Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Feeling

"There two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting." Gautama Siddharta

BPOV

I hated this dark, small, secluded room. I was not used to ignorance. I was not used to being treated like I was a beggar. Delirious, I shook my head and opened my eyes. My clothes had a lightly repulsive stench that repelled most my classmates me. I hated that I'd woken up everyday for the last ten days in this desolate, suffocating, dark room with concrete flooring, and sharp crevices- it was a room I shared with a dozen other kids who had been orphaned.

This was where I had been wasting my time since the day after my father had passed away. Just thinking about him made my eyes water. It also made me feel an unfamiliar surge of anger ripple through me. I couldn't believe that he had left almost nothing for me. Most of his earnings had been donated to aid the police station in Forks. The old grey building was his real family – I realized this now. It was his home, and I wasn't part of it. He didn't even leave me the house - he left me nothing, the way he'd left Renee with nothing. It was sudden. It felt horrendous.

I shuddered while looking at the thick spider webs that were covering the ceiling. I remembered how I used to think of them - the pretty sparkling things that gave more light to my day. They used to be the delicate gossamers that shone with diamond-like drops of morning dew. My mom would tell me that they were a fairy's trampoline. My father would tell me it was the result of the spider's hard work, and that the results of hard work would always be glorious.

I sighed. That was the past. This was the foreseeable future. A gloomy one. Grabbing my bag, I hurried out of the house and headed for school.

A car honked loudly behind me and I turned my head, startled. It was Alice, and she was waving.

"Hey Alice." I hoped she wouldn't notice the desparate tone of my voice. Honestly, the sleepover at Alice's place the night my father died had been pleasant, and my last night of soundless sleep. Everyone's presence, with the exception of Edward's, was comforting in some way.

With the Cullens, I felt more at home than when I had been with my father, ever.

Alice sighed. She saw right through me. "Bella, don't fake it - you're unhappy."

My smile faltered and my lips twitched sourly. "Tell me what I should do then. You honestly like me being mopey instead of whistling tunes?"

She rolled her eyes. "Hell yeah. Go get your luggage. Get everything of yours out of that damn madhouse."

I stared. She had to be kidding me, right? I made no indication that I was going to move; I just stood there, gaping at her like an idiot.

"Hey Bella? Snap out of it. I'll explain later. Promise." She had a wicked gleam in her eyes that made me realise she had already planned something.

Strange, I wondered, wasn't this supposed to be a school day? And Alice was a person who never ever missed a day at school…

Nevertheless, I dumped my bag into the passenger seat beside Alice and headed back into the orphanage to grab my sweater - my only other piece of clothing. The rest was at Charlie's house, and I definitely wasn't in a hurry to go there, yet.

I locked the door and opened Alice's car door.

"Let's go," I said.

One thing I hated about Alice's driving was that it was too fast. Just like Edward's. I guessed it was a Cullen thing.

"Where are we going?"

"To your Dad's place!" Alice chirped excitedly.

I looked at her, stunned and bewildered.

"And why the fuck of all places are we going there? We're meant to be at school now for Christ's sake's."

Alice sighed again.

"Bella, you're my friend! My best friend. Do you honestly think I would do nothing about this?" She gestured at me.

I snorted. "Okay. So you're going to wait for a miracle to happen then? 'Cause that won't happen 'til hell freezes over."

"Huh? And no I'm not waiting for a miracle to happen. You're going to move in to my place. And you'll have your own room and whatever you want. You'll be like my sister!" Alice sighed happily.

My jaw dropped.

Alice squinted at my expression. "You don't honestly like living in an orphanage do you, Bella? 'Cause if you do, you can stay there. I was just voicing an opinion…"

"Alice! Of course I'll love to stay with you," I grinned. It was first time I'd shown any emotion in ten days.

Alice beamed back.

When we got to Charlie's place, I quickly stuffed all my clothes and belongings into the suitcase Alice lent me.

"Need help?"

I nodded, grateful that she'd come out of the car.

Together we lifted the valise into the trunk of the car and headed to the place I would call home, temporarily.

"Everyone's at school, right?"

Alice nodded.

We hobbled inside with the luggage and met Esme and Carlisle in the living room.

"Welcome, Bella," Esme said sincerely while hugging me tightly.

"It's nice to have you here, Bella," Carlisle offered generously.

I blushed. "Thanks, it was really nice of you to offer."

Alice groaned, and dragged me away from her parents.

"C'mon. I'll give you a tour."

***

Alice chatted away happily. 'That's Em's room. And that's Rosalie's next to his. Jasper's next to mine. It's not really all that interesting. But mine is. And so is Edward's. Come on.'

Alice's room was amazing. Like the others', it was big, but wasn't spacious. Her wall was painted pink, with yellow stars dotting the bland wall. She had a queen sized bed, and it was all pink and shiny - full of the metallic girl stuff I was never able to digest.

