."
"Can you think of one time where examining barf solved a crime?" He asked with a chuckle.
She passed him a glare, "Esposito?"
The Hispanic looked over and smiled. "Caught a case a few years ago where minerals in the digested food narrowed down our search area to a neighborhood in Jersey, we used that to get a fix on our guy."
Ryan looked up from his note pad, "Analyzing vomit helped us solve one case where the murderer was hiding near a waste water treatment plant."
"If Jane were here she'd tell you about the state senator who shared breakfast with her assassin that morning." She added, "DNA is just one of a hundred things bodily fluids can tell us."
"I stand corrected." He said glibly. "Modern Science makes it so hard to get away with murder."
"If only it was all we needed," Esposito said, "We can get a killer a thousand different ways but some still get away with it."
"Do you thinking this is related to the twelve bodies at the Jeffersonian or the three in our own morgue that we can't tie to the case?" Castle asked.
Kate nodded, "I'd bet my pension on it."
"So, two of the biggest drug lords in the city strung up and gutted," a thoughtful look passed over Ryan's face. "A third guy's here to do the job."
"But he's not the one who threw up." Esposito speculated, "The work here is too clean to be an amateur."
"So assuming no space aliens stopping by for a quick hunt," Kate rolled her eyes at Castle, "Then the fourth was a witness."
Kate's eyes turned back to the bodies, then back on to the floor and again to the two dead men, "It's a message."
Ryan looked back at the bodies, "Oh shit."
"Our new Kingpin just fired these two." Javi said knowingly. "We got a new player in the drug business."
Kate nodded and planted the beam on the vomit, "This is the new guy's reaction to the introduction. The Kingpin wants New Guy to know what will happen if he doesn't like what he sees."
"There has to be more than two." Castle said speculatively. "These two are no strangers to violence. Unless they were taken by surprise, they'd be able to take on one or two guys."
Kate shined the light in his face causing him to squint, "Good point, Castle." She put the beam back on the floor, "Get CSI and Lanie in here. I want every square inch of this building gone over with LumaScopes. Look for anything, no matter how old."
Ryan pulled out his phone to call CSI as Javi dialled his girlfriend.
"Castle." Kate said quietly, too quietly for the other two to hear.
He looked up and met what he could see in the dark warehouse.
He caught the shadow of the naughty smirk on her face, "You are so getting some in the file room when we get back." Her phone rang interrupting any response. She scowled at the number and walked away, leaving Castle beaming like a kid on Christmas morning.
He only caught the first sentence before the door closed behind her exit. "Hey Babe, what's up?"
Maura awoke on her back, which was unusual since she usually woke tangled up with Jane. Instead her lover was lying across the bed sideways, kissing her flat belly over her womb. Then she overheard the whisper.
"I know you'll be beautiful and smart like your Mom and I can't wait to meet you one day."
She smiled at the soft words and feather light kisses that were doing the most amazing things, both in her heart and a bit lower than Jane's head. Unable to stop herself she gently eased away the black curtain so she could see Jane's face. Her love turned her head and rested her cheek where she had been kissing.
"That's a pleasant way to wake up." Maura said sleepily.
Jane smiled up at her. "I had a dream last night. Like a real dream, not a nightmare."
Maura smiled warmly, "What was it about?"
"A little girl." She closed her eyes as if she could still see it. "She was beautiful Maur; she had your hair and my eyes and she came from you and we loved her so much. It felt so real."
Smiling, she ran her hand through black tresses. "It was a beautiful dream then."
"It was." Jane smiled shyly, "I just felt like being close to her for a minute."
She was met with a slight giggle.
"What?" she scoffed, "Can't I be sentimental!"
"Of course you can, Jane." Maura said sweetly, "But she's inside you right now."
A smile greeted her, "I couldn't bend over far enough."
"But I can." She said as she eased up and Jane adjusted. Maura landed a gentle kiss just inside Jane's hip bone. "She's right here." Another gentle kiss. "And soon she'll be here."
She placed Jane's hand over her womb.
"She'll be a part of us both." Maura said and the words ran through Jane, heating her blood and her body. "You'll be a wonderful Mom to her."
Jane giggled, "No, you're Mom. I'm going to be Ma."
Maura smiled warmly and climbed on top of her. "And you'll be a wonderful Ma. I promise." She leaned down and her lips met Jane's. The fire from last night started as if it had never been away. Seven months and Jane was amazed that their love life had gotten stronger every day. It was a good thing she was Italian.
