(Not too happy with this one! OvO" Not as emotional as the other one in my opinion, but here ya go! I hope you like!)
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening. I looked up, tears still falling, seeing the two kids Donna gave birth to being walked out to be cleaned. I didn't even get to see them. Maybe they did take some consideration into my being.
That or they think I'm completely demented.
I don't blame them. My heart is completely torn.
Donna.
Another wave of sobs hit me. How did she stop breathing? She was doing just fine. She couldn't just leave me. She promised. She promised.
I'm stuck with the two now.
No, I'm stuck with three.
One that hates me.
Two that don't know me.
Zero I know how to take care of.
I took off the scrubs I was given and tossed them on the bed. My body lurched in the feeling of crying, but I had no more tears. I couldn't produce anymore. I managed to get to the door, but it felt like I was slammed onto the wood. My body felt like lead.
There was no support.
She was dead.
I wanted to look at the bed, but I knew I would get that painful lurching again. Just thinking about it brought it back. I felt no tears roll down my cheeks.
All I could think about was Donna.
I couldn't think about the kids.
Donna.
Five letters. Just five letters tormented my mind. The woman I couldn't save.
The woman I couldn't live without.
The woman that changed my life.
I wanted to crumple back to the floor. Even though I had stayed up all night, my whole body was sensitive. My mind was going on overdrive. It was going through every memory I had with her.
It was like her life was flashing through my eyes. No, it was the life I had wanted flashing before my eyes. Nothing more. It was like life was mocking me. It was saying I had lost her. She was out of my grasp. I couldn't get her back.
The cancer patient.
The miracle.
The fighting spirit.
The peacemaker.
The sin reliever.
The single mother.
The pregnant woman.
My lover.
None of them I could save. All of them fell through my fingers. She wasn't one person. She was so much more than that. She was so much to me. She changed me. She...
I couldn't live without her.
It felt like I would open the door and she would be standing there, the shining smile on her cheeks. I would hug her and we'd go see the kids. All that happened was the monitor lost battery and she fell asleep. That's it. Nothing more. I would be overreacting and have tear stains on my cheeks. She would comfort me and I would be glad to have her back.
Promise and promise she would be okay.
Swear and swear I'll be a fantastic father.
What a failure I was. Here I was, leaning on the door like an old man, not even going to see my kids. They need someone. They need a parent.
A parent that could smile.
I wasn't that parent.
I didn't know if I ever wanted to smile again. Even with the bright lights, I felt like I was forced into a dark moment. I lurched again. I coughed instead of let out tears. My throat burned. I was going to get dehydrated if I didn't drink something later on.
I finally steeled myself to open the door. I looked at my hand that was reaching for the handle. It was the same hand that held hers. It felt cold to me. I didn't feel a pulse. It felt like the stop of her pulse froze my arm in place.
The room felt cold. Maybe it was just me.
That or the Grim Reaper was still there.
The thought made me want to turn around and try to find him. Demand he give back Donna.
Donna.
Another lurch.
I opened the door.
Stepping out, I expected to see everyone outside the hall. The Sons. The Briefs. The Mitchells. Augustine.
I was greeted by no one.
They went home.
They don't care.
Why should they?
They all hate me.
All the memories of what I've done hit me. Donna kept them at bay.
Donna.
All of the people I've killed. All of the blood I've spilled. All of it. I've wasted my life on destroying others'. No wonder Donna was taken. I deserved it.
None of those lives meant nothing to me. Now they all mattered. Seeing someone you love die in front of you...
Her smile.
Her touch.
Her words.
Flat line.
Breaking.
Guilt.
Sins.
So many consequences stacked against me. All the nurses and the doctor had gone to the nursery.
Why wasn't I there?
No one would want me there.
I had kids there. I have to be there.
You'll break.
I'm already broken.
I broke a long time ago.
Donna.
My legs gave out. I felt the cold of my palms on my face. My shoulders shook with silent sobs. My throat burned. No tears fell. Dry, painful sobs racked my body.
Donna.
I remembered when she cried. She was silent. She was so warm when I hugged her. She had a heart beat. She was so fragile. I remember how she was beautiful even when she was sad. Puffy, red eyes and tear-stained cheeks couldn't take that away from her.
"I promise."
Too many promises I gave. So many of them were broken. So many.
"I promise to protect you with my life."
Who was I kidding? She died without any of my protection.
Why was she taken?
Why?
I couldn't find an answer.
I picked myself up. My left hand stayed over my mouth. I was scared of my right. The right hand I held her hand with. I was scared I would remember every time I held her hand and I would break even further.
Donna.
The warmth of her hand. I remember how nervous she was on our first date. She still smiled.
"Thank you for bringing me here," she would say.
"It's no problem," I would respond. Reaching over, I held her hand. She held mine. Gazing at stars.
How she loved the stars.
The stars.
Everything she loved.
She loved to paint.
Landscapes. Hills. Valleys.
I remember how much she hated fish.
How I laughed when she told me.
How she cried when I yelled at her.
How warm she was against me when I hugged her.
When she hugged me back.
When she forgave me.
When she didn't care how much I sinned.
When she wanted to help me become a better person.
Donna.
I walked aimlessly down the halls, my left hand still over my mouth. Why was it there?
I was going insane.
This damn hospital.
If I hadn't gotten her pregnant, I'd still be able to hug her.
Her smile.
She'd still be smiling.
I managed to drink some water. There was ice in it.
Ice.
That's how my body felt.
Ice.
That's how cold she felt. I shivered. I took another drink, ignoring the ice and throwing the cup away.
I'm still breathing.
I'll be okay.
No I won't.
Not without her.
I stopped. My right hand was on the door. My left was to my side. What door was this?
In front of me, on the door, it was engraved with, "NURSERY".
"DECEASED".
I opened the door.
It closed by itself behind me. Somehow I wandered to the nursery. What if the Grim Reaper was following me? Would all of these children die just by my walking past them? I probably reeked of death. Death and tears.
I managed to look up from the door. I saw three families. One other man. One hating teenager.
The Sons.
The Briefs.
The Mitchells.
Augustine.
Lucas.
They all stayed. They didn't have a reason to. Donna wasn't here. Donna. The person they all loved.
The person I loved.
I felt numb. Somehow my legs were walking further. I saw Bulma walk towards me. She looked concerned.
"I'm so sorry," she said.
It felt painful to hear her say that.
Why was she sorry?
I shot her.
I demeaned her.
It hurts.
I walked past her. It was dead silent. With water in my system, I could feel tears stinging in my eyes. I blinked them back. I saw Trunks. He didn't say anything. I kept walking forward. I only stopped when I got to Lucas.
So shy.
He was such a smart kid.
But he can definitely hate someone.
Someone like me.
He had such a hateful glare in his eyes. The whites of his eyes were tinted pink. His cheeks were tear stained. His frail hands were clenched into fists.
Donna.
"How could you let her die?!" I heard him shout. It wasn't a memory. It was happening. He blamed me.
"You let my mom die!" He was crying.
"I'm sorry," I say quietly. I couldn't look him in the eye. Tears stung.
"You're sorry?! You're SORRY?!"
I didn't respond.
"I wish you hadn't gotten her pregnant! She wouldn't be DEAD!"
It burned. I know I shouldn't have. It was my fault.
"She's DEAD! Don't you care?!" His voice was breaking.
"Yes," I say, tears running down my cheeks. "I care...I..."
He hated me.
Why was I trying to explain?
She was dead.
Three words.
She was dead.
She is dead.
She's not returning.
I am alone.
He hates me.
Three words.
I heard Lucas get pulled back. He was yelling something else. It had "death" or "dead" in it. I know. I know.
She's dead.
It's my fault.
I held back a sob. It hurt so much. My body burned. I felt weak. She's gone.
Three words.
Please come back.
I love you.
Why did you?
Donna and Louis.
I just can't.
It's my fault.
I can't smile.
I can't speak.
Three words.
Too many words.
Why can't I stop thinking? I wish my mind would turn off. Stop thinking. I'll go insane.
I felt so alone. My heart hurts. The heart with a hole in it hurt.
My parents.
Was this how they felt when my brother died by the same condition?
How could I feel nothing?
It hurts so much.
Make it stop.
My brother. My parents. I feel so sorry for them.
This is unbearable. Losing someone you've been with for so long. She was my sanity. She can't just leave. It still seems like she'll walk in and I'll spin her around, kiss her, walk home.
It feels so fake.
I didn't know I was crying.
When did I start crying?
Arms were around me. I leaned into them. They were taller than me. Augustine.
I cried harder. I was so tired of crying. I cried so much. She kept me so honest. She kept me from breaking. She kept me from sinning. She kept me from hating.
Donna.
I broke again. I would've fallen if Augustine didn't support me.
Support.
Donna. She supported me so much.
Donna.
Donna.
