The difference between keeping secrets and keeping safe

"Bye, Babe. See you!"

She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and hurried out of the door. Kate was late. Again.

Her mornings were a little busy since their daughter decided that she was all grown up and could handle her morning routine on her own, which she couldn't. Not yet. Her parents still had to tell her that a summer dress wasn't appropriated on a snowy day in the middle of December and that gummibears weren't a proper breakfast. One could say Kate's own morning routine was messed up. After Kate sat down behind the steering wheel of her service car she allowed herself to take a moment. She had to leave the rough morning behind, pretend that she hadn't had a turbulent morning argueing with her kid. Well, in fact she has to pretend a lot more than just that. At work she still was Katherine Beckett, single and childless. As fast as she could she drove to the precinct. "Sorry, boys", she told her teammates and sat down at her desk. While powering up her computer she asked her colleagues, if anything popped. Esposito frowned. He was confused by Kate's unusual behaviour. His boss never had been late, not before last week. This was so not her. But he pushed back his concerns and answered her question. "We traced the money back to a shady lawyer, who seems to provide our vic with work he couldn't do by himself. You know the dirty work. Maybe our vic figured that his work wasn't all legal and blackmailed him." "Okay, I want to speak to him. Bring him in", her tone was back to all cop.
"On our way", Ryan and Esposito answered in unisono and were out of her side.

Being alone, well almost, she started struggling again. Her thoughts trailed off to her stubborn daughter and the argue they had this morning. And while feeling lost she couldn't tell any of her colleagues why she was upset, distracted and late for work. Her family was her secret. If anybody gets wind of it and the rumours start, the press would be all over her an in the end she never could keep doing her job like she used to. It would change her whole life.

Of course she had considered telling Esposito, Ryan and Lanie, who were her closest friends, but she came to the conclusion that she just couldn't risk it. It was not that she couldn´t rely on them but when she started at homicide she vowed to herself to cut her personal life out of her profession.
This included the murder of her mother, her family, her alcoholic father and everything of her past.
She basically lived two lives and she always saw the perks of that decision. There was Kate Castles, who was a caring mother to Alexis and the wife of Richard Castle but then there was also the hardass homicide detective, who called herself Kate Beckett.

"Boss!" She saw that Ryan and Espo arrived with her suspect. One last deep breath and she slipped back into the role of Kate Beckett.

"Mr. Carlson. Did my colleagues already read your rights?" The chubby man just nods. Kate could dende that this was going to be easy. Mr. Carlson was an unstable person. After 10 minutes she got her confession and could close the case. He indeed killed Michael Summers because Summers figured out his unlawfully side business and blackmailed Carlson.

With that confession the rest of the day was just paperwork. Around lunch time Kate got a call. When she saw who called she hurried out of the bullpen into a more private room. Fortunately the break room was empty.

"Alexis!? How often do I have to tell you not to call me at work? Where is your dad?"

"Sorry Mom. I ….I just hate when we are fighting."

"I know me, too." For a second Kate felt relieved. Alexis wasn't mad anymore. But then it downed her.

"But this is not why you are calling, isn´t it?"

"It is." Alexis answer came out more like a question.

"What is it Alexis?", there was a sharp motherly undertone in Kate's voice.

"Can I go to Vermont with Paige for the weekend ?"

Kate took a sharp breath. She had met Pages parents and she trusted them with Alexis. In fact Alexis and Page had sleepovers almost every weekend but never had she been that far away.

"Mom, just say yes.", Alexis beggt. "We discuss this tonight, Alexis." Kate saw Ryan approaching the breakroom. She had to end this call immediately, but Alexis started arguing again, complaining how unfair it was that she always comes second. Kate's anger grew as her daughter was about to talk herself into rage again. "Alexis, we talk tonight. See you." And with that she hung up. Right in time before Ryan entered the room. Still in a rage she made a new coffee and went back to her desk. The end of her shift came slowly. She hates paperwork but it was part of her job. At seven she bit her goodbye to her co-workers and left for the night.

Back at her car she once again allowed herself a moment to take a deep breath and switch into her other was very important to her. When she put her gun and her badge into the safe, stripped off her work closes and changed into some confy clothes, she was the mother she needed to be for Alexis.

If her daughter had asked her about the weekend at home she may had said yes. But at work her cop instinct kicks in and fear gets the better of her. She had to correct it.

"Alexis?" She knocked at her daughters door.

"Yeah!" the child sounded upset.

Carefully the brunette woman opens the door.

Nothing left of her badass detective attitude. She carefully approached her daughter.

"Look Sweetie. You know why I don´t want you to call me at work?"

"Yes, you are hiding us from your friends!" Alexis voice was thick of frustration.

"You know damn well why. I want you to be save. This is one reason why I said no earlier. " Kate exclaimed. The look on her daughters face let he stop. "Anyway, The real reason why I don´t want you to call me at work is that I am nothing like I am when I am around you guys. It´s part of my job to see the worst side of humanity. I have to be strict and cautious. And I can´t think with my heart, which I should if ot concerns you. So your father and I agreed on letting you go. But you have to call!" The girls eyes light up.

"Really Mommy?"

Alexis jumped up and started looking for her suitcase.

"You are the best Mom in the world." She hugged her enthusiastically.

Kate laughed.

"The suitcase on your father's closet."

With a smirk on her face Kate left the room and went downstairs where Rick was waiting.

"Alright Babe. What do we do this weekend. We haven't had the loft to owerselfs since... " , Rick took her into his arms. Kate understood his implied suggestion and joined his game.

"We could watch a movie or oh we could take a bath. "

He had a smirk on his face and just took her deeper into their embrace and gave her an affectionate kiss.

They are a couple for 10 years, married since 7 and became parents 6 years ago, but still there was this bond, the same feeling they had when they first fell in love. They were had over heels in love with each moment got interrupted by their daughter.

"I want to cuddel, too. And I need my suitcase. "