The warm spray of the water pounded down on him, flattening his hair to his forehead and the sides of his face where Dean had just been cupping his jaw, kissing him gently and slowly with the wet slide of their tongues together as the larger boy had shuddered and sighed his way through his own throbbing release deep inside Castiel. He ran a hand over his chest and abdomen, half-heartedly washing away the dried streaks of his own come that had been there since Dean had stroked him through his own orgasm; one leg hooked over the larger boy's shoulder at the knee and the other wrapped around his waist pressing hard enough into Dean's lower back that his boyfriend would probably feel the phantom ghost of his heel there for days.

Castiel smirked to himself when he thought of Dean aching in the almost the same places that he did; his lower back, his legs, his arms muscles that were sore from the most unconventional workout that was still his favorite right up there with jogging and running and rifle drills. He reached behind himself blindly, fumbling for the bottle of Dean's body wash that he knew was on the short ledge that was built into the wall so that he could finish his shower and then he and Dean could go get something to eat. Luckily the diner served breakfast all day so even though it was now almost five Dean was still going to be able to get an omelet the size of his face; a desire that he had voiced into the hollow of Castiel's throat when his boyfriend's stomach had rumbled ominously at them.

The door to the bathroom was on his left and Cas just smiled wider when he heard it open and close, squinting through the steam and the water streaming down his face to see Dean clad in his favorite pair of blue plaid pajama pants divesting himself of said pants before he climbed into the shower behind Castiel. The shower in Dean's apartment was much narrower than the one that had been in their hotel room the night of the winter ball and it wasn't exactly a tight fit for the both of them to be in there together, but it was close and that was just fine.

"Shit,Cas." Dean cursed, tucking his arms behind Castiel's back in an effort to avoid the scalding jets of water pouring down on him by using the smaller boy as a shield. "Why do you always have to have the water so hot?"

"I like it hot," Cas replied, leaning back against Dean as he reluctantly turned down the heat on the faucet to a temperature that Dean might find more bearable. "But since you're a big ol' baby I'll suffer through a cold shower just for you."

"You're such a gentleman, sweetheart." Dean teased; Castiel heard the pop of the bottle of body wash behind him and glanced over his shoulder to see Dean lathering soap over his chest and shoulders.

His boyfriend arched an eyebrow at him when he noticed Cas watching, smirking mischievously as he leaned in close to place a chaste kiss on the nape of the smaller boy's neck; solid sudsy chest pressed against his back for just a second before Dean looped an arm around his shoulder to hand him the bottle of body wash that he had been reaching for before Dean had walked in in all of his chiseled Greek statuesque glory and distracted him like he always did.

Dean flinched slightly when the water hit his arm, shielding the scar that was on Cas's chest for a second before he reached for the faucet after the smaller boy took the bottle from him. "Jesus, Cas. How does that not hurt you?"

"In case you haven't noticed," Castiel replied matter of factly, lathering the handful of body wash that he had poured into his arms and across the back of his neck while Dean ran his hands gently across his back and ribs. "I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. Can you get my back, darling?"

He felt Dean's hands, warm and safe smoothing across his shoulder blades; kneading into the muscles there before spreading the soap that had been on the back of his neck down his back as much as he could. Cas knew that his boyfriend was looking at the scars on his back, at the V that he had cut into his own skin using the flail his father had provided; scars that would probably never go away and hadn't hurt nearly as bad as the ones that had been left on his psyche, the ones that Dean had helped heal.

"Is that why—" Dean started behind him before cutting himself off with a disgruntled huff that caused Castiel to turn around warily. The larger boy's hands settled on his waist before Dean pulled him in tighter so their chests were pressed together and his boyfriend could press his forehead into Cas's with a sigh. "Nevermind, baby. It's stupid. Of course it's not the same."

"What's not the same?" he asked his boyfriend, tilting his head so that he could try to catch Dean's gaze in his own and read the answer in his boyfriend's eyes like he normally did.

It was a quirk that most of their friends found annoying- how he and Dean communicated without speaking, but it was helpful since Dean had trouble talking about and saying certain things. Castiel wouldn't still be in this if he couldn't read his boyfriend's body language; see in every step and every smirk how much Dean loved him, even though the other boy had never been able to say it out loud.

Dean let out a self deprecating chuckle, but didn't open his eyes as he wrapped his hands around to Castiel's lower back; rubbing soothing circles into the skin there like he did when he was prepping and stretching Cas before they made love. Always careful, always considerate so that he wouldn't get hur—Oh.

"No, Dean." Castiel murmured, ducking his head into the larger boy's neck as the blush crept up his cheeks. They didn't usually talk about sex, besides what they did or didn't like and there wasn't much that Castiel didn't like for Dean to do to him or vice versa, in fact he couldn't think of a single thing that Dean could do to him that wouldn't give him a raging erection. Like the one he had now. "I mean, my tolerance of pain doesn't really have anything to do with it."

"So it does hurt?" Dean asked, voice thick with remorse that Cas knew was unwarranted because if Dean were doing anything to him that he didn't wholeheartedly want done then he would have said something. "Baby, I'm so sorry. We don't have to—"

"It doesn't hurt Dean," Castiel said quickly, his head shooting up fast in alarm when he heard how Dean was about to blame himself again for something that wasn't his fault; like Sam having to move out because John was a bigot or his mom leaving to get away from the older man, but leaving her son's behind because they were damaged or deficient in some way even though everyone could see that they weren't. "I mean, it does hurt. A little, at first. But that's what prep is for and once we are y'know…then it's different. It feels…full. Does that make any sense?"

"Not really," His boyfriend said, shaking his head with a confused frown on his face causing droplets of water to spatter across Castiel's collarbones. "I mean, I don't see how that could feel good."

"Do I have to explain anatomy to you Dean?" Castiel asked exasperated by the blinders his boyfriend sometimes put on when he was working himself into a good and steady bad mood. "The prostate is a glan—"

"Yea, I know, Cas." Dean cut across, rolling his eyes and nudging the smaller boy out of his way so that he could duck his head under the spray of water; putting his hands on the wall under the shower head so that he could lean into it and work out the stiffness that Castiel knew his boyfriend probably had from sitting in the car for almost ten hours the day before.

There was a slightly darker patch of skin on Dean's right butt cheek, the beginnings of a bruise left by Cas's heel digging into the firm flesh as he had urged his boyfriend to thrust into him harder, deeper, faster until his orgasm had come crashing down on him like a tidal wave. Castiel reached out with a prideful smirk on his face to touch it before a thought struck him. Why was Dean so suddenly curious about whether he was hurting him or not?

Sure, he was always careful to the point where Cas was usually begging Dean to fuck him; talking dirty and using his ROTC voice in the way he knew the other boy liked so that he would just get on with it already and still Dean would ask if he was okay or ready or any other phrase that his boyfriend chose to use before finally putting on a condom and burying himself as deep as he could inside of Castiel. Close enough that Castiel finally felt complete and whole and not covered in ugly, blemishing bruises that matched the ones on his mind. Was Dean scared that Castiel would hurt him? Had his boyfriend been thinking about this as much as he had?

"I could show you," he offered softly, settling his trembling hand on the swell of Dean's backside with his thumb brushing timidly over the barely there bruise.

Dean glanced over his shoulder at Castiel, the water pouring down the front of his chest and over the muscles that he had a hard time keeping his hands off of even when the larger boy was not enticingly nude and glistening from the steamy air surrounding them. He could see his boyfriend was scared, though Dean would probably sooner give up pie than admit that he was scared of anything, but Cas knew the other boy well enough to know what the emotion looked like; he could see it in the way his lips parted slightly, green eyes searching his face before his boyfriend's teeth sunk into his lower lip and he nodded.

It wasn't a huge, enthusiastic holy-fucking-hell-yes type of nod, but it got the point across to Cas. And it got the point across to his cock, which was already hard again despite their fairly recent love making just from the thought that maybe Dean wanted this as badly as he did, maybe he had all along.

"Are you sure?" Castiel asked again, clearing his throat when his voice came out hoarse and already fucked out. Dean nodded again, more emphatically this time and Cas rushed to pull back the shower curtain so that they could get out and dry off and make it to the bedroom before he exploded just from excitement and nervousness and apprehension that he may not be able to make this as good for Dean as the other boy constantly managed to make it for him.

"No," Dean said quickly, catching onto Castiel's elbow to stop him just as he moved to step over the low wall of the tub to reach the towels on the rack for him and Dean. "Don't go."

Cas tilted his head at the other boy, stepping in close to wrap his arms around Dean's waist in reassurance. "I have to, there are things we need. Lube. Condoms. I want to do this right."

"If you go I might lose my nerve," his boyfriend admitted, one of his hands turning into a fist against the wall and punching at the cheap, mass-produced laminated material in frustration. "Fuck, I'm screwing this up already."

"You aren't," Castiel murmured soothingly into the larger boy's temple; earning a noseful of water that made him come up sputtering when he went to breathe in the scent of Dean's cedary body wash that he loved. He took a step back from Dean who had turned to face him when he started coughing and was trying very hard not to laugh at him, he could tell. "Ugh, fucking water. You suck."

