Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Please see a/n below

Balancing

'Order is not pressure which is imposed on society from without, but an equilibrium which is set up from within.'- Jose Ortega y Gasset

BPOV

Studying for finals?

Done.

Finishing finals?

Done.

Writing graduation speech?

Check.

But there were still other things on my mind. Things that were much more important.

Ever since that memorable day in Port Angeles, when everyone else had disappeared into their rooms for the night, Edward would sneak into my bed to sleep with me. We had also been able to share a few stolen kisses when we would study together

I hoped it wasn't just me who could feel the intense electrifying sparks between us.

Of course I knew he was in love with someone at school, as he had admitted to me before, but I refused to let myself get involved with his girlfriend. That was his business, and all I wanted at the moment was for Edward to be happy. We were very close friends, but I didn't want to burst our bubble by asking him who she or his girlfriend was. Maybe he felt protective of that lucky girl.

I was going to graduate in less than a week, and although I wasn't ready, Edward had already decided which university he would attend. He was incredibly intelligent, and I was sure that getting into Harvard was fine for him. He had perfect four point ohs and straight A plusses, not to mention the variety of sports he played.

As for me, I had no idea where to go, wherever I had the choices. I wanted to go somewhere close to Alice, so we could remain good friends, whereas for Edward, I was sure Jessica was going to be close to where he was, so he was fine. It was me who wasn't.

To be quite truthful about it all, Edward's relationship with me was pretty much physical and not emotional, but I knew deep in my heart that, I wanted him, that I was in love with him. It was a dangerous desire, wanting him, but it felt like it was burned into me. The feeling was burned into me, irrevocable and unavoidable.

I felt like I wanted to rip my head off. Application forms were to be handed in by the deadline today, but I was frustrated.

"Argh!" I groaned. I couldn't see how this was going to get better.

"Bella?" I heard Edward ask outside my room. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I mumbled, embarrassed that he had heard me.

"Trouble with application forms?" I could hear the smile in his voice and I knew I was making it too obvious at my obvious frustration.

"Yeah."

"I wanted to speak to you about that." His voice wavered, and his eyes looked troubled as he crossed my room and knelt down next to my desk.

"Yeah?"

"Where're you going next year?"

My voice sounded strangled. "Probably USC or something like that. Nothing fancy." I had already been accepted, but I really didn't want to attend there. It was a long way from where Edward was going to be, and just the thought made my heart ache.

Edward's eyes widened at me. "But that's miles away from Harvard!"

I sighed. "I know."

"I thought we promised to stay together."

"I want to, but it's going to be difficult." My voice sounded heartbroken, and I hoped he wouldn't take notice.

"Let me help you," he said abruptly, taking my forms and filling them out for me. "I brought some for you."

My eyes widened in shock at the name of the school. "Princeton? They're not going to accept me so why even bother? Are you insane or something?"

He shook his head at me. "Nope."

I laughed, "I'm not going to get in"

"You're going to apply for the ones I applied for, too." He looked down and started to write, his hands shaking.

"You're just wasting your money."

"Maybe." But he sounded serious.

"Do you realise how much that school is going to cost? I can't afford it!" I huffed in disapproval.

"But what if we end up going there together?" Edward turned his green eyes to mine and looked at me intently.

"That'll be heaven," I said softly, but tears were starting to ooze out from the corners of my eyes.

"Don't cry, Bella." Edward took my face in his hands and kissed away my tears. "I promise to make this work."

I nodded but tears continued to leak down my face.

"Bella, please."

"I'm just worried."

"So am I," he insisted.

"Don't cry, baby." He pressed his lips onto mine briefly and breathed into my face. "Don't worry about these things. I'll take care of this and make us work."

My heart pounded and threatened to take off. Make what work?

I gaped at him, unable to speak, and he looked back at me, shocked.

"What?" I whispered, touching his arm.

"I want this to work, Bella. I want to take care of you, and I want you by my side when I go to college," he said quietly. "I understand if you don't want to, if you want to have a new start and leave us behind. I completely understand." His voice broke on the last word.

