ALEX POV
It is nights like these that you dread.
The bar is painfully dead.
You like excitement and action. You thrive off of it.
You let a heavy sigh escape your lips as you lean against the bar and chuckle at something on the TV in the background.
"Look alive!"
You groan at the sound of the familiar voice and roll your emerald eyes. "Look what the cat drug in." A small smile tugs at the corner of your lips as the bushy-haired woman flops onto a stool.
"The usual," she smirks at you knowingly.
You may act annoyed to see her. But truth be told, you enjoy the times when the two of you hang out. It reminds you of Litchfield. It reminds you of comfort.
You turn and grab Nicky's beer from the cooler, cracking the top open, and setting it on the counter in front of your friend.
"What brings you here?"
You are always happy to see Nicky Nichols, who had just been released from prison about one month ago.
"Thought I'd keep you company," Nichols shrugs as she takes a long sip of her beer. "Talk to Chapman yet?" she wriggles an eyebrow suggestively.
You hate it when she brings Piper up.
"Fuck off," You growl in a low voice. Two can play at this game. "Talk to Morello yet?"
"Touché," Nichols smirks as she takes another swig of the liquid in front of her and gently sets it down on the counter. "Look Vause, you either need to fucking talk to Chapman or find someone else to keep your bed warm, cause you seem miserable now that you ain't gettin' any."
She's such a class act, really.
"Eat a dick."
"I don't like dick," Nichols smirks with the sharp raise of her eyebrows. "In case you forgot."
You smile and let out a soft chuckle. "So how is life outside of prison treating you?"
"Not gonna lie, I miss it sometimes."
"Me too."
You miss it like hell sometimes. You miss her.
Silence hangs between the two of you as you hand another customer a drink.
"I miss the familiarity of it, you know?" Nichols murmurs, a pang of nostalgia twisting in her voice. "I was in there for so long that those people became my family and it's just different you know, not getting to see them every day."
"Yeah it's weird," You nod your head in agreement. "Not eating Red's food every day, not hearing Crazy Eyes have those epic freak-outs. Hell it's even weird not hearing Pennsatucky praise Jesus or some shit."
"And not seeing Chapman every day in the shower?" Nichols kinks an eyebrow suggestively as she takes a swig of beer, finishing off the contents in the bottle and shoving it towards you.
Here she goes again.
You shoot her a glare as you collect the empty bottle and turn to retrieve Nichols a new one. "With Piper and me, it was more than just fulfilling a human need, okay? I loved her. And then she fucked me over." Your eyes turn to ice as you push the bottle towards Nichols
"The best ones always do," Nichols chuckles as she presumably thinks about her own experiences with Lorna.
PIPER POV
Your feet ache painfully and you find yourself out of breath when you finally reach the door. You groan as you slide the key in the lock and push the door to your apartment open. Your shoes are instantly kicked off and your purse and jacket are carelessly discarded on the table just inside the door.
You feel almost like you're on autopilot; living your life one day at a time, feeling more miserable with your life with every passing day.
You drop the pile of mail on your countertop and grab the bottle of wine from the fridge, pouring yourself a generous glass. You take a sip and let out a long sigh. You almost forgot how good the stuff tasted. And you really need it after another shitty day.
You pick up the mail on the counter, eyes scanning through it. "Don't want that, don't want that," you mumble, discarding junk mail and random flyers into the trash can. There are a few bills in the mix, which you set aside in the "I'll deal with this shit later" pile.
A shiny blue and gold envelope catches your eye amidst the sea of boring white paper. "The fuck," you mutter to yourself, scooping the envelope up and gently running your fingers along the edge. You instantly recognize the loopy handwriting that belongs to your former best friend; the betrayer.
Seriously? The fucking nerve Polly has trying to write you a letter after everything she's done. Anger and ice course through your veins and your blood boils with rage. Fuck Polly and fuck her stupid letter.
You're angrily about to add the stupid letter to the pile of junk mail in the bottom of the trash can, when something inside of you stops.
Why the fuck would Polly write you a letter after months of nothing and in a fancy gold and blue envelope of all things? Polly had tried writing you in prison after the whole Larry thing blew up in your face. After months of trying and no replies from you, she eventually gave up, and the letters stopped coming. So, why now?
You tear the letter open with your fingers and close your eyes momentarily before pulling the letter out.
But, it's not a letter.
