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Complicated

'The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next.'- Ursula K. LeGuin

BPOV

I woke up in the morning with a slight smile on my face. I was feeling hopeful as things with Edward were evidently starting to get a little smoother, though complicated. I didn't know what I was to him but if there was one thing I knew, it was that being Edward's friend would make me want something more, something stronger.

Hospital life was okay, since I only had one more week at the most until I was cleared. Carlisle and Alice were overjoyed that I was going to be released before Charlie's funeral, even though it was going to be the day after my release. And I was too. Even though he wasn't much of a father to me, Edward had made me realize that I still had to pay my respects for him.

Routinely, Edward would routinely come in at four and bring me food. My appetite had increased and soon the packets of lollypops and slices of cake were replaced by casseroles and burgers. I had a stronger control over my body and the headaches I was getting were gradually becoming more bearable. After eating, Edward would join me on the bed and recall what happened at school so that I wouldn't fall too behind, and before I slept, he would hold me and hum me to sleep. It was a good thing he didn't spend the night with me, as I was worried that I would unconsciously say something discommodious or cringe-worthy. My dream lover had decided to materialize as a tall, lean, bronze-haired boy with a velvety voice, which mildly bothered me.

It was Friday again, and I had been reading through the Dante book Edward had given me rather than the one Alice had - which was some romantic shit I couldn't digest, to kill time. Only another five minutes and some fucking seconds left and Edward would be by my side.

Then suddenly the door flew open. Edward was standing in the doorway, wearing his usual plain white t-shirt and dark jeans His hair was wild and tangled from running and he was smiling at me like his cheeks would crack.

"Hi," I whispered softly and walked towards him. Thank God I persuaded Carlisle to take the IV out of me. Edward walked towards me slowly with a concerned expression on his face and, I was starting to get worried about what had happened. Before I could question him, he dropped his bag on the marble floor and leaned forward to hug me tightly. Hesitantly, I hugged him back, taking greedy gulps of his scent. He buried his face in the crook of my neck and squeezed me tighter.

"I missed the shit out of you," Edward mumbled.

I smiled and replied. "I missed the shit out of you, too."

He grinned, his green eyes meeting mine, and reached for his bag to produce two ham and cheese rolls and before handing one to me.

"I saved this from lunch," he said.

"No appetite?" I asked.

"Nope."

We sat together, cross-legged on the cold marble floor in silence until it became unbearable.

I tried breaking the ice first. "How's Jessica?"

Edward snorted into his roll and rolled his eyes. "She's not my girlfriend, Bella."

That surprised me. I raised my eyebrows. "Oh, really?"

He blew air out of his mouth before continuing. "Never wanted to say this, but she really isn't. I don't have a girlfriend."

"So that day…when you guys were…" I blushed having to say this out loud.

Edward sighed. "She's not what you think she is to me. I've been with girls, Bella. I won't deny that." He smiled apologetically. "Aren't you supposed to love the person you're going out with?" He cocked his head to the side to see how I would answer.

I nodded. "I guess so."

"So, what? Are you going out with that sophomore from La Push?" he asked suddenly, changing the subject.

God, you've got to be kidding me. "No! What gave you that idea?" This was getting absurd.

His face was unreadable as he shrugged. "Just wondering."

EPOV

I felt like banging my head on the wall for asking her that fucking question, but the jealousy that was burning through me made that damn query roll off my tongue. Of course there was a possibility that she was dating him since whenever she wasn't spending time with Alice she was down there doing some shit. I couldn't believe how relieved I felt. So relieved felt I like lifting her off her feet and kissing her face until she laughed. But she wasn't mine. And fuck, did she even want to be?

I was starting to experiment with this new foreign feeling with Bella. Screw Jasper for pointing it out last night.

"Edward, where the fuck were you?" Jasper asked, annoyed at the goofy grin on my face for some random fucking reason.

"I was with Bella."

Jasper snickered. "What? Did she ask you out or something?"

I fucking gaped at him like an idiot. "What the fuck, Jazz?"

He snorted and leaned against the doorway. "You're in love with her, you motherfucking dick."

Holy shit. I wondered how the fuck he had managed to come up with that conclusion. I wasn't, was I? "What the fuck are you talking about?" I had asked, frustrated.

His voice dripped with condescension. "I know you are. Why the fuck were you visiting her without even telling Carlisle or Alice? You used to hate her, Edward!"

No. That wasn't true. I had never hated her, had I? Maybe I was fucking lying to myself. I wanted to bang his head on my bedside drawer's edge. I was fuming and couldn't utter a single word so I just raised my eyebrows.

Jazz shook his head and grinned cockily at me, stating simply. "You love her."

I started to rise from my bed, my chest heaving from the anger boiling deep inside of me. "And just exactly how many bottles have you had to drink, you bastard?"

He instantly became more serious and sighed. "It's the way you speak about her, you dumbass. And now that your fucked up brain knows the awful truth, I really do feel sorry for her."

I huffed and bit down all the hope that I'd secretly been holding on to, and watched him leave. This thing with Bella was happening too fast. I needed to get a grip on reality before letting anything happen, at the very least.

The short, but significant conversation with Jazz had really cut me deep. What if it was true? And if it was, what was I supposed to fucking do? I had watched Jasper and Alice, Em and Rose, and Carlisle and Esme for so many years. They loved each other and it was always me, alone. I never dated, simply because I never had to. The girls were there so flowers and all that shit weren't needed. I wasn't even sure how to take the first step if what Jasper said was true. I tried picturing scenarios where I was asking Bella on a date, but even that thought sounded ridiculous. She would never want me, and just that notion made my heart sink a little.

What a mess, I thought to myself.

I looked at Bella, who was lying next to me, reading the Dante book I gave her. Even though I had a possibility of being in love with her, I decided to drop the matters until Bella was cleared from the hospital. Carlisle, Esme and Alice were overjoyed that Bella was going to be discharged in a few days' time but I wasn't going to roll out the red carpet like the rest would probably do. The day after would be Charlie's funeral, and even though it was snowing already. I had practically forced Bella to pay her respects. She'd been refusing to go, but I think I'd convinced her how important it was

Trying to gauge her reaction to me, I put my arms around her and pulled her into me and lether shiny hair spill onto my chest. She sighed then, and looked up at me. I grinned back, loving that I got this fucking sort of response from her. At least she didn't hate me. I inhaled and breathed in her strawberry scent discreetly in case she thought I was a pervert.

I yawned and wondered what time it was. Glancing up at the clock, I realized it was eight already. Time seemed to pass quickly when I was with Bella. Too quickly for my liking.

"Time for bed, Bella," I whispered, leaning into her ear. It was a bit too early for bed, but I wanted to share this moment with her, as I wouldn't be able even fucking see her that weekend. Fuck that.

She jumped and sighed. "Okay."

God, it was so fucking cute when she pouted.

She handed me her book, and I dropped it to the floor beside me and leaned forwards to slide the bed covers over us.

We lay together with our foreheads nearly touching, and the electric feeling between us was palpable.

"Goodnight, Edward," she breathed and her eyes fell closed.

God, she could be so fucking sexy with that breathy voice sometimes. I was starting to feel turned on, and I begged myself to think about something else, but nothing would come through; except for the fact that I was lying next to Bella in this fucked up position. Her lips pouted out and I wanted to press my fingers to the corners and gently kiss her softly. The fight inside of me was beginning to boil.

"Bella," I whispered, and her eyelids flew open.

"Yes?"

Oh God, that voice again. It was fucking driving me crazy. How the hell did she do that? Just one little word and the fight was over. I leaned in slowly and heard her gasp quietly. Please, Bella. Please say that I'm doing this shit right because I'm so in love with you. I touched my lips gently with hers until she responded. I kissed her softly as I curled my hands under her hair and pulled her face closer to mine. Our lips met for the second time and it was fiercer, with the electricity between us intensified at least five times. She must have felt it. I tried to hold off all the passion and only give her sweetness, but I was losing my mind.

I pulled away and looked at her. "Bella?"

Her gaze was down and I wondered what I had done wrong. "Are you okay?" I asked, my expression concerned, but my insides dancing with joy. Our first kiss had been amazing, and I wanted to thank the guy who was responsible for teaching her to kiss like this. After I punched him in the fucking face, of course.

She answered my question with a nod and pulling me close and sleep overtook her, leaving me not knowing what to do or how she felt.

Was she mad at me? I really hoped not. This was going to be the last time I saw her for two fucking days and I really wanted to say good bye to her properly, but I had missed my chance.

I realized with a glum feeling that I had messed up and should've asked Jazz or Emmett what was the right way to do this. Weren't you supposed to ask a girl out first, then kiss her? And then after a few dates she would ask you to meet her parents and then you'd start hoping she'd let you in her pants. I was doing it all wrong and had messed up the one thing I had no trouble at all doing. Fuck.

Bella smiled in her sleep and it made my heart beat so fast I thought it would take off. I brushed her wild curls off her face and let her dream on.

Something from my bag beeped and I realized it was probably Carlisle calling me again. Shit.

With a resigned sigh, I pulled Bella's hand off my chest, grabbed my bag, and left the room, turning around one last time to see her face.

I answered my call from the parking lot. "Carlisle?"

"Um, Edward, where are you?"

Oh, fuck. I was doomed. "The hospital," I admitted and tried to sound nonchalant.

"You're not walking home, are you? It's still snowing. You didn't drive today because Rose told me she did."

Shit. Why didn't I think of that? But before I could answer, Carlisle spoke. "I'm coming to get you."

I sat down on the hospital step, freezing and waiting for Carlisle to pick me up. I hope I hadn't done the wrong things by keeping my visits to Bella a secret..

A black car came to a stop in front of me. It was Carlisle. Fuck. He drove too fast for me to sort out my thoughts.

"What are you doing, Edward?" he asked once we were both in the car.

I kept my gaze forward and turned the heater on. I didn't dare look my father in the eye in case he was disappointed in me or something.

"I was visiting Bella," I replied stiffly.

Carlisle glanced at me but didn't speak.

"I was trying to do the shit you were doing, you know." I defended. "Why?"

He sighed. "I'm glad to have you doing that, son. I thought you were somewhere else, you know. Drinking with your friends or something."

I breathed in, relieved. 'Sorry for not telling you.'

"It's fine." His eyes were unreadable.

I lay in bed running through the massive changes that had occurred today. It was hands down one of the best days of my life. I was happiest when Bella didn't punch me in the face and tell me to fuck off after kissing her without her permission.

My phone rang again. I groaned and got out of bed.

"Hello?" I answered, my voice irritated.

"Hey Edward!" Oh no. Fuck no. It was Jessica. And I wasn't ready for this sort of conversation right now, or ever.

"Hi Jess. What d'you want?"

"I was just wondering where you went after school. Lauren said you weren't over at her place so I figured you would've gone to training with your brother, but he didn't answer the phone."

"Oh." That was the most innocent word I could muster up to tell her.

Her voice turned nosy. "So were you with him?"

I gripped my hair in frustration and groaned. "No, I wasn't. I really have to go now. Alice wants me."

I could feel Jessica pouting on the other side of the phone. "But I want to see you."

I laughed weakly. "Tomorrow then? I'm worn out."

She squealed happily. "Thanks, Edward!" And then the phone went dead.

Falling on to my bed, I covered my face with my pillow and made a mental note to ask Rosalie to cancel my plans with Jessica tomorrow.

What the fuck was I going to do now?

Carlisle had told me downstairs that since Bella was progressing so quickly, he'd let her out on Monday so Alice could arrange the funeral to be on Tuesday - the quicker, the better. I just nodded and ran upstairs, slamming my door in disgruntlement. That meant I had less time to figure out how to get rid of Jessica and Lauren and all those prissy bitches at school.

If I had told Jessica just then that I was with Bella, no doubt she would spread the news to the whole school and Bella would get hurt. I wouldn't want that to happen. Ever. Not to Bella. She was so vulnerable and loveable.

Jasper was right.

I was in love with her.

BPOV

Edward kissed me. Finally, a real living and breathing boy had kissed me. And it was Edward fucking Cullen. I had never imagined what my first kiss would be like, but for me it was magical, yet totally unexpected. I should've thanked him, but I had felt so tired that sleep just overtook me, my heart screaming stay with me. But of course he hadn't. I woke up the following day alone.

I really hoped I hadn't hurt his feelings.

It was the last day of the weekend and I was feeling more alone than ever. I was forced to eat the hospital food the nurse sent in every four hours, but I was more than being okay to eat it. Alice had come by yesterday to give me an extra blanket and told me that Carlisle agreed to let me out today. Charlie's funeral was to be the day after, on Tuesday. But I guess it was better to get it over and done with.

The door opened and Alice came in. My heart sank as I realized it wasn't Edward.

"Hi." I mustered the best smile I could give her.

"Hey Bella! I'm so glad you're going to come back home tomorrow. We're going to have a slumber party!" Alice squealed in delight, her eyes shining.

I beamed at her. She sure knew how to make me happy. "Thanks, Alice. Who else is coming?"

Alice sighed and pouted. "I really tried to get your friends to come around and I managed to get only two of them. Sorry."

Two more people? "Who?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Jessica and Angela, of course." She rolled her eyes. "I thought you'd be glad I didn't ask Lauren."

Damn right I was glad. Jessica was coming? But Jessica… Did Edward know about this?

"Are you okay, Bella? Do you need water?" Alice eyed me cautiously.

I shook my head. "No, no. I'm fine. Just excited."

Alice grinned. "Thanks Bella!" She reached around to give me a hug.

I hugged her back. I hadn't seen her since a week from yesterday, and I had missed her terribly. I had just been too occupied with unexpected things to think about her.

What a friend, I thought to myself guiltily.

She turned around to leave but I didn't want her to yet.

"Alice?" I asked.

She turned around and looked at me with questioning eyes. "Yes?"

"Can you stay with me for a little while?" I requested tentatively. There was something I had to say to her. Just one more thing. Something that could cause quite a stir if I failed to articulate it properly.

Alice smiled widely. "Of course. I just thought that you wanted some peace and quiet."