I shook my head. "I know, and that's why I'm still uncertain about these things."

His gripped tightened around the pencil, and he breathed in deeply. "You have to decide when you receive your letters this week."

If this conversation continued, I would be in danger of revealing my feelings about him, so I decided to change the topic. "Where's Jessica going?"

Edward glared at me and forced a stiff smile. "She applied to Harvard and the other places I'm going."

This was understandable, but his intentions were unclear. "Then why do you need me?" I hoped the longing in my voice was inaudible to his ears.

The pencil in his large hand snapped in two, and I jumped at the sound of it.

"Edward?" I asked, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he murmured and continued writing out my forms for me in a quicker pace.

EPOV

"Then why do you need me?" she asked, her voice almost inaudible with something like vulnerability.

My heart ached painfully, and I tensed, waiting for the hurt to go away. My grip tightened on the pencil I was using, and I accidently snapped it in half. Fuck.

"Edward?" Bella asked, her eyebrows furrowed with concern.

"Nothing," I lied. There was something I had to tell her, to ask her, but I didn't know how. I had no idea how to ask this beautiful and sweet girl out for dinner. I should bring. Or what kind of flowers that she would like. And I had no idea what she would say.

Finally asking her for a date with me had been a private thought in my head for over a month now, but I hadn't had enough courage to do so. I had seen her hanging out with Mike, Eric, Tyler, and Jacob. It had angered me, but there was no reason for me to feel that. She had looked so happy with them, joking around, and yet, with me, she was always quiet and less exuberant. That thought made my heart sink.

Being physically intimate with her was one of the best things that had ever happened to me in my life, but whenever I had sex with her, it wasn't just sex. For me, it was a sign of commitment. Making love, they called it. But I wasn't sure how she felt.

Time was running out. In a week, I would be going to Massachusetts to visit Harvard, and Bella would be gone from my side. I had received my acceptance letter yesterday, and I had hid it from Bella, not knowing what her reaction would be.

I couldn't wrap my head around what I was feeling. But there was one thing I was going to make sure I would do, and that was to ask Bella out for a date – it most memorable night of my existence. I wanted to remember her – everything about her – when I left for college.

I couldn't stand the silence with Bella, and I took her forms and left, dumping the sheets of paper on my desk. I went into Jasper's room, asking for some fucking advice.

"Dude, what the hell?"

"I wanted to ask you something. And don't fucking laugh or tell anyone," I warned.

Jasper rolled his eyes. "What's up?"

"How do you ask a girl out for a date?"

Jasper gaped at me, like I had just told him I had won the Nobel Prize.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes," I said firmly. This was what I wanted to do for my girl, and there wasn't much time left.

"Ask who out? Jessica?"

I shook my head and felt like an idiot. "No. Bella." My girl.

"Fuck man, you got this all screwed up. You can't ask her out for a date. We're graduating in a week's time!"

"That's the main point!" I shouted at him. What the fuck was wrong with him?

"So, what? You're going to go out with her and then leave her behind like she was some random girl you no longer want?"

"No. I love her, and I want to make the most of these few days. I'm scared." My breath hitched, and I'd be damned if I cried in front of Jazz. "I'm scared she'll run off with a guy at college, and I'll never see her again."

"She probably will. You deserve it," my step-brother said scathingly.

"I know," I mumbled.

"Not about that. You've been with her for almost what? Five months, and now you decide to do this sort of thing."

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling ashamed. I should've thought it through more carefully. And fuck, I thought I had planned it all out. Balanced everything.

But I continued to press on. "What type of flowers do I have to give her?"

Jasper cleared his throat. "C'mon. I'll show you."

We walked over to the nearby florist, and the old lady who sold them smiled at Jasper. He recognized her and smiled back.

"These red roses are great for the romantic, but I don't know what shit you're pulling. I also doubt Bella would find you romantic, so I wouldn't get that if I were you," Jasper explained.

He strode over to where the light purple flowers were displayed. "These are carnations, and they smell really nice and are exceptionally beautiful. They symbolize royalty."

I was sick with this all. "Okay. So you're going to lecture me about all the fucking flowers this store sells?"

Jasper laughed jeeringly. "No, I'm just going to tell you about the ones I think you should consider for Bella."

"Right," I was starting to get pissed now.

I saw Jasper fingering some deep red flowers. "These are another type of carnation. They symbolize deep love, fascination, and strong affection."

I grabbed a bunch of them, and Jasper stared at me. "Did you hear what I said, Edward?"

"Yeah," I breathed heavily. "These are the flowers I'm getting Bella."

He looked at me, incredulous. "Are you serious?"

I nodded. I looked down at the carnations. They were perfect.

"You really do love her, don't you?"

"Yes. Yes, I do."

I was a bundle of nerves. Jasper had selected the flowers for me as a precaution, and when Bella said yes, if she said yes, then I would do my part.

I stood outside Bella's closed bedroom door and knocked twice.

"Hey." Bella smiled at me, and I hugged her tightly, lifting her off her feet, and breathing in her sweet strawberry scent.

I put her back on the ground and drowned in her warm brown eyes. My heart was pounding, and I took a deep breath.

"Bella, would you like to have dinner with me?"

Her eyes widened in surprise or shock, I wasn't sure, and I cringed internally, hoping she would accept.

She hugged me tightly and breathed, "Yes."

She said yes.

I asked this amazing girl for something, and she had said yes.

I felt ecstatic.

"Thank you." I smiled, relieved, and she dragged me into her room, locking the door behind her.

She lay on the bed, her hair spread out, and I crushed my lips with hers, crushing them with mine and thrusting my tongue roughly into her mouth. She moaned, and the sound vibrated into my body.

I slid my hand under her shirt, and we broke apart briefly as I flung her shirt onto the floor. I rested my cheek on the top of her head and kissed her hair.

"Are you too sore for this?"

"No," she gasped.

I placed my hand on her thigh and tugged her denim shorts off. Her panties were already wet, and I was aching to be inside her. I ripped her panties off as she worked my buttons. Sliding my pants down quickly, I covered my mouth with hers, kissing her furiously, like never before. I wanted her to remember this. I wanted her to remember the amazing feeling of us physically connected.

I was sporting a full tent now, and I pushed my underwear down quickly to my ankles and pressed my cock into her wet pussy. She was so wet that I slid in without much effort.

She gasped at the contact, and I closed my eyes, wanting to remember that sound for the rest of my life.

I slid in and out of her, unhurriedly, until I felt her walls clenching tightly, and she screamed my name just like I had screamed hers the first time.

"God," I panted.

"That was good," Bella giggled.

I kissed her forehead and lay next to her. It was some time in the afternoon now, and I was going to take Bella out for dinner in a few hours.

She sighed happily beside me, and I wished I could stay like this with her forever. I thought about our future, which lay uncertainly ahead of us. I hadn't told her about my acceptance yet, but I wasn't sure how I was going to manage those few words aloud. It was going to be painful for me. I was pretty sure Bella would end up studying business at USC or Dartmouth. They were miles away from where I would be, and I wasn't sure how I could remedy that.

Alice had heard about my date with Bella tonight from Jasper, no doubt, and she was now fussing all over Bella.

I didn't know what to wear for the first time in my life, and I was too much of a fucking pussy to ask Jasper for this sort of advice. I decided to wear dark jeans, a white collared shirt, and a black jacket. I didn't know what the hell possessed me to wear a tie, but I did. This was supposed to be a night to remember. A night I would never forget. Bella deserved perfect, and I was trying to bring myself up to that standard.

I wrote her name on the card provided and stuck it to the side of the flowers. Bella was in her room, and I knew she was waiting for me because Alice was already in Jasper's room.

I clutched the bunch of carnations tightly in my hand and knocked on the door.

Bella opened, and I forced myself not to gawk at her like a dickhead. She was wearing the most amazing blue dress that suited her skin tone nicely, and her hair was fresh and loosely braided. So fucking beautiful.