It's an invitation.
To Larry and Polly's fucking wedding.
"Fuck no!" You bite your lip hard and narrow your eyes angrily. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Let's just break your heart and then send you a fucking invitation to our wedding after all the shit that we have done. Do either of them even have a fucking soul?
"Are you alright?" A small voice, filled with genuine concern breaks you from your angry thoughts.
"I'm fine," You bite out bitterly, tearing the invitation to tiny remnants that now resemble your relationship with Polly. You discard the broken pieces into the trash can, letting them fall from your fingers like confetti. "Just fine."
"Rough day?" Sam questions, nodding towards the trashcan and the almost empty bottle of wine that now rests on the counter.
"Just a regular day," You shrug as you grab the bottle and take a violent swig from it.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"Wanna get wasted then?"
That's more like it.
"Fuck yeah," you grin finishing off the bottle of wine. "How about that new club down the street?"
"Just give me a few minutes to get myself looking presentable," your roommate chuckles, skipping out of the kitchen.
You groan loudly as your eye catches sight of the stupid ripped up wedding invitation in the trashcan. Tonight you're going to forget; forget about how much more complicated life is outside of prison.
ALEX POV
"I hate Lorna," Nicky Nichols growls lowly, polishing off yet another bottle of beer. You've lost count after ten.
"I hate Piper," you agree icily in return.
"You're just about done right?" Nichols asks, glancing at the clock hopefully.
"Yea, Dan should be here soon to relieve me."
"Excellent," Nichols lips curl into a Cheshire Cat-like grin.
It's never a good sign when Nichols has that look on her face.
"Why are you getting that look Nichols?" You raise a dark eyebrow in question. Nichols just continues to look at you with the same damn look on her face and it clicks. "Oh fuck, no," you shake your head profusely. "I am not going out drinking with you! I'm going home to have a nice hot bath, maybe a glass of wine, and read my book."
"Quit being such a pussy Grandma," Nichols glares at you. "We are going out and getting good and drunk. We are going to forget about those bitches that broke our hearts and find some nice pieces of ass to take home and fuck senseless."
"No."
"Bush woman over here is right." A voice echoes as a man slips behind the bar and tugs his coat off, hanging it up on the rack behind him. "Go have some fun Vause. You deserve it."
"The man has spoken," Nichols slurs slightly, standing up from her spot at the bar. "Let's go!"
Dan looks at you and gives you a nod of the head. "Go."
The older bartender always knows best.
Your head is telling you no.
Your heart is telling you yes. It's easier to forget.
Your heart wins this time.
"Ugh," you groan, grabbing your leather jacket and tugging it on. "One drink Nichols that's it." You hold up one finger to indicate that you are not going crazy tonight. Nichols clearly has other plans.
You light up a cigarette and take a long drag as you both tumble into the warm New York night. "Where are we headed to?" you raise an eyebrow at Nichols.
"There's a new club that just opened not too far from here. I heard about it from a friend the other day. Supposed to be rad and I bet there'll be lots of good ass there."
You nod. As if you have any other choice.
Nichols is full of bad ideas. And you are always along for the ride it seems.
PIPER POV
Music pounds the walls of the club. Bodies are crammed together tightly as people dance and grind on one another. You used to enjoy nights like this and the old you would have been out there on the dancefloor having fun.
This version of you however, is tucked away in the corner on a barstool, nursing a tall double glass of rye and coke, watching the club-goers bitterly.
Your roommate is off dancing with someone she just met, while you drink away your sorrows.
Your new favorite thing to do.
Self-medicating, you call it.
"Gin and tonic please," you hear an almost familiar husky voice call out beside you, instantly breaking you away from your tortured thoughts.
It's impossible, you think to yourself. But that voice… it sounds just like… her.
You turn to your left and see a tall woman standing beside you. Long jet black hair cascades down her shoulders and her smouldering dark eyes are focused on the drink in front of her. She's wearing a leather jacket, tight black jeans, and a revealing V-neck, in typical Alex Vause fashion.
Only difference is… she's not Alex Vause.
Close enough, you think.
She's practically a carbon copy of the woman you once loved so intensely it scared even you.
You watch her from the corner of your eye as she finishes off the last of her drink. Maybe you could just pretend that it was Alex. After all, they do look like they are cut from the same cloth.
"I'll take another double rye and coke," You call out to the bartender. "And another of whatever she's having," you jerk your thumb towards the woman beside you.
The woman turns to you and gives you a pointed look, a dark eyebrow raised sharply.
"I'm Piper," you shoot her a flirtatious smile, sticking your hand out.
The woman eyes you skeptically before shooting you a soft smile. "Katie." She has a mysterious glint in her dark eyes as she accepts your hand in her own. "Thanks for the drink."
A moment of silence consumes the two of you as the bartender places the drinks before both of you.
"Sick tat." She comments, her eyes shifting towards the white ink on your forearm. "Where'd you get it?"
"Prison." Your words come out monotonically, a certain coldness wrapped around them.
"Prison?" The woman looks intrigued. "What's a pretty blonde like you do to end up in prison?"
"Fell in love with a drug importer," you shrug with the absence of emotion. "Then did some illegal shit…" You say the last part with a shrug and take a sip of your drink, setting it down on the table with a hard thump.
You sound like such a bad-ass right now. In reality, you're a chaotic emotional wreck. But she doesn't need to know that.
"You still with this drug importer?"
You shake your head coolly. "Nah. Relationship couldn't survive prison."
"God, I love a felon with tattoos," the mystery woman whistles lowly, eyeing you carefully with a sensual smile. "Wanna blow this place?"
Your lips curl into a grin as you lean towards the woman. "Sure." You're aware that your voice is sweet like honey, yet seductive as hell. "Maybe I can show you the rest of my prison tattoos." You kink an eyebrow suggestively and pull yourself into a standing position.
"Oh god, I hope so."
You shoot Sam a look to tell her that you're leaving with this tall, dark and mysterious woman. Sam nods knowingly, indicating that she's found someone to go home with too.
As you leave the club, entering the smoke-filled night, wrapped in a stranger's arms, you feel yourself start to let go; let go of the bitterness that seems to protrude every aspect of your life as of late, let go of the haunting memories of your beautiful ex-lover. You can pretend just for tonight that is woman is the love of your life; the one person you stupidly let go of because of your own selfish actions. And for the first time since you left those prison walls behind, you won't have to feel alone. Because god knows, you've never been good at being alone.
ALEX POV
"This place sucks," You moan out as you order a drink and lean against the table.
"Why don't you let yourself have fun for a change Vause," Nichols rolls her eyes. "This place is practically an all you can eat pussy buffet," she laughs haughtily, her eyes scanning the club for a potential suitor.
"Maybe I don't want an 'all you can eat pussy buffet'" You air quotes the words that you repeat from Nichols.
"You just want one pussy," Nichols rolls her eyes in typically fashion. "You know what your problem is Vause?" She doesn't let you respond. "You keep holding on to any shred of hope you can that you and blondie will live happily ever after. But guess what, Piper fucked you over. She fucked you over hard. And you need to accept that your little girlfriend is not the innocent gem that you always seem to see her as. She turned into a manipulative asshole!"
Nicky usually holds herself together enough not to piss you off. But she's clearly outdone herself tonight.
"Fuck off Nicky," You bite out, pain twisting in your icy tone. "You don't know shit about me and Piper."
"I know that she stomped on your fucking heart."
"Why the fuck do you always seem to think that everything in my life revolves around a certain blonde-haired bitch?" You question angrily, a dark eyebrow shooting up in response. "Maybe I'm just having a tough time adjusting to life outside of prison."
"And life without Piper?"
You close your eyes momentarily and take in a deep breath before exhaling it out and blinking your eyes open. "Yeah. Is that what you want to hear Nicky? That I can't seem to move on from Piper? Maybe, it's true. I mean, I would never take her back, because you don't fuck the people you're supposed to love over like that. But that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt. And suddenly when you realize that what was once the biggest part of your life is no longer a piece of you, it fucking stings like a bitch."
"Now you're talking," Nichols shoots you a sympathetic look. "Enough of this shit," she waves you off with her hand. "Let's just forget about it all for tonight."
"Yeah…" you trail off as you take a swig of your drink. "Let's forget about it."
Nichols starts going on about some hot little brunette she sees on the dancefloor and how she'd like to take her home and do dirty things to her. But, you find yourself distracted. How the hell are you supposed to adjust to this life without Piper? At least when you were in prison together, you saw the blonde every day, whether you spoke a single word to one another or not.
As you gaze off into the distance, you swear you spot a familiar blonde sitting on one of the barstools. Your face turns white. People pass by, blocking your view, but you swear that it's Piper, leaning over and laughing at something a tall, dark haired woman is saying.
"Alex, what the fuck? You look like you just saw a ghost."
"I did," You respond quietly. Your eyes cut back over to the bar. "Over there."
"Alex. What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Piper," You respond blankly. "She's right there."
"Are you okay?" Nichols questions, placing her hand on your forehead in mockery. "Because there's no Piper! You're so fucking lovesick, you're seeing shit that isn't there."
"I swear Nichols," You mutter to yourself as you blink and give your head a shake. The barstool is empty as Nicky had pointed out so kindly. "She was just there."
"You need another drink."
Nichols orders you another gin and tonic. You two find some nice girls to dance with. Nichols goes home with one. You go home alone.
You can't help but shake the feeling that you saw Piper sitting on that barstool talking to someone. Maybe you were just hallucinating. Maybe you just wanted to believe so badly that it was Piper. Maybe you were jealous of that woman that looked eerily like you.
You don't fucking know anymore.
PIPER POV
Your head is pounding. It feels like someone hit you with a cement truck, and then backed up and hit you again repeatedly.
Cerulean eyes slowly blink open whilst long, bony fingers reach up and wipe the sleep out of them. Your arms instinctively fall beside your body in an attempt to stretch them awake. They unexpectedly collide with the hard body of another.
What the fuck?
You roll over, unaware of the woman that lies beside you.
Alex?
What the fuck have you done?
It takes a moment to sink in and then the events of last night come flooding back to you.
That isn't Alex beside you.
You wish it was. God, you desperately do. But you snap back to reality; a sad, lonely reality.
You slowly pull yourself into a sitting position, twisting your body away from the grasp of the woman beside you, carefully as if not to wake her.
The body beside you stirs and dark eyes blink open.
"Leaving so soon?"
"I have shit to do," You shrug nonchalantly, reaching for your discarded clothes on the floor. Where the fuck is your shirt?
"It's on the lamp," the woman smirks, pointing towards the corner of the room.
You snatch the shirt and pull it over your body. "You're not staying for breakfast?"
"I'm not hungry." You're aware that your voice comes out cold and harsh.
"Can I see you again?"
"Last night was good," You smile appreciatively at the woman who is questioning you. "But, don't confuse this with anything more than a simple hook-up. You see, I'm a hit it and quit it type of girl." The lie rolls easily off of your tongue, wrapped in a tone of indifference. "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression."
"You seemed much nicer last night."
"Goodbye."
You're out the door without another word. How could you have possibly done that? You feel yourself breathing heavily as you tumble onto the street below the apartment you just exited. Maybe last night had been a clear reminder of how fucked up you are. You'd simply used this woman as a pain killer. Because, you can't deal with your own damn feelings.
You walk aimlessly down the street, trying to clear your head, but everything just swirls around in your mind. Alex, the Alex look-alike from last night, this new version of you...
You stop when you reach your apartment.
Suddenly the haunted reminder of Polly and Larry's wedding invitation fills your mind. "Fuck," escapes your lips as you dig through your purse and pull your keys out.
You find yourself slipping into your car instead; twisting the key into the ignition and hearing it spur to life. You drop your head to the steering wheel and let the tears fall.
How could everything be coming crashing down around you like this? Realizing that you've literally lost everything you once cared about is the harshest of realities. Your best friend is marrying your ex. Your parents tip-toe around you on eggshells; your father can barely look at you without shame tainting his face and you don't miss the look of distaste that twists across your mother's face when she tells her WASPY friends that Piper, the doting daughter has finally returned from her peace corp. mission in Africa. Because, that's easier than telling them you just returned from prison. Your siblings have abandoned you. Danny, the golden child, refuses to acknowledge your existence because you're Piper; the royal fuck-up who has brought shame to the Chapman name. Even Cal is drifting, consumed in his life with Neri. Your friends turn their noses up at the fact that you went to prison. And then there's Alex. The one person who stuck with you through everything; the good, the bad, and the catastrophic, is now a faint memory that sticks in your mind every damn day, a painful reminder of just how badly you had fucked up.
You drive erratically, anger coursing through your veins, directed at the two people who you once cared most about, well aside from Alex, but that's a whole different story.
