13

Angela was sitting at the desk in her study. It was loaded with documents and she had a lot to do. But somehow she couldn't keep her thoughts on her work, they kept wandering away to Tony. She couldn't wait until she would finally be his wife. Thinking about it now, she couldn't comprehend why she had ever been so doubtful. She was glad that they had decided on a small wedding with only a few people, because planning could be done short-term and they would be married soon. Her mother had taken her on a shopping trip through various boutiques and bridal shops until they had found the perfect dress. Picturing how she would stand opposite Tony in front of the altar exchanging marriage vows in that dress made her heart race.

Her sweet daydreams were interrupted by the impatient ringing of the door bell.

Angela frowned. She wasn't expecting anyone, no business callers and to an even lesser extent neighbors or friends. Actually, she had retreated to her home office to get some of the work done which had been piling up since Tony and she had broken the news to the family about the wedding, which had left her too fussy to be able to concentrate on business matters so far.

Lynnie was at school, Tony running some errands. Angela knew she was alone in the house, so she went to answer the door without asking someone else to do it like she usually did.

"Hello, Angela. Surprised?"

It was a surprise, indeed. A rather unpleasant one.

"What do you want, Kathleen?" Angela asked dryly, "Tony isn't here, neither is Lynnie. You should've called."

"I came to talk to you actually," Kathleen said while passing Angela on her way into the house although she hadn't been asked inside. "I inquired at your office downtown, and one of your staff members told me you were working at your home office, so I came here."

Angela stared at her as if she had entered the room with a leopard on the leash. "To be honest, I don't think I'm in the mood right now to talk to you," she replied not very politely. "The reason why I'm working here is that I don't want to be disturbed."

Usually, she tried to be friendly even to people she didn't like very much. She had good manners and a great deal of self-control. She could treat the most impertinent, impolite and intrusive people with respect. But Kathleen was an exception. The woman had mistreated her too much and too often to deserve her respect.

"Can't blame you! I've been a bit bitchy the last few times we've seen each other."

Angela thought that she had misbehaved more often than just the last few times, and that 'a bit bitchy' was the understatement of the year, but nonetheless, Kathleen's self-incrimination had come unexpected and it caught her off guard. That was why Angela's well-educated intellect eventually asked, "How can I help you?"

"Do you have a glass of water? My mouth is a little dry."

Kathleen had struggled a long time whether she should come here or not, and now her inhibitions were getting the better of her.

When Angela came back from the kitchen, handing her glass of tap water, she said, "I'm quite busy, Kathleen. So whatever you have to say, please don't make a song and dance about it!"

"Busy planning a wedding?"

Alright, that was why she was here, went through Angela's mind. But she was not willing to discuss the matter with her under any circumstance. It was none of her business. Angela presumed that Kathleen didn't like the idea that Lynnie was to be her maid of honor, but there was nothing she could about it. This time Angela would have the upper hand – once – and it gave her a great deal of satisfaction.

"I don't know why I should be talking to you about it."

"You're right. It's not what I'm here for anyway," Kathleen replied.

No?

"What is it then, Kathleen? Like I said, there's a lot of work waiting for me."

Angela grew evermore impatient. Why was it so difficult to get out what she wanted to say? She had never had problems throwing something mean at her before.

"I...want to apologize."

Angela choked.

"Apologize? You?"

"Yes...uhm, for how I behaved at Lynnie's birthday party, for example. I was rude to you and ruined my daughter's birthday along the way."

Angela asked herself whether she was more sorry for having been rude or for having ruined the evening, but it didn't matter. The mere fact that she had come to apologize was a big surprise. Not as unpleasant as she had feared in the first place. And somehow Kathleen didn't even seem to be done yet.

"Anything else?"

"Yes, the main reason for why I came," Kathleen went on.

Angela threw her a look of expectancy. The whole situation was weird. Normally she was the one who was uneasy while Kathleen was displaying a smug face, now Angela couldn't help but feel to be at an advantage. And it made her wondering about what else was to come.

"I'm sorry, Angela! Really, really sorry. It's inexcusable actually!" Kathleen burst out without prior notice. She seemed to be truly contrite and on the verge of tears to top it. Angela had never seen her so beside herself.

"May I ask what for?" There were so many things she could be sorry for – things she had said, things she had done...things she hadn't done.

"I've never thanked you for saving my child." Kathleen turned around and looked Angela in the eye. "My pride and my jealousy stood in the way at the time. Tony had spent the night in your house, I couldn't think about anything else."

