Chapter Five-

Of Secrets and Hypocrisy

Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. 6:30 p.m.

Sirius had returned to his house from the impromptu meeting for the Order yesterday. He couldn't understand what came into Dumbledore to want to do something so dangerous when the Ministry had so much control over the school. It was simply mad.

Before his unfair imprisonment in Azkaban, he might've found the danger thrilling, but he had been forced to mature. He had possibly had one of the worst wake-up-calls of the century. The pain of being betrayed by a once close friend, the betrayal of which causes the death of two of his closest friends, still haunted him.

Peter betrayed James and Lily, and in extension him, by telling Voldemort where the couple hid with their son, Harry. Peter had staged his own death that night, framing Sirius in the process. Somehow, the ministry failed to give Sirius a trial and just chucked him in the maximum-security prison. Twelve years slowly rotting in a cell, would invariably make you mature.

During Harry's third year, Harry had helped Sirius escape the Ministry, and Sirius had been in hiding ever since.

Even after all those years, Sirius doubted he had gone too much farther on his road to recovery than he had been twelve or ten years ago. The damage of such a betrayal was irrevocable.

Try as he might, he would possibly never completely get over the pain. Survive; live around it, perhaps he could do, but he would never get over it completely. He could feign to look and feel normal when people were around, but right now he was alone. Sirius couldn't and wouldn't keep up such a farce, which drained his energies, when he was alone. He paced the length of his room in Grimmauld Place.

He shook his head, trying to think of something less depressing. Immediately his thoughts, once again, turned to the vaguely familiar girl from the Hogwarts grounds. He couldn't get the girl and her conversation with Ginny out of his mind.

His meeting with her had been of the most peculiar sorts. He was the only person to have escaped the prison, Azkaban, so she had to have been talking about him. Yet, he couldn't remember of ever being a father. None of his relationships had ever lasted long enough. Only one lasted for any amount of time. He never had found it very appealing to be tied down to one girl at the time. It was that same dislike of commitment that had gotten him in trouble with one of the few people he truly ever cared for. Like the trouble he caused with one of his favourite persons. Regrets. Sirius had enough regrets to last him two lifetimes. He regretted most how he handled a situation that ruined his only chance at a proper relationship, and possibly torn two sisters apart. Sirius groaned, at what he had done to Athena, his ex-lover, and her sister Marianne.

A shock not unlike a surge of electricity surged through his being then, accompanied by the startling shock of realization. Athena.

He stood there, paralyzed, and unable to will his limbs to work. Athena had been the one girl to whom he would've handed his heart to without hesitation, but after a good couple of years she disappeared without a trace. Could she have just left, even while she bore his child? "That would explain a lot..." he muttered to himself.

He vaguely remembered fuzzy images of the girl/woman. He realized then, that Athena must have placed a charm similar to Obliviate on him. His suspicions were confirmed when he tried to conjure more images of the girl in his mind, and he was unable to. Despite the fact that he could not really remember her face, he remembered her now. How could he have let himself forget? She had misunderstood, and just packed up and left. How could she?

Another emotion dominated Sirius. It was a mixture of grief, anger, self-pity, and any self-deprecating feeling. Thirteen years' worth.

He stood, dumbstruck, staring at his posters on the wall without really seeing them.

It was then that an owl, Sirius recognized as Harry's, was waiting outside of his window to his room. He mentally shook himself, and went to the window to let the owl in. Hedwig swooped in elegantly into his room and landed on the chair next to his study. Hedwig stuck out a leg that had a letter tied around it, and waited for Sirius to untie it.

Sirius did just that, and unrolled the piece of parchment with Harry's impatient scrawl. Temporarily forgetting his own woes, he read the letter. It read:

Dear Snuffles,

I do not want to reveal too much should this letter be intercepted and seen by the wrong eyes.

I know, that no one could possibly guess about whom I speak, so I will say it bluntly.

I have a friend, of who knows more about you than anyone else, other than us. She has most likely already been told of your innocence, but I do not know if she accepts it. I hope you will not panic, because she has more ties to you than you might know.

