Chapter 8
"Puh! Peh! Pthb! YUCK! Puh, puh, puh, puh! Nasty son of a—eugh!"
Robyn sighed. "Nigel, I think your mouth is clean now," she called. "You've been doing this for an hour."
"Yeah, well, you didn't have to use your tongue!" he said from the bathroom across the hall, rinsing his mouth out for the hundredth time, and then rubbing his tongue with a damp towel. Robyn sucked in her lips and looked up and the ceiling.
"It had to be convincing," I said to the bathroom. The response was a vomiting sound.
"What, let me get this straight," Rudy said. "The first boy you've ever kissed...was Nigel?"
"Rudy, how many times are you going to say it?" Robyn sighed. "Yes, the first kiss I've ever had was with a gay boy, Nigel. At least I didn't make out with the entire school like Kendall and the rest of Royalty, okay?"
Nigel walked in, his tongue hanging out like a dog's. "D'you hab any moudwadh?"
Robyn threw a bottle to him that she'd been tossing from hand to hand. He took off the cap and daintily poured mouthwash up to the brim of the cap, and then drank it like a shot. He swished it around in his mouth as he went to sit on Robyn's desk.
"So...does Kendall still think Nigel's gay?" Rudy said.
Nigel spit the mouthwash out into the sink and then said, "Better not! I better get something good out of this!"
"Yeah, I really doubt it," I said. "I mean, Kendall's face was just pure shock."
"So...does this mean you won't have to go with Funcheesie?" Rudy said. I blinked. Suddenly I felt like I should've been moving, like I needed to move and run.
"Uh, I guess so," I said. "W-"
"I'm hungry," Robyn suddenly declared. "Nigel, I need help making a sandwich."
"But I'm not done with my mouthwash," Nigel said. Robyn clicked her tongue and grabbed his sleeve, dragging him out.
"We'll be back in a minute," Robyn said, closing the door.
"I'll be back in time for dinner, Mom!" Rudy yelled, running out the door.
"Thanks for letting us know, Son!" Robyn said. "Imbecile; Mom and Dad have been out of the house for three hours," she muttered. I went slowly down the hall. I couldn't believe the conversation in the room had happened. This couldn't be happening. What would Kendall say? Oh, I could see her face now...
"Hey, Rusty; what's up?" Robyn said, moving around the kitchen counter as she prepared her sandwich.
"Can you make me one of those?" I asked. Food looked like the answer to bringing me back to reality. Robyn glanced at me and nodded, getting the supplies out again. She made the second one and slid the plate over to me, not saying anything. "Thanks," I said, taking it. I headed to the table, where I ate my sandwich. I carried the plate back to the kitchen sink, where Robyn had stood the entire time.
Robyn threw down the knife she'd had in her hand and looked at me. "Okay, so you gonna tell me what happened, or should I endure a few more hours of curiosity?"
I looked at her. I stammered, nothing coming out of my mouth. Robyn raised her eyebrows and didn't leave me alone. I took a deep breath and said, "Guess who's going to the ball after all?"
Robyn's expression slowly changed as it sunk in. "AHHH!" she screamed in pure joy, enveloping me in a tight hug.
"Nigel? Nigel, where are you?" Robyn called. She grabbed her wallet and shoved it in her purse after checking she had her driver's license. "Nigel, come on, we've got to go!"
"I'm watching a movie!" Nigel said. Robyn rolled her eyes and we went into the living room, but the TV wasn't on.
"Nigel?" I said.
"Oh my God," Robyn said, grinning. "There he is," she said, pointing to the small coffee table at the end of the couch on the other side of the wall. He sat on the couch, staring at something on the coffee table.
"Hey, gals," Nigel said without looking up.
"Nigel, what stage of watching a movie would this be?" Robyn said, stepping forward and taking the DVD off the table. "Contemplative?"
"Uh huh," Nigel said. "Hey, have you seen my scrunchie?"
Robyn took off her rubber band. "Would this be it?"
"Yup," Nigel said. "Okay, let's go."
We all went into the car, where Nigel didn't complain about the car smelling funny. Instead, he breathed loudly through his mouth the entire time, and started to complain that his stomach felt weird just as we were reaching the bridge.
"Nigel William Sebastian Irons, if you get carsick in my baby then I will toss you out onto the freeway," Robyn said.
"You used to get carsick too, and I never threatened to throw you out of the car," Nigel moaned form the back.
"Nigel, we were eight. Of course you didn't threaten me; it wasn't even your car," Robyn said. "And that was when we went to Donner Lake. That was up in the mountains, dude."
"I prefer the term," Nigel made a burp that sounded like something other than air came up but he swallowed and shuddered, "prima ballerina."
"Yeah, well, Prima Ballerina Nigel," Robyn said, "cough up a dollar, because we need to pay the toll." She snapped her fingers and pointed to the space between her seat and mine.
Nigel moved around a bit, and then he made a disgusting retching noise. I turned in alarm, thinking he'd actually done something, but he just dropped the dollar where Robyn was pointing.
"Nigel, that is dis-gus-ting," Robyn said. "Would you have done that if I'd gotten that cute blonde—"
"Isn't that Kendall's car behind us?" Nigel said.
"WHAT?" Me and Robyn said in unison, both turning around. Sure enough, there was the bright pink convertible with the bobble-heads in front. Oops, that was Kendall and Skylar. "Perfect," Robyn said, turning to face the road again.
"I've got an idea," Nigel said quietly.
"Just the greatest thing to have a bitch behind you on your way back to school," Robyn continued, not hearing Nigel. "How in the world can I make her pay for what the bitch did without getting in an accident?"
"I've got an idea," Nigel said.
"Dear God of Heaven, if there is a God that gives any justice in this world, please send me a sign on how to deal with Kendall Maybells!" Robyn exclaimed.
"Robyn," Nigel said, "I've got a revelation!"
Robyn looked at him, and then at the sky. "That was quick." She looked at Nigel in the rearview mirror. "So, what is it? Oh, wait, we have to pay the toll," she said, slowing down. "Rusty, cough up a dollar. Carpool rules," she said, holding out her hand.
"No, Rusty, don't!" Nigel said. "That's my whole revelation."
"Huh?" Me and Robyn said, both looking at him in the rearview mirror. Nigel told us what to do. Robyn's face broke into a grin. She drove up next to the toll and rolled down her window.
"Hello, how are you?" Robyn said. The guy grunted and held out his hand for the money. "Uh, look, those girls in the car behind us made a bet with us and said they'd pay the toll if I won." The guy seemed to be interested in Robyn all of a sudden now that she mentioned betting. "I won, but she's a little selfish, so don't be fooled if she says she doesn't know what you're talking about, okay?" The guy nodded eagerly. "Thanks. Bye," Robyn said, rolling up the window and pressing the gas.
"Nigel, you are now a messenger of God," Robyn said, looking at him again in the rearview mirror.
"Thank you, Robyn," Nigel said, bowing. "Can I have my dollar back now?" he said, reaching for it. Robyn quickly reached down and took it, stuffing it in her sweater pocket.
"Nah, Nigel, I think I'll keep this. Remember in third grade when you asked to borrow a dollar for lunch and you said you'd share it with me?"
"What, you want the crappy school lunch now?" Nigel said.
"No; just the dollar," Robyn said. Nigel clicked his tongue in annoyance. I grinned.
"You know, this is turning out to be more sinful and exciting than when I lived in New York," I said to them. "Looks like my dad was wrong—private school isn't less sinful."
"Yeah, but you gotta remember," Robyn said, "that you're hanging out with the school weirdo and losers. Whatever reputation you had was ruined the moment you started acting friendly with me and Aurora."