Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Confusion

'The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.'- M. Scott Peck

BPOV

"Bella!" Alice yelled outside my door.

I shot up from my bed. "Yeah?"

"Uni, bitch. Or are you trying to back out from Princeton?"

I groaned. Of course. It was the first day of college. It was the first day of at least four years of fucking hard work. Purgatory.

It had been almost three weeks since Edward had left to go back to Harvard. He hadn't wanted to go; he wanted to stay with me at Princeton, so that we could graduate together and keep our relationship steady, but I had forced him to go. In his heart, I knew he wanted to go.

When he had gotten his acceptance into Harvard, I could tell it was the biggest score of his goals in life. It was his dream, and he needed to pursue it, whether he knew that or not. I had told him he couldn't just ditch the best thing in life for me.

"You're the most important thing in my life," he had whispered in my ear just before he left. I wanted to believe it so badly, but I convinced him we could visit each other when we had holiday breaks, but I was a fucking liar. I needed him like air.

I checked my phone for missed calls, and I saw one text waiting for me.

Good luck on your first day of university. Seems like school again doesn't it? I love you- Edward.

I smiled at the screen and texted back.

Good luck on your first day of Harvard. You're going to become the best doctor in the world. I love you- Bella.

All in all, I had to say that I was frightened for him and the relationship we shared. He was going to a medical school with Jessica and Tanya, so I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to hang out with them. I knew there were going to be girls much smarter than me that were going to be in his class, and I wouldn't blame him for falling for one of them.

I felt like I wasn't good enough for him, as I was only trying to major in law and business, nothing medical or interesting like that. He was the one going to save lives. I wasn't.

My phone rang, and I nearly dropped it.

"Bella?" Edward's anxious voice broke through my fears.

"Edward," I breathed.

"Did you receive my text?"

I laughed. "Yes. Thanks for that. Did you receive mine?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I really needed your words."

"Who's in your class this year?" I couldn't quite keep the jealousy from seeping into my voice.

"Um, I don't know many of them…" He sounded off, and I realised that there was going to be trouble.

I tried not to sound upset. "Is Jessica?"

"Yeah. She is. So is Tanya. She's this random chick who hit it off with Jessica instantly."

I sighed. "Good luck with that. And try not to let them get into your pants too soon." I tried to sound offhanded and teasing, but it sounded fake even to my own ears.

"Bella," he said sternly, "you know that isn't going to happen."

"Okay," I said, still uneasy.

"I have to go," he said abruptly.

"Bye. I love you."

He hung up.

He's just tired and busy with school work, Bella. There's nothing to worry about. I told myself calmly.

I had to believe Edward loved me and still cared about me, or nothing would ever work.

"Alice!" I whispered to her during class.

"Yes?" she mumbled sleepily. She hated lectures, especially with Professor Grant. Even I didn't see why lectures were so important- hardly any of us were paying full attention anyway, as the exams were still far away.

"Are you taking notes?"

"A little." She tipped her notepad to the side so I could see how much she had written. There was hardly any writing on it.

"You're screwed," I joked.

"I wasn't born a nerd."

I grinned. "Never said you were."

Alice always ended up copying notes from my book anyway. I wanted to graduate with high marks, so finding a job as a lawyer or something related business wise would be easier, and I hoped that it would be somewhere closer to Edward.

Life had to be fair sometimes.

Professor Grant dismissed us early, as he had an important staff meeting to attend, and Alice sighed in relief. I rolled my eyes and giggled. I didn't know how she was going to manage to graduate. It would probably kill her.

Alice chatted happily on the way to the café.

"Has Edward texted you about your day yet?" she asked.

I tensed and began to stress at the mention of his name. "I don't know," I told her truthfully.

"Check."

I fumbled with my phone and clicked the message icon with a shaky finger. There was one new message.

Bella, I'm sorry for being short with you before. I hope I haven't messed up your first day. I love you- Edward.

I texted him back immediately.

Hi Edward. How's the classes? What are you doing right now? I love you- Bella.

"He's not trying to be an ass again, is he?" Alice asked me anxiously, gauging my reaction.

