Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight, and no copyright infringement is intended. The original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story is owned by FrEeZeGiRL8000 (2009).

Trust and Sacrifice

'Life isn't fair. It's just fairer than death, that's all.'- William Goldman

EPOV

Was Bella fine?

Yes.

Was Bella healthy?

Yes.

Were Esme and Carlisle happy?

Yes.

And Emmett was just having the time of his life.

As usual.

But I wasn't fine. There was still a year until my graduation and it was fucking killing me. Alice had decided to leave Princeton to pursue a career in fashion design in New York and Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were all for her dreams and decided to all go with her. No one wanted to go to college and study. No one except for Bella and me.

Bella was back at Princeton and had already caught up with the work she had missed. She was amazing and talented. She was my girl.

"Mr Cullen?" Professor Banner raised his eyebrows at me. "Will you pay attention please? I have some exciting information and news at the end of this lecture which I'm sure some of you are interested in participating."

"Sorry, sir," I nodded and apologized, but he ignored me and continued to drone on about microanatomy and pharmacology.

I looked at Tanya and felt a surge of anger that she was smirking at me because I got in trouble. I could never forgive her for what she did to Bella, even though she may not have realized how dangerous it was at that time. It was still her fault. And because of that, she probably wasn't able to graduate as soon, so she couldn't follow me to the end of the world.

I rocked back in my chair and started to fold the edges of my lecture pad. I already knew about all this. This lesson was punishment for people like Tanya who completely failed the exams and received a ten percent mark overall. It was a good thing Jessica had teamed with me and started to realize what kind of bitch Tanya really was. I was positive she was going to quit college soon.

"Listen up!" Professor Banner raised his voice again – louder than before – startling half of us. "I have forms for a few of you to fill in. Instead of continuing with clinical training at the local hospitals, a special offer has been made to the following students: Mr. Cullen, Mr. Crowley, and Mr. Yorkie. Will you all please come forward to receive these forms? Class dismissed."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise and took my time making my way to the front of the class amidst the crowd of students hurrying out. The envelope was addressed to me and it was surprisingly heavy and bulky. I lifted the sticky tabs and pulled out the documents.

Dear Mr. Edward Cullen

We at AMREF recognize your high achievements and outstanding academic records and we believe your skills are needed to improve the overall access to better health for the people of Uganda.

Congratulations on your acceptance of your application into the internship program of the African Medical and Research Foundation.

You are now challenged with making the very important decision of whether to continue your third year of clinical training at your selected university or to support our officers and doctors in Uganda. We understand this opportunity may cause a young man or woman to have to make a difficult decision at medical school who has an option like this and we respect your decisions.

We at AMREF recognize your high achievements and outstanding academic records and we believe your skills are needed to improve the overall access to better health for the people of Uganda.

We believe that AMREF not only offers you a superb learning experience, but also promotes individual development and growth, providing you with a $20,000 scholarship.

Our very best wishes to you for a successful third year and we sincerely hope you will join us.

Kind Regards,

AMREF Headquarters

Nairobi, Kenya

I stood next to Tyler, shocked. They were offering me a training position at a professional medical facility in Uganda? I was sure it would be my dream come true.

"So! Edward, congratulations." I heard Professor Banner walk towards me.

"Sir, who sent in an application for me?"

I looked up from my letter and saw him take off his glasses. "I did. You are a brilliant student and you deserve to have more opportunities, to do more – before contribute your ideas to the outside world. Clinical training doesn't seem enough for someone like you."

I nodded. "Thank you, sir. I'm not sure if I can go."

What about Bella? What would she think of this?

"Edward, you must accept!" Professor Banner urged, clapping me on the shoulders. "This is the opportunity of your student career! Imagine the possibilities. It's only for six months. What could be more important?" He chuckled but I didn't join in.

"I have someone here who is waiting for me. That's what's more important," I said firmly, looking the professor in the eye. "More important than college. More important than anything."

"Edward, your father and mother would be so proud. So proud of you. There isn't anything that could give them greater joy. Not even a girlfriend. It isn't high school anymore, Edward. It's time to make certain sacrifices."

I breathed in deeply and the letter in my hands shook. "Maybe…maybe a medical career isn't what I'm looking for. Not in that way. I can't just go to Uganda for six months and leave everything behind, can I?"

I looked at him and saw a frown settle on his face. Backtracking a little, I argued back. "Look, I'm really grateful about this. Really, it's wonderful and I'm sure it'll be a great opportunity but maybe I don't need six months there."

