Hey guys, I know I've been away for a while but I got a really sweet comment out of the blue today, and it made the fire for this story reignite. This is what you get! :)
The next day at work Brend tried to slink into her office unnoticed…she really didn't feel like interacting with her aids today. Hopefully they would prove to be as perceptive as they always were and leave her alone. She was dressed in a clean-cut power suit, one she didn't have to work very hard to pull off, and it was tailored nicely and fit her well. Not wanting to wrangle her curls today, she simply pulled them back away from her face into a sleek bun. She wore minimal make up…just enough to cover up the red and splotchy cheeks.
Last night had been long and restless, even the sleep she had fallen into eventually became frantic, she couldn't help but relive the last few moments of Sharon's conversation over and over again. Brenda stared out over the Los Angeles skyline, her eyes following the dips and peaks.
She was lost in her own world…the last few months with Sharon; suddenly she doubted every interaction they had. What if she had been reading too much in to it? Obviously she'd gotten confused somewhere. After thinking about, she didn't begrudge Sharon or he reaction, in fact if Brenda were in her position she certain she would have proposed the same questions.
How could Sharon trust her after the way she acted? How could she guarantee that she wasn't some sort of midlife crisis that Brenda would tire from in months…maybe even weeks? Of course the blonde knew the answers to these questions, she knew she would never treat Sharon that way, but how did the brunette know that? She should have known better than to assume, with the type of relationship the older woman had with her ex-husband, Brenda should have known she'd need reassurance.
Her track record with relationships was anything but perfect, but with Sharon she was trying. She tried to be more accommodating, to be more responsible for herself and her actions, she had thought she'd been doing a good job. Except that Sharon had doubts the entire time, only opening herself up enough for a taste of the woman she could be to sneak through, and that must have been what Brenda became enamored with, the idea of what could have been it seems.
She propped her elbow on the desk in font of her, placing her chin in the cradle of her palm. Her eyes were heavy and dry; the slow blinks she was managing were beginning to wear her down. She wasn't quite sure where they would go from here; she couldn't go back to being friends with Sharon…it just wouldn't work. She had told the other woman things, done things with her that she couldn't imagine doing with anyone else. She had seen a different side, no matter how little, to the brunette and it was one she liked; she wasn't willing to let that go.
Although on the other hand, she didn't want to pressure the older woman into something she didn't want. It was clear to Brenda that Sharon knew what she wanted, and it was time for her to think of someone other than herself. She wouldn't engage Sharon in the discussion or listen to the apologies that at this point were sincere but awkward all at the same. She would graciously give the older woman an out from this…well what ever this was.
She reached for the receiver when she heard a tentative knock from her doorway. When Brenda looked up, she had somehow known who it would be, but it didn't make the meeting any less painful. All the rehearsing and pep talks she gave herself leapt out the window when she came face to face with Sharon Raydor herself. Brenda bit her lip; this wasn't going to be a pleasant conversation.
Sharon had been right when she guessed sleep would elude her the night before, every time he closed her eyes she pictured the look on the younger woman's face as she left her office yesterday. Eventually she gave up on sleep and settled on the balcony of her condo with a hot cup of tea and a stack of paperwork she needed to finish desperately.
On the way to work the next day, or later that morning it would seem to be, the captain contemplated her options. She didn't have many that was for sure…she could continue to call Brenda and hope at some point she would feel inclined to call her back. Or the other, bolder option would be take a detour to the blonde's office, confront her face to face. Sharon wasn't sure that was the best option given the circumstances, if it was one thing she knew about the other woman, it was that she valued her privacy…her work environment would be no place for that type of conversation.
The older woman tried dialing Brenda once more, not surprised when the phone sent her straight to voicemail, again. That made the decision for her, and whether Brenda liked it or not this was a conversation they needed to have…neither of them would be able to concentrate until it was over. With that Sharon took the exit off the freeway just before the one she took everyday.
The ride up to Brenda's office felt like a lifetime. Sharon was nervously rocking from foot to foot, her hands deftly tucked into the pockets of her blazer. She did have things she needed to say, concerns she needed to voice, or should have voiced sooner. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with Brenda, quite the contrary; she had deep feeling s fro the blonde. However, Sharon Raydor would be herself without a few concerns and doubts, some which could be unfounded but some that could be pertinent to their situation. She was prepared to give this relationship with the blonde her all, but she would not set herself up for heartbreak once again…she had to be sure that Brenda was serious, that her head as well as her heart was in this for the long haul.
The ding of the elevator startled her out of her thoughts. She gathered all her strength; inhaling and exhaling rhythmically, as she strode confidently down the hallway. The quick tap tap of her heels a comforting sound that echoed around her, the strides quick and sure with purpose.
The first thing she noticed as she rounded the corner at the end of the hall was that the out entrance to Brenda 's office was open. As she got closer it was then that Sharon noticed her two aids that normally inhabited the out office were nowhere to be found. She strode through one doorway and paused as she approached the door to the inner office. She gazed at the woman she could clearly see seated in the office chair
Brenda's normally bubbly and vibrant wardrobe was tempered today; a charcoal grey pantsuit and practical white V-neck shirt were her choice of attire today. The normally unruly locks were smoothed back away form her face and fastened into and almost severe bun at the base of the blonde's neck. Sharon knew what type of a tension headache that would cause for the younger woman later; she shook her head sadly.
She knocked on the doorjamb softly, trying to gain the other woman's attention. It wasn't until Brenda connected eyes with her that Sharon understood the need for her power suit of armor; she could clearly see that Brenda hadn't had the best night's sleep either, she looked as spent as Sharon felt.
The unguarded look that greeted the brunette was gone in a flash, some sort of wall going up around the brown eyes Sharon loved. There was hardness there now that wasn't there before, a steely resolve that the captain was sure she was prepared to fight. But fight she would, she had to try.