"Nah. I think he's putting too much pressure on himself again," I told her untruthfully. It was a half truth anyway. She didn't have to listen to my worries, or she'd fly up to Boston immediately and kick Edward's ass. I didn't want that to happen.

My phone buzzed again.

I need your words to calm me down. I'm with Tanya. She said she needs help with her class work. – E

My stomach dropped, but I replied nevertheless.

I'm glad she looks up to you. You're smart, but I guess things don't always work well.

Alice interrupted me before I sent the text. "What's wrong, Bella?"

"Nothing." I wondered what I must've looked like when I read his text.

"You're upset," she stated.

I tried smiling, but she saw right through me.

"Look, I know my brother. And if you ever need any help, or advice, just ask me. He's not always very consistent, especially with girls. It's his nature."

I felt like I was caught between two steel traps. I didn't know if Alice was telling the truth, but looking down at my wrist, at the Christmas present Edward gave me, my heart told me not to take Alice's comments to heart.

I shrugged. "Thanks, Alice, but no thanks."

We walked to the library in silence, lost in our own thoughts. I loved the library. It was big and there were seas of books everywhere I looked. It was a place I loved to relax and study but not for Alice. For all I know, all she wanted to do was to take over Anna Wintour's job as Vogue's editor.

I checked my message inbox for any new messages and was surprised when I received one from Jessica.

You better watch out. It seems like Tanya's having heaps of fun with Edward right now. I bet he's thankful you left- you wouldn't have to witness the sight in front of me. I feel so jealous of her. They're fucking perfect together.

I stilled in my chair and slowly looked over at Alice, swallowing hard. My heart picked up speed as I reread Jessica's text.

Alice's eyes snapped to mine.

"Let me see that," she snapped.

I looked at her in astonishment. "What?"

"Hand it over. Now. Before I rip it out of your hands," she threatened.

I showed her the text, and Alice groaned.

I wasn't paying attention to her. I swallowed hard and fisted my hands until my knuckles turned white, my jaw started to ache, and my heart echoed in my ears.

"Do you think it's true?" I choked out, louder than I expected. The librarian and people studying next to me shot me annoyed looks.

"C'mon. Let's get outta here," Alice muttered, grabbing my hand and dragging me out of the room quickly.

"I knew it," Alice snarled at my phone once we were out in the open grounds. "I knew he would do this."

"Do you even know Jessica… or how much bullshit she comes up with?" I asked through my teeth.

Alice flipped her hair back. "Maybe not, but this is the sort of thing he would do."

"And you never told me. I didn't think he would cheat on me."

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Alice touched me gently on the arm and I shook it off and started running back into the dormitory.

"What are you doing?" she panted.

"Going to Boston and finding out for myself," I answered in a clipped tone.

"Now? Bella, are you out of your mind? I don't care if it only takes two hours to get there; we have exams next week!"

Once I got to the fourth floor of the dorm, I took out my overnight bag and started to throw clothes in.

"I guess I'll call the airlines," Alice sighed.

"You're a lifesaver." I smiled in relief.

"But you're coming back before next week, or we're going to fail. There's an important seminar coming up."

"Taking notes for a few days isn't going to kill you, you know," I grumbled.

"I'm taking time off too because I'm coming with you. If what Jessica says is true, I'm going to kick my brother's ass personally for you."

I took a resigned sigh and lay on my bed, waiting for Alice to organize our flight. I was no good at those things.

I didn't know why I was panicking so much. Haven't I already decided that if he wanted to go, I would let him? I stared that the darkening sky and felt tears rolling down my face silently. I had to be strong and be prepared for his rejection.

"Your flight is at nine tomorrow morning. But why all the hurry?"

I stared blankly at Alice and wiped my tears away. "I need to know what happened," I told her plainly.

"He's not that important, Bella." Alice rolled her eyes at me and smiled.

"I love him with all my heart," I said forcefully. "And nothing can change that."

"Did he ever say it back?" she asked sceptically

I nodded and Alice stared at me in disbelief.

The next morning I woke up with a start. I brushed my teeth meticulously and got dressed into my usual plain t-shirt and skinny jeans.