"He slept on the couch and left before dawn without even saying goodbye." Angela cringed. It had been one of the worst moments of her life realizing Tony had left after what she had thought to be a fresh start for their friendship.

"Today I know, back then I pictured you in bed together."

"You should've trusted your husband, Kathleen. It would've made all of our lives easier."

"Maybe." She cleared her throat. "So?"

"So what?"

"Do you accept my apology?"

"I appreciate it, but I'm having problems accepting it. Besides, I never really cared whether you thanked me or not. You weren't the one I gave the money to. I wanted to help Tony, who was sitting on my couch completely falling apart because of Lynnie's terrible accident. And I wanted to help the little girl I hardly knew, whom I had only seen once as a newborn in her father's arms."

"So noble, Angela? No ulterior motives? I can hardly believe it!"

"No surprise here Kathleen, because you never did anything without any ulterior motives. The word altruism means nothing to you, I suppose. But that's what love is all about. If you love someone, you set aside your own personal needs for the benefit of the other."

"So you admit that you were in love with Tony while I was in a relationship with him?"

"It is nothing I have to be ashamed about."

"Except for the fact that Tony and you always insisted that you were only friends."

"We were only friends. As I said before, you should've trusted him."

"But you wanted him. As a lover, I mean."

Angela hesitated a second. This conversation was getting far too deep and intimate to her liking, but on the other hand, she didn't want to back out. What had happened to the advantage she had felt being at a few moments ago?

"I didn't want him to do anything he wasn't ready to do."

"I won't apologize for having slept with him, Angela, if this is what you're waiting for me to say. I didn't lure him into my bed, he found the way on his own. I don't know why he wasn't ready to sleep with you, he sure was ready to sleep with me."

"Is this what you understand by apologizing, Kathleen? Telling me this about my future husband?"

"At least I hope you've had sex by now!" Kathleen scoffed.

Angela gasped for air. Did she really want to discuss this with Kathleen? Wasn't it childish to brag about having sex with Tony? But it was Angela's Achilles' heel. Although she had eventually understood Tony's motives, it still bothered her that he hadn't withstood other women's charms, whereas he had been able to stay out of her bedroom despite being so close for so long living down the hallway. Her self-consious soul needed a soothing stroking unit, and she decided to give it one.

"No, we didn't."

"No?" Kathleen raised an eyebrow in complete astonishment. It seemed so odd - two adults, claiming to be in love like forever, living under the same roof for 10 years, and not having sex?

"We don't have sex, Kathleen, we make love," Angela breathed, then cringed. Never before had she bragged so openly about having slept with someone. It wasn't her style to talk about something so private. She was far too classy and well-educated to talk big about her sex life, leaving aside the fact that her sex life had never been anything she could have talked big about. Well, that had changed since she was with Tony.

"Oh come on, Angela. Don't split hairs! That's the same!"

"It isn't, Kathleen! And if you don't know the difference, I pity you. So maybe he had sex with you earlier than with me, but when he makes love to me, he keeps telling me he's enjoying it like never before in his life."

Angela almost fainted after she had realized what she had said. Had she stooped that low as to argue with Kathleen about who was the better lover? She could read from Kathleen's face that she was equally surprised about Angela's cheeky statement. But Kathleen wouldn't be Kathleen if she didn't riposte.

"Either way, I conceived Gwendolyn, and I feel so lucky to have her!"

"We all feel lucky to have her, but that doesn't change anything of the fact that you were untrue, Kathleen! You decided to make Tony the father to your baby because you knew he would marry you. If this was your plan to take him away from me, congratulations, you succeeded!"

"Don't try to fool me for being so righteous, Angela. I assume it's just beneath your dignity to fight for a man."

"Actually, I don't blame you for fighting for him," - Angela rather blamed herself for omitting to do so, but that was none of Kathleen's business - "but I blame you for cheating. If you're asking me to grant absolution, I have to disappoint you. This is something I simply can't forgive."

"Something you can't forgive me! You obviously forgave him!" Kathleen noted. Of course she didn't have any idea about how much work it had been for Angela to be able to trust Tony again, and how long and rocky the road back to one another had been.

"I'm not going to talk to you any more about my relationship to Tony. You're divorced, and you should mind your own relationships instead of your ex-husband's. Why have you come here in the first place, Kathleen? What do you want from me? You said you wanted to apologize, but other than apologizing for not having thanked me for the money - which actually you still haven't done - I didn't hear anything else."

"It's Gwen I'm here for. Tony made me see that I'd run the risk of losing my daughter if I made her choose between you and me. You've been very good to her, Angela, beginning with the day you paid 10,000 dollars to cure her."

