19

Angela had met Florence Randall a week later. Tessa had urged her to make up for the cancellation quickly, for she had known that the interview was important. And she had been right. The young journalist had written a wonderful article about Angela and her way to the top of one of America's most successful advertising agencies. It had not only brought her the respect and admiration within the advertising community, where she had already been known well anyway, but also a few new clients who had read the article and came to her in seek of a fruitful collaboration.

"What would I do without you, Tessa?" Angela said, hanging up after yet another phone call with a potential client who had read about her career in he magazine Florence Randall had published her article in. "I'm so glad you pushed me to see that journalist shortly after the lunch with my daughter had gotten out of hand time-wise."

"That's my job!" Tessa answered without much ado but secretly appreciated being praised.

"Well, your job would've been to just make another appointment, but you thought for yourself in the best interest of the agency. I appreciate that a lot in an employee. What if I treat you and your boyfriend a candlelight dinner as a sign of my gratitude?"

"That would be wonderful, Angela! Our second anniversary is coming up."

"Second anniversaries are very special," Angela replied with a grin, of course without telling her assistant that Tony had said 'I love you' for the first time on their second anniversary. Who could tell where all of them might be right now if his appendix hadn't burst that night and they had been able to talk about their relationship in front of the fireplace.

"Okay, perfect. Take him to a nice place, enjoy yourselves, and just hand in the check."

"Thank you very much, Angela! That's very generous of you." Tessa showed her a bright smile.

"It's the least I can do. Your wit brought us quite a few new accounts."

"Well, I'm your assistant. I was just supporting you in getting new accounts."

"Don't be so humble, Tessa! It's one of the worst mistakes women make in business life. Men don't hesitate to brag about their accomplishments, even if they aren't theirs! Only we think that we have to remain modest. Modesty is a nice personal trait but definitely not in the business world, and especially not in a male dominated business world such as advertising. Haven't you read my interview?"

"I did! Bragging is just not called for as long as you are my boss because you are a woman yourself and attentive enough to notice what I do for the agency."

"Ah, well," Angela stopped her with a wave of her hand, "any boss would've noticed!"

"Now you're being too humble, Angela! Tee hee, you're just like any other woman!" she grinned trimphantly.

"Got me! I just can't get rid of all of my femininity, I guess."

"And that's a good thing because that makes you the kind of boss you are - strong and respected but also kind and attentive. I have many friends in similar positions in other companies, and let me put it this way: turnover is much higher there. Your employees stay because you're you! You're the best boss I've ever had."

"Now stop it, Tessa, or your boss will become very conceited!"

"Alright. Then let me just remind you of your conference call with Aaron from the finance department and your tax lawyer which is due in ten minutes."

"Thanks, I'll keep it in mind. But now you can call it a day. Have a nice evening, see you tomorrow."

"Have a nice evening yourself," Tessa replied on her way out of Angela's office.

Tony was pulling up weeds in his herb garden. Gardening always relaxed him. Working with his hands and seeing the result of his efforts right away gave him satisfaction and helped him leave the day's little dramas behind him. But today he had difficulties zoning out.

Lynnie and Kathleen's family therapist had asked him to join one of their sessions. When he had made the offer to be there whenever the shrink thought he was helpful, he hadn't anticipated how difficult it would be. He had found out some painful details about Kathleen at the therapist's practice today, but also about himself. It hadn't been easy to be fully honest, but Tony had known that only complete honesty and ruthless candor would let the three of them move on.

And now he would have to tell Angela what he had found out about himself and Kathleen, for after all they had been through the only way to deal with each other was being totally honest. Since they had gotten back together, they had done their very best to talk about everything which was bothering them - about what was making them angry or sad or simply ticking them off. Whenever they felt mistreated, they voiced their feelings. They had miscommunicated for so long, and they had almost lost each other on the way, so it was their mutual understanding that worse than being annoyed or hurt by something the other had said or done was not letting the other know.

Especially at the beginning, quite a few of these difficult conversations had been necessary. Like when Angela had booked a luxury trip to Hawaii over Tony's head. She had meant well, had wanted to surprise him with a romantic getaway. But the fact that she had been able to plan and pay for something like this without thinking too much about her bank balance had reminded Tony of the time he had been the housekeeper and she his source of income. He had hesitated to tell her that her behavior made him feel inadequate and small again, that he still worked on keeping his male pride under control. But their talk had finally cleared the air and they had been able to enjoy their long weekend on the pretty island of Maui.

