Chapter VII

It's very hard to imagine what feelings will overcome you when you hear the news of a sudden death of someone who is dear to you. One person is hysteric, is crying all day and night, and swearing that he or she will never love again (and sometimes they keep that promise). Whereas the other person is overpowered with the horrible news and will never believe in them.

Julia Blythe was neither the first nor the second person, she was quite in the middle. She knew that Troy was dead, she could feel it but she wouldn't go into hysterics. Instead she was lying in her bed for the next two weeks, doing nothing but read, read and read each of Troy's letters that he sent to her from the beggining of the war. She cried bitterly on the first night after the news came but after that she wouldn't shed a single tear because all the other tears came out of her eyes that night and wouldn't return in a long, long time.

Faith was very worried about her daughter. She was spending half a day trying to persuade her to go outside and play with Cee, but she wouldn't even listen to one word her Mother said. Julia's cousins were guests of the House on the Hill every single day and they tried their best to talk to Julia, which turned into another failure. Grandmother Blythe and Grandmother Rosemary made Julia's favourite chocolate cake; Merry wrote that he is keeping strong even though he is in the trenches and that she should keep strong as well, again nothing convinced Julia to come back from her 'depths of despair'.

Jem examined his oldest daughter in worry that she started developing first stages of depression, but fortunately that wasn't the case. She just couldn't cope with one particular thought that was on her mind for the whole time: "And I didn't even have time to consider his proposal, I surely must have let him go then.". She couldn't help but to think that if she had accepted his proposal in the first place, he wouldn't get killed because he would be more careful.

But on one day, one very special thing happened which made Julia make up her mind and get out of bed for once and for all; Blythe finally gained strength to write to Julia. It was a six pages long letter which was written so beautifully that after reading the last sentance, Julia's eyes turned completely watery. He wrote how sorry he was for everything that happened and that he didn't write to her earlier, "...it was very childish of me, and I shouldn't act childish as I'm nineteen years old!" he wrote. "Oh, what I would do without you, you, darlingest of all darlings! These past five months were a real torture to me…" she wrote back to him at the beggining of June.

And so Julia's spirit started coming back but still the dark thoughts were remaining in her mind every single day, although not all the time. Julia was quite surprised that she wasn't exactly grieving over Troy, she rather had a feeling that she didn't do enough for their relationship and now she would never be able to fulfill it. Also she didn't know how Troy actually died. "Did he die in agony? Or maybe he died quickly, without any pain? But then… How do we know if death can be painless?" she questioned in her long letter to Walter. Walt and Julia always shared a special relationship and when Troy died, he was one of the most important reasons for Julia to get better. Walt was sending her flowers every week with lovely notes attached to them which would always make her smile and remind her that Walt was there, and always will be there, whenever she needs him.

Blythe was another reason for which Julia got stronger. It almost seemed as if Blythe had given her her life back. Although they didn't see each other for another month after Blythe's first letter came, they grew much closer together than they ever did before. They were sending each other long letters, "too long", as Leslie referred to them. Blythe sent Julia about ten of his new poems which wrote since that gloomy Christmas Day, and he felt as if he started living for something again.

At the same time, Julia's thoughts were also far away in France where her brother Merry was fighting bravely in the Battle of France. Julia, and everybody else felt closer to war than ever. Julia realised that Merry, like Troy, can die in the most unexpected place and hour. She couldn't think about it for too long though, for it hurt her excruciatingly to even imagine that something can happen to her brother.

But even though Julia and her family were very fearful about Merry, they were incredibly proud of him. Jem and Faith got a letter from Merry's general who said that Merry was one of the best soldiers in his division and probably the bravest. Also Merry, being 'merry', wasn't entirely affected by Troy's death. He even wrote to his sister: "I think that the day before his death, he knew that something will happen to him, but he really was ready for the Piper to come to him and play him His old song. And, maybe, I think I was prepared for it in some ways as well.".

Gilly, on the other hand, almost finished his training for a pilot and he, along with Jake, were awaiting to go overseas in around three weeks time. Gilly wasn't as excited as Jake, Troy or Merry were about going to the front. He was actually quite scared and his letters to Julia were quite long, for he thought that after writing every word to her, something would protect him from every harm from the war which was getting nearer and nearer to him. Julia seemed as if she was now Gilly's main advisor and in many ways she found it very relaxing, just to write back to him and telling him how proud she is and how bravely he behaves.

Her other concern was Walt. She was terrified by the thought that he could enlist and follow his twin in the war-adventure. But with every letter or 'phone-call they exchanged, he was reassuring her that he wasn't interested in the war at all. Uncle Walter wasn't interested as well and then… Julia thought to herself but never said it outloud.

25th of June arrived and brought Walt, Blythe and Rose back from Redmond. A big family dinner was prepared that day in Ingleside. Almost everyone was together again and all the people in Rainbow Valley had music filling up their ears and a wonderful summer breeze filling up the air surrounding them all.

