A/N: This should have been posted yesterday but for some reason it didn't go through. Anyways here's the third chapter.

If you see any major mistakes grammar or spelling wise let me know. I try to catch what I can when I proofread but there are just some instances where my mind just doesn't register them.

Also I apologies if my writing seems to be rather stiff. Im still trying to get back into the swing of things.

"Regular Talking"
'Regular Thinking'
"Demon/Monster/Summon Talking"
'Demon/Monster/Summon Thinking'

Disclaimer: Nope I own nothing. Even the descriptions for the Jutsus came from Naruto Wiki.

After the whole fiasco outside Naruto was contemplating murder. Technically the whole thing was his fault but he didn't think the entire male side of the student body would actually try to kill Tsukune over Moka drinking his blood. And moaning. And grinding on him.

Ok so maybe he didn't have any reason to complain at all.

'Alright just need to mix this into that and voila! Enough tranquilizer to take down a rampaging pink monkey and then some!' His moment was interrupted when a shadow loomed over him.

"Uzumaki-san, while your enthusiasm is noted, what you are doing is nowhere near to the actual work we are doing in class." Briefly seeing that every other student was at their desks with their textbooks opened in front of them, Naruto just shrugged and held up the container.

"Hey does this smell like chloroform?" The teacher, whose name he never bothered to learn, instinctively took a whiff before going stark white and keeling over. Unabashed Naruto sealed the container away, picked up his belongings and proceeded to just waltz out of the room.

The rest of the class stared in shock at him before turning their gaze on each other. The general consensus?

'WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"

XXXXXXXXX

"This shit is so fucking boring. I don't get how the fuck that lazy pineapple bastard was able to do this for hours on end." Naruto was on the roof of the building laying on his back just staring at the sky with a bored look on his face. Grumbling he sat up and leaned against the railing by the edge staring out at the surrounding trees.

"So. Fucking. Dull."

*POOF*

"Hey Nii-san! Got what ya asked for." A smile plastered on to his face as he heard the boisterous voice of Gamakichi.

"Finally Kichi. What did you have to rob a store or something?" A webbed hand smacked the back of his hand.

"If this is the thanks I get maybe I'll just send Gamatatsu next time. See how long it takes then."

"Alright, alright I'm sorry Kichi. Here's a couple of chocolate bars I managed to snag for you. Now gimme!" The toad swiped the bars and stashed them in his vest before reaching into the other side before pulling out a scroll.

"It's all in here. Dad even added something extra in there too so you should be good. Anything else you need?" Naruto shook his head as he took the scroll.

"Nah this should be good for now, thanks." The toad nodded.

"Alright bro take care of yourself."

*POOF*

Quickly unrolling the scroll Naruto pushed chakra into the seal and several items popped out. The first was a carton of cigarettes, he never smoked before but it was always something he wanted to try considering that the Sandaime always smoked around him when he was younger. Plus it wasn't like they could harm him in anyway. Removing a pack and sealing the rest of them he opened it and put one of the cancer sticks to his lips before lighting it with a snap of the fingers. He took a drag and held it for a second.

Before hacking like a madman.

"What the fuck? Why would any sane person do this shit?!" He rolled the stick between his thumb and forefinger before shrugging. "Fuck it. Sanity is overrated." With that, he put the stick into his mouth and moved on to the scroll that was clearly labeled SAKE. Pushing a minute amount of chakra into it a single bottle popped out. His jaw dropped.

"No fucking way. Mount Myōboku brand sake! Bunta never lets any of this shit out of his sight. Oh hell yes, today is a great day to be Uzumaki Naruto!" Popping the top Naruto took a large swig and shuddered.

"Thank you Ero-Sennin for showing me the wonders of sake when we were away from the village." He raised the bottle to the sky. "This is for you, you damn pervert." Taking another swig he put the bottle down and grabbed the last item. Another scroll, except this one was labeled COMPLETE COLLECTION. Once again using only a small amount of chakra a small rectangular object popped out. Once the smoke cleared an orange book was plainly seen.

"Alright Ero-sennin, let's see just how explicit these damn things really are."

XXXXXXXXX

Tsukune looked at the empty desk next to and silently wondered where his blond haired acquaintance was. He really wanted to say friend but he wasn't exactly sure how the blonde had him pegged.