"Nah uh. You're so not wearing that." Alice glared at me, leaning at the doorway.

"Yeah. I am," I said in a clipped tone.

"Look, I bought you a dress on the weekend. Why don't you wear that?" she sounded upset.

"Alice, please," I begged, "I don't want to make a scene."

"Pack it, then. In case Edward wants to spend a day or two with you, okay?"

I watched unhappily as Alice fold the dress neatly into my bag.

The drive to the airport was quiet. I was contemplating on how to face Edward. I was scared of his reaction. Would he be pleased, or would he tell me to fuck off and die? I didn't know. I knew that I loved him, and that I would never want anyone else. Ever.

All this worrying boiled down to one simple fact; I was afraid.

Underneath it all, the love and need I felt for him terrified me. Just that one text from Jessica had brought up all my insecurities, making me doubt what Edward said he felt for me. My world would never be complete without Edward in it, and I was so afraid of it ending so quickly.

Alice and I were travelling light, so we could manage to hand hold everything. My stomach was fluttering with butterflies and anxiety and nervousness as the plane began to descent slowly into Albany International Airport. I had never been there, and it would take around an hour to reach Massachusetts by taxi. Even with the relatively short period of anticipation, it felt as if this moment had taken a second to arrive.

I wrung my hands, hoping to get rid of my shaky fingers.

The worst Edward could do was rejecting me. I had never felt this emotionally spent before.

What was I going to do, or say? I had no idea. But at least Alice was here with me. It was comforting.

As the plane landed, my heart began to pound impossibly harder. I took a deep breath to calm myself as the captain announced our arrival.

I heaved my bag over my shoulder and waited for Alice. We walked together silently, and I had a sudden urge to pee. You're just nervous, Bella. After you talk to Edward, everything will be clear, I told myself, but my stomach didn't buy it. I felt like vomiting.

"You're green, Bella," Alice observed. "Breathe."

"I am," I gasped as our taxi arrived.

"Cambridge, Massachusetts," Alice directed the taxi driver as I lay back on the leather seat and looked out at the blue sky, calming myself while Alice held my hand.

"If you vomit and it gets on me, you're going to pay for my Levi's and top," Alice told me, and I smiled at her.

"I won't," I told her, but I wasn't feeling any better.

The Harvard campus was magnificent. I stood in amazement at the large towering buildings that have stood for centuries. How was I going to manage finding Edward here?

My fingers were shaking as I texted Jessica.

Do you know where Edward is?

She replied quickly. Duh. He's with us at the library. Were you hoping he'd get back to you quickly? Not a chance, bitch.

"Library," I panted to Alice. "He's at the library."

"Let's go then," Alice said. "Do you know which section he's in?"

I shook my head, but knowing Edward, I knew he would be in the anatomy section.

"Search on level two, and I'll do this floor, okay?" Alice whispered to me.

"Okay." My forehead was sticky and sweaty, and I was trembling, knowing how close to him I already was.

My breath caught as I saw him sitting at the table with Tanya and Jessica. Jessica was touching Edward's arm, and he smiled back lazily at her. Tanya was basically breathing on his neck. I could feel bile starting to come up my throat as I felt my heart crack into a million pieces. I gasped as my head swirled, dizzy with disturbing images.

He heard my gasp and looked up. I forced my eyes to tear away from his, and I ran out as fast as I could. Where was the exit? I thought frantically.

I had forgotten the entrance Alice and I had come in, but as soon as I saw a door, I bolted.

EPOV

I felt sick with guilt, letting Tanya and Jessica warm up to me, but I knew I couldn't fight them. Just ignore them Edward, I told myself. I fixed my eyes on the book I was reading and ignored Jessica's stupid fucking giggling. I heard a gasp, and I felt Jessica tense.

My head shot up, and I saw a blur of long mahogany hair rush out of the room. My thoughts turned to Bella, but I knew it couldn't be her. If it was, she would've run into my arms and never let go, not run away.

It was then I realised the two people I was sitting with, and what they were doing.

I jumped out of my seat and followed her footsteps, while my brain searched for reasons why she would be here.

"Bella!" I shouted once I was out of the building.

I scanned the sea of students, and found Bella sitting down against the wall, her head in her hands. NO! My heart screamed. I had to make this right. She couldn't possibly think I could do that to her, could she?

"Bella. Bella, please! Listen to me," I begged, kneeling down beside her.

I heard her sigh, and she smiled at me. It wasn't a happy smile. It was one of pain and surrender, and I felt my heart break.

"No Edward. It's okay if you thought the last couple of months were a joke, but it wasn't like that for me, okay?" Bella mumbled in anguish, and I yearned to have her in my arms, but I was afraid she was going to run away, and never come back.

"Bella. Please. It wasn't like that." My voice cracked and I started to hyperventilate. What if she refused to forgive me?

"Okay." She closed her eyes. "That's fine. If you thought our relationship wasn't like that, and wasn't going to work, why didn't you tell me?"

She had taken my words in the wrong direction. She stood up, and I followed suit in case she started running again.

"No. I didn't meant that," I said, "I was talking about –"

Bella interrupted me. "You know what? It's okay. I don't need to know. I could tell you were happy being with Jessica and Tanya. I'm done here."

My ears felt disconnected with my body. What was she talking about? Did she think we were over? "Bella, please believe me. It wasn't like that with Jessica or Tanya."

Bella forced a pained laugh. "Yeah, it wasn't them? So you were with their twins then. Or I was imagining it. My bad. I'm sorry I didn't know that."

She turned away and started to head towards the school gate. I grabbed her by the arm and spun her around into my chest. She couldn't escape through my arms enveloped around her body.

"Let me go, Edward!" she screamed and started to thrash around. "Just…just leave me alone. That's all I want."

"No," I told her, resisting the urge to press my lips to hers.

"I'm done with this, Edward! I don't know why you took so long to tell me."

"Tell me why you're here," I whispered in her hair. It was too good to be true.

"Jessica sent me a text to tell me what happened yesterday." She sobbed brokenly into my chest. My arms tightened around hers, and I felt my heart ache.

"Nothing happened yesterday," I answered her immediately. All I had done was prepare for my classes and revise my notes.

"Okay. I don't care!" Bella said, still struggling against me.

"You're not going to leave," I said. She was mine, and nothing could ever change that.

"Alice is here, Edward. You better not let her see me like this," Bella threatened, and I let her go, backing away. Alice would kill me.

"Bella," I began again, "I love you." My words were intensified by the emotion in my voice. I hoped Bella would notice.

"I wouldn't do anything like that to you. You're my forever," I said, my jaw tight as tears threatened to fall. She had to believe me.

My eyes fell to her wrist, at the silver bracelet she was still wearing. Bella felt my eyes on her hand, and her eyes narrowed and started to take it off.

"No. Bella, no," I gasped as I shook my head furiously. My heart was going to break the moment she took it off.

"You deserve happiness. Whatever you want…with whomever you want. Good bye, Edward," she said, as her voice seemed so far away. She walked towards me and handed me my love for her.

I saw her running out, and I started to take off after her, but I felt a pair of small hands on my back, and I stopped dead.

"You heard her, Edward," I heard my half sister's voice behind me.

"You don't fucking understand, Alice!" I shouted at her.

"I do. I saw the text. And Bella had no reason to believe you. You had your chance. And you screwed it up." Alice told me in a deadly voice.

"What text? From whom?" I pressed.

"From that Jessica bitch you were with!" she snapped back, "so don't tell me that she was lying."

"Alice, please. Let me talk to her," I pleaded, trying to keep my anger in check about Jessica and her harmful ways. "She needs to know the truth."

"She knows it. And quit acting, you selfish bastard." Alice snapped at me with venom in her tone. I flinched back.

"She's going to get lost here. I'll help her get around here." It was a lousy excuse and I knew I was grasping at straws.

"Do you think she'll want to stay here after what happened? How could you?" she shrieked.

"I can," I said boldly, "because I love her, and I need her to know the truth. I missed her like hell here. This place is shit without her. Please, Alice. Give me one more chance."