She had a massive purple dresser with a full length mirror. In fact, she had lots of mirrors. If I hadn't known Alice very well, I would've thought she was a very vain person.

Sensing my awe, Alice shrugged her shoulders and pulled me into Edward's room.

I found his room much more interesting. He had rows and rows of CDs, and bookshelves of novels. I went closer to observe the titles of some of them, and was surprised to find that we had similar tastes in both music and books. Pity he was always acting like a self-absorbed person whenever I was present.

Alice chuckled. 'Yeah, yeah, you'll have another chance to visit his room, don't worry. Let's go to yours. It's right next to his.'

I nodded.

"Sorry," Alice apologized.

"It's okay. At least I don't have to live on my own."

My room, as I expected, was plain. There was also a queen size bed with down quilts already spread across. It was more than I could ever ask for.

"I'm sorry for not decorating your room a bit. There wasn't much time…"Alice apologized again.

I shook my head.

"Thanks so much, Alice," I whispered, with a lump in my throat, "I really don't deserve this."

"It's fine, Bella. You just lost a big part of your life that can't be replaced. Everything's cool with us. In fact, I think Mom's ecstatic."

We were silent for a while, lost in our own thoughts.

Suddenly the door slammed and we both jumped.

My voice trembled. "Awww, crap!"

Alice sighed. "Don't worry, Bella. He already knows."

At least he was prepared for my presence in the house. It would probably make things a little bit easier to handle.

"Edward! Bella's here." I heard Esme say warmly.

"What? Oh, right. How nice," he snapped back.

"Be nice to her." Carlisle warned gently.

"Yeah, yeah."

"Sorry!" Alice whispered back, and we both giggled quietly.

At least I had Alice for company.

We heard a door open again and I wondered who it was.

"Dammit," Alice cursed quietly.

"Who is it?"

"Jessica."

"Stanley?" I asked. "What's she doing here?"

"It's Edward's umm…," Alice stuttered, embarrassed.

I laughed. "His girlfriend?"

"Something like that. Close the door, they're coming upstairs."

I kept my head down as I went to close the door, hoping not to catch a glimpse of Jessica, or Edward.

"Now look who it is. Nice to meet you, Bella." Shit. She'd caught me. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

I shook my head.

"I'm with Alice," I replied courteously.

Alice defended, "Yeah, she's with me. She's my friend. There's nothing wrong with a sleepover is there? Isn't that what you're doing?"

"Oh yes that's right. I'm having a sleepover with Edward." Jessica replied, sarcastic.

Alice slammed the door.

"Get used to that."

I was surprised. Jessica was my classmate, but she had never mentioned Edward before when she spoke during class and lunch. She was always talking about proms or organizing movies to see with friends.

'She comes here a lot?'

Alice glared darkly at the door. 'More than a lot. She's, you know, one of the girls that have slept with Edward. So of course.'

'Jessica's slept with Edward?!'

"Duh. More than once. I'm sorry to say, and I'm also rather embarrassed as he is my brother, but yeah, he has had more flings with Lauren, Jessica, Tanya, and all those stuck up bitches than you can count on your fingers.

I opened my eyes wide and felt incredulous.

"And you never mentioned this before because…?!"

Alice laughed a tinkling laugh. "Because it never came up. Since when did we ever talk about boys and sex?"

"But it's your brother!" I protested. She always told me Edward was a quiet person, and never did she mention the fact that he was a fuck-all sleazebag who had groupies.

"It's private stuff, okay?"

"Right." I giggled. "Private."

EPOV

Jessica lying on my bed was fucking distracting me. She had practically begged me to do the damn assignment and finish it tonight, but it wasn't fucking possible. Not with her lying on the bed, her light brown hair all spread out on my pillow. And shit, she smelled like sex. Not that I cared, since I was the one who would have her down on me tonight.

"Fuck that,' I groaned, "We still have ages for this to be due. Why do it now?"

Jessica shrugged. "I thought you would just want it out of the way."

I could have possibly been imagining the double meanings in her words. Hell yeah.

"It's already out of my way," I whispered cockily and grinned.

Then I covered her mouth with mine. She smelled nice, and tasted like those shitty artificial lip glosses that had a flowery flavor, but I didn't feel anything. There was no passion or heat. None at all. I wanted to taste lemons, and smell sweetness. And with that thought I suddenly felt like I was going to fuck an already fucked up Barbie doll. Shit. But I already had a semi, and I wasn't going to give up the chance. It had been too long.

The door creaked just when Jessica was about to unbutton my jeans. Perfect timing, Emmett.

"Edward?" A timid voice, that sounded all velvety and perfect asked, "Esme wants to see you."

Jessica gasped beneath me and I looked towards the door to see who it was.

Fuck. It was Bella. Bella, with her blue pyjamas on… and with her shiny chestnut hair down. Shit.

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