It hadn't been any easier for Angela to approach Tony with something that had made her feel hard done. It had taken her almost half a year until she had been able to tell him that she didn't want Kathleen to come inside the house when she picked up Lynnie for a mother-daughter weekend. She had explained that she felt checkmated each and every time his ex-wife walked into their house because it reminded her that Kathleen would always have a leverage being the mother to Tony's younger daughter. After that, he had realized how inconsiderate he had been to ask Angela to tolerate this woman inside her own house.

Talking had always improved their relationship. Although they already knew each other so well, there were still some blind spots to be discovered and illuminated. Most of them tiny little details they were able to laugh about afterward, but the one he would be digging up was one he was terribly afraid to broach.

Tony started raking wildly, fidgeting with his shovel. He accidentally digged over a few of his beloved plants. "Shit!" he commented the incident and threw the shovel away. Then he felt a pair of arms encircling his chest and a soothing scent reaching his nostrils.

"Ey-oh, Gardener, don't kill your herbs!" Angela whispered into his ear, "What would your next lasagna taste like without your homegrown basil?"

Tony froze as if he had been caught in the act.

"Is anything the matter, Tony?" Angela asked, looking at him bewildered. "It was meant to be a joke!"

Tony rose and Angela could see that his mind was troubled. And the fact that he didn't say a word and avoided her eyes completed her impression.

"Do we need to talk?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact, we do," Tony answered flatly. "Why don't we have a seat?" He pulled his garden gloves off, let them fall to the ground, and shoved his wife toward the little wooden bench under the oak tree.

"What is it, Tony?"

"Angela,..." Tony began but then stopped and looked at her. He took her hands in his and glanced at her with his puppy eyes.

'Oh no,' Angela thought, 'I know that look!' He had looked at her exactly like that when he had confessed about having slept with Kathleen. Angela turned into a pillar of salt from one second to the next. She pulled her hands away and intertwined them so hard that Tony was afraid she might break a finger.

"What is it, Tony? What are you trying to tell me?"

"Lynnie asked me to join her and Kathleen for a therapy session," Tony muttered insecurely.

"Uh huh?"

"We talked about our past."

"Yes?"

"About what we felt for one another back then."

"And?"

Angela's eyes were filling with tears and she hated herself for not being able to hold them back.

"I found out that there was a time I loved her."

That was what had been bothering Tony ever since he had left the shrink's practice. Until now, he had been convinced that he had never truly loved Kathleen but had just been fond of her, had a silly crush on her, but not more than that. Over the years, he had completely denied that he had really been in love with her; even if only for a short time. He had been so focussed on the fact that he had wanted to break up with her the day she had told him about the pregnancy, that he had forgotten what their relationship had been like at the beginning.

Now that the opening had been made, Tony started sputtering and buried Angela with words which never really reached her. She had heard the words 'I loved her' and she couldn't help letting her imagination run wild.

Was the therapy she had once proposed bringing him closer to Kathleen again? Was the shrink trying to reconnect the three of them as a family? Had she unwillingly driven Tony back to Kathleen in her naïve wish to see Lynnie back on good terms with her mother? She had made that mistake once, to leave her in control, had she done it again? How stupid can a person be, making such a terrible mistake twice?

"You love her?" Angela interrupted Tony's spluttering.

"Love? Whom? Kathleen?"

A chuckle made it up to his throat but got stuck there when he became aware of the distress in Angela's eyes. It was visible even through the tears.

"No! Love-d, Angela! With a 'd' at the end! I loved her, past tense as in 'I loved her once but not anymore'! What have you been thinking? That I'm trying to let you down gently here because I found out I'm still in love with her?"

The chuckle threatened to come out again because the mere thought of it was simply ludicrous, but once more Tony could read from Angela's face that she was very tense and not in the mood to laugh the matter away.

"Therapy can make you realize feelings you've denied yourself to have. It happenend to me."

