Sick Inside

Naitlyn (mentions of Nitchie)

AN: Don't own the song, Sick Inside by Hope Partlow

I'm just a girl who

Kissed a boy who

Is in love with someone else

I didn't mean to, but I guess that doesn't matter. He's just everything I've wanted. Everything I need. He's my best friend. She's his girlfriend. His name is Nate. He has the curliest hair I've ever seen. He has the most beautiful eyes. He makes me laugh at everything that comes out of his mouth.

"He has a girlfriend." I whisper to myself.

I draw mindlessly on notebook paper. I don't look down until I finish. All over the paper, it reads (the same as it does everyday) I love him.

I know Mitchie is his girlfriend. I shouldn't feel this way. Sick inside. That's what I am. I'm sick inside.

"He loves Mitchie." I whisper to myself.

I didn't mean to

Feel the way I do

It just happened by itself

I walk past her in the hallway, thinking she knows what happened. My breathing speeds up and I run towards the bathroom. I slide down the wall, once I get inside. I don't exactly remember when I fell in love with my best friend. I guess it just happened. I didn't mean for it to happen. Honestly, I never wanted to ruin their relationship. I just want him to love me. I feel sick inside.

And now I'm sick inside

Yeah, it makes me wanna cry

I'm so sorry about last night

Yeah, It happened so fast

I wanted it to last

In the moment it felt so right

But now I'm sick inside

My stomach is in knots. I feel sick to my stomach. Last night, when Nate came over I just wanted.. I wanted.. I wanted him. I wanted us. Tears fall down my face slowly. It had happened so fast. Before I could blink he was out of sight. I get up, walking over towards the mirror. I wipe my tears and attempt to fix my makeup. After a few minutes, I walk out of the bathroom feeling even worse than I did before.

He stopped by my house

We were hanging out

He was wondering were you are

We went walking

We were just talking

Then he kissed me by his car

Flashback Last Night:

"Caitlyn!"

I look up and see Nate in his car with the top down. He drives a convertible. I pull the earphones out of my ears and stop my iPod. Smiling, I walk up to his car.

"Hey Nate. What's up?"

He smiles at me and says, "Have you seen Mitchie anywhere? I've tried calling her, but she won't pick up her phone."

Mentally, I curse myself for actually thinking he wants to talk about something other than his girlfriend. Ever since they've been going out, he's pretty much ignored me.

"I think she had to do like a bake sale or something." I say, managing a small smile.

All the while, my heart is breaking. Suddenly, he laughs and says, "Look, I know I've been ignoring you. Get in, I need to spend some time with my best friend."

I smile and get into his car. We drive down to the pond. He brings his guitar as we both get out. We start walking around, just talking like we've known each other forever, which we have. When we make it back to his car, he grows quiet. My heart beats faster when he leans in closer to me. Our lips touch and I feel my heart beat faster and faster. I close my eyes. Suddenly, the feeling's gone. Our lips are no longer touching. His car is out of sight. I kick a nearby tree. I cry for three hours before my cell phone starts ringing. My mother worrying about where I am. I tell her I went for a walk. By myself.

I know it was stupid, to let him treat me like that. The sick feeling I get every time I see him and her together makes the heartache even more badly.

And now I'm sick inside

Yeah, it makes me wanna cry

I'm so sorry about last night

Yeah, It happened so fast

I wanted it to last

In the moment it felt so right

But now I'm sick inside

I see Nate leaning against a locker, Mitchie underneath his arm, laughing. He leans in and kisses her. My heart stops. I freeze. He doesn't see me.

"Like he ever does." I mutter to myself as I sit on a bench.

I try to block out the heartache for one lunch period as I talk to my other friends about crap I don't even care about. What movie's playing. Who's going out with who. Those are just two examples that get him out of my head for all of thirty minutes.

Now I'm stuck with this feeling in the pit of my soul

Guess I should of had a little self control

I knew that it was wrong, I admit it

I wish there was a way that I could make it alright

I really wanna tell you that I put up a fight

But that would be a lie

I see Mitchie talking to someone after school. I know that she's being told I kissed her boyfriend, or he kissed me. Whichever, that doesn't stop me from staying in one place when she confronts me in the hallway. Everyone's left school by now.

"Why, Caitlyn? I thought we were friends?" She yells.

I notice how she doesn't question what happened.

"Mitchie, I admit it was wrong. I really wish I could make it alright."

Mitchie glares at me with tears in her eyes.

"I can't believe you, Caitlyn!" She yells and then runs out the door.

I close my eyes and a few tears escape. I hear footsteps and open my eyes.

"Caitlyn.."

I know that voice. He's the cause of my pain. He's the cause of everything. I slap him in the face as hard as I can.

"I hate you, Nate Black." I say in the menacing voice.

It must have worked, because Nate gives me puppy eyes. I walk away, anger filling me from head to toe.

And now I'm sick inside

Yeah, it makes me wanna cry

I'm so sorry about last night

Yeah, It happened so fast

I wanted it to last

In the moment it felt so right

But now I'm sick inside

"Caitlyn!"

Crap. He found me. I look down from the tree in my backyard.

"What do you want?" I spit out.

Nate climbs the tree with ease and sits on a branch opposite of me.

"I want to say sorry. I shouldn't have put you in that position."

My anger melts away.

"I'm not going to say it's okay, because it's not." I say honestly.

Nate nods.

"Mitchie broke up with me." He says quietly.

What am I supposed to say to that? Sorry? I'm not. I love you? I look into his eyes. All I see is love. Not for me, but for Mitchie.

"You love her." I state quietly.

Nate looks at me surprised.

"How-"

I laugh," I've known you for 16 years, Nate. I think I know how you feel."

Nate laughs and nods.

"Yeah, well. I'm really sorry, Caitlyn. Really."

I believe him.

"Yeah. Me too." I whisper as he climbs down.

I realize that maybe Nate and I aren't meant to be more than friends. Maybe we're just best friends and that's all we'll ever be. Realizing this doesn't make the heartache any less unbearable though. I sigh to myself and climb down.

I'm just a girl who

Kissed a boy who

Is in love with you

I walk towards Mitchie, who's sitting alone at a picnic table looking miserable. I sit down across from her.

"Hi." I whisper.

"Hi." She whispers back after a few moments of silence.

I slide a piece of paper towards her. She picks it up and looks at it.

"What is it?" She asks quietly.

I shrug and say, "It's a song. I wrote it as a apology, for both Nate and myself. He loves you, you know?"

Mitchie looks up at me, surprised.

"He does?"

I sigh and sing a part of the song.

"I'm just a girl, who kissed a boy who, is in love with you."

I stand up before Mitchie can say anything. I walk away feeling a little less sick inside.

AN: How was it? Review please!