Glancing over at Moka he saw that she was diligently taking notes as Shizuka-sensei went over something on the board. Letting out a huff he tried to finally focus on something that his teacher was saying only to hear a tone sound through the room signaling the end of class.

"Alright everybody I'll see you all tomorrow. Remember to read the first three chapters in your textbook for next class and answer the review questions!" He barely managed to get his stuff put away when his arm was latched onto by Moka and she dragged him out of the room.

"Moka-chan, where are we going?" Seeing as they didn't have anything really going on except for some homework he was confused on why she was literally dragging him through the hallways. She gave one of her dazzling smiles.

"We're going to find Naruto-san of course!" Like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Um, ok, but what if he doesn't want to see us? He seems like the type who likes being left alone." She spared a glance at him before walking faster.

"He's one of our friends Tsukune-kun. We need to make sure that he knows that he's welcome!" It would be some time before they actually found him. How they found him though…

XXXXXXXXX

Tsukune and Moka could only stare as they saw a partially inebriated blond giggling while reading an orange book with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Among that was the fact that there was another person currently sitting on said blondes lap giggling right along with him. Moka was the only one willing to question it.

"Ano, Naruto-san? What's going on?" The giggling stopped and two pairs of eyes drifted to her for a moment before returning to the book in hand. There was no response to her question except for the person sitting on his lap made a shooing motion with their hand. She was a young girl by the looks of it and was wearing clothing that was definitely not regulations. She was about to ask again when things finally kicked into her head and she crossed the roof in a heartbeat. Snatching the cigarette out of his mouth and crushing it before her head seemingly grew several sizes.

"ARE YOU SMOKING AROUND A CHILD!?"

"Oi, keep it down will ya. Geez you're almost like the howler monkey back home…" Moka was about to yell at him again when the younger girl beat her.

"Hey Nii-san, how do you know Moka-chan?"

"I was there when she hit her blood bank with a bike." Was the explanation as he pulled out another cigarette. That one was snatched out of his mouth before he could even light it earning a frustrated groan. "See Yukari-chan, this is the type of shit I was talking about earlier." The now named girl nodded at the last statement and then looked at Moka.

"You should be nicer to my Nii-san!" Naruto patted her on the head and took a sip of his sake.

"That-a-girl! Now shut up, I want to know what happens between the priestess and the beggar." In the background being ignored by the pair, Tsukune was at the point where he just wanted to back away slowly and get of the roof before anyone knew he was gone. That plan went out the window when Moka shot him a look and motioned toward the pair. Resigned to his fate he approached.

"Um Naruto-san, m-maybe you could introduce your friend?" He flinched at the look shot at him.

"Fine, fine…like a broken fuckin' record…" He nudged the girl and went back to his book.

"Huh? Oh! My name is Sendo Yukari, eleven years old, top student in Yokai Academy and last but not least unofficial apprentice to-URK!" An arm constricted around her throat and Naruto started to growl.

"Yukari-chan, what the fuck did I say about that little tidbit?"

"Um…not to?" The arm released her and she scratched the back of her head in minor embarrassment. "Sorry Nii-san it won't happen again."

XXXXXXXXX

To Tsukune, there was just something…off with the whole picture. For starts the blonde was reading. That in itself was a surprise considering he didn't look the type.

Then there was the mix of alcohol and tobacco. There wasn't even a hint of the aforementioned items before now bringing up the question of just where he could have gotten them from.

Lastly there was the sudden appearance of the younger girl who somehow managed to get on Naruto's good side. Hell she even got a chan at the end of her name and that brought a frown to his face.

'Moka-chan and I met him on the first day and we haven't been able to get even close to the same level as this girl. What makes her so special?" As if sensing the question being asked, Naruto lowered the book prompting his reading buddy to snatch it from him. He snatched the book back and bopped her on the head.

"Alright Limpy, the way your face is twitching is starting to piss me the fuck off so either sack up and speak your mind or quit it." Now that the spotlight had rather forcibly turned on him he had a chance.

"What makes her so special!?" Said with a dramatic pose of him pointing at the source of his ire.

"Huh?" Was the intelligent response.

"Why am I Limpy and she's Yukari-chan? Even Moka-chan gets a better name and you've hardly talked to her at all!"