Angela thought back to when Dr. Bellows had winkled out of her that she loved Tony. It had scared her but had also exhilarated her. From that moment on, Angela had known that she wanted to be with Tony and that she would do anything to win his heart. Maybe the same had happened to him today. Maybe the shrink had made him see whom he had always wanted to be with and that this person was the mother of his daughter and not his ex-boss. The angst was almost suffocating her.

"Do you love her, Tony?" she croaked, "Be honest with me!"

Tony couldn't believe what he was hearing. That Angela was still self-conscious and insecure about their relationship was a sign of how much he had betrayed her trust when he had started dating Kathleen. The wound never seemed to heal completely, no matter how hard he tried to show her his deep devotion and unconditional love. He reached out for her hands and wasn't surprised at all that they were freezing cold.

"Baby, look at me!"

Angela did as she was told. Her eyes were overflowing with tears now. She blinked and a few of them jumped out and ran down her cheeks. Tony let go of her hands and cupped her face, brushing the tears away with his thumbs.

Staring at her, he asked, "Amore mio, what's going on in your head? I'm in love with you and no one else! That's present tense like in 'I love you here and now'. I thought I've made that clear a few weeks ago in front of Father Marconi. Remember that song I sang for you? I wasn't trying to entertain the party but to appeal to your heart."

"And you did."

"My marriage vow was not only meant as a statement that I'm currently in love with you but also that I will love you till death parts us. Do you remember that part? That's future tense, Angela, like in 'I will love you until the end of time'!"

"Is this an English grammar class?" Angela asked and showed him a timid smile.

"If you don't know the meaning of the term 'love-d', then I'm afraid it is. I'm surprised I have to explain it to a Harvard graduate. It means it happened in the past and it's over and done with! Had I said 'I have loved her', present perfect, it would've meant-"

"Enough, Teach, I got it! No more explanations, please." Angela wiped away the remaing tears.

"Alright. No more explanations. For homework, you have to write down 'Tony loves me' fifty times. Understood?"

"Understood."

"Good."

Tony was glad that Angela's eyes were clear again, devoid of the despair he had seen in them a few moments ago.

"You know what works better than merely explaning things?"

"No."

"Illustrating them. Making them...palpable. A good teacher creates emotions even around the most boring curriculum."

"And how would he do that?"

"Like this." Tony lifted Angela's chin with his right index finger and kissed her on the lips. The soft, innocent kiss turned into a passionate French kiss as soon as Angela parted her lips. His kisses had always been able to chase her fears and insecurities away, and so they did this time as well.

"Mmmm, you're a good teacher. I hope not all your students get this special tutoring."

"Oh no! Only my one and only favorite student."

"Teachers shouldn't have a favorite student."

"Nobody's perfect." With this he engaged her in another deep kiss.

After they had pulled apart, Angela asked, "How did Kathleen react to your confession?"

"Well, she was pleased, as you can imagine. But we're through, and it seems as if she has finally accepted it."

"Oh good. I was afraid that would never happen."

"She asked me whether I could tell her at what moment my love for her had died."

"Could you?"

"Not really. When you were dating this picture-perfect guy...what was his name again?"

"Christopher?"

"Right, Christopher. You were so crazy about him...and I was so jealous! That was one of the moments I realized something wasn't going in the right direction."

"It felt so good to see you spy on my date. I mean, you've dragged your girlfriend to a restaurant just to have an eye on me, and I was wondering what you expected to achieve by that. I asked myself how much more time you needed until you made up your mind whether you wanted to be with her or with me."

"Well, I had made up my mind the day she told me she was pregnant. Remember that after I had come back home I told you that I had planned to break up with her that particular evening?"

"I remember every word of our conversation, Tony. It was one of the most terrible moments in my life. Similar to when you told me that Frankie had proposed. Only that on this occasion I had reason to hope you might not marry her, whereas I knew for sure you would marry Kathleen."

"I told her today that I would've ended our relationship if she hadn't been pregnant."

"Oh boy! What did she have to say to this?"

"Well, it hit her. But she wouldn't be Kathleen if she didn't retaliate right away! So she told me that she had always known I had a soft spot for you and that she felt so threatened by you that the idea of tempting fate with neglecting birth control just popped up in her head."

"Threatened by me? I'd say it was rather the other way around!"

"She knew that she couldn't compete with you in respect of your career and affluence. She thought that it was your money I was attracted by."

"Ironic, isn't it? That what she thought was my biggest asset actually kept you away from me? She didn't know you very well."