"On occasion," Dean teased, edging around Castiel again so that the smaller boy could put his back to the water as he tried to catch his breath back. "But seriously, babe. Maybe this is a sign, I mean maybe we shouldn't…why the hell are you looking at me like that?"

"It's okay to be nervous, Dean," Cas said plainly, swiping a hand through his hair in an effort to shake off the excess water; it was mostly pouring down his back now, lukewarm and only mildly annoying. "If you don't want to, I understand."

"I'm not nervous," Dean snapped, sighing apologetically when he saw how his boyfriend's face fell before reaching out to pull them both together; skin flush against each other from knee to chest so that Castiel could feel his arousal nestled up against the larger boy's. "And obviously I want this. I just…I don't know what to do…on this end of things."

"Well if you aren't going to let me leave then there's not much we actually can do," Cas explained trying to keep the impatience out of his voice as he looked pointedly through the shower curtain towards the door to the bathroom.

He glanced back at his boyfriend who looked completely and utterly mortified; Dean's green eyes were focused on the ceiling, but they kept flickering back to Castiel. Every time they did he saw something else in them: arousal, embarrassment, fear, want, love. Cas let out a sigh of defeat, nodding to himself a bit before reaching out to cup Dean's jaw and turning the larger boy's face towards his own until their eyes met.

"Turn around Dean," Castiel ordered lowly, not missing at all how Dean's breath hitched in his throat or how the pupils in the other boy's green eyes dilated or how the hard cock pressing into his hip twitched in anticipation before Dean turned around again to face the back wall of the shower. "I'll take care of you."

Cas watched appreciatively how Dean hesitated for just a second before pressing his hands against the wall and leaning into them, arching his back so that his ass and hips were angled invitingly towards the smaller boy. He watched the tense muscles jumping under Dean's skin for a second, the beads of condensation rolling over the tanned, freckled skin before he reached out to put his right hand on his boyfriend's shoulder; stepping in close until his erection was brushing teasingly and maddeningly at the crevice between the globes of Dean's ass.

"First, I'm going to kiss you," Castiel said, causing Dean to look back at him; glancing down at the area where the smaller boy's hips were positioned close to his backside before swallowing and nodding quickly.

He leaned in, draping himself across Dean's back in order to reach his mouth so they could kiss with mostly tangled tongues considering the awkward angle that they were approaching each other. Cas tried to not move his hips, wanting Dean to relax his clenched muscles before he startled the other boy by touching anywhere near his entrance. His free hand found Dean's hip, squeezing there to reassure his boyfriend before he let it graze over the curve of Dean's ass and down his thigh; around to the front of the larger boy's muscled leg where he reached out to give Dean's still hard cock a couple of long, slow strokes that he hoped would distract him.

"Does this feel good?" Cas muttered, pressing his forehead into Dean's shoulder when the other boy broke their kiss with a gasp when he felt the hard line of the smaller boy's cock slipping between his unclenched cheeks. Dean nodded quickly, eyes wide and desperately searching Castiel's face for what he wasn't sure, but his boyfriend let out a quiet breathy whimper and bit his lip hard; breaking eye contact when his long-lashed eyelids fluttered closed over his lust blown green irises. "I'm not going to do anything to hurt you, I promise darling. I just want you to see what it feels like to have something there so you can know for sure if this is something you want."

"I trust you, Cas." Dean said breathlessly, turning his head so that it hung low between his shoulder blades and all Castiel could see was how hard his boyfriend was breathing due to the rapid rise and fall of his shoulders in front of him. "I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me."

"Good," he said, removing his hand from Dean's slightly pulsing cock so that he could suck his index finger into his mouth; it tasted slightly salty from the precome that he had been spreading along Dean's shaft, but the steam in the air and the water trailing down his elbow had diluted the taste from how strong he was used to it being. Cas toed at Dean's calf lightly, removing his finger with a soft slurp and reluctantly stepping back so that he could get his hand between his body and the larger boy's. "Now spread your legs wider, shoulder width."

Dean quickly complied, shuddering slightly when Castiel brought his hand down from the larger boy's shoulder to spread his cheeks. Castiel shushed him softly, stroking his thumb over Dean's skin in a way he hoped was soothing his boyfriend's nerves He trailed the finger that he had been sucking on down the newly widened crevice, skipping over Dean's furled hole completely to reach all the way between his boyfriend's legs to cup the other boy's balls in his palm; rolling them together and earning a groan from the trembling boy in front of him as he moved back to Dean's perineum and massaged the sensitive, nerve laden skin there firmly.

"Shit, Cas." Dean moaned, bucking his hips into the air in front of him when he felt the light pressure behind his balls from his boyfriend's teasing, talented fingers. "Yea, I like that. You've done that before."