Around Ten thirty in the morning, Maura came down to the kitchen and smiled warmly as Angela was busy in the kitchen. She savored the smell of both a traditional breakfast as well as the hint of cherry pie coming from her oven. She had missed that smell so much in New York.
She smiled at the large bouquet of flowers that had appeared this morning on the kitchen island. Leaning over in her robe she gently inhaled the fragrance.
"Good morning, Ma." She said softly as the older woman turned to see her, "You didn't have to bring flowers."
Angela pointed a spatula at her gently, "Those aren't from me, honey. Read the card."
Confused she took the card in hand and as she read it she smiled. "Just in case I didn't say it this morning, you are my soul mate and my life would be incomplete without you. Love always, Jane."
Angela smiled over the younger woman's shoulder, "I never knew my Janie could be so romantic."
Maura smiled at her, "That's because she never has been."
"You are a God send, Maura." She said kindly. "When's Janie going to make an honest woman of you?"
"I don't understand."
Angela scoffed, "You know, when is she gonna propose?"
"I don't know." Maura said with a smile, "We're trying to take it slow and do this right."
Angela flipped the sausage patties on the skillet and groaned, "You two have been dancing around each other for years. You know that you're in love and that you want to be together and you want to have a baby. You should get married before you start a family."
"Ma, please." Maura pleaded, "Jane and I are in love and we do want to be together but please, let her decide when she is ready. I've waited for her for years and now that I have her, I can wait for the rest until she is ready."
"You're such a sweetheart, Maura." Angela said. "Janie is so lucky to have you."
Embarrassed, Maura turned away to get a coffee cup when she spotted Jane hugging the door frame. Heat rose into her cheeks as Jane smiled and wrapped her arms around her. She kissed her lightly and leaned back.
"I won't make you wait long. I promise." She said into her ear.
Maura felt the world shift slightly at the words. Jane always seemed to know exactly what to say and a promise from Jane might as well be chiselled into stone. Maura kissed her again and for a brief moment they forgot that Angela was watching. They didn't even hear the door open or someone coming in.
"Oh Jeez." Jordan barked, "Take it up stairs, you two."
"They look so beautiful together." Angela said.
"Yeah, so beautiful, I'm getting sick over here." Jordan joked as she set the two grocery bags down on the counter.
Jane broke away, unable to let that go, "Hey, our house, remember?"
Maura took a second to catch her breath as Jane kissed her forehead and held her tight.
She eyed her mother, "And when we do come back, you are going to learn to give space."
Angela merely rolled her eyes, "That'll be the day."
"Ma!"
Jordan laughed lightly. "At least she's not hiding it anymore."
"I'm going to take a shower and get ready." Maura said. "I just came down to find you some coffee."
Jane smiled, "I'll get it and be right up." She kissed her again and let go. Maura smiled and waved to the newcomer, "Hello Jordan."
"Hey Maura," she said as she emptied the grocery bags, "I brought over some decaf for Jane because I know you're trying to get her off the regular stuff."
"Oh come on!" Jane shouted, "I already told Maura that I'd quit drinking coffee after Springfield until she's pregnant, what more do you want from me?"
Jordan looked up to the blond. "Did she?"
Maura nodded, "She did, so she can have regular."
Jane glared over her shoulder, 'Oh thank you your majesty, I appreciate having your permission to drink coffee."
Maura smiled at the words she knew Jane didn't mean, "You're welcome." And she headed up to the bedroom.
Groaning, Jane plopped down on a stool. "Make it a tall one please," she groaned.
Jordan laughed at her as she prepped the small coffeepot she had brought over. "I swear that you are so whipped."
"Right and you're not." She grumbled, "You can't go more than an hour without calling Woody."
"There's a big difference here." She said, "Woody belongs to me. You belong to Maura."
"Yep, I belong to Maura and she belongs to me." Jane said as the coffee pot started hissing. "And I've never been happier. Because when Maura says and does the things she does, unlike any man I've ever been with, I know she does it because she loves me. Unlike control happy men."
Angel frowned at her, "Sean doesn't try to control me and I don't control him."
Jane looked to Jordan and crossed her arms over her chest, "Notice how she didn't say try in that last half."
"I did, actually." She said as she matched Jane.
Angela did a double take. They looked so much alike just then. Jordan Cavanaugh was just as tall as Jane and had the same figure. Her loose hair was such a deep brown that it almost appeared black and had a natural curl to it, not as wild as Jane's but still the effect was similar. Mocha eyes that better matched Liv's than Jane's. Only Kate's coffee colored eyes were comparable to her firstborn's chocolate ones. Both were lean although Jane had more muscle definition and Jordan had a mole next to her lip. But they could easily be mistaken for sisters.
