Chapter 4

Koen took a deep breath, tugged once at the stiff collar of his new Alliance uniform, and stepped off the public transport onto 11th Street. Nothing had changed in the time he'd been away. The same filthy streets, the same stink of rotting garbage; the same tattooed kids eyeing him greedily from a corner. Once he would have picked a fight—he was a Red and no one looked funny at a Red, but now he simply moved his gaze elsewhere, hand brushing the pistol he was now certified to carry.

He could see the community center ahead and his heart thumped once with dread. The last time he'd seen Josiah… He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to relive the shame, but the memories rushed forth anyway: he'd beaten up an old man who'd never shown him anything but kindness, and stole money that would have been given to the needy families in the area. He'd bolted from the church, the pain of betrayal in Josiah Shepard's eyes too much to bear.

The police found him a few minutes later and brought him back, quivering with fear and anger, certain that the old man would have him put away for good.

Josiah, one eye starting to swell shut, smiled at the officer. Koen froze, disbelieving, as Josiah calmly lied to the officer. He said he'd fallen down the stairs—said he'd given the money to Koen who was going to sign up with the Alliance and needed some pocket money. It was a lie—all of it. Koen hadn't even known that the old pastor could lie.

In the face of the respected community member's repeated denial of any wrongdoing, the officer had no choice but to let Koen go. Time seemed to stop as Josiah Shepard looked at the young man in front of him, shaking with disbelief and residual fear.

"Well, Koen? What now?" The old man said, smiling.

Koen ran.

And now he was back. He'd done what he could to make sure Josiah's lie would become true—he'd signed up a day later with the Alliance recruiter, using the surname "Shepard." It seemed fitting, especially since Koen had never claimed his step-father's name, and his mother's name had never been mentioned in his hearing. Also, it would help him remember what kind of person he was trying to be; what kind of person he was leaving behind.

Stepping through the community center doors without realizing how he'd gotten there, Koen blinked, adjusting his eyes to the dimness inside.

"Can I help you?" A middle-aged woman with lines of exhaustion and worry lining her mouth looked up from a desk beside the door—one that he didn't remember being there.

"I'm looking for Reverend Joe."

She frowned.

"Josiah Shepard?" Koen said, a cold knot of worry forming in his gut.

Her face cleared. "Oh yeah, him. I'm sorry; he died a few months back."

The bell-like singing of the hanar had long ended, but still the young drell stared into the depths where his father's corpse had slipped beneath the waves. Shepard watched at an awkward distance, unsure of what to do. Did the kid need some time alone, or was Shepard just reinforcing the fact that the kid had no one left in the world by not at least attempting to comfort him? He rubbed a hand over his face—Ashley would have known what to do. Didn't she have three sisters?

"Commander?"

Shepard turned to see Asaera Otas walking toward him, an asari with skin the color of the surrounding seas following behind.

"Commander, this is a colleague of mine—Lelyna."

The asari extended her hand, human style, and Shepard shook it.

"I apologize for intruding at such a time," she continued, glancing over at Kolyat's hunched figure, "but I needed to make sure I met with you before you left Kahje." She folded her hands in front of her. "Thane made an unusual request before his soul departed his body. He wanted to relive a memory for you, Commander, but not so that you could see Thane remember it—he wanted you remember it as he would."

Shepard frowned. "That doesn't make sense. How would I have access to Thane's memory unless I was there to watch him relive it?"

"That's where I come in, Commander," Lelyna said, inclining her head. "Asari possess the ability to transfer memory—though it is not often done except between intimates. But Asaera tells me you are in fact young Kolyat's father now—"

"Thane is—was his father," Shepard interrupted, voice firm. "I'm just looking out for the kid until…" His voice faltered. What was he to Kolyat? Was he just supposed to abandon him when he stopped grieving? That didn't feel right.

Asaera's voice was compassionate. "You are his caretaker for the moment, at the very least. Commander, Thane wanted you to have this memory as a gift—a way for you to see Kolyat from his perspective. He also said it also contained… a warning." Her yellow eyebrow ridges drew close together in a frown. "Though I'm not quite sure what he meant about that last part. At any rate, it was the last thing he wanted."

Shepard eyed the asari, but she seemed calm and unaffected of his stare. "I've joined minds with asari before," he warned her. "And they all seemed to find it an exhausting experience."

Lelyna nodded. "A particularly strong mind can be tiring, but we can be seated so that there is no risk of injury. I am also a matron and have joined my mind many times before—mostly in service of patients like Sere Krios who wish to transfer a memory to a loved one."

"You won't go rooting around for… memories that are mine, will you?" His memories still included the disturbing message from the Prothean beacon, not to mention private events like his time with Miranda, or when he had stolen from Josiah. Things that no one else had any business seeing.

Lelyna shook her head. "I will be transferring a memory; not receiving any. There is a slight possibility of cross transference once the meld begins, but if your control is as strong as you claim, the memories that come across will be nothing but brief images—impossible to decipher and will offer no lasting trauma to myself. I am also trained to block another's memories—other patients I work with do not often have the control that you possess. For my own sanity, I must protect myself."