"Nice to know you've been paying attention," Castiel teased, peppering soft kisses over the other boy's shoulders until he felt the muscles relax under his lips. "Dean, I want you to tell me if I need to stop, okay?"

The larger boy nodded again, taking a deep breath that came out as a groan when Cas moved his finger to brush around the puckered ring of muscle Dean had probably never imagined being an erogenous zone before they had met each other. For Cas it had been different with Dean, felt different than when he fingered himself while he masturbated with thoughts of Elvis or his old almost not really boyfriend Daniel or most recently and exclusively Dean being the person he pictured touching him with deft hands that made him tremble and cry out when he finally reached completion.

But even though it was different with Dean touching him in his most sensitive area, it was still familiar because he had done it to himself on countless occasions when the ache of being alone or being apart from the other man got too much to take. For his boyfriend this was entirely new, foreign and reminding himself of that is what slowed Castiel down, that and the desire to not make Dean regret this when he had just decided to open up about it.

Cas was hard himself though, just from seeing Dean spread out and trembling and wanting in front of him so it was taking everything he had to just keep lightly rimming around Dean's entrance with his spit slickened finger that was nowhere near lubricated enough to do what he actually wanted to do. Which was to take Dean as fast and as rough as he could, to claim him and mark him so that everyone would know and his boyfriend would never forget just who he belonged to; it was instinctual and slightly overwhelming. Scary.

"How does that feel?" He asked lowly, wishing his cock was pressed between the warm confines of Dean's ass cheeks again, as close as he was going to get without lube and condoms, but it had felt right in so many ways. "Do you like this?"

"Cas, I'm hard as a fucking rock if that answers you fucking questions okay?" Dean snapped, letting out a harsh moan when the smaller boy pressed his finger harder against the other boy's entrance; his cock giving a twitch that caused pre-come to spurt out of the head and slide slickly down the length that was arching upwards towards his stomach when he felt the quivering ring of muscle flexing against his cautious digit. "Oh Jesus, yea more of that Cas. Fuck, how do you not come just from this?"

"You're just not used to it," Castiel murmured, smirking when he thought of how little it had taken for him to come the first time he and Dean had just dry humped. "It'll get less intense."

"I sure as hell hope not," the other boy replied, pushing his hips back into Cas's hand and surprising them both when the tip of the smaller boy's finger slipped inside to the first knuckle earning a hissing moan from Dean and a startled, stuttered apology from Castiel as he froze; consciously tensing the muscles in his arm so that his finger would go in any farther and hurt the other boy.

"Shit, Dean," Castiel reprimanded as Dean gasped and quivered in front of him; his hole fluttering tightly around the intruding digit causing Cas's cock to throb hard in response. "God, I'm so sorry. Fuck, you can't just do that. What if you got hurt?"

Dean dropped his hand down to cover the one that Castiel had holding onto his hip, twining their fingers together with a breathed out apology that turned into a moan when Cas saw the muscles of the larger boy's lower back flex, making his hole clench hotly around his finger before relaxing again.

"S-sorry, baby." He whispered, tugging on Castiel's hand that was wrapped in his own until it moved around to the front of his abdomen; trailing it down against the hard muscles until he felt the coarse patch of pubic hair that framed Dean's cock brushing against his fingertips. "I'm just…oh fuck, I just keep thinking of what it's going to be like. With you inside me, I don't even care if it hurts. I want to feel you, all of you. God, that sounds so fucking gay."

"No, it's normal Dean," Cas chided gently, pulling his finger back out of his boyfriend until he was just rimming around his entrance again; ignoring the disappointed noise that Dean made and really ignoring how his cock had apparently only heard 'don't care if it hurts' because he cared and as much as he wanted to fuck Dean into the wall until he was screaming for more and begging to come, not having at least lube was going to make that something he had to put on the back burner for now. "Shit, you have no idea how much I want to, but we can't."

"Why not, Cas?" Dean whined, moving back until his ass met Castiel's cock again; rubbing enticingly against him so that he had to quickly wrap his free hand around the base of his arousal, making a tight circle so that he wouldn't come all over the small of Dean's back and his beautiful fucking ass without having the other boy come with him.

He groaned softly when Dean continued to grind his damp, flawless skin against as much of Catiel's cock as he could; finally conceding and sliding his erection between the other boy's cheeks just as he grasped firmly onto Dean's dick and gave it a long, tight stroke. Cas squeezed the head of Dean's cock softly, using the pre-come that emerged from the other boy's slit to ease the glide of his hand as he started to roll his hips down against the muscles encasing him, finding the sweet friction that he had been looking for and earning a appreciative groan from his boyfriend.