"First off, she's awesome and similar to me in more ways than one. Second pinky almost caved in my skull yesterday. The only reason she's still Pinky and not Moka is because it was her…actually what the fuck happened? You mentioned something about Vampires." the attention shifted.

"Yes, once my rosary comes off then I turn into my real vampire self."

"So it's basically a limiter seal, gotcha. Any who to sum up the previous train of thought, it's because you're a bitch. But if you're feeling jealous of Yukari-chan's chan then I suppose I can call you Limpy-chan."

"Wa-wait what!? That's even worse!" Cue shrug.

"Meh, you asked for it…Limpy-chan." To make matters worse for Tsukune he heard a snort come from next to him. Looking over he saw Moka with a hand over her mouth trying to suppress her giggling, giving up when she saw that Tsukune was looking at her.

"What? It is kind of funny." Seeing that he was still not amused by the scene she huffed and crossed her arms. "You need to lighten up a little Tsukune-kun." Slightly stunned by the normally sweet girl he just through up his hands in surrender and walked off.

"Matte! Tsukune-kun!" A concerned look crossed her face. "Do you think that was too far Naruto-san?"

"That? Oh hell no, besides it builds character. If he's still pissy later on then just repeat what you did to him this morning and he'll be right as rain. Now then if there are no more questions…" He gestured to his book.

"Actually, if it's alright, I'm curious as to how you two met." Naruto picked up the sake bottle and drained the rest of its contents in one go.

"Let me have a cigarette and I might consider telling."

"Only if Yukari-chan sits over here."

"Works for me. Yukari-chan go sit by pinky."

"Aw, do I have to?"

"If you want to find out what's happens next then yes."

Before anyone could blink Yukari was now sitting in Moka's lap bouncing her head lightly against her bust.

"Hurry up Nii-san!" Naruto couldn't help but chuckle at her childlike behavior. The rapid switch of emotions and actions. Almost reminded him of-

Immediately hammering down on that line of thought he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Wouldn't do him any good to think of past actions. He took a deep breath and then exhaled, pleased that he didn't get the urge to cough up anything.

"Alright…"

XXXXXXXXX

"Well I'll be damned. This is better written than I thought it would be. Hell, there's even a plot buried beneath it all." He flipped the page, alternating on the stick between his lips or the bottle in his hand.

"Man I should have picked all of this up years ago. Definitely would have gotten rid of all the damn stress." A thought occurred. "Wait a sec, then that means that all of those times he was trying to get me to go to the brothels…Oh damnit! Just what the hell did I miss out on during the training trip?" So lost in his thoughts he never noticed someone swipe his bottle of alcohol.

"Hey this is pretty good!" The loud exclamation broke him out of his thoughts.

"The fuck. Who the flying fu-IS THAT MY SAKE!?" He whipped out a handful of shuriken and whipped them at the newcomer, dismissing the fact that his target was a little girl dressed as a witch.

"Hey! Wa-GAH! Stop throwing sharp things at me!" Her cries intensified when a kunai cut her cheek.

"You stole my sake damnit!" Another handful of shuriken were flung in her direction. Paling at the amount of deadly weapons this guy had, Yukari back pedaled and tried to use her wand to hit him with a bed pan.

That plan was scrapped when her wand disappeared, reappearing in her attacker's hands.

"Hey give that back!"

"After you stole my drink, forget it. Maybe I'll turn it into kindling…" While he was joking, he winced when he saw fear creep on to the thief's face.

"No don't!" The girl ran at him and started to hit him in the stomach. "Give me back my wand you bully!"

Naruto relaxed upon her onslaught, her punches barely registering. The only thing he really saw were the tears that were welling up in her eyes. They were a little too close to home. Grabbing her wrists he forced her to stop.

"Hey kid…here." He held out the wand and watched as the girl snatched it out of his hand, leaving him a death glare.

He didn't like it. Not the death glare. that he didn't care about. No what he didn't like was the other emotions present in her eyes. Getting down to her level he looked closer.

Anger, Hatred, Sadness and loneliness all present.

Just like…

"What's your name?" He tried to block his usual uncaring tone and replace it with a much calmer, almost caring quality. His hopes of a civil conversation was dashed when the girl kicked him in the shin and pulled down her eyelid.

