Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended.


I'm Here

'Bondage is - subjection to external influences and internal negative thoughts and attitudes.'- W. Clement Stone

EPOV

"You're beautiful, Bella," I whispered, studying her reaction intently. The words slipped out of my mouth before I realized what I was actually saying, but there was no denying it. The chilly wind blew Bella's hair across her face and she shivered slightly in her flimsy t-shirt, looking extremely vulnerable and tiny. Her hair was down, not tied up like it normally was at school. I regretted putting the note that contained my false threat inside her bed sheets now. I even regretted being unkind to her. I felt embarrassed for telling her the real reason that I was always being an asshole around her. Everything I ever said or thought about her was unreasonable. I could never forget the way she looked at lunch today; her crestfallen face when she didn't see Alice, Jasper, Emmett, or even Rosalie sitting at the table. From Jessica's face when she partnered up to me in gym, I had already guessed she'd had words with Bella. I wanted to punch myself in the gut for telling her the reason why my siblings weren't with me and I didn't blame her for leaving the lunch table soon after that. I wasn't much more company than Jessica could be.

I wouldn't blame her for hating me, but acting like we were friends was just too much for her to bear, Bella had replied with a quiet "Thank you."

My heart skipped a beat – a strange reaction that was completely foreign to me.

I was looking at her as though I'd never seen her before.

The door of the lingerie shop opened and Alice and the others starting coming out, giggling and chatting about something.

I sighed.

I walked back to the car and waited for the others to load their bags full of fucking lacy shit into the trunk.

"Bella, you all right?" Alice asked Bella, once. "Sorry for the wait."

"I'm fine," Bella replied, and then she yawned. "Just a little tired."

Soon enough, Bella had fallen asleep, with her. I glanced back and saw that she had a peaceful expression on her face. So fucking beautiful.

The ride back home was quiet as Bella was asleep. I stifled a laugh picturing Alice having to carry Bella, who was probably double her weight, up the stairs and into her room.

Once we were nearing home, I heard Alice waking Bella up.

"Bella, we're home. Wake up," Alice cooed, making Em laugh.

He snorted, startling all of us, including me. "Alice, you can't even wake a baby up with that bullshit. Let me help you." Oh fuck. I prepared for the explosion.

"Bella. Wake up!" he roared.

Alice groaned and scowled at Emmett. "Owwww, Em! Not funny."

"Hey, but it worked," He replied teasingly.

I felt Bella stir and wake.

"Alice?" she croaked.

Alice laughed. "Yes? We're home now."

I watched everyone get out of my car and start unloading their crap. Bella was helping them carry their items so I didn't get a chance to apologize officially for being a dickhead. I wrung my hands, not knowing what I should do, so instead of standing at the doorway staring like a fool, I decided to start completing the fucking assignment Mr Banner had assigned us to do.

I checked my phone to see if anyone had called me. I had two voicemails from Jessica. Fuck. What the hell did she want? Well…nothing unless she wanted me to go to her place tonight, which I wouldn't mind doing since I had missed my chance at doing her when Bella interrupted. My thumb browsed over to the contacts and I decided to call her.

She answered on the first ring. "Edward?"

"Hi Jessica. What do you want?"

She giggled. I wondered what she was thinking about. "Oh, nothing. What are you doing?"

I fidgeted, not wanting to sound like a nerd. "Just completing Banner's shit."

"Who cares? Do you want to come over tonight? My parents are gone and I'm feeling a little lonely right now," she hinted.

I straightened up, and felt my cock responding.

"Ok. I'll come. See you in a few I guess."

Jessica squealed with excitement and I laughed, hanging up, feeling glad that I could make her do that just over the phone. I grabbed my overnight bag that Alice had packed me in case of emergencies, and rushed downstairs.

"Edward, where are you going?" Esme asked.

"Visiting a friend. I'll be back on Sunday," I replied innocently. I had not forgotten my promise to Jessica.

Esme would had no idea what the hell I was up to, or what I was going to do tonight for that matter. I rushed out of the door before Carlisle started questioning me and drove away. It was dark and the road was quiet and with hardly any cars. If it wasn't for the fact that I had been driving for over two years, I wouldn't, in case I hit a blind spot. But if I was going to get something I wanted desperately tonight, then I would risk it.

Once I reached Jessica's, I knocked on the door and she opened up smiling like she was a five-year-old and I had just told her Santa was real. She hugged me tightly and sighed.

"Thanks for coming."

"No problem."

