Chapter XVII
April 1942 was a month in which three very different news were brought to Julia. Each of them gave her (and her family as well) a very different feeling and each of them will be remembered by her till the rest of her life.
In the first week of April, Julia, Olive and Claire were switched into the day-duty and by this time Julia was determined to take at least two days leave and explore London, and just take some good rest. With an exasperated look on her face, Mrs Ashby agreed on the idea and so Julia, Olive and Claire were strolling together down Kensington and Westminster for the whole two days.
"I will never believe that Germans really wanted to destroy this beautiful place." Olive said on the last evening of their leave while walking down the Kensigton's Queen's Gate with her room-mates by her side.
Julia shook her head "Nor will I." she agreed "In my opinion Kensington is the nicest area in London, although I do love the entire London so very much, even though it's been damaged so dreadfully during the Blitz." she sighed.
"I was born in Kensington, you know." Claire added, absent-mindedly.
"Really? You never mentioned this to us." Olive said with twinkling eyes.
"I never did because I don't remember living here." Claire continued "My parents and I lived here till I was two years old and then… well…" she gulped suddenly "They were killed in the car accident and my grandmama brought me back with her to Birmingham."
Julia and Olive looked at each other and then back at Claire. Oh, such a dreadful, horrible story! Poor Claire! Julia put an arm around her friend's shoulder and squeezed her hand, with a warm grin on her face. Claire grinned back.
"Would you like to live here again?" Julia asked her.
"Yes, it's so lovely and all the buildings are white and look very royal to me." Claire smiled and looked at the houses around her.
"They do look royal." Julia agreed and smiled dreamily "Would you, girls, like to live in a castle or a palace? Like the King?"
"Oh, yes!" both Olive and Claire said at the same time and the three girls laughed merrily.
"I think it would be so 'swell', like Michael used to say, to live in, for instance, the Buckingham Palace. And to feel so rich! And important!" Olive said and waved her hands theatrically.
Julia and Claire giggled "You know what?" Julia said "I wouldn't like to live in a castle or a palace."
"Why not?" Claire asked a bit surpised.
"I don't think I would feel comfortable in such a big house with servants and everything." she replied "Although it would feel good to know that you are important."
"Talking about feeling important." Claire started and her cheeks flushed with red "My the most important person in the world, Lewis, has been moved to a position of a General." she said proudly.
"Well, congratulations to him!" Olive said enthusiastically.
"And what about your Merry, Julia?" Claire inquired "Did he get moved up again?"
"Yes, he will be announced Commandant Meredith Blythe next week." Julia said ardently "How exciting is that to have a brother as a Commandant?"
"Very, I agree." Olive said and smiled at her gently.
"Girls! It's half past six!" Claire exclaimed when she looked at her wrist-watch "We should be getting back!"
"Let's run then!" Julia said and grabbed her friends' hands quickly and started to run and laugh, making the two other girls agree that Julia was and always will remain nothing else but crazy.
Dear Julia,
I have very exciting news to tell you and they're regarding my new location for the next month. I am in Toronto now and (surprise, surprise) I started my training for a VAD! Yes, I am signing up as a nurse and I will join you in your 'English adventure' in June.
Oh, Sheba I am so thrilled! Nervous as well, I'm not as bold as you are after all, but still very very excited. Mother and Father don't mind at all although I could see regret in their eyes. After all, they will have just one of their four children left at home. Owen decided on not going to Redmond until next year. He wants to stay at home and be there for both of our parents. He is such a darling boy, my brother is!
I don't suppose I have to describe to you things that I learn here in Toronto, you know them far too well yourself. I find it all very interesting, not as interesting as you always used to find it though. But I can't say I'm not scared of going... yes I am a coward, I know. I just hope that I won't freak out when I'll arrive in London. Silly me, of course I won't; I'll have you, my dearest friend by my side!
I'm looking forward to June and seeing you and meeting your Olive and Claire!
I'm going back to my duties now!
See you in early June,
Love you always,
Nurse-to-be Leslie Ford
Julia was over the moon. She was so incredibly happy that Leslie would join up and come to her hospital. They were always very close and quite simmilar in their personalities although Leslie always seemed more scared of things and undecided than Julia was. Everyone in her family also agreed that Leslie's idea of going is very wise and brave, and no one actually worried much, especially because she would be in London with Julia. Either ways, Leslie was signed up to go overseas on 3rd of June.