"Yes. Yes you can, Edward," My professor replied to me gravely. "Six months is half a year. It's not that long. Six months won't allow you to forget the outside world even if you have no means of communication."

I shook my head. "It's too big a sacrifice. I can't do it." Not to Bella. I could never do this to Bella. Half a year without contact or anything would be sheer hell.

"You will do what is necessary as a doctor, Edward. To be a doctor, you are trained to have compassion for those who are less fortunate and to treat them with care and love. You have to make certain sacrifices, son. Not everything is fair. Surely you realize that, Edward? Life doesn't work that way."

"Let me think about it all and process it, Professor," That was all I could handle at the moment. What was most important was Bella. And losing Bella would be excruciatingly painful. She was the one who had to know about this first. Then, I took a deep breath and sighed, then we'll decide.

"Of course."

I turned around before heading out the exit. "One more thing, professor. When would the internship begin?"

He smiled. "Starting next week. Good luck, Edward."

Fuck.

I grabbed a fistful of my hair and tugged hard, feeling overwhelmed with frustration.

It was a good thing today was Friday. I was going to fly to Princeton tonight and tell my girl face to face.

I needed to see her reaction.

I needed to know what to do.

But most of all, I needed her. Bella.

I was going to say the hardest words I could ever mutter in my life. And I had to be prepared for my girl's reaction, but I wasn't sure if I could ever be prepared for her rejection. No, I thought, I could never, because living without her is not possible.

This was going to drive me insane and there was only one person who I could call to lift me out of my low spirits. Alice.

"Edward, what's going on?" she asked at once.

"Nothing, really. Look, I got an acceptance letter to the Africa Medical and Research Foundation and I have to tell Bella about it."

"Face to face? I'll get your ticket ready, don't worry. Anything else?"

God. Sometimes I loved my half sister.

"Don't tell her about this before me. I don't want her to find out like this."

"Wait –" Alice's voice suddenly got sharper. "Are you telling me that you're going to leave Bella again?'

I closed my eyes and prepared myself mentally. "Maybe. No. Yes. I don't know yet, but I think so. "

"You have to make the right choice, Edward. I'm sure Bella would understand if you leave her for a few weeks or so…" she trailed off.

I forced a laugh. "Yeah. Sure. A few fucking weeks would obviously be manageable, but right now I'm talking about a few motherfucking months, Alice."

"It's your choice, Edward. You chose to become a doctor. That's gonna be your career, and you must do what is right. I can't help you with that. Neither can Bella. Don't go to her to ask her for advice. You must be strong and tell her what you desire and she'll respect your decision. She loves you."

"Thanks, Alice. Just get me a ticket for a flight tonight and I'll be fine. I've got it all sorted out."

My lower lip trembled and my eyes burned. Yes, the tears were coming, but they weren't going to come out. I'd be damned if I let a tear slip tonight.

It was time to give her my diary…and my last letter for the next six months.

My decision was made, but I wasn't sure if my heart could take it.

Number 514…515…516. Finally. I gasped and slowed down to a stop in front of Bella's dormitory. Of course I had no idea if she would be home, or if she was doing work, or if she was out with her friends, but this was necessary. Painfully necessary.

I knocked twice and a girl with dark black hair answered. "Hi. I'm Leah. Leah Clearwater. Who do you want?"

I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling like a complete idiot. "Hi. I'm Edward Cullen. I'm here to see Bella Swan."

Leah's eyes opened in surprise and recognition. Thank God.

"Oh. Right. Hang on a sec."

I waited patiently as she went to get her. I looked down at my feet shuffling nervously and I bit my lip.

"Edward?" There was worry hidden underneath the most beautiful voice in the world and I gritted my teeth and mentally prepared myself for anything.

I looked up again and saw Bella taking a hesitant step towards me. "Bella."

"Is there something wrong?" she whispered dreadfully and I began to feel more nervous. There were a thousand girls here who could probably hear us and I wasn't having that.

"Can I talk to you in private?" My heart beat painfully in my chest as I watched confusion turn into hurt in her eyes. Please, Bella, it's not like that I promise. It was quite the opposite. Not quite. I love you, Bella, and trust me, it's not like that.

She led me out of the dormitory into a secluded garden on the school grounds. It was perfect. No one was nearby.