The way she acted around me was unusual; it was like I was her boyfriend. I hoped she didn't think that. I didn't have a girlfriend, and I wasn't anyone's boyfriend, but I had girls, and that was a fact. "Groupies", as some asses like Mike and Angela would say. But I didn't care. I was content the way things were right now. Tonight, it was going to be just me, caress her like no other had done to her. After all, I was the one who had taken her first, just like so many others. I was proud of that; I would always mean something to them, but they would never mean something to me.

"Edward, aren't you going to kiss me?" Jessica asked, flirting with me, bringing me back down to Earth.

I leaned in and crushed my mouth against hers, thrusting my tongue through her lips, meeting hers. I felt a shortage of breath and wondered what was wrong with me. It was a feeling I'd never experienced, but I ignored it, so I ignored it and continued to pull her body into mine.

"Bedroom?" Jessica asked breathlessly.

"Yeah, just hang on. I'm going to get something." It wasn't going to be a good fuck without some tequila.

I hurried off to her kitchen and found the bottles of tequila and beer she hid for parties without her parents' consent. Grabbing them, I dashed into Jess's bedroom, growling when I realized that she had already taken most her clothes off. That was my job. As my punishment, I decided to take mine off by myself. I looked over at her while unbuckling my pants. She was already lying on the bed, with only her bra and panties on and so I charged at her and our lips crashed together within seconds. I was glad she didn't bother applying flavored lip gloss this time, or I was going to picture her as a plastic doll and I'd probably lose my erection.

She wrapped her legs around me and begged me to keep going. I tugged her panties off and slid into her effortlessly, our bodies welcoming each other, just like before. I lifted her leg up and thrust deeper into her, making her whimper with pleasure.

"Fuck!" she screamed. "You're in so deep."

"God you feel so good," I moaned into her neck.

I couldn't hold it off any longer, and by the way her walls were clenching around me, neither could she.

"Shit!" Jessica screamed again.

Her body twitched under mine and both. She cried out my name as I did hers. Pulling out of her, I brought my face towards her pussy and started licking our cum, dipping my tongue in, making her moan louder than before.

"How does it feel to taste yourself?" I teased, pressing my lips lightly to her swollen ones.

She giggled and replied: "I like how I tasted on you."

I reached for the bottle of tequila and downed half of it in one gulp.

"Want some?"

"Yeah thanks."

A dull numbing was beginning to take over me and I realized I had mistaken the drink for a bottle of beer. Fuck.

Jessica was already hung-over and would probably take many trips to the toilet to vomit. I carried her to bed and slept beside her. It wasn't the first time I had done this and sleep took over me as soon as my body gave in.

***

When the sun rose, I found Jessica still sleeping soundlessly. Lifting my head up, I experienced a mild dizzy feeling. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Grabbing my shirt and pulling it on over me, I rose out of bed with a resigned sigh. Jess's parents weren't back yet, so there was going to be at least a few hours before I had to leave - not that I wanted to. Last night was the best night I had experienced in over a month. Having release was even better. I was certain Jessica had enjoyed it as much as I had. The way she jerked and shook from her orgasm and the way she screamed my name. Fucking heaven.

I couldn't be bothered showering in case I was going to go down on her again.

"Edward?" Jessica mumbled throatily.

"Hey baby, I'm here," I whispered back, and she fell asleep again.

Jesus, what time was it anyway? I checked my watch. Eleven-thirty. Oh, shit.

It was Saturday. No wonder Jessica was still sleeping. Wasn't that what most people did? But I had grown accustomed to Carlisle's rules and it was ruining my style of doing things. He was too caring, too understanding, and too considerate. Too much of that bullshit that I sometimes felt like slapping his face and making him see sense, but I couldn't do that, because he was too compassionate. He would always accept my mistakes and my weaknesses, just like he had accepted everything else. He accepted my ways of partying and drunkenness. He loved me like I was his real son, but I was adopted, just like Em, and Jazz, and Rose, and Alice.

I wasn't perfect.

Sighing, I shook my head out of my thoughts and wrote a note to Jessica, stating that I was going home to finish our project.

I gave her a light kiss on the mouth and left, closing her bedroom door and her front door.

I drove around the streets aimlessly, waiting for something to happen. There was no fucking way I was going to go home.

My phone rang. It was Alice. Again. I hope she wasn't bringing more depressing bullshit into my life or I'd ask Carlisle to kick her out. Some kind of sister she is.

"Alice? What the fuck is it this time?" I growled.

"Carlisle thinks Bella has bulimia or some shit like that. She's been vomiting a lot these days, not that you would know it 'cause you're too busy shagging girls."

Her know-it-all attitude sparked up my anger. "And who the fuck in the world told you I was shagging anyone?"

"Nobody. But that's you isn't it? Or why weren't you home yesterday?"