It hurt so much. I can't say it enough. She's dead. She's gone. She's not here. She's gone away. Why did she die? She won't support me. Two, three, four. So many set of words. Too many sentences describe it.
I heard a door shut. I pulled away from Augustine. I looked around. They all left.
Augustine was still there.
"You okay, mate?" He asked. His eyes were red. His cheeks were slick with tears. Tears were still rolling down them. His shirt had my tears on it. I felt weak. Faint. Is that how she felt before she died?
How can anyone live with this grief?
I want it to go.
I want her back.
Donna.
Augustine put an arm around me, leading me to the twins. They both looked so happy.
They had no mother.
They were still happy.
How could they?
They were so cute.
I loved them instantly. My heart felt a little better. Augustine was speaking. I tuned him out. The two of them looked so happy to see me. They didn't care who I was. They smiled.
Donna. Louis.
"I'll drive you home."
I nodded. I didn't trust myself anyway. I didn't want to have a breakdown while driving.
"I'll meet you in the car," he said. "I'm going to get these two." I nodded. I sniffed. My nose burned.
Seconds later I was in the parking lot. It felt like seconds, anyway. My mind had turned off. It was so much better.
I felt so empty.
Donna.
Donna.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I got into the car, collapsing in the seat of Augustine's car.
I never said goodbye.
I never said "I love you".
I never married her.
I never lived with her.
I never...
There were so many things I won't be able to do. The hot tears burned against me. I felt like those cartoons that are colored blue when they're sad. I felt numb. I felt like throwing up.
I was dreaming.
I'll wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.
I'm in my bed.
She's okay.
The twins are giggling and smiling in their cradle.
What happened? I thought she was dead. I thought I was depressed. No, I was happy. Ecstatic. Donna kissed my cheek.
"What's wrong?" She asked. She hugged me. "I have an appointment at 2:00."
We were at my place. Everything wad already moved in. What was I worried about? Donna's okay. It was just a bad dream. I let out a breath of relief.
"I thought you died," I say, a slight chill going down my spine. She looked concerned.
"Really? Huh." She smiled. "Too much caffeine." She gave a bottle to the girl. "She's just the cutest. Don't you think?"
I nod. "Yeah..." I chuckled weakly. The dream was so vivid. She handed me the girl. She smiled. She looked so happy. Donna smiled. Then she froze.
I woke up.
I was in the passenger seat of Augustine's car again.
What happened to the warmth? Where's Donna?
I looked up from the dashboard. My place. We were in front of my place. How did I get outside?
I looked to my left. Augustine was turning the car off. He looked over to me. He smiled sadly.
"Hey. Sleep is good for you. You should get some rest once we get inside, alright, mate?"
I was asleep?
Donna.
She's dead. She's dead.
Her still against the bed. No breath. No heartbeat. I slumped forward. It wad a dream. She was okay in my dream. In a dream. She was just a dream.
Donna.
The angel.
I hope she didn't fall.
Please be in heaven. Please be okay.
Please come back.
I got out of the car. The house looked colder than normal.
"I'm going to stay with you for a few days, alright?"
I nod shallowly. I went inside. Augustine took a few more minutes to come in, carrying the twins. I heard them giggle.
God, it hurts to hear them. But it also helps. They're okay. They're safe. They're healthy.
I'm not. It hurts.
I went upstairs.
Every step reminded me I would never have her move in. I knew Lucas wouldn't. He'll probably stay with a relative.
Lucas.
I'm to blame.
She is dead.
Dead.
It hurts so much.
Each step gave me a memory.
The first kiss.
The first date.
The first hug.
The first promise.
The first night.
The first smile.
The first meeting.
The first fight.
The first introduction.
The first insulting.
It hurt. It hurt like a dagger. No one would take it out. It was going to stay there, wasn't it?
Why'd she let me go?
I stepped inside my room. There was a small box on the end table. It was covered in velvet.
"Hold on to the ring."
That was what Donna had said. The ring.
My breath hitched.
More tears.
Too many tears.
There's no purpose for the ring. My legs were about to about to buckle underneath me. I shakily stumbled to the bed, collapsing onto it. I couldn't stand by myself. Today was a blur. The sun's rays were warm.
The sun.
The golden streak on her face.
The smile.
More tears.
I keep breaking. I was turning to glass. Every beat of my heart hurt. I felt so hollow. So empty.
Donna.
How long did I have to wait to be back with her?
Donna.
Donna.
I fell asleep.
Three words.
I'm to blame.