22

The night before Jonathan's wedding, Angela was restless and couldn't find sleep easily. Her emotions were on a rollercoaster ride, changing from pleasant anticipation to joy, from pride to excitement, from nervousness to exhilaration, and all the way back. But what really surprised her was a dull feeling of sadness she hadn't expected and she couldn't quite explain.

"Penny for your thoughts," Tony broke the silence.

"Huh?"

"You're absent-minded, Angela, and not only just now..." he trailed off.

He had seduced her earlier. She hadn't really been in the mood for sex but hadn't been able to resist his adamant approaches at a certain point. After ten years of sharing her bed, Tony knew all her sensitive spots and how to ignite her desire.

"Sorry, Sweetheart." Angela leaned towards him and brushed a butterfly kiss on his cheek.

"Uhmm, well, I'm used to a little more passion after having made love with you."

Tony wasn't really pouting, only pretending to do so. Although he missed their usual afterglow, when they were lying next to each other, their skins hot and still highly sensitive, their hearts pounding, and their breaths shallow. Their arousal would die away only very slowly and they would enjoy the prolonged sensation with deep kisses while gently disconnecting from each other. So it was indeed a little disappointing that Angela had rolled off of him without further ado after having made love, that she had pulled up the sheet to her chin and kept staring at the ceiling ever since without saying a word. But Tony also understood that a lot must be going on in her head, so he brushed his own needs aside and concentrated on hers.

"Come here, Baby. Tell me what's bothering you."

"It's nothing really," Angela lied.

"I don't believe you. Not for nothing, but when we make love you're usually in a good mood afterward and not frowning like you're right now. This furrow here between your eyebrows," he put his finger on her forehead, "doesn't really become you!"

"Oh, I...I'm sorry, Tony. I didn't mean to-"

"Shhh, no need for excuses," Tony interrupted her, "I can imagine that tomorrow's events are already throwing their shadows on this night."

"You're right."

"I thought so."

"You know me well."

"Like the back of my hand." He looked at one of his hands and widened his eyes. "Oh, I've never seen this mole before."

"Tony, that joke is as old as Methuselah," Angela chuckled.

"But it made you laugh."

"Yes, it did."

Angela propped up and kissed him, more involved this time. She gifted him a loving smile, then put her head back on his chest.

"Mmm, that's more like it," Tony assessed the kiss.

After having cuddled up in a cozy silence for a while, Tony stroking Angela's hair and caressing the arm she had put around his waist, this time it was Angela who started to speak.

"Tony?"

"Yes, Honey?"

"Is it weird for me to have mixed feelings about my son's wedding?"

"I don't think so. What are your feelings exactly?"

"I'm so happy for him. Emily's such a nice girl, and Jonathan is very much in love with her. He adores Alex and looks forward to being his official father."

"But? There is a but, isn't it?"

"Uhm, yes," Angela hesitated. Then she admitted that she also was a little sad when she thought about what was going to happen the next day.

"Sad because of what?"

"Jonathan starting his own family somehow marks the end of my relationship with him."

"Angela, he will always be your son, even as a married man."

"Yes, but...well, another woman is his number one concern now. And it's okay, don't get me wrong! I'm not one of those possessive mothers who are jealous of their daughter-in-laws, thinking that she's the only one who's capable of caring for her boy."

"I know that, Angela. You're a wonderful mother, and as such you love your son to bits. Jonathan's and your connection as mother and son needs to be redefined when he's married. Being his mother you were per se the most important woman in his life all these years, and it's only natural that Emily takes this place now. I will feel the same way about my daughters' husbands, that's for sure.

"I feel like losing him."

"You are not, Angela. You'll always be his Mommy."

"Oh, Tony, I haven't been his Mommy in years. He last called me 'Mommy' more than 20 years ago!"

"Maybe he hasn't called you Mommy but he's still connected to as closely as he was when he did. Didn't he come to you for advice before he proposed to Emily? Didn't he ask you what you thought about his plans to adopt Alex?"