She'd caught me. Stupid psychic…

"I was visiting a friend who was…"

"Who had a last name like Stanley or Mallory, right?" Alice assumed.

"And you give a big fat fuck about it right? Who are they to you? Your girlfriends? Oh please."

Alice growled. I was stunned. I had no idea she had this much fire in her.

Having no answer, I hung up and headed home.

***

When I got home, there wasn't any noise. Emmett and Jazz had probably gone to football training, but I couldn't be fucking bothered today.

What I found surprising was Alice skulking and sitting alone on a step of the staircase.

"Alice? What the fuck is wrong?" I asked gently. I didn't want Jasper busting my ass later on.

Alice sniffed and I realized she had tears in her eyes. What the hell was this thing with girls anyway? Did they think crying was beautiful or something? Because it really fucking wasn't. It wasn't attractive, either. It was annoying as shit.

"Bella's in the hospital because Carlisle thinks there's something wrong with her. I caught her vomiting today. It was scary and I was freaking out. Carlisle diagnosed her as bulimic."

"You're scared of bulimia." I stated. She had to be kidding me right? Bulimia was just some shit illness that caused girls to be as thin as corpses.

I comforted her, for she was now crying in earnest. "Don't worry. Carlisle will fix her up. She'll be okay in a few days."

Alice glared. "And you're a fucking doctor, right?"

"No, I'm not. But she'll recover. You have to trust Carlisle or you can't trust anyone else."

"Guess you're right." And she smiled. Finally.

The rest of the day went by quickly. Jessica had texted me to say she had gotten my note. I had replied that I was almost done with the project. I had really tried a good job on it and had tried my best to commit. Why had Alice cried like that when she was worrying that Bella had bulimia? I wasn't even sure Bella was her best friend, but now Alice only had Jazz and Rose for company at home

It was eleven o'clock at night now, and the whole house was quiet. Alice had gone to visit in the hospital with Bella for a while, and so was Carlisle, it seemed. Em was snoring like a pig and Rose and Jazz were sleeping. Taking a large gulp of vodka, I finally drifted off to sleep without a single thought in my head.

***

Alice crashed into my room when I was just about to wake.

"Edward! You dumbass, wake up!" she screeched.

"What?" I mumbled back. What the hell was going on?

"We're going back to the hospital. You want to come?" she asked calmly.

"No!" I groaned back. "Why the fuck would I want to go there?"

"You told me what you thought about bulimia. I think it's time to know the difference between reality and textbook." Alice glared at me with accusing eyes

I snorted. "What? So your precious Bella is all skin and bone now?"

I said that as a joke but finally opening my eyes and looking at Alice, I realized that she had taken it seriously. "Hey, that was a joke." I apologized gently.

"It wasn't a very funny one."

"Sorry," I mumbled, feeling like a massive jackass.

"I just want some company while visiting her," she said in a measured tone of voice.

"Take Jazz."

"He's got finals this week."

"Fine. And I'll promise I won't be any sort of company you need. You should take Rose."

Alice wasn't buying my bullshit. "She went last night while you were locked up in your room doing only what God knows what you're doing."

She slammed the door and left. I sighed and put on my jacket. I wasn't wearing pajamas as I had forgotten to change and shower yesterday. Fuck. I smelled like sex and some random bad stuff that happened when you didn't shower for a few days.

Alice and Carlisle were waiting for me in the car.

"Good morning, Edward." Carlisle greeted me.

"Hey Dad," I mumbled back, slumping back in my seat.

"I wonder who didn't shower last night," Alice teased.

"I was busy doing homework," I replied, glaring at my smug sister.

Carlisle decided to change the topic. "Um, Edward, once you go in, try not to fight with Alice or make any loud noises. Alice wanted to go today and wanted company. I'm sure you both will take care of Bella. I have night shift today at a different hospital. Take care." He stopped the car, letting us out before driving away.

Alice glared at me once we were out of the car. "Remember what Carlisle said. No funny business."

Okay…so she was the boss now? Fuck that.

As we walked into Bella's private room, I finally realized what Alice was saying. Or what was happening that caused Alice to become so grieved and distressed. Neither Alice nor Carlisle's words had prepared me for this sight. I was stunned and, for the first time, a little frightened.

Bella's hand was as white and thin as a corpse's and was hanging off the edge of the bed. She had two tubes surrounding her, making sure she was breathing. There was an IV bag next to her, which I was sure Bella was depending on for food.

I realized with a sickening jolt in my stomach that I had not noticed the symptoms. Did this show what kind of person I was? I could never become a doctor if I was as ignorant as this. No one would let me.

"She hadn't been eating much. I bet even you realized that," Alice whispered brokenly.