"I love her and she loves me, whether you like it or not."

"Actually, I'm not so thrilled to see her choose you over me, and I ask myself why she feels closer to you, her father's girlfriend - sorry, fiancée - than to me, her mother."

"Love is nothing you're are just given, you have to earn it, Kathleen! Lynnie thinks that she's never been more to you than your ticket to Tony's heart. If you want to regain your daughter's affection, you need to show her yours first. It's your turn. But if you're really serious about a restart, Lynnie will give you another chance, I'm sure."

"You really think so, Angela?" Kathleen asked, all insecure now.

"I am. I know her. She's a good girl, and she longs for this clannishness within a family. She feels a bit lost in a patchwork family like ours, with only her father as a full relative. For a teenager in search of her place in life, it's a difficult situation. She could use her mother to give her security and support. So as I said, there are things I will never forgive you, and I think you and me will never be on good terms with each other, but if you really meant what you said, Kathleen, if you really wanted to make up with your daughter, I'd be more than happy for Lynnie."

"Thank you, Angela. I appreciate it. And I appreciate everything you did for my daughter. Honestly! And I'm...uh..." Apologizing had always been difficult for Kathleen. Deep down in her heart she knew that Angela hadn't done anything wrong, that her only fault had been being in love with the same man at the same time as she, only admitting it was so damn difficult.

"Kathleen, I don't need your apology. All I want from you is to be left alone. I want to live in peace with my future husband and our family, of which your daughter is a part of. You simply have to believe me that I don't want to take her away from you. And with respect to Tony, I-"

"Hold it!" Kathleen interrupted Angela, "You don't have to go on. He made perfectly clear that my time was over, Angela. And I decided to no longer count on him. I'm well aware that marrying me was rather an obligation for him than his heartfelt wish. I guess I've deceived myself too long. All I ever wanted was a perfect family with the perfect man at my side. And Tony is a perfect family man. Well, it wasn't meant to be, at least not for good."

Kathleen paused for a moment, unsure about what to say next. She was torn between her inner need to leave every confrontation as a winner and the understanding that it would be best for all of them, including herself, if she settled her personal vendetta with Angela.

"So, I think I could manage to trust you with my daughter. Actually, I already entrusted her to your care many years ago," she pointed out.

"I know, and I bet it wasn't easy for you to cede Tony custody, especially since he had moved back in here. I understand that you didn't make her live with you because you knew that Tony would take good care of her, but for Lynnie it's a proof that you never really felt close to her. You need to get that straight, Kathleen! Quickly! Because that's bothering her the most."

"How come you are helping me with this, Angela? I thought you disliked me."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Kathleen! I do dislike you, and a few mumbled, halfhearted apologies won't change that. My only concern is Lynnie. I saw how Sam struggled with growing up without her mother, and I saw my son lacking the appreciation and support of his father, so if I can spare Lynnie some of these painful experiences, I'll do my very best to do so. Don't take my advice as a sign of reconciliation, because it isn't."

"Understood," Kathleen answered through gritted teeth. She had to swallow hard upon Angela's plain words, and just a few days ago she would've responded with a well-defined counter punch. But right now she balanced a short-term satisfaction against her long-term goal to win back her daughter's affection, and she opted for the latter. So she bit her tongue, and even was a bit proud of herself that she really managed to do it.

"Okay, good." Angela took a deep breath.

"Now that everything has been cleared up, I think I should be going," Kathleen proposed.

She held out her hand to Angela and wondered whether she would shake it. With content she realized that Angela hesitated a second, probably balancing short-term and long-term motives just like she had done, but then she eventually took it and the two women shook hands, staring at each other without saying a word. It was like a silent pact to finally bury the hatchet, not because they had smoothed down the differences between them, but only for Lynnie's benefit.

"Good bye, Angela. Thanks for now."

"Good bye, Kathleen."

After Angela had closed the door behind her, it took her a minute to get her pulse back to normal. Only now she realized how tense she had been while talking to Kathleen. She felt like after a tough meeting with a difficult client, having maneuvered diplomatically through the depths of human sensitivities, pushing through all the measures she had intended on the one hand, leaving the client a chance to save his face on the other. After meetings like this she usually listened to what her gut told her, whether it had been a major breakthrough, a partial victory or a waste of effort. And usually she could rely on her gut feeling; she had misinterpreted the client's non-verbal signals only very rarely. So Angela decided to use her empathy and insight into the human nature in this very situation as well, and she was surprised about what her gut was telling her.

Kathleen and she had just decided on a ceasefire.