Awaiting a reply, Harry

The letter was short and confusing to Sirius. Surely, Harry had had been talking about someone knowing of his innocence relating to his unfair conviction and condemnation. The only person, of whom he could imagine had found out, would be the girl. His daughter.

The word sent a thrill that twisted in his gut and another, unknown feeling swell in his chest. The girl was his and Athena's daughter. She was their daughter!

The thought/word inspired more questions, questions which made his brain hurt just thinking about them. From what he had gathered in her and Ginny's conversation, she had been adopted. Why had she been abandoned at an orphanage, and a muggle one at that? Was Athena already dead? If she was, why wasn't she in the care of Athena's sister, Marianne? Had Athena ceased communication with Marianne as well? Was she really that petty?

Nonetheless, he picked up a quill and parchment, and responded to Harry's letter. He just hoped Harry would catch the hint, and that his daughter would agree to meet him. Sirius was all but sure that she would decline and he certainly wouldn't blame her if she did.

Room Of Requirement at Hogwarts. 8:45 p.m.

Ebony paced around and around the Room Of Requirement, unable to form any type of coherent speech. Ginny was in a similar state of shock, but concealed it much better. "W-what?" she stammered. "H-how? I...Why?" Ebony had just been told, by Harry, that he had already talked to Sirius about her. Imagine what kind of nasty shock that would be to hear.

Harry, knowing she was asking rhetorical questions, stayed silent. He was not in the particular mood to be decapitated by the younger girl before he could slay the megalomaniac, Voldemort. Ginny was the first to regain her wits. She waited for Ebony to waste her energy sputtering nonsense and calm down exponentially, so she could talk and be heard. However, right as she opened her mouth to speak, Harry interrupted.

"I-I didn't tell him about you being his daughter in case you were wondering. All I said was that a friend of mine knew about his innocence. I don't know if he knows about your relation, but it's very possible he does. If he didn't, I don't think he would offer to meet you."

An emotion Harry could not place flashed in Ebony's stormy grey eyes. They were so close to Sirius' shade of grey that Harry was in kind of trance just staring into them.

"What?" Ebony all but screeched at Harry, successfully tearing him away from his trance-like state. Ebony shook her head, dumbstruck.

Ginny silently excused herself from the Room Of Requirement, leaving the two all alone.

When she exited the room and turned a corner she ran into a lean, toned body. She felt her face get slashed by thin whip-like blond hair. Ginny looked up into Holly's face and noticed her eyes blazing with an unfathomable expression.

"I know you guys are hiding something from Jamie and me" Holly grabbed Ginny's forearm.

Ginny fought to keep her face perfectly neutral, and feigned ignorance. She said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Olly-pop", all while wrenching her arm free of Holly's vice-like grip.

Holly made a sound that was eerily similar to a cat's hiss.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, so don't even try to get out of telling me", she said in her distinctly American accent. Holly had moved to England on her eleventh birthday due to some family problems of which she would not enlighten her friends upon.

Ginny stared back into Holly's eyes with her own chocolate-coloured orbs. "Holly, you know better than I, that there are some things you can't just say to anyone. It isn't my secret to tell. Also, some secrets aren't meant to ever be told," With that said, Ginny pushed past Holly and walked away from her, and avoided the general direction to the Gryffindor Common Room.

After having her suspicions confirmed, Holly stood stock-still, unable to move her limbs. Ebony and Ginny were doing something behind her and Jamie's backs. Did Ebony and Ginny not find them trustworthy enough?

She was only vaguely aware of the tears threatening to spill. She breathed in short, raspy breaths and just stood there for what seemed like ages. Holly recovered her wits in a couple minutes and with a new vigour turned and stormed up to the Common Rooms, fighting back the tears all the way.

She needed Jamie, and she needed her now.

People wondered wherever the girls stormed the halls, of what could have possibly happened to them. Their friendship had been almost as epic as the Trio's. The Golden Trio had been rumoured to have done a great many things, all of which were amazing. The quartet of friends had always done everything together. Now, their friendships were split in half. Holly didn't know if they were even a quartet, anymore.

Wherever the girls walked by, they were accompanied by false sympathies and obnoxious questions like, 'How are you', which they ignored.

Ginny and Holly, might have disagreed plenty of times before, but they both agreed that their friendship was about to have the greatest test; If it was still in existence. Something, of which, neither girl knew.

Room of Requirement, 8:50 p.m.

Back in the Room of Requirement Ebony had calmed somewhat and was listening to Harry try to redeem himself.

"I swear I never told him anything else about you, so I don't..."

"Shut up, okay. I'm not mad at you. I was just caught off guard, is all." she interrupted Harry, fed up. She gave him a reassuring smile, hoping he would abandon his need to make amends.

She had been forced to listen to him rant about the same thing for the past five minutes, and she was growing weary of it. "Okay, I was a little mad, but I'm not anymore. I do want to meet my...father."

Relieved, Harry said he would tell Sirius as soon as possible.

Sighing in relief, Ebony looked around the room. "Where is Ginny? She was here, like, five minutes ago?" she said, noticing the red-head's absence. Harry shrugged, "I dunno. She probably got tired of us."

Ebony nodded, "Probably", she said not entirely convinced. Ebony and The-Boy-Who-Lived stood there awkwardly, neither knowing what to do or say.

Finally, Harry got the guts to say, "We should probably head back out. It's almost time for curfew..." Ebony nodded overly-enthusiastically, and followed him out of the room.

4th year Girl's Dormitory. Jamie's POV

After the first DA lesson, taught by Harry, I made my way out of the weird room and went straight to the Gryffindor Common Room. The lesson had been alright. I just hope they'll get better, because I'm in dire need of more distractions.

As much as I love my friends, I need my own "me time", too.

With that in mind, I didn't even stop to wait for Holly, Ginny, or Ebony. A girl can only take so much at a time. I need a distraction that can make me not care about the secrets and lies. It's funny how the closer the friends are, the more secrets there are. I can't even begin to count how much secrets I've learned about the other three girls. Holly, had been sexually abused by her father when she was younger. Apparently, her mother had known, but didn't ever try to help her. When authorities found out, she was taken from her abusive family, and was later adopted by a British family. That's how she ended up moving the England. As much as she tried to heal herself, she never really recovered from the trauma. I can't blame her, though. How can you recover from something like that?

Ginny, as much as she tries to deny it, is still hopelessly smitten with Harry. I have no doubt in my mind, that if he were to reciprocate her feelings, she would ditch Michael faster than you could say "Infidelity". Not that I would mind never having to see "dear" Michael ever again. Ebony is the one of my friends, that until recently, I knew very little. She has, or should I say had, no skeletons in her closet. At least, she had nothing of great importance. Ebony's crush on George hardly counted, because it's so bloody obvious. Also, saying you finished your homework when you didn't hardly counts as big, or important. Poor, sweet, lovely Ebony.

Well, now I know a big secret that revolves around our sweet, little Ebony. Care to find out how I know it?

You see, my dorm-mates seem to have come to the conclusion that I am a deep sleeper, when the opposite is true. In fact, I'm a very light sleeper. Caught you by surprise didn't it?

I don't really know why I act as if I could sleep through any situation. It's just easier to ignore people, I guess. I do it for the same reason why I drink, too. Also, people tend to be sensible enough to leave someone who is sleeping well enough alone. People wouldn't be quite accepting of either…

Having friends like mine, being able to wallow in my own thoughts peacefully, is a rare and precious occurrence. I relish every second I have of peace. Not that it ever really lasts.

Anyway, back to how I found out Ebony's secret. While recovering from a terrible hangover, I lay in bed trying to will the splitting headache away.

I heard the door open and the light shuffling of footsteps that probably belonged to either Ginny, or Ebony. Preferring to ignore her entrance, I stayed immobile and tried to get some shut-eye.

Typically, fate wouldn't let that happen. Only ten or twenty minutes after the first entrance of someone, the door opened again to let someone else in.

"We need to talk..." I heard Ginny's voice say. Then, I heard Ebony's voice say something. I don't really remember what, because the potion Ebony had given me made me stuck in some kind of limbo. I wasn't really asleep, but neither was I awake. Perhaps it was some weird side-effect it had on me.

I listened, tuning in-and-out of their conversation, to them talk about Ebony, Sirius Black, and something about a letter. He was an alleged mass-murderer that had killed his three best friends and twelve other muggles, before being caught and taken to Azkaban. He had escaped during our second year, and the Ministry still hasn't caught him. The man's got skills to be able to evade the Ministry for two whole years.

So, Ebony was his daughter? She had been abandoned at an orphanage. Sirius was Harry's godfather, making Ebony his god-sister? Ginny was friends with the said framed mass-murderer. Sirius Black wasn't even guilty and a corrupted Ministry? I listened as Ebony cried into Ginny's shoulder.

It was amazing that I had learned so many secrets all at once. Not to mention, big and dark secrets.

To make things better, or worse, Holly entered a couple minutes after Ebony finally calmed down. She had stressed over how she was feeling, and was given a cold answer. I know, better than anyone, that Holly would be able to piece two and two together, given the right information. Holly was probably already very suspicious of the two girls, and being rebuffed so rudely will only make that spark of suspicion ignite into an all-consuming flame.

Sure, I love my friends, even if they aren't really mine. I just get tired of putting up charades, sometimes

My whole life, or the life other people think I have, is a farce. A charade, if you will. I know a great many people's secrets, but none know of mine. Ironic, isn't it? Isn't it ironic how the person who knows everyone's darkest secrets, has the most secrets of her own? Ha! I guess I'm just an ironic person, whom can appreciate the wonder of irony. Wonderful.

The fates really do hate me, don't they? As a great deal of hypocrisy, on my part, I like knowing what was going on, but refuse to let anyone know my skeletons. Really rich, isn't it?

I guess you could also say I have a very twisted logic. At least it's a form of logic, though... That's more than I can say for a lot of other people, whom lack any form of logic. I really need to stop contradicting myself. Bloody hell.

I groaned, and let myself collapse onto my bed, not really remembering how I got there. I'm not always very aware of my surroundings when I'm in thought. That's definitely something to work on. No matter, though, I've already found a resolve. I'm not about to lose the chance to breathe fresh air and live a life. Not even knowing the life I'm living isn't mine, can stop me now.

Having a life, no matter how idle or monotonous, is better than living as a shadow. That comes from someone with experience...me.

A Week Later...Holly's POV

Okay, I'm not exactly sure how, but the friendship between us four is over. Okay, so I know exactly how it happened, but it's still a shock. It never occurred to me that Ginny would not tell me anything, and I guess I sort of overreacted. I'm a bitch, I know. I was currently sitting-alone- in one of the chairs in the common room, trying to study. I let my head fall with a bang unto the table, and I just stayed like that for a while. I brought my knees up into the chair, hugged them to myself, and laid my head on them. I sighed, "I'm a hypocrite, aren't I?"

"For what?" I picked my head up and turned it to the side so fast, I felt something pop. I had not expected a response to a question directed to myself.

Jamie kept looking at me, waiting for an answer. "Oh. It's just you, and you know exactly what I'm talking about... I haven't told them of mine, but I expect them to tell me theirs. That's hypocrisy if I've ever seen it."

"Ah, but... aren't we all?" Jamie's words got me thinking. We all really are hypocrites, whether it be over something small or large. We just are. Being human sucks, doesn't it? We're all so insane and maybe being able to think for you own isn't much of a good thing. Things like child abuse happen. Bad things happen to good people, and there's nothing we can do about it. Ugh. I bet I sound like one of those really annoying, whiny whiners. Yuck!

