Chapter V
Julia was counting days until Christmas. She felt as if God was making each day ten hours longer and it felt like that because of the most horrible thing that her family was now doing ever since this memorable day in mid-November; they were waiting. Waiting for more and more news from Europe and Merry.
One way or another, Julia and her family managed to smile and laugh, and generally keep up the good spirits. Julia was the main reason for the encouragement; she was doing everything to make her family smile and she did a very good job. Not that she never had any breakdowns along the way but she hid them very gracefully and nobody apart from Walt, Blythe and Rose knew about them (it seemed easier for Julia to just send a letter to her closest friends than to talk about what's in her heart face-to-face with someone).
One evening at the beginning of December, Rilla Ford and Nan Meredith got phone calls from their oldest sons. Gil and Jake enlisted and will be leaving 'somewhere in January' for training. Gil signed up to the RCAF (Royal Canadian Air Force) and Jake to LFC, just like Merry and Troy.
"I knew it was coming; deep inside me I think that I was even prepared for it in some ways. " said Rilla with a small grin on her pale face.
"You know, Rilla…" Nan squeezeed her sister's hand "I think I was prepared as well. I could read through the lines of Jake's letters what he's up to, this dear boy." she said and both she and her younger sister cried together for the next half an hour. After that they both stood up and started preparing Christmas cookies while singing "Winter Wonderland" together in the kitchen, remembering that after all, they had each other to hold each others' hands whenever they needed it.
Julia knew that Gilly and Jake would enlist soon. They were both writing to her on regular basis and three quarters of thei letters was about war and "how brilliant it would be to be a part of it". When she learned the news, she felt very downhearted and stayed in her room for the whole evening. Her handsome cousins too heard the Piper's song and would be gone soon. "Who will be next?" she thought and shivered, feeling how the wave of coldness crossed her body.
22nd of December, the day expected by everyone, arrived eventually and the whole Blythe, Ford and Meredith clan gathered on the train station to greet their 'Redmond students' for Christmas.
Blythe, Rose, Gil and Jake were greeted by the bunch of happy faces and by the snow falling down on their heads as soon as they stepped off the train.
"Thank Goodness we will have Christams with snow this year!" Jem said when he kissed his son on the forehead.
"I always thought of 'snowy Christmas' as a good sign." Blythe said when he got a big kiss from his sister Leslie on his red cheek.
"It surely is." Gil said joyfully.
"Let's go and dance between snowflakes!" Julia shouted and grabbed Walt's and Cee's hand and the three siblings waltzed from the train station to Ingleside with their cousins singing and dancing with them.
And they almost looked like little children again.
"Julia, sweetie, did you add flour to your cookies?" Rose asked her cousin in a doubtfull voice.
The whole family was in prepartions for Christmas Day which was to be the next day. Grandmother Blythe, Grandmother Rosemary, Faith, Una, Julia and Rose were all stuck in the Ingleside's kitchen, being hardly able to move, preparing all dishes from the old family recipes.
"What do you mean, Anna Rosemary? Of course I did, I'm not such a bad cook, am I?" Julia asked her almost angrily but she went hurriedly over to the oven and looked inside. When she saw her cookies inside, she sighed with disappointment "I think that maybe I didn't add enough flour… I know I did add it but, oh, why am I so…" she started dramatically but her grandmother interrupted her.
"So like me?" Grandmother Blythe finished and laughed. Her sweet voice filled up the whole kitchen so beautifully that for a moment they all forgot about Merry, Gil and Jake going to the front in a few months' time and replaced it with excitement for the upcoming Christmas.
"Don't worry, dear, we will start them again." Grandmother Rosemary said warmly and put her arm on Julia's shoulders.
She sighed again and took off her apron "This time, I will keep out of the kithen's zone, for I think that I will not make a great cook, not ever. Oh, why people write recipes? They make your life so complicated!" she exclaimed and left the room.
Faith was the first one to let out a small giggle "I sometimes wonder how such thoughts come up in Julia's head." she said.
"It runs in the family, I suppose." Rose chuckled, looking at Grandmother Blythe meaningfully.
The Christmas dinner was delightful. The dishes were full of wonderful food and the table was surrounded by laughter and chatter.
There was one empty chair in the place where Merry was always sitted, right next to Julia's chair near the window. Sometimes each Blythe, Ford or Meredith would turn their heads towards the empty chair and sigh, lost in their own gloomy thoughts about what's to come or not to come.
No one talked about the war though, at least not during dinner. Not even Gil or Jake dared to say a word about the war events that were happening in every corner of Europe, for fear that this wonderful, their last for a long time Christmas atmosphere will vanish completely. Later on though, men went to Dr Gilbert Blythe's office and spent two happy hours of chatting about nothing but the war events, leaving women and all girls to themselves in the living room.
"So tell, me, Rose dear, what is it about this mysterious John Richardson, you mentioned to me about in your letters?" Julia asked her cousin with a raised brow.
Julia, Rose, Leslie, Cilia and Luna were sitting in the Ingleside's living room, all together on the one sofa near the fireplace, looking almost like five angels being covered by shadows of the flames coming out of the fireplace.
Rose's cheeks flushed with bright red "Well, he's in his last year of Redmond and helps me with my History classes, or rather helps me and Jake in our History classes." she said and took a sip of cocoa from her cup she was holding.
"And..?" Julia inquired with a raised brow and all the girls sitting around looked at Rose expectantly.
Rose chuckled "Oh, Julia, I can never hide anything from you, can I? Well, after first two months in Redmond, John wanted to spend some evenings with me alone, while walking through the park together or going to a dance…" she started with her eyes shining.
"You didn't tell me anything like that in your letters, you horrible creature!" Julia exclaimed and patted Rose's hand quickly.
"Well, anyway…" Rose grinned lightly "I suppose that after all, I'm in love as well!" she said eventually and all the girls laughed happily.
"That's splendid, Rose." said Leslie and then turned her head to Julia "Did you have any letters from Troy, Sheba?"
Julia sighed "Yes, I had two so far. They are full of military training and guns and nothing else really. I'm quite disappointed I must say because I was so excited about getting my first love letters!" she concluded with a loud "Oh!" at the end.
"Well, he is excited about fighting, that's all, dear." Rose said in a matter-of-fact tone "And what about Merry?"
"He's the same. His letters are full of hopes for fighting as soon as possible. "My fingers are shaking from excitement, Julia" he wrote in his last letter." Julia said and rolled her eyes.
"Then I suppose I'm the lucky one!" Cilia said in the most vibrant tone "Marshall's letters are full of love and he hardly says anything about the guns or the training itself. Oh, it's so nice to be in love!" she sighed and put her hand on her forehead in a very theatrical way.
The girls giggled and then stopped when the door opened swiftly and Blythe came into the room and sat down beside his sister.
"Bored already of a men-talk?" Julia asked him playfully.
"Completely disinterested." Blythe replied and grinned "Someone will join me for a walk through Rainbow Valley?" he asked looking at each of the girls but the most meaningfully at Julia.
"No! It's too cold for me!" Rose crossed her arms.
"Oh, you're so strange sometimes! When you'll be eighty and have white hair, you will regret it." Julia said to the girls and she stood up taking out her hand towards Blythe who gently put his own into hers.
"Maybe." Leslie said and chuckled.
Rainbow Valley looked perfectly peaceful, just like it should look on the Christmas Day. The grass and the trees were covered in a white snowy blanket. Rainbow Valley looked as if it was a different world, a different universe, filled with magic of the past and future in the air.
Blythe looked positively handsome with his black glossy hair falling on his forehead and intrigued eyes which followed Julia's every move. He was taller, Julia realised as she had to put her head quite high in the air to look in his grey-eyes. She thought whether he would too follow the Piper's calling one day, but she would not dare to talk with him about that, it felt almost inappropriate on a night like this.
Julia herself looked like a real beauty, especially with her hair put up in the new fashion, her cheeks reddish from the cold and her hazel shining eyes which seemed to dance with the stars they were following on the night's sky.
"How are you Blythe, but please be honest with me." Julia looked up at his face and put her arm in his own.
"Everything is fine, well at least as fine as the things can be fine during the war." he sighed helplessly "I'm afraid I'll be very lonely when Gilly and Jake will leave me and Walt in January."
Julia squeezed his arm gently "You'll be just fine and anyway you will be able to write to me more often." she smiled at him warmly.
He grinned "That's very true." he looked in her eyes shyly "Sheba... are you happy with Troy?" he asked her suddenly.
She looked at him with a confused expression on her face "Why this sudden question?" she asked with a raised brow.
"Every question is sudden." he replied "Now answer me, are you happy with him?" his eyes getting darker with every second.
"I suppose I am, for now." she replied softly, looking at the ground as if it was a very regular question.
"Do you love him?" he asked again, his tone getting more and more low.
"I don't know that yet." she said and touched the diamond ring which she was carrying on her neck "But I think I might be in love, it's quite less significant, don't you think?"
"Yes, it is." he gulped and looked at the horizon in front of him.
Julia looked at his face and she stopped walking, causing Blythe to look back at her "What is it Blythe? Something is bothering you, I could see that ever since you came back from Redmond." she said seriously.
"It's just… I'm afraid that if I say it, I will loose your friendship." he said eventually, making a start to the coversation he was dreading so much for a very long time and yet longing for it as well.
"It's not possible." she assured him with a sweet smile.
"Everything is possible, dear." he answered with a bitter grin which soon disappeared from his face "The thing that is bothering me, was bothering me for almost two years now." he began slowly.
"Two years, Blythe? And you didn't tell me earlier?" Julia said, shocked. She and Blythe always told each other everything, ever since they were small kids running around the Rainbow Valley. Julia thought that Blythe acted in a very strange way, there was something about his eyes which caused her to shiver whenever she looked at them. She did not like the direction in which this conversation was going.
"I couldn't." he said again "It wasn't exactly bothering me. It's a very nice, very wonderful feeling you know, that I carry in my heart. Yet, it's getting harder to bear it. So I suppose that I just have to tell you." he said quickly and started breathing heavily.
"Yes?" Julia inquired.
"I love you, dear Bathsheba." he whispered with a shaking voice and his eyes filled up with passion and relief over saying these few words. Julia's face got as white as the snow lying around her. So it is true, she thought, what everyone was gossiping about, it's true. She didn't feel anything in that moment, it was a real shock to her, the sudden realisation that she has to stay calm when she actually wants to scream.
Then she felt how her heart started to beat faster and how much she wanted to cry on her Mother's shoulder, something she didn't want to do even when Merry and Troy came back from town in their brand new uniforms.
"Blythe, I…" she said in a voice which she had never heard before.
"Julia, I know that you don't love me in that way. I know." he whispered again, his voice fulfilled with passion "But I do love you, as simply and as overrated as those three words can sound to you." he tried his best to grin "There can never be a more admirable, astonishing or exquisite person alive for me. I think of you everyday and whenever I see you, I feel as if I really had wings attached to my back which can carry me far far away to paradise." he said with his eyes glistening in the dark.
"Oh, Blythe…" Julia's voice cracked.
Blythe put his trembling hands in her own shaking ones "I didn't think that one can love another as much as I love you in this very moment." he said in despair and put his hands on Julia's neck. She shivered under the touch of his skin but she couldn't move at all, her body wouldn't allow her.
And then… Blythe kissed her.
It was a very gentle and kind kiss, Blythe's very first. Julia thought that it didn't feel right to kiss Blythe, she wanted to escape somewhere really far away but neither her hands nor her legs would allow her to move. But she had to admit that this kiss really meant something, and this something was actually really hard to ignore. This kiss, although gentle and kind, was as captivating for both of them as if it was extremely romantic and passionate.
Then, just after few seconds Blythe stopped and looked in Julia's eyes. His face was radiating with love and shame and passion and fear and hope. Julia felt her body again and hit him in the chest "You shouldn't have kissed me!" she almost shouted, her cheeks growing redder and redder.
"I know, I just couldn't resist it. I'm sorry." he said quickly and took Julia's hands in his own.
Julia pushed his hands away "You ruined everything!" she exclaimed and looked in his eyes with anger which she would later regret.
"What did I ruin?" he asked in surprise.
"Our friendship! How can I look at your face again, not remembering… this?" she said in frustration, her eyes filling up with tears and realisation of what just happened.
He sighed "You wanted to know what is bothering me." he said eventually.
"Yes, but I didn't want you to kiss me! I am… engaged!" she said bitterly.
"Not exactly." he took her handsin his one more "Please Julia, can you at least try to love me in that way? Please?" he asked her in despair.
"I know I can never love you in that way." she said coldly, in a voice which again wasn't her own.
"Never?" he repeated in a whisper.
"Never." she said sternly and felt how fast her heart was beating.
Blythe looked in Julia's eyes once again thinking of what to do, or what to say. But he realised that he didn't have to do anything, it wouldn't change anything. So he turned around quickly and started walking off to Ingleside, not turning around even once, in fear that he will change his mind and come back to her.
Only then Julia realised what actually happened, what Blythe said, what Blythe did, what she said and what is about to happen. Her friendship was destroyed and Blythe was left completely broken-hearted. "Oh, God!" she gasped and put her hands on her cheeks, feeling how tears started running down her face "Blythe, come back! Blythe!" she shouted after him.
But Blythe Ford didn't come back, he came back to Ingleside just to ask for his excuse to go home.
His mind was blank and he couldn't feel anything until he reached home and jumped on his bed. Then he began to cry, not realising that his Bathsheba was doing the same in her own bed at the House on the Hill.