In the middle of April, during Julia's day-duty, Mrs Ashby called her out in a surprisingly warm and worried voice: "Nurse Blythe! Could you have a second, please?"
Julia smiled at the soldier whom she was nursing "I'll be right back, sir. Could you wait a minute?" she asked him nicely, looking at his bandaged arm.
"Of course, Nurse." he replied with a small grin on his face which was covered in scars. Julia nodded at Olive knowingly who was helping a soldier on the next bed and went to Mrs Ashby's office. What does she want from me, Julia thought. Her mind was quite blank but her heart was telling her that something must have happened, it wasn't casual for Mrs Ashby to be so polite and nice.
"There is a telegram for you." Mrs Ashby said and handed Julia the small piece of paper "It just arrived."
Julia looked gravely at her Matron. She could feel how her heart was going up to her throat and for a moment she thought that she couldn't breathe at all. She looked down on the telegram and unfolded it quite slowly. She didn't know why but she read it outloud: "Gil is wounded and missing. I still have hope and so should you. - Blythe Ford". Julia felt as if the world around her started whirling around. She put her hand on her forehead and sat down on the nearest chair.
"Are you alright, Nurse Blythe?" Mrs Ashby asked and looked at Julia seriously with a furrowed brow.
"No, I'm most certainly not, Matron." she replied breathlessly.
"Gil is missing." Julia wrote down in her diary that night, knowing that she won't be able to sleep anyway "He is wounded and missing. I always thought that if news like that will arrive, I won't believe in them, but I do.
"Oh, God, I can't even think properly! I know that he is not announced dead but this is even worse! You don't know if he's dead or not. I think, although it will sound cruel, but I would rather know that he is dead than not to know anything at all… Now I realise how Mother and Grandmother Blythe and all the others felt like when they learnt that Father was missing in the First War.
"When will this nightmare end? When will this war end? This devastating war! Those poor men! I am able not to think about them, even after my duty, but I always pray for them, even for the German soldiers. I pray for their safety.
"These men who are all someone's brothers, sons, cousins, friends, sweethearts, husbands… This is just crazy! How could God allow war to happen? One nurse told me today that "war is a God's will and is needed". Needed for what? For what? For a heartbreak, death and pain? What is the aim of the war? What is it, God?
"My wonderful cousin Gilly. My handsome, funny, clever and very loyal cousin. Such a brilliant swing-dancer and a perfect joker. Merry's best friend for better or worse and mine as well. He was always so alive to me, and now he is just… invisible for me.
"I can't see his face properly tonight. I try so hard to picture him talking and recall his voice but I just can't. I look at his picture that stands on my night-table and I can't believe that this smiling face could have death written on it now...
"I need to stop. I really do. Enough of this madness that overcame me. Enough of hate for war. Enough of death and pain and heartbreak.
"I will be strong for Gil, and not only for Gil but also for myself and my family. For Blythe, who knew exactly what to write in his telegram.
"Hope. Hope and once again hope. And that's what I'm going to stick to. For the rest of my life."
And Julia kept on hoping, and she was keeping strong. She even talked about her childhood memories about Gil with Olive and Claire. During the first two weeks, Julia's relationship with the Ford family got even stronger than it was before. Aunt Rilla and Uncle Ken were terrfied when they received the news about their oldest child but were "keeping faith" like Rilla quoted her brother Walter in one of her letters to Julia.
Owen and Leslie cried while writing letters to Julia and she thought that maybe Leslie won't come to England after all but Leslie said that she won't change her mind about that. "After all," she wrote to Julia "Gilly can be found in your hospital again, like he once did." Blythe was truly unbreakable, and would never allow himself, and neither Julia for that matter, think that Gil was dead. He just knew that he wasn't. "I can feel his spirit with me, Sheba." he wrote to Julia "And this spirit is very alive, I assure you."
And so Julia kept hoping and keeping faith for the rest of the month until…
"Another letter from Blythe!" she said on the last day of April, just before the beginning of her duty. Olive and Claire went down to eat dinner in the canteen, but Julia wanted to read letters she got on this day, first of all.
"Dear Julia," she read it outloud.
"I don't have much time because I'm flying over to Germany in ten minutes' time, but I need to tell you something quite important and this simply cannot wait to be told later on. No, it's not about Gil. But still I will repeat this in my every letter to you: don't worry about him, dearest friend o'mine.