"Yes. Those were good moments."

"And he'll come to you again whenever he needs your advice. You've been a good mother to him, Angela, the best, but now your main job is done. That's what we are supposed to do as parents, raise them to become independent of us. We teach them to go through life on their own, but that doesn't mean we're not their parents anymore. If they went on relying on us until the end of time, we would've failed. "

"We did well, didn't we?"

"With all three of them. Well, we're not through with Lynnie, yet. For her, marriage seems to be a sports deal rather than an act of love, but we can still work on that."

Angela laughed. "As if you're looking forward to seeing her date!"

"The thought of some dude fondling my Lynnie drives me crazy just yet, but I want her to find true love and happiness, so I guess I have to gulp down my reservations."

"You managed with Sam, you will manage with her as well."

"When they were born, nobody told us how hard it would be to let them go one day. They tell you how to bond with your child, but not how to cope with them cutting the cord."

"No, they don't."

"At least we have each other. When Lynnie moves out we eventually have the run of the house and can do whatever we want whenever we want." Tony looked mischievously at his wife, winked at her, and bit his lower lip.

"Anything particular in mind, you wolf? We'd be approaching our sixties!"

"You're never too old for love and passion in a relationship!"

"Especially when you started somewhat belatedly."

"Angela! There's always been love and passion in our relationship! Let me remind you that we almost ended up in bed in our first year after a kiss that almost swept you off your feet!"

As much as Angela regretted having gotten romantically involved with Tony years too late, that evening would've definitely been too early. Their friendship had still been founded on a shaky ground and wouldn't have survived if they had really ended up in bed. So to this very day, Angela gave Tony credit for having been a perfect gentleman that night.

"Okay, then let's say we started consummation somewhat belatedly."

"We have the rest of our lives to make up for the false start," Tony said, gently patting Angela's naked behind under the blanket.

"Seriously, Tony? You want to make love once again? Now?"

"Why not? You've been a bit distracted earlier. I doubt you really noticed what I've been doing to you," he now definitely pouted.

"I'm sorry, Tony. No offense! I enjoyed it, as always, and if Jonathan's wedding wasn't due to take place tomorrow I'd more than happily let your wonderful hands do to me whatever they wanted." She stroked his cheek and smiled at him, "But tomorrow's going to be a long day, and I don't want to have dark circles under my eyes when the wedding pictures are taken...now that I know about that ugly furrow!"

"Hmmm." Angela's joke couldn't make Tony lighten up, his disappointment was audible even in his soft grumbling.

"Honey,...don't be mad at me!"

It was her warm, brown puppy eyes that did it. Usually he was the one who deployed the look to melt her heart. This time it was the other way around. "I'm not. I also want to look good tomorrow, so let's get some beauty sleep. Wanna get dressed?" He peered at their nightwear piled up at the end of the bed.

"No," Angela snuggled up a little closer, "I'm fine. As long as you keep me warm."

"My body heat is your body heat."

Tony stretched his arms in an invitation. After Angela had wrapped her legs around his and had put her head back on his chest, Tony kissed her hair and whispered in her ear, "I love you, Angela."

Already drifting off to a silken slumber, Angela answered, "I love you, too, Tony."

"I think I better go and leave the two of you alone!"

The house had been like a beehive in the morning, with Tony being the drone with nothing really to do. He had been the first one up, had prepared breakfast, which no person other than himself had touched. Then he had dressed in a matter of minutes and had waited for the rest of the morning for his ladies to show up.

Lynnie had been the first to keep his company. Whenever Tony saw his younger daughter in a dress he was a little sad about what she usually wore. But she was an athlete through and through, so he would never get her to dress in fancy clothes unless for a formal occasion.

The next one to join Tony and Lynnie in the living room had been Mona who had slipped through the back door. As could be expected, she hadn't had any problems at all spiffing herself up. But she knew that she wouldn't be the kingpin on this very day, so she had chosen a flamboyant yet very classy outfit.