I remembered that day when she had walked into the lunch cafeteria and sat down with me with only a soda can in her tray. And she didn't even touch it. That was three days ago. Three days ago she still had color in her cheeks and shine in her mahogany hair. Three days ago she did not look like this; more lifeless and pale.

"Her father's death has killed her appetite, and she tries to eat, but vomits it out later. She could be in shock, still. I don't know what to do." On the last word, Alice whimpered and started crying on my shoulder. I pulled her close and tried comforting her. It was the first time I had done this to a female.

"Don't worry, Alice. Things will get better soon." I hoped. I really did. It was a foreign feeling. I didn't understand why I cared about Bella's sickness. I could see it was serious, and I, for some strange reason, wanted to help. I wanted to help her get better. I wanted to see her joke around with Alice with a bright smile on her face. I wanted her to be happy. These alien feelings were coursing through me like a hot fire. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"You okay, Edward?" Alice eyed me, anxious and concerned.

I nodded. "Just one night, and this happened?" I still couldn't fucking believe it.

"She's been like this for a while. It's just that I caught her vomiting and she finally spilled to Carlisle. She fainted just as we got to the hospital," she said disconsolately.

There was a slight tugging at my heart but I ignored it. "She fainted?"

"Because she hasn't been eating. The nurse has forced her to eat for the past couple of hours and she wouldn't. They're feeding her through a tube now."

Alice seemed relieved that this resolution would work but from what I know, it fucking wouldn't. Bella couldn't live like this forever.

The door opened and the nurse came in.

"Has she woken up yet?"

Alice shook her head. "What's happening?"

The nurse replied, grim. "I'm going to try to get her to eat now, but she might listen to you. I'll just leave the tray here. Wake her up and try help her find her appetite again."

The nurse left just as Alice's phone rang.

"Jasper?" Her face immediately lit up with delight and happiness.

There was uncertainty in her voice. "Okay. I'll be there."

I rolled my eyes and groaned.

Alice hanged up and turned to me, with pleading eyes. "Edward, Jasper wants to have lunch with me at the Jalisco place. Can you take care of Bella? Just for a few hours. I'll be back later to check on her. You just have to feed her."

Shit. "Okay. But you'll owe me a whole lot of shit for this."

Alice grimaced. "Sure."

I watched Alice walk to the door but she turned around again. "Edward?" she asked, troubled.

"What's wrong?"

Her face suddenly became a serious mask. "You have nice to her. Learn to like her; she's a good person who doesn't deserve to be here."

Be nice to her? The nicest thing I ever said to her was that she was beautiful. I was not going to say that here. Bella would probably start tearing up and crying again if I told her that, even though in my heart I knew it was still true. I just knew I couldn't say that if she felt like she looked just skinny and waxy.

"Bella," I whispered. I didn't want to touch her yet. She looked so fragile I was scared I would break her.

"Wake up." I tried again.

She stirred and opened her big eyes that have dulled to a flat brown.

"Alice?" she croaked.

I took a deep breath. This was going to be difficult but I promised Alice I would try. "Bella, it's Edward. Alice went to lunch with Jasper. She'll be back soon."

Bella's eyes flashed and she turned her head towards me. "What do you want?" she demanded with venom in her voice.

"I'm taking Alice's place for now." Trust me, I didn't sign up for this. "The nurse said you have to eat."

"The hell I'll eat," she replied sharply.

I wasn't going to argue with her. She was going to have it my way today, or while I was here, anyway. "You will! Why the fuck can't you eat?"

She flinched back at the harsh tone of my voice and tears and hurt flashed in her eyes. "I'm too weak," she whispered.

"I'll feed you," I replied gently. And slowly, bite by bite, I fed her some bits of bread and made her sip water. She even ate a bit of chocolate. With my encouragements, she had made a step towards recovery. I had done something the nurses and the doctors couldn't do. Something not even Alice could do.

Bella smiled weakly. "Thank you, Edward."

"No problem."

Bella fell asleep soon after and I sat back and watched her. She had a little pucker between her eyebrows that I wanted to smooth out with my fingertips, just lightly touching it.

"Edward," she whispered so quietly I almost didn't catch it.

She was dreaming. Dreaming about me. She had a slight smile on her face and was breathing more evenly. I took it as my chance. Alice and Carlisle weren't here. No one was around. I moved slowly out of my seat beside her bed and caressed her face with my right hand, just lightly, so lightly she probably wouldn't feel a thing.

"I'm here," I whispered and moved forwards to kiss her forehead tenderly.

Thank you to my two lovely betas izzzyy and fantasmeqrt for the advice and making my story sparkle and a big hug to all my readers and reviewers.

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