"Maybe. Well, pointless to ask ourselves what would've happened if things had taken a different course. I'm happy with the way things are right now. More than happy. I couldn't be any happier!"

"How did Lynnie take all this? It had to be hard for her to hear about how dishonestly her parents dealt with each other prior to getting married. You're not exactly a perfect role model for your daughter's future relationships."

"It wasn't easy for her, but I think she appreciated that we were honest today - with each other and with her."

"You got that right, Dad!"

Lynnie approached them from the back door.

"Hey, Sweetheart. How long have you been listening?" Tony asked.

"Well, I saw Angela crying from the kitchen window, so I presumed you told her about therapy today. I wanted to know how this turned out, whether you needed my help to explain what happened at the shrink. Then you kissed," she grinned, "and I thought I might join you and the three of us could talk about it. So I only heard the last few sentences."

Angela patted on the bench between Tony and her. "Sit down, Sweetie. Tell us, what you think about your Mom, your Dad, and...uh, me?"

Lynnie took a deep breath. It really was a complicated web of relationships she had to deal with. She idolized her father, despite the way he had betrayed both her mother's as well as Angela's feelings around the time she had been conceived. She had an ambiguous relationship to her mother. She felt the strong biological connection, the desire to know her roots and the sense of loyalty every kid feels toward his mother. What Kathleen had done, how she had used her daughter to meet her very own needs, made it difficult for Lynnie to love her without reservation, but she wanted to have a good relationship to her mother so badly, that she was willing to work on it. And the way Kathleen had been cooperating in therapy lately caused Lynnie to hope for a mother-daughter relationship she had always dreamed of. Then there was Angela, to whom she had a mother-daughter relationship she had always dreamed of, only that she wasn't her mother. And she felt as if she was betraying Angela with working herself back to her mother's heart.

"Look, Angela, I love you. And if I didn't have a mother, like Sammy, I would be more than happy with you as my surrogate mother, but..." Lynnie didn't know how to say it without hurting Angela.

"But you have a mother," Angela completed her thought. "That's okay. It's just like Jonathan felt about your father, Lynnie." She threw Tony a warm smile. "You can have a motherly relationship to more than just one person."

"Thank you for being so understanding." Lynnie sighed. "There's one more thing I think I have to say out loud. Uhm,..." The therapist had told her that it was important to mention everything she had on her chest. Only with things being out in the open could the others react to them and tell her about their points of view. It was the only way to clear away misunderstandings and miscommunication.

"You can tell us anything, Honey," Angela encouraged her.

"Okay!" Lynnie inhaled deeply. "As much as I feel sorry for what my mother did to you, I mean that she took Dad away from you with cheating on him with birth control, I'm happy in a way that she did. I wouldn't have been born if she hadn't. And I'm glad that I was born."

"We are all glad that you were born, Lynnie."

Tony's heart started pounding when he heard Angela utter that last sentence. Lynnie was the reward for what they had sacrificed - an early marriage and maybe even a baby of their own. That Angela felt the same way like he did, filled his heart with glee.

"But you understand what I mean, Angela, don't you? I didn't want you to suffer so much when Dad was with my Mom, but if he hadn't been with her, if he hadn't done what he had done, I wouldn't exist."

"I do understand what you mean. Funny thing is, I feel the same way. I can't imagine my life without you, Lynnie. I've made my peace with what happened between your parents. I've ended up with your father, that's what finally counts. You have every right to love your mother."

"I only want you to know that if I could've made the three of us, plus Mom, live together peacefully without all the pain and hurt and suffering, I would've done so!"

"I know. And I appreciate it."

Angela gave Lynnie a hug and kissed her hair. Then Tony flung his long strong arms around two of his three favorite women and whispered, "You two are simply wonderful. God has blessed my life with such wonderful people as you. What have I done to deserve this?"

"Well, you're not such a bad person yourself," Angela answered and winked at Tony.

"Angela's right, Dad!"

"And you know what would make you even more deserving?"

Tony looked his wife in the eye. He knew that look and he knew that tone of voice. He knew exactly what she had in mind. "A macadamia nut brittle chocolate cake?"

"Make that double chocolate and we have a deal!"

They kissed above Lynnie's head and the three of them burst out laughing.