"So Edward Cullen hurts a little. Did you know how much she loved you? Or how much she cared for you? I told her to call you yesterday to check if it was true, and all she said was Edward's going to be tired after his first day. He needs his sleep."

That was how I felt about Bella, too. I was always scared I would wake or disturb her, so I didn't call her often. I wondered if it was then that I started to fuck up everything.

"One chance. That's all I'm asking for," I told Alice firmly. "Give me one chance. I won't mess it up again, regardless."

Alice grimaced at me. "You know, if you weren't my brother, I wouldn't be doing this for you."

"Thank you so much." I wrapped my arms around my half sister's tiny frame.

"I need to use your phone to call Bella," Alice said.

"That's fine." I was just so relieved. The only thing I had to do now was to get things straight once and for all. If Bella wanted me to leave Harvard, I would. There was nothing I wouldn't do for her anymore, except if she wanted to let me go.

"Bella, it's Alice," I heard Alice say.

There was a short silence. "Yes. He's here with me."

Another pause. "He wants to apologize and say some things to you. Yeah, and I think he's sincere about this, Bella. He's really upset."

I threw Alice a thankful glance, and she rolled her eyes.

"Tonight? We'll go to Antonia's Deli and meet Edward there okay? No sweat."

"Okay. I'm on my way." Alice snapped my phone shut and threw it back at me.

I caught it instinctively and asked, "Where're you going?"

"We're having dinner together tonight. Sort of like a catch up session, okay? Don't screw this up for Bella." Alice shot me a warning glance. "And it's Bella who chose the restaurant. I don't care if you don't eat Italian. All you have to do is talk and keep your ass to your seat."

I smiled. "Thank you, Alice."

She smiled back reluctantly. "You're welcome. But you need to loosen up a bit and calm the fuck down when you talk to her."

"Aren't you the one who told me to stay away from her?"

Alice grinned knowingly. "I don't want to see my brother lose the best thing that ever happened to his life."

BPOV

"I hate this dress," I grumbled as Alice fixed my hair.

"I hate your attitude," Alice replied.

I acted as though I didn't hear her. "And I hate the make up. I look like a fucked up doll."

"You are a doll, but not fucked up."

"I'm going to look like a pig in this dress." I swallowed and looked down at my outfit. I couldn't believe I wanted to look good for Edward. I regretted lashing out those harsh and hurtful words at him, but I could never forget the pain and loss in his eyes as I ran away. Alice had chosen a short black dress with a fitted black suede blazer, and black high heels. I definitely looked like a girl tonight.

"Edward's going to love you in that dress." Alice smiled in the mirror, and I glared back at her, but my heart throbbed with anxiety, hoping that she was right.

I felt like I was missing something. Something big. My bare wrist looked naked and plain, and I wished I hadn't given my bracelet back to him. I was just so…so frustrated that I let the meanest, most hurtful things come out of my mouth, shouting at the person who honestly loved me and wanted me. I wasn't even angry at him letting Tanya and Jessica have their way. I wasn't even angry at them. I had the best part of Edward, the real part. We shared everything and were always constant. Every moment with him was to be treasured, and I had to make sure I would never forget them.

I had to make it right. I was the one who was going to apologize deeply tonight, and I hoped he would believe me and take me back.

"Edward's meeting us there?" I checked.

"Positive," Alice told me.

Edward's car wasn't there in the parking lot when we got in the restaurant, and I figured he might've gotten stuck in traffic.

"He's late," Alice scowled, scanning the tables.

"It's a good thing you made a reservation," I muttered, looking at the sea of customers already seated.

"Bella. He's there!" Alice whispered to me suddenly.

I turned around and saw him making his way towards us. His eyes focused on me like a caress, and I blushed.

"Bella," he whispered in my ear as he hugged me tightly. "I'm never going to let go again."

I'm posting early because I'm on my vacation right now... and probably because the Lakers are now MBA champs! WOOT!

Hope this chapter was worth the wait.

Thanks to all my readers and to my betas robbsweetangel and remylebeauishot for the help and advice.

Rachel x