Sam had refused the invitation to spend the night before the wedding in Fairfield. She had promised to be there in time but being a woman she had been delayed of course. But not that much that Tony had become nervous. When she had finally arrived, they still had enough time to have a cup of coffee together. Sitting at the kitchen table he had looked at her and had asked himself why this beautiful, enchanting, witty young woman was still single.

It had been Angela who was the longest time coming. When Tony had woken her up in the early morning, she had instantly jumped out of the bed and had vanished from his sight into the bathroom - no morning kiss, no morning snuggle time, no nothing. Tony was glad that she only had one son and that they would go through this just once. How excited he himself would be when of his daughters got married remained to be seen. But when Angela had eventually come down the stairs, he had been compensated for the out-of-the-ordinary morning. She simply looked fantastic.

Her style was elegantly pure or rather purely elegant. Either way, there was no need for her to dress herself in a fancy, striking gown, she beamed from within because of the occasion. She was going to marry off her only son and was thrilled about it. She had chosen a rather simple dress in a muted gray beige, but the silky fabric flattered her feminine curves. Most women her age didn't have the same figure like in their youths, but not Angela. She was of the same slight build like in her early thirties. And the way she moved around on her high heels - slowly, elegantly, with swaying hips - beguiled Tony.

She had put her hair in a plain but effective updo which showed off her long neck and had put on the pearl earrings and necklace Tony had given her for her fiftieth birthday. The jewelry further enhanced her stylish appearance. Tony had almost choked when he saw her coming down the stairs. At that moment, he had wished for Angela to have many more sons for whose weddings she could dress up like this.

Right now, Tony was standing in the hall of the small chapel Emily and Jonathan had chosen for their wedding. His beautiful wife to his right and his jittery surrogate son to his left. He wanted to give them a last mother-and-son moment before the ceremony would begin.

"Angela, I save a place for you in the front pew." He winked at her, then patted Jonathan on the shoulder. "Good luck, Pal. Enjoy! Remember, this is meant to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience!"

"Thank you, Tony." Jonathan swallowed and nodded.

Facing the groom, Angela said, "Time really flies! I can't believe you're getting married today! I feel like the tooth fairy visited us just yesterday! How could you have grown up so fast?"

"Mom! I'm 31 years old!"

Angela beamed at him, fixed his bow tie and evened his tuxedo.

"You're a very handsome groom, my Son. Have I told you how proud I am?" Angela's voice failed at the end of the sentence. With her hand over her mouth, she tried to regain her composure.

"Yes, about a hundred times in the last few days."

Jonathan rolled his eyes, he couldn't stand too much of soppiness and womanly emotionality. But he cherished this moment of proximity with his mother. The two of them had always been close, especially after his father had left. No matter what the situation had been, she had always been in his corner backing him up. He had been a good child, he knew, but still, he had gotten up to nonsense once in a while and had been grounded for it, but never ever had she left him in the lurch, he had always known he could rely on her. That had been a good, reassuring feeling, and it still was.

"Mom, thank you for everything."

"Oh, Jonathan. I had so much fun planning this wedding."

"That's not what I meant."

"No? What did you mean?"

"Well, everything! The way you cared for me the last 31 years."

"I was supposed to do that, Jonathan. It's my job. I'm your mother!"

"Parenthood doesn't necessarily mean that parents truly care about their kids. Dad is a good example."

"I worked too much. I shouldn't have left you alone so often. I regret that now."

"There's no reason to regret anything, Mom! I knew why you worked so much. And I was proud of you. Okay, in kindergarten I cursed the gentlemen Wallace and McQuade once in a while, and I hated it when the nannies came to my school performances instead of you, but later on, when I was old enough to understand how hard you struggled for your success, I was proud. I even bragged about my mother, the company owner."

"Really?"