"All right." Shepard nodded. "Let's get it over with."

Having nowhere better to go and since there was no one else around aside from Kolyat at the edge of the pier, Shepard sat cross-legged on the platform, the salty wind tugging at his hair.

Lelyna gazed into his eyes. "Relax, Commander, open—"

"Open my mind, embrace eternity; I know the drill," Shepard said. He rolled his neck to pop it and met the asari's startled blue gaze with his own. "Just do it."

Lelyna's eyes blanked to black, and suddenly Shepard was in a cheery yellow room, a hanar floating beside him.

"You don't have to wait with me, Dances on the Wildest Waves," Shepard said, though it was Thane's gentle burr that rumbled from his mouth. "Irikah assured me that all is proceeding as it should."

The hanar's pink body quivered with amusement. "It would be dishonorable for the offspring of Thane Krios to be greeted with silence. I am honored to greet the young one with the Song of the Morning."

Shepard-Thane nodded, seeing that he wouldn't change the hanar's mind, and resumed his prayers.

A sudden pained shout from further inside the house made him jump to his feet. Silence returned for several minutes, aside from the thudding of his heart. Dances on the Wildest Waves trilled a calming song, but Thane barely heard it as footsteps approached the door to the sunroom where he and the hanar had been waiting.

A sea-foam green drell with a pale white stripe running from her crest and hiding beneath her clothes, stood at the door, smiling.

"Sere Krios, your wife and son are ready to greet you now."

Shepard-Thane felt his hands tremble, and he clasped them behind his back. A son? "Arashu has blessed me with a child this day," he mouthed the traditional words calmly, but inside he wanted to join Dances's sweet voice in a song of celebration. Swift steps carried him over the threshold, deeper into their home.

Irikah was standing with her back to him, facing the large window that overlooked the Encompassing. Shepard-Thane's breath caught in his throat at her beauty against the light of the setting sun. The glowing yellows, golds, and reds set an iridescent fire to her bluish-green scales and the darker stripes that flowed from her head down her back and curving over the rounded swell of her hips.

Her arms were cradled around a small bundle. He stopped halfway across the room, suddenly fearful, but Irikah turned, her brilliant eyes laughing at him and pressed the swaddled infant into his arms.

"Mind his head, my love," she said, brushing her fingers over his crests.

Shepard-Thane adjusted his grip on the baby, mouth dry. When his son gazed back at him through gummy, bleary eyes as black as his own, he felt a surge of an emotion so powerful it was as if Arashu herself had passed through the room. He had thought when he first met Irikah that he had woken up—but perhaps that had only been one eye. Little Kolyat yawned, revealing small, perfect teeth—and Thane knew that now, both of his eyes were open.

"Will young Kolyat be a servant of the Compact?" The polite voice of Dances on the Wildest Waves intruded into the moment like a sour note in the middle of a song. Irikah's hands stilled from where she had been stroking the baby's soft, unformed crests. Shepard-Thane could read distress in the flicker of her inner eyelids and turned to the hanar.

"No," he said, a little more firmly than he intended and cleared his throat. "As you are aware, my friend, a first child is the keeper of memory for a drell family."

"Ah." Dances on the Wildest Waves quivered. "So I will have the pleasure of your second offspring for an apprentice? I am pleased."

Irikah's eyes flashed with familiar fire, but Shepard-Thane laid a calming hand on hers. This was neither the time nor the place to get involved in the intricate, polite dance of refusal and submission. Now was a time for them, for Kolyat.

Shepard emerged from the memory like breaking through the surface of water, his arms still cradled around an invisible drell baby. He blinked, the images receding slowly from his mind, and was surprised to feel tears tracing down his cheeks. Glancing up, he saw Kolyat still standing, gazing at the ocean, and for a moment, Shepard knew with a gut-wrenching certainty that if it meant his life to protect this young man, he would do it without hesitation. It was a frightening, thrilling thought—foreign and yet strangely familiar.

Is this how it feels to be a father?

"Commander? Are you okay?" Asaera knelt to his level, her gold-scaled hands warm on his arm.

"Y-yeah. I'm fine," he said past the lump in his throat.

"What did you see?" Asaera's expression seemed too intense—bluish green scales glimmering with iridescent fire—and Shepard looked away, masking his discomfort by standing to his feet.

Lelyna frowned at her drell colleague. "Asaera, you know that's confidential. Thane authorized me to give it to Shepard only."

Asaera looked discomfited for a moment. "I… I didn't mean to pry…"

Shepard shook his head. "No offense, but I think I'll keep it to myself. It was a little… personal." He glanced over at Kolyat. "Excuse me, I need to be somewhere else."

Asaera and Lelyna watched as the human walked over to the young drell, said something and hesitantly put his arm around Kolyat's shoulders. After a moment, the two walked back up the pier.

Lelyna smiled. "At least something good has come of this sad day."

Asaera said nothing, watching the human and the drell leave with unblinking eyes.

Author's note: A parody version of this chapter might include a song and snazzy dance number in Koen's memory: When you're a Red you're a Red all the way, from your first cigarette to your last dyin' daaaay!

I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist.