Fully Alive

Chapter Seven

"I remember you. Of course I do. I remember everything."

"Don't say that if you don't mean it." Vivienne spoke in barely a whisper.

"I can still picture you perfectly the last time I saw you. Your hair... those ridiculous pale pink dreadlocks..."

"You liked my dreads." Vivienne half-smiled as she turned around. "If I remember correctly."

Sherlock chuckled but didn't respond to the statement. He just continued his own train of thought. "Your crocheted bikini top that I had to help you tie back up that morning. That damn wrap skirt you were wearing..."

"I kept tripping over the hem when we walked out of the hotel." Vivienne suddenly remembered. "I hadn't tied it back up right so the hem was hanging too low." She took a tentative step towards Sherlock. "You've let me believe all this time that you had forgotten me. And you wait until now to tell me you've been lying?"

"If I'm being honest, I tried to delete you. I never thought I'd see you again and thinking about you was too much. But the most I could do was pack you away and hide you in a dark corner. I couldn't bring myself to ever actually forget you." Sherlock cleared his throat. "I didn't recognize you at first when you walked into my flat. You look... different now. More grown up."

"It's been 8 years. Of course I've grown up. A lot of it happened the day you left."

Again, Sherlock didn't respond to Vivienne's statement. "As soon as you spoke, though, I knew it was you. I thought that if I embarrassed you, if I was rude, you'd blow me off. So, I made a rash decision to make you think I had deleted you."

"Why?"

"I couldn't go without thinking about you at least once a day. And, contrary to popular belief, I do have a heart, and it broke every single time. But I had finally gotten to where I stopped thinking about you. I had my work. That was enough. I was selfish. I was too worried about breaking my own heart, that I never even took yours into consideration."

"So, the Tin Man had a heart all along. What a plot twist." Vivienne shook her head. "You are selfish. You always have been. But I loved you anyways. Despite all of your flaws, I fucking loved you. You're selfish. You're self-centered. You don't care about much but your work. But I didn't care. I don't care. I saw through all of that. I saw the real you. Perk of being blind, I guess."

"I cared about you." Sherlock took a step forward and reached out, taking Vivienne's hand. "And I loved you because you loved me. No one else has looked past everything the way you did."

"Why wait until now to tell me this? When you're leaving on a suicide mission." Vivienne let out a small, sad laugh. "It's the beach all over again. At least I'm warm this time."

"I was going to tell you after Angelo's, but I lost my nerve. I couldn't leave you this time without telling you."

"Because you won't be back."

"We don't know that."

"Yes, we do. Why lie to ourselves? This is a suicide mission." Vivienne closed her eyes and dropped her head. "Did you think it would be easier this way?"

"I didn't think any of it would be easy. Vivienne, if I could go back and change the way I handled everything, I would. I hope you believe that." Sherlock squeezed Vivienne's hand and pulled her close to him.

"For some stupid reason, I do. But it doesn't change anything now."

Sherlock couldn't think of anything else to say, so he just pressed his lips to Vivienne's, hoping he made a point.

Vivienne jumped a little at the shock of the kiss, but soon fell into a very familiar rhythm. She tangled one hand in Sherlock's hair and the other lingered on the waistband of his slacks. Their lips moved in unison as Sherlock placed his hands on Vivienne's hips. His hand drifted up under the hem of her shirt, but she pushed him back.

"No." She furrowed her brow.

"No?" Sherlock cocked his head to the side and leaned away.

"No. Is that why you brought me here? So you could get off before going and getting yourself offed? Because I'm not-"

Sherlock turned away, keeping hold of Vivienne's hand, and walked to the armchair he had been occupying. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." He sat down and gently pulled her into his lap.

Vivienne laid her head on Sherlock's shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her waist. "How long do we have?"

"A week."

"Then we make the most of it." Vivienne sighed. "What do our sleeping arrangements look like?"

"The bed is right in front of us. I assumed that's where you'll sleep."

"What about you? Do you have a room?"

"No. Just this one. And it's under your name."

Vivienne shook her head. "One room, one bed. Smooth, Holmes."

"I wasn't trying to be smooth. I couldn't exactly risk a room under my name now, could I?" Sherlock let out an annoyed sigh. "But thank you for believing in me so highly."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I take it back." The room was quiet for a moment as the pair became lost in their own thoughts. "Sherlock? I have a question."

"Mine first. Why did you never tell me how you came to be blind? Why tell me now? That first night, I mean."

"It didn't seem important." Vivienne shrugged. "I had been blind for 12 years. It was just who I was- who I am. The 'how' didn't seem necessary. Why didn't you ever tell me how or why you became a drug addict?"

"We have a week left together and that's what you choose to ask me?"

"Obviously. I asked, didn't I?"

"It didn't seem important."

Vivienne laughed at Sherlock's mocking reply.

"I'm serious, Vivienne. It didn't. I was sober. I had my work keeping me that way. But I had also found something else. Something that, until I found it, I didn't believe would be stronger than work or drugs."

"And what was that?"

"Love." Sherlock half-smiled. "You."

Vivienne blushed. "Are you still trying to get me to sleep with you?"

"No, you wanted the truth, didn't you?"

"You're right. I did. Thank you." Vivienne paused and pressed her lips to Sherlock's cheek. "I love you."

"And I, you." Sherlock closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Vivienne's cheek.

Vivienne stifled a yawn. "Come to bed with me. I'm exhausted."

Sherlock just nodded and let his grip around Vivienne's waist go. She stood up and stripped down to nothing but her t-shirt and a pair of lime green, lace boyshorts.

"Lead the way when you're ready." She undid her hair and quickly fixed it, making sure it wasn't too crazy.

Sherlock took Vivienne's hand and led her over to the bed. She sat down on the edge and Sherlock watched as she situated herself on the opposite side. He waited patiently until she had gotten comfortable before crawling in next to her.

"Goodnight, Holmes." Vivienne scooted over and buried her head in Sherlock's shoulder. She threw her arm over his torso and breathed out heavily.

"Goodnight, Vivienne." Sherlock kissed her on the forehead and closed his eyes. He didn't have to wait long before Vivienne's breathing slowed and deepened. He wrapped his arm around her and waited for sleep to come.

Vivienne awoke to an empty bed. She reached her arm out and felt nothing but cold sheets next to her.

"Sherlock?" She called out, nervous that he was gone.

"Sorry, couldn't sleep. Are you alright?"

Vivienne felt the bed sink down next to her and she immediately moved to be close to Sherlock. "Got a bit anxious. I'm fine. What about you? Are you okay?"

"I was thinking. And watching you sleep."

Vivienne placed her hand on Sherlock's chest and slowly moved it up until she found his cheek. She leaned in, confident in where he was, and pressed her lips to his frantically. "Thank you for doing this." She said as she pulled away. "I just wish we had more time."

"We have all the time in the world." Sherlock replied, tangling his fingers in hair on the back of her head. He kissed her and moved so he was laying her down on the bed, then maneuvered himself on top of her.

Vivienne opened her mouth to say yes, but found herself unable to speak. She took a deep breath and nodded before kissing Sherlock once more.

He ran his hand up underneath Vivienne's shirt, grazing the skin lightly with his fingertips. She arched her back in response. She grinned as she reached down and grasped the hem of Sherlock's shirt. She pulled it up as much as she could and Sherlock sat up on his knees to take it the rest of the way off. Vivienne took the opportunity to slide out of her underwear and to pull her shirt off as well.

"You sure you're okay with this?" Sherlock asked as he discarded his shirt.

"I've never been more sure of anything." The look in her eyes told him she wasn't lying.

Sherlock slid his Pajama pants off and crawled back on top of Vivienne. He kissed her again, their lips moving in unison. He pulled back a little and kissed the corner of her mouth before leaving a trail of kisses down her neck, between her breasts, and down to her bellybutton. He glanced up to see the look of pleasure that had taken over Vivienne's face before he started his way back up.

"I love you." He mumbled, pressing his lips to hers and enveloping himself in her in one thrust, eliciting a loud moan in response.

Vivienne awoke the next morning to an unusual sensation. The sunlight coming in the window was too bright. She was almost too afraid to open her eyes. It had been a long time since the morning light had woken her up...

She peeked out of one eye and saw a mess of dark brown curls on the pillow next to her. She shrieked and jolted up, falling into the floor in the process.

The nose woke Sherlock, who sat up quickly looking around for Vivienne. He finally saw her sitting on the floor, eyes wide in shock. "What's the matter? Are you alright?"

"I- I can- I..." Vivienne stuttered. "I can see you." She crawled back up onto the bed slowly. "I can actually see you. You're a bit blurry, but... there's color. I can see you."

xxxxx

A/N: Fuuuuuuuuuck. I've been working on this chapter for the past 3 nights trying to get it right. Hopefully I did. I'm not happy with some of it. Actually most of it. Maybe like a half of it. Tell me what you think. As always, review, follow, & favorite, please!

PS: Sorry for all of the misspellings last chapter. I'm writing this in a word document on my phone and autocorrect kept getting the best of me. I usually edit before i post but I guess my tired brain decided to not see all of the words that got changed. They're fixed now.