"See, Cas? How hard was that?" The larger boy said, his voice thick with arousal as Castiel watched his dick slide down Dean's backside and imagining that he could feel his boyfriend's eager hole quivering against his heated flesh; he added a twist of his wrist as he stroked Dean to retaliate for the phantom feeling that was driving him too fast towards the edge. "Ugh, fuck yes. Oh god, you're so good Cas. So damn good, just think of what it's going to be like. When you fuck me, just like this after I come from you stretching me out. I'll be begging for it Cas and fuck! Jesus Christ, fuck. You have such a big dick, baby. It'll be so tight, I'll be tight just for you."

"You sound like a porn star," Castiel muttered, secretly loving it when Dean got loud and vulgar because he was the one doing that to him, not some girl who would never see this side of his boyfriend. The side that was open and honest and vulnerable because he trusted Cas to give him whatever he asked for and to not judge him for it later. His hips sped up along with his hand and he grabbed onto Dean's hip again for leverage as he thrust harder and rougher against him. "Shit, darling. Oh my god, Dean. You're so beautiful like this. I love that about you. Jesus, I love you. Dean, I love you so much."

"Oh fuck," Dean cursed softly, letting Castiel manhandle him easily as he stood on his tiptoes so he could feel as much of the smaller boy as he could against his skin because he was so close to coming that he didn't even care how needy and desperate and loud his moans were anymore. "When we do it, Cas. Fuck, right there! Shit, when you..ugh..f-fuck me I want you to come inside me. I want to feel it when you come."

The smaller boy almost choked at that. Well, that and the unmistakable, not imagined at all because what fucking reference did he have to imagine how that would feel feeling of the head of his cock, the jutting part of the crown catching on the rim of Dean's hole; dragging across it in what felt like tantalizing slow motion so that he had to pull away from his boyfriend and take himself in hand, stroking over the skin that was slick from pre-come and sweat and his own spit that he had left on Dean's skin to keep himself from fucking into Dean as hard as he could.

"Oh shit, Dean." Castiel growled out, his voice sounding lower and more primal than anything else he had ever heard coming out of himself. "Fuck, I can't—fuck I'm gonna come. Oh Christ."

Dean's hand wrapped around his own again, around the one that was stripping over the larger boy's cock with little to no grace and way too much urgency; bringing Castiel back into a rhythm that he liked and thrusting into it with a throaty, startled moan as he turned his head and watched Cas touching himself with the head of his dick still caught between Dean's ass cheeks and came. Spilling over their interwoven fingers and the wall in front of him while the muscles of his backside unconsciously clenched around the swollen head of Castiel's member, keeping him close as his come pulsed hard against Dean's sensitive entrance.

Cas stroked himself through his orgasm until his vision stopped spotting, milking the last of his come out of his cock and onto Dean's skin before he wrapped both of his hands around the other man and leaned his weight against him; blearily kissing the freckled shoulders that he loved while Dean slumped with his chest against the shower wall. It was only then that he noticed that the water running down the backs of his legs, barely hitting him now that he was standing so close to Dean, had turned colder and was probably going to lose what little warmth it had left soon if they didn't hurry.

"Darling come on," he urged, tugging on his boyfriend until he turned in his arms, abdomen a mess of his own seed and a lazily, contented smile on his face. "You wanted an omelet, remember? Now we're running out of water and there are no omelets to be seen, you see the problem here right?"

"You're so amazing, Cas." Dean sighed, allowing himself to be pushed playfully into the tepid spray without even wincing and going quickly through the familiar motions of washing himself while Castiel handed him bottles of body wash and shampoo. "Baby, you're just…I love you."

"I know," Castiel replied, but it felt wrong in his mouth, backwards like he was saying Dean's line and Dean had said his, and he frowned down at his hands; stepping into the spray with a startled yelp that made him move lightening fast when he felt the cold water against his skin.

By the time he turned the water off, Dean was already mostly dry and toweling off his hair. The larger boy tossed a towel at him and Castiel dried off in a perfunctory way before pulling back on the pair of Dean's pajama pants that he had slept in along with his fluorescent orange 'I heart Justin Bieber' t-shirt that Gabe and Sam had decided would look better if they crossed out the singer's name and wrote 'cock' instead. Even Dean had said it was a vast improvement when he had pulled it out of the duffle bag that had traveled to Chicago and back with him to wear as he slept.

"Baby, can you grab me a shirt?" Dean asked, leaning into towards the bathroom mirror and frowning at the stubble that was on his cheeks as he rubbed the flat of his palm over it. "I think I'm gonna shave."

