Pairings: Hank/Evan, Hank/Jill
Spoilers: Some for the pilot.
Warnings: Slash, incest, angst
Author's Notes: The song here is 'My Immortal' by Evanescence and I don't own it. Review!
Hank blames Evan for the way he feels right now. He tells himself that it's Evan's fault that he feels like he's drowning in his pain. He tells himself that if Evan hadn't insisted on doing the those things with him, if he hadn't told him that he loved him like that, hadn't slept with Hank, hadn't sucked him off in the restroom of that club, then none of this would be happening.
He takes a swig from the wine bottle, not even bothering to use a glass anymore. He feels the way he did when Nikki left him. Alone, broken, and in so much pain. Though he doesn't think it hurt this bad when she left. He tells himself that it's ridiculous that he feels like this when it's only his brother that left, it's not like he was really in love with him. Evan had him blinded, but he sees clearly now.
But do you really? A voice in the back of his mind asks. A fresh way of pain crashes over him as he thinks about how broken, no how shattered Evan looked when he said the things he did. He wishes now he could take it back. Erase the hurt and the pain and never have to see it again.
He turns on the radio to try to block out his thoughts.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I wiped away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I wiped away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been all alone all along
Hank sat, listening to the beautiful, yet sorrowful song. The lyrics summed up how he felt, especially the chorus. The pain was too real and the wounds wouldn't seem to heal. Suddenly he knew what he had to do. He needed to find Evan, and fix things with him. He couldn't stand not having Evan with him. He needed him more than he would ever need Jill.
He knows who the blame belongs too and it's not Evan.