I was avoiding her gaze and I knew that she knew that something was wrong. I sighed and sat down on the stone carved seat and held my head in my hands.

"Edward?" she asked again, and I could imagine her tears beginning to form before I even mentioned I was leaving. She was thinking I was here to break up with her, and that made me want to rip my heart out.

I couldn't say it like this. She would think I was leaving her. I flew to her side and lifted her into my arms, her hair flying out in all directions and I held her tightly to my body. "Oh God, Bella. I missed you so much."

"I missed you so much, too."

Her voice was filled with so much love I ached with the intensity of it. What I had to say next was going to be devastating for her.

"Bella." My voice was muffled by her silky waves of her hair and I felt sick. I felt so sick I actually wanted to go vomit in the garden. "I'm leaving."

"What do you mean?" I could feel the confusion in her voice and I let go of her a bit so I could see her face. She had a crease in between her eyebrows and I took another deep breath.

"Bella, I'm leaving for Uganda," I told her.

I stood there, frozen and my heart aching, as she backed away from me slightly.

She trailed her finger lightly across the line of my jaw. "For how long?" she asked.

"Six months." My voice was nearly inaudible. I swallowed and closed my eyes. I didn't want to see her reaction. I was sure it would break me.

"Just six months?" Bella asked, pushing me with her voice.

"Yes," I replied faintly, "Just for six months."

She shuddered and turned away from me, into the darkness of the garden. "That's half a year, Edward. Half a year without any contact. Nothing." There was heartbreak in her voice and so much hurt. I didn't know what to do anymore. I never did. Every heartbreak I had known was through books. Everything was textbook style and I was beginning to understand what Emmett said in the hospital.

I didn't imagine it would be like this.

And I thought I had it all sorted.

Fuck this. Fuck Dante and Bronte. Fuck all the writers in the world.

"Bella. Baby, I'll come back to you," I begged. "I swear on my life I will. And I'll make sure everything's okay." But everything won't be okay, I told myself. I shook that disturbing thought away before gauging her reaction.

She nodded, processing this. I wished at that moment this situation was the opposite. That she was leaving me, not that I was leaving her. I didn't want to do this and cause her pain anymore. I fucking promised her. "When are you leaving, Edward?" Her eyes opened with fear, with uncertainty, as she turned towards me.

I gritted my teeth and forced myself to calm down. "Next Sunday."

Something that glistened on her cheek made me rush towards her. "Bella, sweetheart, are you okay?" It was a stupid question. Of course she wasn't. She was crying. Fucking crying all because of me.

"I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed."

"I never want to hurt you, Bella. I fucking promised you. And now…" I gulped and had nothing to say as guilt washed over me. I was a jackass. The biggest asshole in the world.

"It's okay, Edward. I understand. You're going to be an amazing doctor and you're going to heal people. That's what matters. You can't have everything in life and everyone has to make sacrifices." She shrugged and wiped her tear away. "I'll be fine."

I glared at her. How could she act like this, so indifferent? Was there something I was missing? Did she even want me anymore? "So that's it?"

She looked confused again. "What?"

I breathed heavily and growled. "So that's it? When I'm gone, all of this will be over? Everything we shared will be gone? Is this it, Bella?"

She looked at me with confusion and hurt in her eyes. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "Are you…breaking up with me?" I muttered pathetically. "Are you glad I'm going?"

Her answer wasn't what I wanted to hear. "Yes."

I opened my eyes wide in shock and I moved away from her, my heart threatening to crack open.

"Edward, don't leave." She reached towards me. "I have to tell you something."

BPOV

"Edward, don't leave." I ran over to him as I saw his frightened face. I didn't mean that at all and now I felt horrible. "I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" His voice was hard and I could feel his heart beating in his chest.

"It's not like that. I meant that I'm glad that you're going because you're going there to help people. I know that only the most brilliant students would be offered an opportunity like that."

He breathed a sigh of relief and his beautiful face relaxed into the crooked smile I loved so much. "So you're not… breaking up with me?"

"No!" I looked at him, astounded that he could even fathom that thought. "Of course not! You're going to come back in six months and we'll be like we always are."

"You're not mad at me?" He asked, brushing his thumb over my lips gently. "You're not mad at me for hurting you again and again?"

I felt like laughing and crying at the same time. 'Edward, I'm proud of you for achieving this. You have to show the world that you're brilliant.'

And he was looking at me like he never did before. 'I don't deserve you."