"Pants too, of course." Castiel replied leaning in to give Dean a quick kiss on the cheek, he was sort of fond of the stubble and wondered idly if he could talk the larger boy into leaving the growth of hair be for a little while once school got out, just to see what it looked like. "I'll be right back, I think I'm going to get that sandwich that Gabe is always going on about."

Dean scoffed and Cas headed towards the bathroom door, glancing back at the other boy who was smiling in the mirror at him before he opened it. And then his eyes took in everything at once: the glint of the gun in John's hand, the shocked and disgusted expression on his face that meant that he had heard everything, the spilled beer staining the older man's shirt, the hole that had been punched into the wall behind John's shoulder, the split knuckles on his free hand as it formed into a fist to hit him in the face.

It wasn't the punch that jerked him awake and it wasn't the loud slam and crack of the back of his head hitting the bathroom door and it being pulled off its hinges as he fell still clutching the handle.

Only it wasn't that either that had him sitting up on the couch in his living room, the hand that was still clutching his phone even as he slept shooting up to his heart as he jerked himself awake to the sound of the front door slamming and his brother's voice filtering into the living room.

"Sam, I told you they were here," Gabe complained, Cas heard his brother's house keys clatter into the bowl they kept by the front door and then a couple of thumps that were probably shoes being taken off or luggage being set down. "Both the cars are here and THOSE DICK BAGS ARE PROBABLY FUCKING RIGHT NOW! And that's why they forgot to pick us up from the airport."

"I don't know, Gabs." He heard Sam say unconvinced and Castiel was desperately trying to think of what he should say.

He still felt slightly disoriented, his pulse pounding hard in his head mostly in the spot where he could feel a lump had welled up from him hitting his head on the bathroom door in the apartment as he had fallen back after John hitting him as he slept. So that all…had been a dream? That's why it hadn't felt right when Dean had said he loved him, Dean never said he loved him; he never had to. Cas gingerly ran his fingers over the bump, sighing in relief that they didn't come away bloody or anything because he had no idea how he would explain away a concussion to his brother and Sam, but then he licked his lips nervously and felt the sting of the saliva on his busted lip and figured that that would probably be pretty hard to explain too.

Cas glanced at the doorway, listening hard to see how close his family was to discovering him just nonchalantly sitting on the couch in his pajamas with his shirt that had small bloodstains around the collar from where he had pressed the material against his lip in an effort to staunch the flow while he sat dumbstruck in the Impala waiting for Dean to come out of the apartment; waiting for the other boy to get away from John like he had. But his boyfriend had never come and Castiel had been too scared and cowardly to go check on him before the text came from Dean saying, 'No cops.'

He knew that Dean was just trying to protect him, but what was he supposed to do? Just sit around and wait for John to say, "Oh, it's no big deal that I heard you saying you wanted to be fucked, son? I don't care that you're gay? All is forgiven, let's pretend that I haven't made you hate yourself for the last ten years." Cas knew that wasn't going to happen, no chance in hell, but he couldn't take on the older man alone and waiting all night for some message from the other boy saying that he was okay had just driven him crazy, so what was he supposed to do? He wished someone would tell him, a real adult or something.

"Dean usually answers his phone when I call," Sam continued, his voice sounded tight and tired and making Cas feel even worse because it reminded him of how Dean's had sounded when the other boy had been worrying for no reason about how he would do on the SATs. Had that only been a week ago? "And even if it goes to voicemail, he usually calls me back within an hour or sends me a text telling me to fuck off or something. It's not like him to just not answer."

Sam knew something was wrong, could tell in that brotherly way that always caused Cas to just know when Gabe needed a break from cooking or cleaning or being the guardian of him and Anna so that he could actually focus on himself for once. His heart leapt in his throat when he thought of Gabe fixing all of this for him, coming up with a plan as easily as he did his pranks so they could bust into the apartment and save Dean. Should he ask the other two men for help? Would more people get hurt by John if he did? Would Dean ever forgive him if he put Sam in a position to get killed by their father?

"Maybe his phone is dead," Gabriel said, his voice was getting closer and Castiel frantically looked down at his own mostly red, blinking battery icon on his phone like it would tell him what to do. He let out a broken sob when he saw that he had missed calls and voicemail notifications, but then his phone gave the little shutting off trill that was its cheerful death rattle before going completely black. "Did you hear that? Cassie? Deano? Are you assholes here? You motherfuckers better be dead, do you have any idea how much I just spent on a taxi?!"

His brother rounded the corner, stomping into the room in his rainbow colored toe socks to level his most accusing finger at Castiel. Gabe glanced over his shoulder when Sam followed him into the room, pointing hard at his younger brother a couple more times before sighing dramatically and flopping down in the nearest overstuffed armchair; burying his head in his arms as he collapsed.