XXXXXXXXX

Yukari wasn't sure what to make of the individual in front of her. Originally when she saw the blonde playing hooky on the roof, she thought he was just some thug that didn't want to go to class. So she decided to mess with him a bit.

In hindsight maybe it wasn't the greatest of ideas to steal his alcohol, no matter how much she enjoyed the taste. Seeing the boy throwing blades at her definitely enforced that theory.

And then just like that it was over.

Of course considering her past dealings with unsavory characters she didn't believe it, reflexively causing her to lash out. Hard.

A moment of triumph flashed in her mind.

That is until a hand grabbed the back of her outfit and she was pulled off the ground.

"Waaaah! Lemme go you big bully!" The sound of laughter hit the air.

"Bully? Now that's just not true munchkin-chan."

"Munchkin-chan? That's not my name!"

"Well maybe if you introduce yourself…"

Yukari was on the verge of trying to kick him again.

"How about this. I set you down and we start this whole thing all over again. Deal?"

XXXXXXXXX

Naruto was back leaning against the railing looking at the girl sitting next to him.

"My name is Sendo Yukari, not munchkin-chan!" a hand ruffled her hair, knocking her hat off.

"Aw, you're just so adorable. Uzumaki Naruto." Dodging a swipe of the girl's wand he raised his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright easy munchkin-chan." Yukari scowled.

"I just told you my name so stop calling me that!"

"No can do munchkin-chan. That's your name until you get on my good side." Said girl pouted. Naruto ignored her expression and grabbed his book that was lying on the ground next to him, flipping it open.

The witch cocked her head to the side and looked at the title.

"Ara? What's Icha Icha?" The book was shoved into her face.

"Find out for yourself Munchkin-chan." The witchling tentatively grabbed the book.

It wasn't long before the blood rushed to her face and an all too familiar giggle permeated the air.

Naruto smiled and unsealed another bottle of sake.

"I think you and I are going to have a wonderful friendship Yukari-chan." Yukari giggled in response.

XXXXXXXXX

"That's it?" Moka deadpanned. "She liked your book?" Naruto shrugged.

"In a nutshell. Really there are a lot finer points that only similar people will understand and you Pinky are not one of those types." Said pink haired girl nervously tapped her forefingers together.

"I could be…"

"If you were I would be amazed," Eyeballing the girl, "Meh, if you think you have what it takes." He tossed over the orange book.

Moka took it and cracked it open.

Much like before with Yukari all of her blood rushed to her face and her mouth dropped open. However instead of the accompanying perverted giggles she shrieked.

"HOW COULD YOU SHOW THIS TO A CHILD?!" Yukari hastily snatched the book lest it get damaged from the obviously distressed girl. Naruto gave her an appreciative smile before turning back to the other girl.

"Um, pretty easily actually. Just some slight arm movement and Yukari-chan did the rest." Judging by the feeling of dread that enveloped the blonde, he realized it may not have been the correct response.

Luckily he was saved by the sudden appearance of a giant metal wash bin that smashed into Moka's head. Stunned at the action he glanced over to Yukari who was now sitting next to him, continuing where she left off earlier.

"Good girl."

XXXXXXXXX

After walking off the roof Tsukune figured it would be best to just slink off back to his room and lock the door so he wouldn't have to deal with anything else except homework for the rest of the day.

He was about halfway along the path when life decided to throw a curveball as if taking every chance to screw with him.

Said curveball took the shape of a rather well-endowed teen with blue hair, limping out from behind a tree.

"Ah! M-my leg…please help."

XXXXXXXXX

"Hey Nii-san, she hasn't gotten up yet." Naruto looked over to the still collapsed Moka and wondered if perhaps Yukari had accidently killed her with the wash bin.

"Well you did hit her in the head with a metal bucket thing. I'd like to see you get up after that."

"No thanks, I like my head exactly how it is."

"Not sure if that's a good thing or not with you…" Ignoring the indigent cry of "Hey!" from her, Naruto stood up and stretched. "Alright Yukari-chan it's starting to get late. You think you can take Pinky here back to her room?"

"I guess." With a wave of her wand Moka started to rise off of the ground. A small problem arose.

"Any chance you can do it without flashing whoever is still out and about?"

"Not unless you want me to drag her by her arms."

"Nope. She may not be in my good book but she's still better than Tsukune." 'Plus im sure if I did let her Moka's inner self will most likely kill her and then attempt to murder me.' Not wanting to leave the girl were she was at Naruto picked her up and slung her over his shoulder.