Bella took the flowers from my hand and smelled them. "Thank you so much, Edward!" She said, grinning at me hugely and tiptoed to kiss me on my cheek.

I smiled at her, too. "Let's go."

I took Bella to a special place Esme had recommended. It was an Italian restaurant near the coast. Esme had said the view at night was beautiful and unforgettable, and I had thought it sounded perfect. Perfect for Bella.

I was fidgety on the way to the restaurant, but then Bella decided to turn the radio on ,and she soon began to sing along to the songs. Suddenly, everything was very easy and simple. It was just me and a pretty girl going out for a dinner date. Nothing was going to complicate us tonight.

I ordered the same dish as Bella, and we talked happily to each other. When we finished, I threw the tip down on the table and held Bella's hand on the way out.

We took a walk down to the harbor, and the wind was becoming quite chilly so I handed Bella my jacket in case she was freezing.

The wind blew Bella's dress around my legs as I held her closely to me, admiring the river view.

There were colourful lights shining, and it was quiet. The night was perfect. Just like my girl.

"Ice cream?" I asked.

She laughed. "Okay."

We ran to the nearby ice cream vendor and gasped and panted and laughed.

"Mmmm…" Bella moaned into her ice cream.

"Stop it!" I teased her.

She kissed me on the mouth just like she had in Port Angeles, her mouth surprisingly warm and sweet as always.

It was hands down the happiest moment of my life.

When we arrived home, it was already past twelve o'clock, and I sensed that my girl would be pretty exhausted by now.

I decided not to join her tonight, and I kissed her goodnight, my heart screaming I love you. I didn't say it out loud, but I would tell her. Soon.

I locked the door behind me, and I began to pour my heart out onto a piece of paper.

Dearest Bella,

I wish I could be here with you, celebrating the end of our final school year. Believe me, that is what I want more than my life. I want to be there, to stand beside you for the rest of my existence. I want to be strong for you, to protect you from hurt, and everything that frightens you or makes you feel uneasy.

My heart aches to hold you in my arms, but I can't, and it's killing me. They say life isn't fair, but you have to believe that I have tried my best to make your life and mine the best it can possibly be.

I am going to be lonely at Harvard without your presence. So lonely, and I wish I had told you yesterday about my acceptance, but I didn't have enough courage to say it, to see the hurt in your eyes and feel the ache in my heart.

I am going to miss you so much and I wish you all the best at college.

I love you.

Edward

I placed my letter in an envelope carefully and signed off.

Graduation was tomorrow. And the soon after, I was going away to visit my dream college. I decided I would leave my letter on Bella's desk just before I left.

I pulled open my closet and started throwing my clothes in randomly. Sure, it was only a brief visit to the school, but I wasn't sure if I was going to come back here as I would probably want to attend the preparation classes there so I'd be ready.

I fell into a hopeless slumber, and I woke up with Alice screaming in excitement.

What. The. Fuck.

It was only graduation.

The process was very simple. All we had to do was go on stage and collect our diplomas from Mr Green, the school principal.

I put on the ugly yellow gown and waited by the car.

I drove my siblings and Bella to Forks' High School one last time. The school was decorated with balloons only. How pitiful.

I was one of the first to get my diploma since my last name was Cullen, and Bella was one of the last.

I waited for her to come down from the stage.

"Congratulations," I whispered into her ear.

"Congratulations to you, too!" She smiled at me, and I kissed her forehead, suddenly remembering I hadn't told her about Harvard yet.

"Shall we get home to see where you've been accepted?" I asked.

Her eyes widened. "They were letters for me?"

I laughed. "Of course."

When we got home, I rushed to the kitchen and handed Bella the letters. She was tense, and her hand was shaking when she ripped open the green Dartmouth letter.

"Dear Miss Swan…" she muttered, "congratulations on…hang on. Wait."

A large grin split across her face, and I hugged her tightly. "You got in!"

"Oh my God!" she screamed.

I felt so happy and proud for my girl but an uneasy feeling took place in my heart as I took a deep breath and handed her my Harvard acceptance letter.