I got up off the chair, and went back up the common room. It was a Wednesday and I needed a run. I grabbed some running shorts, a hair-tie, a pair of sneakers, and left without a glance at my ex-best friends. I slipped the shorts on underneath my skirt. I kicked my low Mary-Jane's off and pulled on the sneakers, and pulled my hair back into a pony-tail. I did that all without breaking stride. I guess doing the same thing for four years, gives you chances to master it.

I passed by Jamie, whom was still lounging on the loveseat, and said, "I'm going for a run. I'll be back in an hour, or longer. It depends on how fast I get tired..." I didn't even stop to hear what she said, I just walked out. I tread carefully from then on. I'm used to having late-night runs, but I'm still careful. It wouldn't be fun to have my run postponed all because I was careless.

Like usual, I was able to avoid detection and not run into any prefects. I breathed a sigh of relief- a breath I hadn't even known I was holding- when I made it out of the door to the grounds. It still surprises me how silently the thing opens.

The air was cooler, and crisp. I guess it's to be expected since it's almost November. I did my usual warm-up stretch and started a comfortable jog. I still needed to warm up some more before I could sprint outright. I let myself run faster and faster around the grounds until i was sprinting full speed. I only allowed my mind to think of nothing else but the nice ache in my limbs, and the ground beneath my feet. My brain was barely receiving enough oxygen, and my throat was dry and scratched. I loved it.

I bet you're wondering why I run so much, or why I'm a "health freak". I don't work-out and eat right just because I want to be healthy. Hell, I miss junk-food sometimes. No, I do it because It's the only way I know how to keep myself clean. Junk-food contaminates your body. I know how terrible it is to feel like you're nothing more important than trash. I don't really know what happened to that man, nor do I really want to. I just hate how he robbed me of my childhood innocence. I've never claimed to hate anyone. That's too strong of a word, but I truly hate him. I hate him so much.

I don't particularly like that woman either. She didn't even try to help me when she found out what he did to me. Instead, she turned a blind eye. I know it's not healthy in any way to be bitter or constantly angry, but I refuse to acknowledge either of them as my biological parents. They're dead to me, wherever they are.

I might not have been very old, yet, but I was old enough to know what they did to me was unacceptable. Yet, what could I do? I'm just a child. How could I possibly fend against two full-grown adults? I guess I just got lucky they were muggles, so it wasn't impossibly for the government to find out. I'm lucky that I wasn't lost in the system when I was taken into the government's custody. I was luckier when I was adopted by two great pureblood wizards that had been unable to conceive. Again, I was luckier that I ended up a witch, too.

My first few years of life sucked badly, but it's gotten better since then. It's significantly better. Those two wronged me in a way that is unforgivable and can't make amends for, but things turned out for the better. I think...

I ran until my muscles hurt and felt like they were going to rip apart. I do this every single time I feel stressed, or just feel like not thinking. I can't think of my past or anything that triggers bad memories without getting considerably sadder. It's pathetic, I know. I've already made it quite clear I'm a whiner, a hypocrite, broken goods, and simply pathetic. It's sad isn't it?

Anyway, I'm sure everyone has had enough of my mopey whines. I know I am tired of myself…

I walked slowly, with my arms above my head, and tried to slow my breathing. I didn't know how long I had been running, but it was a lot darker out than before.

When I felt my breathing was under control again, I made my way back up to the castle.

I don't know when things will get better with my friends, but I hope they get better soon...Ugh! I shouldn't even be thinking about that...Now, instead of trying to think, I just concentrate on not running into anybody and making my legs work. It was easier than trying to figure out what to do, or how my friendships were crumbling. I missed Ebony. I missed Ginny. But I especially missed the four of us together…

(A/N: Sorry about the really short chapter...=/ I felt this would be more of a filler chapter... Show you a bit more about Jamie and Holly.

It's okay to hate me about what I did! I'm Sorry! I just really needed to do it. This was surprisingly hard to write=/ VaneBEAR (: