She rolled over from her side on to her back and then all the way over to look at the other side of the bed. However, Olivia found it empty. Just as it had been for the last week, a reminder of the mistakes she had made with Rafael. Those mistakes though would have to be push aside for the time being as a certain baby girl was testing her lungs from where she laid in her basinet at the end of the queen sized bed.
"Raegan Grace, my sweet girl." Olivia cooed as she scooped the fussing infant into her arms. "Let's get you fed, before you wake up your brother."
The dynamic of the household had changed drastically since the little girl had entered Noah and Liv's lives. And although, she was already loved more than she realized by her foster mother, there were trying moments with two kids under the age of three and Olivia was only just beginning to gain a handle on taking care of both tiny humans while keeping up with her own job and its demands.
With a warm bottle in hand, Liv settled on the couch, and the baby sucked contently on her first meal of the day. "That's just what you needed, wasn't it?" The mom stroked the little girl's chubby cheek, earning half a smile as Raegan was still gripping the bottle in her mouth, unwilling to give up her food supply.
The morning was quiet as it had been for the last week without Rafael there. Sunday meant her only day alone with the kids, unless she was able to sneak in Saturday as well, but that had not happened that week. It never did leading up to an important trial, so Liv was cherishing her time just herself, Raegan, and Noah. Typically they stayed in and played, had their usual meals and naps, but without Rafael's company that she had come accustomed to on her days off, Olivia decided that instead her and the kids would go to the park and the children's museum, things that they didn't usually do, but they meant getting out of the house and entertainment for everyone.
By nine o'clock the apartment was filled with noise, baby coos, toddler giggles, plates from breakfast banging into the dishwasher. All of it made up a normal Sunday morning in the Benson household.
"Mama! Mama!" Noah's voice echoed through the kitchen from where he stood in the living room.
"What is it, baby?" Olivia left her post in the kitchen to see what her son was up to.
He stood in front of the baby swing that was occupied by Raegan. The baby girl swayed back and forth covered by stuffed animals that Noah had strategically placed on top of her.
"Rae laugh. She laugh mama!" The little boy looked up at his mom with his big brown eyes gleaming with pride.
Olivia couldn't help but smile. "Oh you made her laugh? Good boy Noah." She clapped for him, knowing how proud the he was of his accomplishments.
The day continued with a trip to the park where Noah ran around the bright colored play structure without a care in the world, enjoying the sunny afternoon. They had even ran into a few kids and parents that Noah went to daycare with, giving the little boy playmates and giving Liv adults to converse with. As the day progressed the mom decided to stop for a treat. She and the kids ended up in their favorite ice cream shop just a few blocks from the park. Noah sat contently with his scoop of chocolate and Olivia ate her cup of mint chocolate chip while she fed a very hungry Raegan.
The peaceful afternoon however, was soon interrupted with the blaring ring of Olivia's phone. "Benson." She answered the phone automatically without even checking the caller ID.
"Hey Liv, sorry to bother you on your day off." It was Amanda's voice that came through from the other line.
Olivia let out a sigh, knowing what a call from the detective meant. "Do you really need me?"
"It's nothing too bad. We just need you to review a case file from something that came in today before we take it to the DA." Amanda informed her. "I could drop it off for you."
Liv thought for a moment and looked at Noah sitting in his chair happily eating his ice cream and then down at Raegan who was enjoying her meal. She knew that Noah wouldn't be up for going home for his nap after the sugar he was having and the mom didn't really want to change all of her plans for a single case file.
"You know what, I'm only ten minutes from the precinct and I was headed that way anyway" the children's museum was rather close to the precinct "so I'll just swing by and pick it up myself."
Olivia pushed the stroller back to where she had parked her car, loaded the kids in their car seats and drove to the all too familiar work place she had hoped to avoid that day.
From the time she entered the building to actually making it to the squad room was longer than Liv had expected. After sixteen years in the same precinct, she knew everyone who had and still did work there, so they all were excited to see her come in with the kids. It seemed as if everyone knew how much she loved the idea of being a mom and they all treated the kids like they were part of the team. It was the same when she finally made it up to her detectives who had the pleasure of working on Sunday. However, Noah and Raegan were a welcome distraction while Carisi filled his sergeant in on the case.