"Uh, Nii-san? How is that better than what I was doing?"

"Shut it and walk." He took a step towards the stairwell and then stopped. "Uh Yukari…Do you know what room she's in?"

Seeing a head shake Naruto grumbled.

"Fuck it, she can stay in your room then. Where's your room at?"

Mentally cheering now that she had a somewhat decent potential roommate for the night, Yukari grabbed Naruto's free hand.

"It's this way!"

XXXXXXXXX

Not wanting to deal with the Faculty at the door to make sure everyone obeyed curfew Naruto followed Yukari as she pointed out which window was hers. Snatching up the young girl and making sure he had a decent hold on the older one he gathered a small amount of chakra to his feet and started walking up the wall.

Of course said action made Yukari gasp.

"How are you doing this!?"

"Easy, I'm just that awesome. Now which window is yours again?" Yukari pointed.

"It's the first room on the fourth floor right side." Nodding Naruto adjusted direction.

Reaching the window, Yukari slid it open and Naruto tossed her inside.

Literally.

Afterwards he dropped Moka through the window and with a rapid "See ya later," He was off.

It took only a few seconds for him to reach his own window and slip inside.

XXXXXXXXX

It was only supposed to be a recon mission. Just scout the enemy lines and report back so command, read Nara, could make some high tech battle plan that would most likely fall apart as soon as they were engaged.

It all seemed so hopeless really.

No matter what they did, for every one they lost, there enemy gained three. Every mission undertaken always resulted in mass casualties.

For Naruto it was…heartbreaking really. To see so much loss of life, so many people laying down their lives for him. That's all it was really about nowadays, making sure that Madara didn't complete his grand plan.

It was getting to the point thought that maybe Kurotsuchi was right in thinking it was easier to just kill the remaining Jinchuuriki.

It would be effective in bringing Madara's plan to a screeching halt. While maybe the Hachibi would reform after a few years, The Kyuubi wouldn't be able to. Not with its soul being tethered to his own. Ah but then there was the flaw in that little plan.

The Edo Tensei.

Even if the Kyuubi's soul and his own were connected, Madara could just revive him and seal both of their souls at his leisure.

Naruto shook his head. He was definitely getting off track from the mission. His earpiece came to life.

"Naruto! We've got a large group of White Zetsus coming your way fast! Use Kage Bunshin to distract them and then fall back to our secondary position."

He keyed his mic, "Got it Kakashi-sensei!" Willing roughly thirty clones into existence, he had them spread out to cover the entire area he was in and then he took to the trees.

Not even a full minute elapsed when the sounds of fighting reached him. He created another batch of clones and then sent them back the way he came. Creating a couple more he had them branch out into different directions hoping to confuse anyone that managed to make it past.

Gradually the sounds of fighting grew fainter and fainter.

But that didn't mean he was clear.

XXXXXXXXX

He suppose he should have expected it. After all even though he was just a teen, he had already seen more shit than most people twice his age. Sadly a majority of it was just from his childhood growing up.

Didn't help though that his dreams were constantly plagued with events in his past.

Rolling over on his bed he looked at the wall. The view from his window told him that it was still sometime in the early morning, meaning that he wouldn't have to get up anytime soon.

Fine with him.

Normally he would just head out to a secluded spot and destroy a few trees or something but today just seemed to be one of those lazy days. He swiped his pack of cigarettes from the nightstand and slipped one out, lighting it with just the snap of his fingers.

At this rate he was going to end up a chain smoker just like Asuma. Not that there was really anything wrong with that.

Inhaling the smoke, he released it with a sigh.

Today was going to suck fucking monkey balls.

A/N For those who think that Yukari's intro was rather short, I did that for a reason so don't get your panties in a bunch.

Initially this chapter was going to be longer but I felt that this point was decent to stop at. Once things pick up a bit more, the chapters will get longer.

Jutsu List

Edo Tensei: Summoning: Impure World Reincarnation
A forbidden technique where, using a living person as a vessel, a deceased person's soul can be called back to the world of the living and bound to it. The vessel will then take on the form that person had in life, thereby reincarnating them to do their summoner's bidding.

Kage Bunshin: Shadow Clones Does this really need an explanation?