Rainbow Valley looked positively magical and Blythe nearly thought that he saw a dryad hiding behind the Tree Lovers, calling him to go and come back to his old days of his childhood. The boys and the girls sat down in a big circle down in the Rainbow Valley on the huge purple blanket. They all felt that they have to spend the summer together for they didn't know what future might hold for each of them until the summer of 1941 will arrive.

"Are you excited about Queen's, Owen?" Blythe asked his younger brother while straightaning up his back.

"Yes, very. I hope I will make some friends eventually." Owen replied and smiled shyly in a very 'Owen-ish' manner.

"Or maybe girlfriends?" Rose giggled and the others started chuckling. Owen's cheeks turned fiery and he looked on the grass, pretending he didn't quite hear what his older cousin said. Cee patted Owen's hand gently, and he smiled at her kindly.

"Rose, stop it. You're making Owen feel embarrassed." Julia whispered to Rose but couldn't help but to smile at her younger cousin sitting in front of her.

Rose rolled her eyes and put her arms around Julia's shoulders "My darling Julia, tell me when was the last time you rode on your River?" she asked suddenly with a raised brow and a grin hiding in the corner of her mouth.

"At my birthday party." she replied hurriedly, knowing that she can't hide anything from her dear old friend Rose.

"Ha!" Rose chuckled "Then I insist you will ride today. Julia you have to become Bathsheba again!" she said in a begging tone.

Julia sighed and looked at the space in front of her "I know, I wasn't myself lately. I mean I was but not entirely. It's so weird what dissapearence of one person can do with your life." she said absent-minded.

"Dear, you have to get better for us, for your family but especially for yourself. I won't let you sign up unless you'll get better. You'll do this for me, won't you?" she asked and grinned knowingly at Julia.

"Yes, I will." she answered with laughter which for the first time in quite a while sounded like a real laughter.

"Who wants to listen to the war-news?" Grandfather Blythe shouted from the Ingleside's verandah to the young people sitting in Rainbow Valley. Everyone except Julia and Blythe stood up hurriedly and ran to Gilbert who opened the door wider and let in all of his grandsons and granddaughters into the living room.

Blythe glanced at Julia shyly, with atiny shadow of a smile running through his face. When their eyes met, Julia smiled at him and sat down next to Blythe putting her head gently on his shoulder, like she always used to do "I knew you would stay." she said to him.

"I had enough of this war already." he replied, glancing at her from time to time "Besides in ten minutes time everyone will come out again and talk about the latest war-news whether we like it or not."

"Yes." she said and then sighed.

"Is something wrong?" he asked worriedly.

Julia looked up at him seriously "Blythe, I don't know how to live as I lived before… before… Troy… died." she said eventually between unavoidable deep breaths "It seems as if my whole world is upside down. I don't know how to be myself again." she turned her face away, as the tears started springing up in her eyes.

"Yes, you do know how to be yourself." Blythe said and put his hands on Julia's arms "You know how to live and you know how to be happy." he said and took her hand in his "You just have to allow yourself to live again." he whispered and looked directly into her eyes.

"You're right… that's exactly it." Julia's lips turned into a small grin "But it's not that easy, Blythe. " she replied slowly.

"Julia, listen, you just have to close the door of the past, and open a new door, fulfilled with dreams and hopes for the future." he smiled in a way which he always used to smile whenever he knew he said something right "It's not as easy to do as it sounds, I know. But you can do it, I believe in you entirely." he grinned at her.

Julia quickly kissed him on the cheek "What would I do without you, Blythe Ford?" she questioned, putting her hand into his.

Blythe blushed "You would do just fine. You always do. You are a very strong and independent person, you know that yourself." he said warmly.

"It's funny how people don't realize who they are until someone else tells them." she whispered dreamily, playing with a small flower in her hand.

Blythe looked at her and caught his breath. He thought that she looked like a dryad herself, with her head bent down like this, the sun shining on her dreamy, pale face almost making it to shine too. Her long eyelashes covering her hazel-eyes, and her red curls flowing down to her shoulders falling slowly on her pink cheeks, making her to put a strand of her hair behind her ear in the most graceful way.

"I think everyone knows who they are but we are all just too focused on what others are like, we don't realize how wonderful we truly are." Blythe whispered back and smiled, looking in Julia's eyes lovingly.

She looked at him curiously. Yes, she was aware of his loving expression in his grey-eyes, but made herself not to think about it, and although it hurt her in a way and wasn't so easy to forget about, she smiled back at Blythe. In this moment the eyes which met Blythe's eyes had a hint of Bathsheba's spirit in them and he saw that immediately. Before he could say anything, they both heard Leslie's yelp from the Ingleside's living room.

"We lost the Battle of France!"

Julia gulped and suddenly found herself in Blythe's strong and supportive arms which she knew she needed most "Oh, Merry…" they both said in the same moment filling up the silence between their embrace.

But Merry was fine. He got through the battle "without a scratch" as he declared in his telegram which Mr and Mrs Blythe received the day after. He was now supposed to be sent to Iceland in a week's time.

And so the summer went smoothely and joyfully although not as joyfully as one could think it would go. Gilly and Jake were sent off to England at the same time as the Battle of Britain began and therefore when pilots were needed desperately. Jake met up with Merry and Marshall Douglas and the three of them were sent off to Iceland together at the beggining of July. Gil was left in England, fighting bravely as one of the 112 Canadian pilots for the freedom of their country.

