"How long are you thinking that it's going to take before all of this is going to trial?"
Olivia sat in her boyfriend's office surrounded by his secretary, who was taking notes, and the rest of her own team. That morning Liv had gotten a call from Rafael telling her that he needed to meet with everyone from special victims and discuss an earlier case they had worked. Little did any of them know, including Olivia, that the case Barba wanted to discuss was Liv's: a case that was and still had horrible implications for the sergeant and her family.
"It's looking like sometime in the next couple of weeks." Rafael admitted. "We will still have to pick a jury and deal with any pre-trial matters, but it's not looking like that's going to take all that long."
Nick cleared his throat. "How long have you been working on this case without telling us?"
"It doesn't work that way. It's been sitting without any action on my desk as long as it has been on yours. The only reason it's started back up is because their defense attorney came to me yesterday." Barba tried to clarify, knowing that Nick pointing out the lack of SVU's involvement would possibly upset Liv.
"So are we all going to have testify? Is that why we're here?" Amanda asked.
Rafael nodded. "Yeah you will. I was hoping to start working on all of your testimonies this week, whenever you all have the chance to make it here or I can get to the precinct. I don't want to be unprepared. This case is really important to all of us, some more than others" He looked over at Liv, but her eyes were directed at the ground, "and I don't want any surprises. I want this to go as smoothly as possible and I want the right conviction, just like all of you."
Olivia could feel Rafael watching her from where she sat at the table, but she couldn't make herself look up at him. She wanted to, she really did, but this case made her uncomfortable, it made her feel weak, and it made her feel exposed to everyone. It was awkward enough to be in the same room with her boyfriend and all of her team; she hadn't expected the topic to be all about her as well.
"We get it, Barba." Carisi always tried to be the yes man and the one not to start any rifts among his colleagues.
"Do you need anything else today, or are we done?" Liv stood up from her seat abruptly, stopping the conversation.
"Umm…well…" Rafael didn't know how to respond. "I had a few other things, but they can wait if you need to get back to the precinct."
The sergeant grabbed her purse from the back of the chair. "I'll send the team over when they have time so that you can work with them."
With their sergeant's initiation, the rest of the team followed suit, gathering their coats and other belongings. They all filed out of the office, slightly taken aback by the brisk ending to their meeting that had seemed rather important. They also noticed the tension between Rafael and Olivia, which also seemed odd as the pair was obviously not that way outside of work.
Everyone walked out and Liv brought up the end, but Rafael stopped her before she could get out of the door. "Is something wrong, Liv?"
"We're not talking about it here. We can talk when we get home tonight. I'll see you later." Rafael could feel the cold shoulder that he had just received from Olivia.
He was so confused. He assumed that Olivia would have been happy that the people who had attacked her and her son would be going to trial and finally be prosecuted for the disgusting things they did to them. But he had to admit sometimes he didn't understand Olivia's reactions to things; he had felt that way since they started working together. He couldn't always read her and she was never one to open up. It had led to tension a few times between them, but Rafael had assumed that since they were on a different level personally, he wouldn't run into the same emotional barriers Liv always put up.
"Noah, lovey, I know you're hungry, but mama has to finish cooking before you can eat." Olivia looked down at her son who was holding back tears as he gripped onto her legs.
"Hungy, mama, hungy." The little boy cried.
Rafael entered the apartment later that evening to watch the scene unfold between mom and son. The little boy didn't even make an effort to look at who had just come through the door because he was too preoccupied. The man couldn't help but chuckle at how desperate Noah was for his dinner.
"Noah, why don't you let mama finish cooking and we'll play for a little while before dinner is ready?"
Olivia had heard the DA enter the apartment, but she was avoiding making eye contact with him focusing on her son. "Noah go play with Rafi." She encouraged the little boy, who still didn't move.
It was a long evening with both kids, Noah improved after he finally got his dinner, but then Raegan started, wanting to be held and rocked, not letting Liv or Rafael put her down. By the time Noah actually fell asleep in his own room, it was nine thirty and Olivia was left on the couch with Raegan sleeping in her arms, too worried that if she put the baby down she would wake up and throw a fit.
Rafael, who had just checked on Noah to make sure he was still sleeping soundly, came back into the living room and sat down next to Liv, being careful not to disrupt the sleeping baby. "Can we talk about this morning?"
"What do you want to talk about?" Liv asked him, her tone screaming that she wanted to avoid the topic.
Rafael sighed. "Really Liv? You know exactly what I want to discuss. I want to know why you were so upset this morning, why you were so reluctant to cooperate with the trial."
"I'm not reluctant to cooperate, Rafael." Olivia told him.
"Then what is it, Liv? What is bothering you?" Rafael pleaded with her.
Liv stared down at the baby lying against her chest. "What's bothering me is that you didn't warn me about all of this. You didn't tell me that we would be going to trial and would have to testify against my attackers when you knew before this morning."
"I know I should have told you, but I just didn't know how to. I just assumed that if I told all of you a once you wouldn't feel so alone when you found out. You would know you weren't the only one who had to testify or go back to that day. I wanted you to have that support." The district attorney claimed.
"I just don't know." Olivia huffed. "I'm tired of being looked at by you and the rest of the team as a victim. This is the third time now and I don't want to be in this position anymore."
Rafael looked at her like he was seeing her in a completely different light, a light that came from her finally opening up. "Liv, I didn't realize you felt like that."
It was hard for both of them to open up and they had been better now that they were together than they had been when they were simply working together, but both of them hated to admit their weaknesses or when they needed help. It wasn't that Liv hadn't appreciated the support from Rafael and her team, but she was supposed to help the victims, be their advocate, not have to worry about who would help her and speak up for her.
"I know you didn't know that, no one knows that. I'm not going to sit there and have a pity party when I know you are all trying to help me. But I just can't do it; I'm tired of doing it."
"Liv, we can try and avoid a trial. I can try and get their attorney to agree to a plea deal." Rafael was trying to be helpful.
Olivia took a deep breath in an attempt to clear the lump that had formed in the back of her throat. "Look I know that you want to help and I appreciate it, but I know we need to take this to trial, I know a jury needs to hear this, and I want them to, I do."
"You are not in this alone Liv. You never have been." Rafael placed a comforting hand on her knee, but she quickly moved away from his touch.
"But I am alone." She told him. "As much as I don't want to be, I am. And all I can keep thinking is that I wish Noah or Raegan could speak, that they could tell everyone what those people did to them. They are who I care about, not myself. I care that they had to endure things no child should be subjected to and they can't tell anyone, they can't sit in front of jury and make them feel how horrible it all was. I'm doing this for them no matter how much I hate the idea."
"Okay, we're doing this for them, then." Rafael assured her. "Now let's stop talking about this, I don't want to upset you. You should get some rest."
Olivia stood up carefully stood up, hoping not to wake Raegan. "I think I just want to be alone tonight."
There was nothing else said by either of them before Liv walked out of the room. She turned the kitchen light off, leaving Barba in only the dim light of a single lamp in the living room. He had never felt so far from Liv. Just when he thought they were opening up and getting to know each other, all of it crumbles because Liv feels vulnerable. That vulnerability that was showing through was exactly what pushed Rafael to walk out of the apartment that night instead of ending his day in bed next to Liv like he had so many nights before.
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