"You're upset about this?" Bella asked softly.

"It's not just this." I muttered, not meeting her eyes, but I had no idea how to tell her I was leaving tomorrow.

"Bella," I grasped her hand tightly in mine before speaking again, "come with me."

I led Bella to my room where most of my stuff was already packed in two suitcases.

She blinked and looked blankly at me. "Why have you packed all your stuff?"

My breath caught, and I looked intently into her eyes. "I am leaving tomorrow for Massachusetts."

BPOV

"I am leaving tomorrow for Massachusetts." He said. His eyes burned into mine.

I felt like my heart had dropped into my stomach. "Oh."

Edward cupped my face gently like I was made of tissue and kissed me on the mouth sweetly.

"So that's it?" Tears were running down my face freely.

Edward looked heartbroken, and his jaw tightened. "No. That is not it."

"What else?" How much more would it take to break me?

"I will make this better, Bella. I promise." He looked at me sincerely, but my heart was starting to doubt his words and his velvet voice.

"Okay." That was all I could manage.

Edward held me to sleep tonight and hummed until I was asleep. This was going to be the last night we were going to be together.

"Bella," Edward whispered urgently, waking me.

"What's wrong?" I mumbled, still sleepy.

"I'm leaving in five hours."

That was all he said, and I shot out of bed, dressing at breakneck speed.

My heart pounded as I got to the bottom of the stairs.

Edward was down there waiting for me, already in dressed in a hoodie and jeans. He looked so beautiful but crestfallen.

We all hugged Edward goodbye, even Jasper and Emmett. Alice and Rose looked glad that he was leaving, but I was starting to cry again.

"Bella," Edward whispered in my ear one last time before he left, "remember me."

I hugged him back tightly until it was hard to breathe. "I won't. Thank you for everything," I said softly, his hair damp from my tears.

I watched Edward walk to the Carlisle's car, who was taking him to the airport. I smiled at waved, like the others, but headed into my room earlier in case Alice or Emmett started warming towards me.

I gasped when I found a letter addressed to me in my room. There was no mistaking the elegant cursive writing of Edward. I flipped the envelope over and took the letter out.

Dearest Bella,

I wish I could be here with you, celebrating the end of our final school year. Believe me, that is what I want more than my life. I want to be there, to stand beside you for the rest of my existence. I want to be strong for you, to protect you from hurting and everything that frightens you or makes you feel uneasy.

My heart aches to hold you in my arms, but I can't, and it's killing me. They say life isn't fair, but you have to believe that I have tried my best to make your life and mine the best it can possibly be.

I am going to be lonely at Harvard without your presence. So lonely, and I wish I have told you yesterday about my acceptance but I didn't have enough courage to say it. To see the hurt in your eyes and the ache in my heart.

I am going to miss you so much. And I wish you all the best at college.

I love you.

Edward

"Oh Edward!" I cried.

This meant that he probably wasn't going to come back for months. I wish I had told him how I felt in the beginning, but it was too late. Just like him, I didn't have enough courage.

But he had signed off saying he loved me. There are many different types of love, some were reserved for parents, some for your siblings, some for the people close to you, and for the one, but I was grateful to have even just a small place in his heart, even though he took a massive chunk out of mine.

But I will remember him. I will remember all the precious moments we had shared together.

My phone rang, and it was Edward.

"Bella?" he breathed.

"Edward, I miss you already," I whispered brokenly.

"I miss you, too," he said, "but I will be coming back for Christmas, okay? No more tears."

"Okay," I said, wiping my tears away. "No more tears."

"It's only for a few weeks, and then I'll see you again," he reasoned.

"I know."

"I have to go now."

"Good bye then."

"I miss you. Bye."

I wanted to tell him that I loved him, too, but on the phone for the first time wasn't a good thing.

We were going to spend Christmas together, and that all that mattered.

Thanks to all my readers and great big hugs to my betas SueBob and izzzyy

Please review and tell me what you think..

And yeah I know there are some confusion about the time frame and stuff.

I'll explain on the next chapter

xx