"You and babycakes owe me seventy six dollars and forty two cents, Cas," Gabriel said wearily, giving a chuckle when Sam's larger hand smoothed over his bowed head. "Plus tip. And that cab smelled weird, like patchouli and weed. So, drying cleaning too."

"That's enough, Gabe." Sam muttered, ruffling the older man's hair affectionately before settling himself onto the end of the couch that Castiel had unwillingly fallen asleep on while he was waiting for some word from Dean; the younger Novak was trying not to cry and to just go quietly insane in his huddled corner of the seat so that he wouldn't beg the other two men to help him, to save Dean so that Dean could save Cas. The younger boy let out a tired sigh and leaned his head back to the rest on the couch behind him, "Don't listen to him, he just needs a nap. Where's Dean?"

It would be so easy to tell them, the truth. Dean is being held hostage by your fucking batshit crazy homobashing father, it's alright though; he probably has it under control. He told me not to call the cops so I'm expecting him to walk in the door with a smile and a large pepperoni and olive pizza any second now. That's probably what the calls were and the voicemails and shit, had there been a missed text message notification too? Cas didn't know if he was going to be able to hold this together much longer.

"He's out, getting um…breakfast for us." So he lied. "And he um…his phone is dead, mine too, see? We forgot to plug them in last night, we were watching a movie in my room and fell asleep."

"Yea, Cas," Gabe scoffed, looking up at him over the curve of his arms with a knowing smirk on his face. "I'm sure you two did a lot of 'sleeping'. Come on, bro. Like I haven't used the sleepover excuse a million billion times; think of who you're talking to for a second."

"How did Dean go get you breakfast if both of the cars are here?" Sam asked from his end of the couch sounding half-asleep, but still managing to crack an eyelid at Castiel when he didn't immediately give an answer. "Cas, whoa dude. What happened to your lip?"

"Oh, uh…this?" he stammered, stomach lurching when his older brother got up out of his seat to move closer to him and take his chin in his hand. Gabe studied the cut with a frown on his face that just got deeper and deeper the longer Castiel watched, so he looked at Sam instead, but the younger boy's expression wasn't much better. "It's nothing guys, I fell."

"You're such a fucking liar," Gabe snapped, dropping his hand disgustedly. "The truth, now. Did Dean do this? Where is he? I'll fucking kill that bowlegged asshole."

"Gabs come on," Sam objected, reaching out for his boyfriend and shooting a startled glance at Castiel who could only shake his head at all the questions he couldn't answer without putting more people in danger. "Dean would never hit Cas. If he said he fell then he fell, okay? Everything doesn't have to be the absolute worst scenario all the time."

Gabriel looked between his boyfriend and his younger brother several times before scrubbing a hand over his face in agitation. "Fuck, you're right. That moron fucking loves, Cas. Sorry, bro. Being in Chicago around all of that trial stuff and having to hear you and Anna talk about it…my head is just…psshh I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's okay," Castiel whispered, looking over at Sam who still didn't look wholly convinced by his 'I fell' excuse, but he was thankful that someone else could see how much Dean loved him; that it wasn't all something he had blown completely out of proportion in his head like he thought it was sometimes. "But Dean didn't go and get breakfast."

"Well, unless he went to the neighbor's house to get it," Gabe said sarcastically, deciding that Sam's lap looked like the very best place to sit in the whole living room and clambering onto the broad expanse of the other man's knees and thighs. "The closest restaurant is like ten fucking miles and I doubt he walked there."

"What happened, Cas?" Sam asked, wrapping his arms around the older man's waist and forcing him to be still instead of continuing to squirm as he tried to get comfortable. "Did you guys get in a fight for something?"

"Yea," he said quickly, grabbing on to the lie like it was a life preserver as he nodded his head and looked down at his phone again; pushing the power button only to get no response from the deader than dead device. "Last night, he um…he said he needed some space. I don't know he didn't give a reason. Maybe all the trial stuff fucked with his head too."

"Maybe," Sam said, grunting when Gabriel accidently elbowed him in the ribs before smiling apologetically at him and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "But it's probably because he blames himself for not being able to protect you from it all. It's ridiculous, I know. You two didn't even know each other then, but that's how Dean is. He'd sacrifice himself and his happiness in a second if it meant the people he cares about didn't have to suffer. And he cares about you, Cas. You should probably go talk to him; I bet he's going stir-crazy in the apartment without his car."