"Hi Noah." Nick lifted the little boy out of his seat in the stroller, as he was reaching for the male detective he was so comfortable with. "Are you having a fun day with mama?"
"I Cream!" Noah squealed with delight.
Everyone laughed at him, Carisi and Liv included. "You went and got ice cream?" Nick clarified.
"Yeah." Noah answered him like it was completely normal.
Amanda herself had taken Raegan from her spot in the stroller and was gently bouncing the baby in her arms, making her smile at the young blonde detective. Although she had her very rough moments with her sergeant, Amanda still cared about her and the kids and since they had come into her life, Olivia had been much more open about the whole team being a part of their lives.
As everyone was distracted, Liv and Carisi still working on understanding the case and Nick and Amanda playing with the kids, Fin had answered a phone call on his desk phone.
The noise of children and adults that inhabited the squad room was broken by Fin. "Hey Liv."
The woman turned around to look at the man. "Yeah, what is it Fin?"
"That was Barba's secretary." Fin told her. "When was the last time that you talked to him?"
"Umm…" She didn't want to mention what had happened or that it had been a week since she had seen him. She knew all the detectives had their doubts; she didn't want to make them seem true. "I haven't talked to him today; he's busy with trial prep."
"What's this all about Fin?" Amanda asked her partner. She had known him long enough to know how he reacted to things and she could feel his hesitation.
"All his secretary said was that something happened and she figured you would want to know." Fin was avoiding eye contact with everyone.
Olivia froze. Something happened… what did that mean? If it had been important to the case or something involving SVU, Rafael would have called himself. He would have called her directly. This something wasn't work related.
"Did she tell you what happened?" The sergeant was almost afraid to ask.
Fin shook his head, but this time he looked in her eyes and Olivia could see the grief in his eyes. "She said she didn't know what happened, no one would tell her. All she knows is that he's in surgery at Mercy."
Olivia felt herself go numb. He was in surgery. He was lying on a table in the hospital with a doctor's hands in his body. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like all the oxygen everyone else in the room was using had been taken from only her. Why did it come to this? She had blamed him for things that now seemed so petty. It was a case and a trial; she knew how it went, she should have expected it, she should have known that Barba wouldn't do anything purposely to upset her. Was this how it had felt for everyone else with her? When William Lewis took her both times and when she had been attacked in her apartment, was the first thing on the minds of the people closest to her the last thing they had said to each other or the last thing that had happened between them?
"I have to go. I have to go." Her voice came out shakier than she had expected.
"Liv. Liv, you have to calm down." Nick gripped her shoulder. "Breath Liv."
She tried to take a deep breath but it was shallower than they had been before. "I need to be there. I have to be there."
"Okay." Nick nodded. "Let me take you there."
Olivia started to move and then realized she hadn't come alone. "The kids. I can't take them. They don't… They don't need to be there."
"It's okay Liv. Fin and I will take them back to your place and stay there." Amanda, who was still holding Raegan, assured her sergeant.
Olivia nodded in response not able to get any actual words out to agree to Amanda's proposal. The blonde didn't need her to say anything, though, to know that she appreciated someone taking the kids for her.
"All of Raegan's bottles are in the fridge, the formula in the cabinet. Umm… Noah will eat whatever is in the fridge or if you want to order food for all of you I'll pay you back." The exasperation was evident in Liv's voice.
"We'll take care of it Liv." Fin wasn't the best with kids, but he would do anything to make his commanding officer and friend's life a little bit easier.
The two detectives, Noah, and Raegan left to head back to Olivia's house and Nick walked Liv out. No words were exchanged between the former partners and it was just how Liv wanted it. Her mind was a mess with the worst possible thoughts of what had happened to Rafael and all she could think was that the last thing she did to him was kick him out of her apartment.
* What's going to happen to Rafael? Reviews please! *