You eventually reach the familiar house.
You once shared that house with Larry.
You reach into the purse on the passenger seat of your car and pull the small bottle out. You reach inside and take a handful of the pain killers, washing them down with the remainder of the coffee that you'd picked up on your way to your destination.
You take a deep breath and kill the engine, gaining your composure, and storming up the steps to the small but quaint townhouse.
Polly answers.
Her eyes nearly jump out of their sockets.
"Piper," she states carefully, not sure what to say or do. "I heard you were out."
"Cut the shit Polly," you growl angrily, pushing your way inside. "Why the fuck did I receive an invite to the wedding between Larry Bloom and Polly Harper?"
"Pipes," Polly sighs heavily, running a hand through her dark locks. "You're still an important part of my life… of our lives, despite how things played out. You have to know that."
"Fuck you," You spit out, venom staining your words. How dare she tell you that you're important to her? She wouldn't have discarded your feelings so carelessly when she chose to be with Larry if she cared about you like she claims. "How dare you invite me to your stupid fucking wedding after everything you have done to me!? Does that sound like a good idea to you Polly? Let's break Piper's heart, and then visit her in prison so that we can rub it in her face. And then when she finally gets a taste of freedom, let's invite her to our wedding because that's what friends do. Well guess what Polly, we aren't fucking friends anymore! You betrayed me!"
You can literally feel the anger coursing through your entire body.
"You can even invite Alex," Polly laughs nervously, trying to ease the obvious tension that looms between the two of you.
"Alex is gone," You tell her with an icy tone. "Just like you and Larry."
Polly looks at you with empathetic eyes. "What happened?"
"That doesn't concern you," You respond icily. "The minute you betrayed me, you lost the right to know anything about me!"
"Piper," Polly rocks back and forth nervously on her heels. "I'm sorry about what happened. We never meant to hurt you. And you know just as well as I do that you can't choose who you love."
"That doesn't make it right."
"Piper, I am sorry about whatever happened between you and Alex. I truly am. You know, it was you and Alex who inspired me that true love does exist. Hell, if you and Alex could get through half of the shit that you've been through together and still love one another at the end of the day, that gives me hope that Larry and I can make it. But that doesn't give you a right to be angry with me for falling in love."
"Leave me the hell alone," You hiss angrily. "We are done."
"I never meant to hurt you Piper."
Bullshit.
"You win Polly," You laugh bitterly, shaking your head angrily from side to side. "Congratulations. I lost Larry and now I've lost Alex. You win. You get Larry, and I get nothing but this fucking hole in my heart."
"It's not a game Piper," Polly sighs. "It never was."
"Bullshit!" You furrow your eyebrows together and point your finger in Polly's face. "You couldn't stand the fact that I was happy and you were not! Well now you got what you've wanted!"
"I got what I wanted?" Polly looks at you incredulously. "Do you think this is what I wanted? To have to choose between my best friend and the love of my life? And to see you like this? It's like I don't even know you anymore."
"Nobody does," You tell her hardly, flashing your forearm and the words 'trust no bitch' in Polly's face. "And nobody ever will."
Why does everybody think that the 'old piper' is coming back?
"I don't like this version of you," Polly mutters, rolling her eyes in disgust at your tattoo. "Prison has changed you. The Piper I know would never get a god-awful tattoo like that. And the Piper I know would be happy for me. And she wouldn't have pushed away the two people that she cares most about!"
"Well the 'old Piper' doesn't exist anymore," You hiss coldly. "And she's not coming back." You shoot Polly a final look of disgust before turning your back and heading towards your car. "Leave me the hell alone, I mean it."
You drop your head to the steering wheel and let the tears fall like raindrops from your eyes.
Polly's words ring through your ears. "I don't like this version of you." Truthfully, you don't like this version of yourself either. But, you don't know what to do anymore. You don't know how to live your life beyond the walls of prison. It's like you're learning to breathe again, live again.
Prison has changed you.
Behind the concrete walls of Litchfield, you were more than just a number.
You were in control.
You had power.
People didn't fuck with you.
Beyond those walls, you're just one of six billion people existing on this plant.
You have no control
You have no power.
And you absolutely hate that feeling.
AN: Here is chapter two! I promise Vauseman will have a reunion soon, I just wanted to get everything out on the table first, before the story really gets started. Please let me know what you think!