"Yea," Gabe agreed, nuzzling his face into Sam's neck. "You should go make up with him, like now. Because otherwise you're about to get a front row seat to 'The Moose and Gabs Show'."

"Gabriel," Sam said warningly, giving the smaller man a startled look where he seemed to be burrowing into the hollow of his throat.

"We shared a hotel room with him!" The older man objected, gesturing blindly towards Castiel who was just grateful that he had an excuse to go over to the apartment without having to lie anymore; getting kicked out of his house was better than sneaking out, at least this way if no one ever saw him or Dean again they would know where to start looking. "And I just got rid of Anna, thank god for small miracles named Kevin Tran. I don't think I'm being unreasonable for wanting some time alone with you."

"You aren't," Castiel interjected quickly when it looked like Sam was about to object. "I'm just gonna go, I'll text you guys later and let you know if we're staying at the apartment."

"That's it, Cas." Sam told him, giving him a thumbs up before forcibly removing Gabriel from his lap and holding him down on the couch with one hand. "Positive thinking, I'm sure you two will make up in no time."

He nodded at the younger boy and headed towards the door, dead phone clutched in his hand and no plan at all for how he would handle this fucked up horrible situation, but at least he remembered to put on shoes this time. Maybe that was a good sign.

"Oh god," She muttered to herself, walking as quickly towards her Volvo as she could manage as she rummaged her keys out of her purse. "Ohshitohgodohfuck."

She didn't look back at the building as she unlocked the doors and climbed inside because she knew that the John was watching her, shitty prepaid cell phone pressed against his ear with her boss on the other end who had just told her to keep her fucking mouth shut and get back to Eden, all in that eerily polite voice that made her skin crawl. She could imagine Eve's dead, brown eyes flashing in irritation as the John had explained the bare minimum of the situation to the younger woman; skipping over the parts where he had fucking practically held a gun to her head and made her fuck his son.

Fuck, did that make her a rapist? How fucking old was that kid anyway?

He looked about eighteen, but she had always been shit with guessing that sort of thing. Another fucking skill that she lacked along with self-preservation and intuition which both would have told her that she needed to not take any more house calls because she was really pushing her luck there; Lexi knew it would only be a matter of time before she got a weirdo and while Dean had been nice, too nice and understanding even though she could feel his tears falling on her back when they had done what the John wanted them to do, his father was a fucking psycho.

She had convinced the older man to leave them alone when Dean hadn't been able to get hard and it was probably the only favor that she was going to be able to do for him besides turning off the lights like he had asked so that he didn't have to see her. Lexi didn't take it personally, she may have never been lucky enough to fall in love, but she could imagine how hard it would be to cheat on them just so you could stay alive long enough to maybe see them one more time; even if they hated you for what you had to do to in order to keep breathing.

But Eve knew about all of it now or enough to know that Lexi was freaked out and might go to the cops; she was going to be watched, maybe even sent home with one of the thuggish mongoloids who worked security for the intrepid brothel owner so they could keep her in line. The sun was just now coming up over the horizon, she figured she had enough time to get home and make it look like she was still taking her birth control and get rid of all the pregnancy tests in her home before Eve sent someone looking for her; if she was fast.

"Fuck!" Lexi screamed, pounding the steering wheel of her shitty, used car in frustration until her pinkie finger was throbbing and reddened from the impact.

Had it been a couple of months ago, she would have prayed to Saint Rita to help her through the lost cause that was her fucking miserable life. Had it been a different house call, she would've been stopping at the diner down the street from the apartment complex and getting a peanut butter and banana shake, no whipped cream, before heading back to Eden.

But faith and milkshakes seemed to have abandoned her for now and Lexi knew that despite what reassurances she may have given Dean to help him cope with the guilt he had already obviously been feeling before she left the apartment, it didn't mean anything. Patrons saints of impossible situations and stories about thorns in foreheads being a metaphor for the hard and winding road being the best way to get to your destination, it was all fucking meaningless. But maybe that would be what helped him get back to his boyfriend, maybe it would be what helped his boyfriend forgive Dean for something that wasn't his fault; the fact that it didn't mean anything.

Nothing in her life meant anything.

Author Note: Guys, when I warn you that this is going to get worse I really really mean it. HOW MUCH WORSE COULD IT GET? somuchworse But if you can handle it, I'd love to have you keep reading, and if you need to periodically yell at me and curse my name, I'm okay with that too because I promise you I will more than deserve it.

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and followed and favorited so far, I hope to update on a semi-regular basis (I'm shooting for an average of once a week with chapters being between 7K and 10K words) and this part of the story will be as long as it freaking needs to be to make all of this right. So buckle up, strap in, and hold the fuck on to your feels; it's gonna be a rollercoaster.