"This letter is about me and Cornelia." Julia stopped for a moment and gulped. Cornelia? What about Cornelia? Did Blythe broke up with her? Did he stop loving her, at last? Julia smiled and took a deep breath, and so she read on:
"Ever since the news of my brother being wounded and missing, Cornelia was simply overfilling me with endless amount of letters about how worried she is about me being a pilot like Gil and at the front. And all of a sudden, in one of her latest letters she started asking me about if we are engaged or not. And I started thinking about it as well.
"I think I am in love with her, Julia. And I thought that if it makes her feel any better, I will say that we are engaged if she wants it. And as you probably expect, she was enourmously happy about us being "Mr and Mrs Ford to-be". We plan to get married after the war, of course so there's a long way before that. And I actually feel quite happy about how it all turned out. I told my parents about it by sending them a telegram, and they agreed and wrote: "We're happy as long as you're happy." and so I think that I'm making a right choice.
"I must go now, dearest.
"I'll write to you as soon as I'll be able to.
"Always Yours,
"Flight Officer Blythe Ford" Julia finished in a sound of whisper.
Julia felt as if her heart truly broke this time, for good. She put the letter aside and looked at the floor absent-mindedly. Her thoughts and feelings were making her head burn. This is the end, she thought to herself, this is the end of my perfect dream which now I know will never come true. Tears started flowing down her face and although Julia tried to, she couldn't stop them at all.
She didn't even hear how Mrs Ashby came into the room, so quietly as if she knew that Julia shouldn't be disturbed "There's a long-distance call for you, Nurse Blythe." she said "Not bad news this time." she patted her shoulder gently.
"Who is it from?" Julia stood up immediately with her hands shaking while drying off the tears from her cheeks.
"Your brother, Commandant Meredith Blythe." Mrs Ashby answered and before she knew it, Julia was running to the telephone in her office.
"Merry!" she gasped when she reached the 'phone.
"Jules! You dear sister o'mine!" the fammiliar voice was heard in the telephone "We just have five minutes, you know."
"I know." Julia said with tears in her eyes "Is everyone alright?" she asked him worryingly.
"Of course. Don't worry about us, Sheb." Merry replied cheerfully "I called because I wanted to check if you're fine."
"Me?" Julia asked surprised.
"Yes, you." he answered "You see, we all met up with Blythe today, by accident of course, but we did and he told us that you don't sound as happy in your letters as you once did."
Julia gulped and tried her best to hold back her tears "Gil is wounded and mising." she replied with a trembling voice "And… and... Blythe is engaged…" she couldn't help but start sobbing again.
"Oh, I do understand now." he said and Julia could imagine a smirk crossing his face "You are in love with him!"
"Yes, unfortunately, I am…" and Julia told him hurriedly the story of how she fell in love with Blythe and her worries and secret dreams which she couldn't tell him earlier because her heart wouldn't allow her to do it. It felt good, so good to say everything to Merry. He and Julia never had any secrets between each other, everyone in their family always thought that Merry's twin should be Julia and not Walt. And so when Julia told her brother a story, she felt almost free again, she felt as if something which she should have done months ago, she did now and her heart was beating steadily again.
"Julia, listen to me." Merry said seriously "Gil will be fine, Blythe will be fine, Walt, Jake, Marshall and I will be all fine. You'll see. And you'll be fine as well. Blythe is a clever guy. I don't think he will marry this Cornelia of his and even if he will, this only means how stupid he is."
"Don't say that.." Julia started but was interrupted by Merry.
"Oh, yes I will." he said sternly "You are the best person in the whole world. And you are so beautiful in every way. So be strong, faithful and hopeful, for me. Please, do this for me." he said and Julia knew that he was very honest and serious about it all.
She dryed off her tears again and grinned "I will do this for you, Merry! I will." she said with a hint of joy in her shaking voice.
"Shout it to the world, Jules!" Merry chuckled.
"I will do this, Merry! I will!" she shouted and both of them laughed like in the old days.
"Good." he said and they heard some interruptions along the line "I have to go now, dear." he said quickly.
"I know. I love you, Merry." Julia replied and sent her brother a few kisses through the 'phone.
And he sent them back "And I love you, Bathsheba." and the line was hung up.
Julia put down the telephone and turned around. She took a deep breath, put on a smile and made her way towards the canteen in movements of an independent, decided and powerful young woman.