I rolled my eyes. "I had too much peace and quiet in the past two days, Alice."

"Was there something you wanted to ask me?" she asked too innocently.

"How did you know?" It wasn't possible…unless Edward had told her about it.

"You aren't very difficult to read, you know."

I laughed, relieved. Either way, it wasn't going to make this much easier.

"Do you know where Edward has been after school every day?" It was the calmest way to start the conversation. Alice, your beautiful brother kissed me on Friday would've caused an explosion.

Alice looked confused at the turn of the topic. "No, why?"

"He came here, you know. Every single day of last week," I said quietly

"He visits you?" Alice screeched. "Please tell me he didn't do anything bad to you."

I laughed reassuringly. "No, he doesn't do anything horrible. He brings me food." I continued.

"Really?" Oh fuck. Skeptic Alice was back.

"Yeah, he does." I stopped abruptly, not knowing what to say next.

"And the point of telling me this is?"

"He's great. You're lucky to have him as a brother." I pointed out to her and shrugged my shoulders.

"Apart from his being a dumbass sometimes," Alice giggled daintily.

That reminded me of something. "Alice, you know that day? You know," I took a deep breath and continued, "I accidently ran into your brother in his room and he was with Jessica. Has that happened before?"

Alice sighed. "Yeah. That's him. It's none of my business, but yeah, he shags practically every single girl you will ever meet in this town, and it's really, really gross."

My stomach sank. I knew it was going to be something like this. "Do you think he could ever change?"

"What? I don't think so, well, not until he found the right one that is." Alice shrugged miserably. "Why?"

I blushed and kept my head down. "Nothing. Just wondering how long I was going to be hanging around that jackass."

The door flew open with a bang and Edward came to a stop in front of us. "Who's a jackass?" he asked Alice in a deadly tone.

Alice and I gaped. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach about this, and I wondered how much of the conversation he had heard.

Alice shouted at him. "What the hell, Edward? What are you doing here?"

His eyes burned into mine and I felt traitor tears forming in my eyes. He ignored Alice and walked towards me, reaching out for me and I huddled into the corner, frightened of what he was going to do.

"Don't touch me," I gasped.

Alice glared at Edward, seething. "She told you not to touch her, you asshole! Leave us alone!"

Edward breathed in heavily and turned towards Alice. "I was just wondering what the fuck you were talking to Bella about. What, is it a secret?"

"What were you doing here?" Alice asked, her voice even.

"I wanted to see Bella again." He admitted and I felt terrible for him. He just wanted to see me. That was all.

"Don't hurt her!" Alice snarled.

Edward looked taken-aback. "What? I never did hurt her. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"It's fine, Alice." I defended Edward and wished more than ever that Alice would leave.

"I have to go now, Bella. And if that dick ever touches you, I'll kill him." I flinched back from the acid in her tone and watched her leave.

What the hell had just happened? Why was Alice so upset about Edward being with me?

"Bella?" Edward said tentatively. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and stood up, watching him walk over to me. He crushed me to his chest and kissed my hair.

"Sorry I didn't visit you yesterday." His voice was muffled by my hair in his face.

"Sorry about Alice." He froze and I froze too. What did I say?

"Why doesn't she want you to visit me?" I asked.

Edward ran his hand through his tousled bronze hair and sighed. "She thinks I would treat you like the others."

The others, I thought. That must be his groupies he was referring to.

"But you're not."

He laughed and my loose hair behind my ear. "But she doesn't know that, does she?"

I sighed.

The door opened again and this time it was Emmett.

"Edward, Alice told me to tell you to stay away from Bella," He said stiffly, not in his usual joking mood.

Edward pulled me to his side and defended himself. "Why? I'm not doing anything wrong, am I?"

Emmett snorted. "No, but it's probably because she doesn't want to share her with you."

I stared back. So Alice was jealous?

He continued. "Carlisle told me to drive you back, so I'll wait for you back there. And you're going to come in less than five minutes or I'll be dragging your miserable ass into my car because I'm not going to wait for you. I'm starving."

Edward nodded.

Emmett chucked. "Hey, Bella. See you tomorrow!"

I smiled back. "Bye, Em."

We both waited until Emmett was out of sight, and then suddenly Edward crushed his mouth to mine and pushed me against the wall.

"Bella." His eyes were burning with intensity and there was something there that I wasn't sure I was meant to see.

"Edward?" My voice quivered with anxiety.

He opened his mouth once, then twice and then gave up and released me, finally looking away.

"What's wrong?" I asked, with a horrible feeling in my stomach.

"I'll tell you later." He refused to look in my eyes and excused himself quietly.

I was left standing alone, more confused than ever.

Thanks to all my readers and the people over at PTB.

Hugs and kisses to my two lovely betas izzzyy and smexy4smarties for helping once again.

Please review and tell me what you think of the story so far