That summer the 'sweethearting' really began in the Blythe, Ford and Meredith families. Walt was getting letters every week from a certain Lily Anderson who was in his year in Redmond and with whom he had occassional meetings with at school during breaks. Rose's endless long-distance calls to John were making Rilla so furious, that she started shouting at her at midnight (which was the sign that Rilla truly lost all of the possible calmness for her daughter). Cilia was reading out her every letter from Marshall to Julia and both of them were analizing his every word which wasn't connected with guns or trenches.

And eventually Blythe found himself another admirer called Cornelia Douglas, Mary Vance's oldest daughter. She was always friends with Blythe becasue they were living almost next to each other. But this summer both of them caused rumours in both Glen St Mary and Four Winds about their possible romance. Julia didn't comment on any of the gossip-talk and ignored it all, thinking it can't be true as Blythe declared that he loves her just a few months earlier, and he wasn't the kind of man who would change his mind very quickly, especially if it's about his feelings.

Julia was, even though she tried her best to convince herself and others otherwise, quite downhearted because of all the romance going on around her. She was so close to being engaged, the first engaged in her generation. Now, that possibility was gone, and she wasn't sure whether it will be gone forever or not. Somehow the words from Troy's letters were helping her out, even though she knew that she will never hear them from him directly, she knew that Troy meant them, meant them for her. And her dreams and hopes grew bigger every passing day.

In August, Julia went to town and in the afternoon she came back wearing her new VAD uniform. Her look brought back the shadow of memories to her Mother's gleaming eyes. Julia looked positively wonderful in her blue cape, red cross in the front of it, and her small white cap on her head. She looked so proud while wearing her uniform, and so very optimistic. Julia's leaving date was 5th of September. Thankfully, she didn't need a training because she was already a qualified nurse and so she could happily spend the last two months at home with her family surrounding her.

She was better and stronger every single day but still seemed quite far away from her old herself, at least in her thoughts. But in the middle of August one thing happened that caused Julia's immediate improvement. She was in the living room, reading a book with Leslie, Rose and Luna sitting next to her, chattering about the latest fashion patterns they discovered in the magazines in town that day.

Suddenly Walt came into the room with a bunch of letters in his hand. He gave most of them to Mother and Father but there was one left for Julia. When she saw the familiar handwriting on the envelope, she put her hand on her mouth "It's… from Troy." she whispered breathlessly.

The girls next to her stopped talking and turned their heads to their cousin, the silence filling up the room "Go on, open it." Rose commanded and put her hands under her chin, almost biting her nails in nerves.

Julia started opening it with shaking hands and unfolded the letter slowly.

"Read it outloud, dear. Let us know what's inside." Luna said gently and looked at the letter Julia was holding as if it had the biggest secret inside.

Julia gulped, took a deep breath and started reading the words outloud: "Dear Cathy…" she started and almost immediately stopped.

"Cathy?" Leslie asked with her eyebrows furrowed.

"Who's Cathy?" Rose added, biting her nails already.

"Carry on, Julia." Luna said quickly, although quietly.

Julia took a deep breath again and this time she started reading the letter faster:

"Dear Cathy,

"The trenches are as I imagined them to be, not very comfortable, certainly not warm and very very dirty. That's the nicest description I can come up with.

"You are now the only reason for me to survive. I think of you every day and every night, sometimes I even feel guilty because I can't think of Julia all the time but now, after those precious months of our correspondance I know that you are the one for me…" Julia stopped and looked at the space in front of her.

Rose covered her mouth with her hands, Luna looked at Julia with wide eyes and Leslie gulped.

Julia carried on even faster:

"I wrote Julia a letter that I have to take back my proposal and give the ring to you, my darling. I'm holding this letter in my hand and I really hope I won't put it in the envelope with your name on!"

"He surely did." Rose said through her clenched teeth.

"Now…" Julia continued with trembling hands "I suppose I have to go to sleep, we're going over the top in six hours.

"Goodnight, my lovely girl,

"Always Yours,

"Lieutenant Troy Rogers."

In that moment no one dared to say a word, not even Walt who was listening to the whole event from the corner of the room. Everyone's eyes were focused on Julia's face which turned bright red from anger. Her eyes were sparkling dangerously and all of them thought that she would start to scream. Instead she threw a letter on the table and ran upstairs to her room. Everyone was waiting patiently to hear the sound of sobbing in any second but nothing like that came. However after five minutes Julia was back downstairs, dressed in her horse-riding suit and her ancient red scarf wrapped around her neck.

"I'm going riding, I'll be back in two hours." she said plainly as if nothing happened and as quickly as she appeared downstairs; she was gone outside.

Five minutes later everyone heard the well-known sound of River's hooves. Faith and Jem came into the room hurriedly within a second after recognizing the sound "What happened?" Faith asked the girls sitting at the table.

But it was Walt who answered his Mother's question with a grin crossing his face "Our Bathsheba is back."