"Sure! I saw all of my friends' mothers, who walked around spending their husband's money. They spent most of their days taking tennis or golf lessons and making mooneyes at the coach. You didn't subordinate your life to your husband's interests like they did. You managed your life on your own. I liked that. I want Emily to have her own, independent life, too. It is possible to accommodate family life and a career."

"But I couldn't be there for you as often as I wanted."

"You hired Tony for me."

"Yes, Tony," Angela sighed with a melting gaze.

"Funny," Jonathan pondered, "as a kid I never wanted my parents to get back together like every other child of divorce, I wanted my mother and her housekeeper to get together. I knew he was a better male influence - as Grandma had labeled it - for me than Dad. And for you, of course!"

He grinned. Tony was the best male influence either of them could've have gotten.

Jonathan and Angela smiled at each other.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I really want to do this right. I want to have a relationship with Emily like you have with Tony. You're my role models."

"What? You better not take Tony and me as role models. It took us more than 20 years until we got married! Fortunately, Emily and you are more determined that we were."

"I'm not talking about your marriage only. I mean your whole relationship. It's always been so full of friendship, respect, and warmth. Even when you were separated, you respected each other. You are both free from selfish motives in your relationship, you really care for one another. And you never stopped loving each other. That's an accomplishment worth admiring."

"It's what brought us back to one another."

"Have you and Dad ever been in love like this?"

That was a question Angela had thought about more than once. It was a tricky question and a question which not only concerned her but also Jonathan.

"Your father and I were very much in love when we first got married, and we were both profoundly convinced it would be forever. We were so young, almost kids. We didn't know what a good marriage is composed of. We thought that love was enough, but it isn't. Like you said, you have to respect and treasure the other, make their needs and concerns your own, and I guess Michael and I were both not able to do that. We both had our very own vision about how we want our life to be, and the two visions weren't really compatible. But we both wanted to have you, Jonathan. Your father wanted to have a baby just like I did. And you were conceived in an act of love, that's for sure!"

"Mom! Too much information!"

Angela laughed. "Oh, come on, Jonathan! You're not a teenager anymore who's embarrassed when the word 'sex' is mentioned, are you? What I was trying to say is that you were wanted and that you were loved. Not only by your mother but also by your father. We only had to accept at a certain point that he wasn't made for a settled family life and I wasn't made to be the mother of his children waiting for him to come home. That's why he left."

"How can I prevent something like this from happening?"

"You can't! Loving someone means putting your heart at stake. It makes you vulnerable, and you can't prevent yourself from being hurt in case it doesn't work out. All you can do is work on your relationship. A good marriage is like a flower bed you have to maintain. You plant the flowers, you water them, you fertilize them, you treat them when they're infected with mildew, and if you do everything right, and if you're lucky to have gotten the right mixture of sun and rain, you'll be able to enjoy them. And the better you treat your flowers, the longer they will bring you joy."

"Sounds like a bit of work."

"It's a lot of work, but it's worth every single bit of it. And I know you will do it right, Jonathan. Emily and Alex are lucky."

Angela smooched him on the cheek and smirked because of the lipstick mark her kiss left behind. She brushed it away, barely withstanding the inner impulse to lick her thumb like she had done when Jonathan was little and his face smeared with chocolate.

"Ready?"

"Ready!"

"Okay, see you in front of the altar!"

Angela already turned around and was about to make her way to join Tony and the rest of the congregation inside the chapel, when Jonathan shouted, "Wait, Mom!"

"Something wrong?"

"No, I was just wondering whether you'd like to be my escort."

"You want me to walk you down the aisle?"

"Well, I walked you down the aisle a few weeks ago, don't you think you owe me a favor?"

For a moment, Angela was speechless and unable to move, but then she hugged him gushily and smiled.

"I'd be more than happy to return that favor. I'm the proudest mother on this planet today!"

She held out her hand in an inviting gesture, then linked arms with her son, nudging him a bit in the direction of the aisle to the altar.

"Let's go! Mommy's right beside you!