"Rafael Barba. I need to know…." Olivia gripped the nurses' desk, making her presence known to all of the medical personal running around the small space.

The nurse nodded, seeing the panic written on the sergeant's face. "Okay, let me see what I can find for you."

Liv found herself catching her breath as the sound of the nurse typing at the compute faded into the background of all the other hospital noises. She hadn't stopped since Fin had revealed the contents of his conversation with the secretary, from then until now, her mind had been racing alongside her feet as soon as she entered the hospital.

"Ma'am it looks like he's still in surgery. If you head up to the third floor where the recovery rooms are, someone up there should be able to notify you as soon as he's moved."

Her pace wasn't as fast this time, her mind had slowed but only because now her thoughts were of the absolute worst case scenarios. She wasn't sure how long he had been in surgery, but it seemed to her that no matter the length of time it was still something that required too much medical attention, too much to hold comfort in a quick or easy recovery. Soon enough, though, Olivia was enveloped in the silence of the empty hospital waiting room on the third floor where the nurse had sent her. Even with Nick sitting in the seat next to her, she felt more than alone with only the ideas running through her head to keep her company.

Nick began to shift in his seat nearly an hour later, before standing up to face Liv, who was paying little attention the detective. "I'm going to go get some coffee, can I get you anything."

"Umm… yeah…" Liv looked at up her former partner and in that instance he noticed that tear stains that streaked her face. "I'll take whatever… I guess you know what I usually get."

"Okay, I'll be back. Do you need anything else?" Nick offered.

She took a deep breath, trying to silence the tears in her eyes and the lump that was forming in the back of her throat. "No…thanks. I'm fine. I think I'll call Amanda and check on the kids."

When the dark haired man had left on his trip for caffeine, Olivia pulled out her phone and dialed Rollins number from her favorites list. The phone rang only once before the blonde answered on the other line.

"Hey, Liv. Have you heard anything?"

"No…umm… no not yet." Olivia sighed at the answer she had to give. "How are the kids?"

"They're good." In that instance, Liv could hear a squeal from her son through the phone and a soft chuckle from Amanda. "As I'm sure you just heard Noah and Fin are playing a rousing game of tag and Raegan is asleep in your room."

Liv knew that she shouldn't sell her detectives so short, they were more than capable of staying with the kids for a couple of hours; she just worried about her babies. "Good. What about food, has Noah had dinner yet?" She looked down at her watch, seeing that it was almost her son's regular dinner time.

"Fin is going to go to the deli on fifth and pick us up some sandwiches and get Noah some man and cheese. Is that okay?"

"That's great. It's Noah's favorite so he'll be thrilled." In that moment the mom was so thankful to have the people she did to help her.

She hung up the phone a moment later, assured that her children were in good hands and that they would be just fine while she was away. However, when she looked at the wood double doors that were separating the healthy and the unhealthy, she couldn't stop herself from feeling like any of the control she had in her life or in her kids' lives was gone because she could do nothing to help the man she was realizing that she loved.

"The family of Rafael Barba." So buried in her thoughts, Liv hadn't even noticed the man donning the dark blue scrubs come into the waiting room.

Olivia turned around and saw the doctor behind her. "Umm… I'm… That's me."

"Here, let's sit." He ushered her to one of the tables in the waiting room.

"Can you tell me what happened? No one seems to know what happened." Olivia barely allowed the doctor to sit before throwing out her questions.

"I don't know the exact details. What I was told when he came in was that he was attacked by an inmate who had a shiv. I think he was at Riker's Island from what I understand."

Now that Rafael wasn't working for special victims, Liv didn't really know much about the cases he was working. "So then, what's wrong?" Olivia was wringing her hands waiting for answers.

"He had multiple stab wounds. Most of them were superficial and just needed to be stitched up. But one of the wounds was deep enough to penetrate the lung tissue. We repaired the tear with a skin graft and it seems to holding very well. But we're also worried about a concussion; he fell pretty hard when he was stabbed. We're waiting on some test results and then we have to take him up to get a CT and MRI."

She was expecting something much worse, but it still didn't sound like Rafael was home free by any means. "When can I see him?"

The doctor let out a long, deep breath. "I don't think you'll get to see him tonight. We still need to answer some of our own questions and make sure we know exactly what we are dealing with."

Olivia felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She hadn't been there for him in the last week, she hadn't been there when he was attacked by a reckless prisoner, and she still couldn't be there for him when he was coming out of surgery. He would be worried and scared waking up in an empty hospital room. All she wanted was to be there for Rafael like she hadn't recently and it looked like she wasn't going to get to do that soon enough.

The doctor could see the defeated expression that had overcome Olivia; it was obvious she had held a lot of hope in seeing Rafael that night. "Look, we're going to start running our tests and getting him settled in a recovery room very soon. I'm sure that by tomorrow morning, you'll be able to come and see him."

"Alright, thank you." Liv stood up from the table, swinging her purse over her shoulder.

The doctor stood up as well, but his speaking stopped Olivia from leaving the waiting room. "If it makes you feel any better, I can say that I'm pretty certain he will have a successful recovery and it shouldn't take too much time."

"I hope you're right." As much as she wanted to believe what the doctor was telling her and much as she knew that his medical knowledge was much better than her own, until she could see Rafael, she wouldn't trust that all of it would be so easy.

With a call to Nick, Liv met him at the car. When he arrived at the car, he started to ask Olivia what had happened, but her demeanor stopped him in his tracks. Her shoulders were hunched; she was staring out into the parking garage, her eyes looking at nothing. But she felt the presence of Nick, though; she didn't say anything, simply slipped into the passenger seat. Nick followed suit, starting the car, and driving back to Liv's apartment without sharing a single word the rest of the drive.

"Nick you can just pull in front." It was the first time she had spoken the whole twenty minute drive; but she still didn't look at Nick, instead she kept her eyes straightforward as Nick veered off the road and pulled up in front of her building.

"Thanks." Olivia opened her door, exited the car, and walked through the front doors of her apartment without looking back at Nick.

He knew that she needed her space and that she didn't mean any disrespect with her action, yet Nick could not shake the feeling that he would never get a chance to understand his sergeant. Just when he thought they were breaking through each other's walls, Olivia would build hers right back up.

When she walked through the front door of her apartment, Liv was greeted by Amanda and Noah, who were sitting on the couch, Noah with his sippy cup, watching the TV.

"Oh, hey Liv." Amanda stood up from her seat. "Sorry, he's still awake. He wouldn't go down without you, so I just put on a movie."

Olivia couldn't help but be thankful for the one little person who would always want her. "It's okay. I understand."

"So how's Barba?" Amanda nervously picked up some of the toys that were sprawled on the floor from her time playing with Noah.

Liv removed her jacket and went to pick up her son, placing a small kiss on his forehead as the tired little boy snuggled up against her. "He's…umm… he's fine, I guess. I didn't get to see him and the doctor said they still had tests to run."

"Oh. Okay." Amanda didn't know what to say. She didn't want to push her sergeant and it wasn't her place. "I'll get going, let you two get some sleep."

"Thanks for everything Amanda." Olivia was grateful for what the young detective had done for her and she was even more grateful that she respected her situation; that was the one thing that Amanda always understood, she hated when people pried and she never did it to others.

When the door had closed, Olivia looked down at Noah who was still awake. "Let's get you into bed, mister."

She laid the little boy down in his bed and tucked him in under his dinosaur sheets. Noah struggled against his mom and reached for his favorite stuffed animal sitting on the bed. It was a turtle that had been a gift from Rafael. After the pair had watching Finding Nemo for the first time, Noah had become obsessed with the sea turtles, so the district attorney had hurried out right away and found a stuffed one for Noah. Since then, the toddler wouldn't go to bed without it.

"Mama." Noah's big brown eyes stared up at Olivia.

"What is it my sweet boy?" Liv stroked his hair.

He held up the stuffed turtle. "Rafi play?"

Olivia's breath hitched in her throat. Until that moment she hadn't realized how much of an impact the DA had on her little family. And in that moment she realized that she wasn't the only one who needed Rafael, her kids that he had been so good to, needed him too. They all needed him and she wished that it hadn't taken something so horrible for her to realize just how important Rafael Barba was.

"Not right now, baby. Rafi can't play today. Soon, though, Rafi will come play with you again."

As Olivia walked out of her son's room, closing the door behind her, the tears she had been holding back now streaming down her face, she could only hope that what she had told her son would be true.

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