I managed a smile and tried not to cry. "So this is good bye?"

He didn't respond or move but I knew the answer.

The weather was getting chilly now, the wind was blowing around my freezing body and he finally snapped his eyes open to look at me with pain in his eyes. His strong arms embraced my body, my face pressed tightly against his chest but the tears were coming freely now. I was afraid to say the words and I knew he was, too. I lifted my face to kiss him gently on his lips.

"I love you," I told him.

He whispered back, his lips grazing mine gently. "I love you, too."

With one last tight hug, he shrugged off his jacket and slid it over my frozen form and kissed my forehead. I watched him walk away, in his plain white t-shirt and black pants, unflinching in the cold wind that blew against him. The electricity between us was still flowing but instead of feeling warm and safe, I felt alone and devastated, dreading the next six months.

There was a letter waiting for me in my luggage when I got back to the dormitory and I felt the others' eyes on me.

"What happened?" Angela asked me. "He just came in here, left the note in your bag and left without a word."

I nodded. "Thanks for telling me."

"Where're you going?"

"Somewhere. I'll be back later," I added hastily before heading into the coffee shop nearby.

My fingers fumbled with the tape sealing the letter but I managed it in the end.

The letter was longer than any other one I had ever received from Edward and I wondered what he had wanted to say.

Dear Bella

I do not want to start this letter by saying good bye, or ever, for that matter. You are always with me, in my head, and most importantly, in my heart.

There are a few things I want you to know; that there has never been anyone else for me but you and that you have to trust me with this. Trust me, Bella. I know six months is a very long time, and it is even longer when there will be no contact between us. Believe me.

All I need you to do is to trust me with your heart, and that you believe me, no matter how ridiculous it seems. I don't want you to be sad during the times I cannot talk to you, or even write a single letter.

You may think our love is in a mess already, tangled with dreadful situations and accidents, but I'm not ready to give up. Not yet, or ever. Esme has always told me that when you have found 'the one', you will know it instantly. I knew it the moment I saw you broken and lost in the hospital a couple of years ago. I had never felt so porotective or caring in my entire life. Not until I saw you dying. It was a hard and tough lesson to learn but it was worth it. We, together, have overcome so many of the obstacles in life already.

I will make up for the time lost when I come home. I will make up for all the hurt that I have ever caused you. You may never think my love is enough for you, but I literally, physically, and mentally burn for you. I will burn for your love.

I love you, and I hope that those words suffice.

Forever yours,

Edward Cullen

June 20

PS. I have something for you in the bottom of your luggage. Don't ever forget me.

I hurried back to the school grounds despite the tears that were blinding me.

Everyone was asleep by now so I didn't have to go far to get some quiet and privacy.

I removed all the clothes from my bag and found a journal lying at the bottom. I opened the front cover gingerly and saw a picture of us together at Christmas, all happy and smiling. Underneath, in Edward's beautiful handwriting, My Girl, December 25, Christmas

My girl…that was what he called me and for a sudden moment I felt cherished and adored, even without his arms around me. The next page was filled with his handwriting. I never knew Edward wrote.

For My Bella

When there's love, there is no such thing as good bye

When there's love, there is no such thing as the end

When there's love, there is eternity

When there's love, there's everything I'll ever need

I love you, Bella

I am half a person without you

I am half a soul without you

You are the missing puzzle piece in my life

You are the brightest star in the sky

You are all my dreams come true

You are my girl

You are my Bella

You are only mine…forever

And because of this all and so much more, I'm going to love you forever

I love you more than anything in the world

I love you more than my life

Edward

My heart raced in my heart so fast it hurt. He had given me so much, and asked so little in return. I wished more than ever that I could say just a few more words to him before he left, but it was impossible. He was already gone, but still in my heart. Forever in my heart.

That was all I could ever ask for.

I wiped my tears before they could drop onto Edward's journal and smudge his beautiful handwriting. I hugged the book to my chest and closed my eyes. I would miss him every single second he was away and he had made it extremely clear that I was the one who was taking care of his heart. I was the one who made him feel happy; made him feel loved; made him smile. I was his forever, and he was mine.

I vowed to myself that I would be here, waiting for him to come back.

What could happen in six months?

Thank you to those wonderful people over at PTB, especially to mycrookedsmile and Flibbertigidget for helping me with this.

Thanks to all the readers and reviews. I know I haven't been able to reply any responses this past week but I appreciate all you guys have said.

xx