"What?" they both said.
A lopsided grin creased her face, "I was thinking of how much you look alike."
"Okay, that reminded me of something so on that note, coffee, shower, dressed." Jane said as she dug out a coffee cup and filled it with the steaming liquid. "Bye." She bolted for the stairs thinking of that AUSA.
Jordan called out to her, "So we should stay down here, right?"
Jane threw a mean glare over her shoulder, "That would be a good idea."
Jordan chuckled as she turned back to Angela, "You're right, Ma. Just like rabbits."
They snickered knowingly together.
Kate walked in to Maura's condo and grimaced at the sight of Liv stretched out on Maura's couch with a large bottle of Stoli in her hand and a long straw stretching to her lips. Jane's flat screen was turned on and she was watching… Oh god, anything but this… the Lifetime channel.
Of all the weekends this had to happen. She stepped closer and noted the bottle was down a quarter. Since she knew that Jane didn't keep liquor since she dried out in the motel, she knew that liv had to have brought it over.
Liv caught sight of her and smiled, "Kaaatieeeeee!"
"What's going on Babe?" She said carefully.
"I'mmmm feeellling better." She said in an intoxicated stupor, "Whersssss Janie at?"
Kate sighed as she ran a hand through her hair. "She's in Boston, Liv. Remember, her dad has cancer."
"Oh that'sss right." She said as she smacked her thigh. "I remememeber now. Sssuch a shhhhame." She held up one finger, "Butah, he wasn't very niccce to Mah wasssseee?"
"Liv?" she said as she sat down next to her, "Did you bring that bottle from your apartment?"
Liv squinted as she tried to remember, "Nope, I bought it on the wayyy overer here. Went to three stores to find a ssstrawww long enough."
Kate snatched the bottle out of her hand.
"Heyy!" She said as she tried to sit up and failed miserably, "Gimmeee that back."
"Babe. You've had enough for the day."
Liv started to protest but Kate put a finger to her lips, "You can have more tomorrow if you come to bed now."
"Awweee Katie." She said, "You're teasing meee. You're ssstraight and you just had sexxx."
Even hammered, Liv's gaydar was right on. "Yes I am but if you promise not to fondle me in your sleep I'll hold you until dinner."
"Mm hmmm." She teased, "can't make that promissse. Drank too muchhh."
"And if Jane was here?" She challenged, "I don't think Maura would appreciate it if you felt her up."
"Oh I wouldn't do that to beautifffful, ssssweet Maura." She said as she giggled drunkenly. "She'ss alwaysssso nicccce and she'sssooo good to Janie. And she'ssssooo pretty too."
Kate took the older woman by the hand and helped her up. Liv threw an arm over her and Kate grabbed her waist and nearly dragged her to Jane's spare bedroom.
"You picked a helluva time to get wasted, Babe." Kate grunted. "Why is it I'm the only one who knows when I've had enough?"
"Becaussse you're cool headeded." She said softly, "Nothhhing bad hhhhappensss to you." Liv's hand found its way to her chest, Kate was about to grab it when Liv held it over her chest scar, "Except thisss and Janie wasss therrrre for you. She'sss always there for ussss. Even me."
Kate gently deposited her friend in the spare bed and pulled the covers around her. Liv wiggled, "Nope. You gotta get me naked."
"No I don't." She said in reply, "I love you Liv but this is way beyond boozing it up and if I have to take you to Mount Sinai, you're going dressed."
Liv's demeanor changed so quickly, One minute she was laughing and teasing the next she was bawling. "Whhhy can't I just be loved?"
Kate sat down next to her, "Babe. You are loved. We all love you, you know that."
"I just wanted someone to love me, like you and Rick. Like Jane and Maura."
Deciding to risk the grope, Kate laid down next to her and pulled her tight, "I'm so sorry Liv. She shouldn't have left you like this."
"Shhe didn't." Liv sniffled into Kate's shoulder, "I-I'm the one. I'm not good enough."
"Shhh." She said as she stroked her friend's hair, "Just go to sleep honey, we can talk about it later."
Liv sobbed for almost an hour before she finally passed out. Kate kept checking her pulse all afternoon to make sure she wasn't dying from alcohol poisoning, leaving the bed only to feed Bass and make something for Liv. She was honestly worried; in all of the years she had known Olivia Benson, she had never seen her so destroyed.
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