Chapter 16: Running The Asylum
Writer's Note: To later-coming readers, this chapter was originally supposed to be posted on April 1st. You have been warned.
To virtually any other, the assault would have come completely out of nowhere.
To Rielle, she had begun leaping backwards even before the sound of the knot in the wood exploding in the fire was done.
Searing teeth of flame surged out of the fireplace and crashed down where she had been, even as Rielle rolled to the side and pulled her axe from the wall. Despite herself, she grinned. It was about time.
"WHAT THE FEL-!" Zackel screamed, trying to rear up from where he'd been sitting and tangling himself up in the furs as he did so, causing him to promptly fall on his face again. Rielle spared him a quick glance before she looked back at the fire, even as it surged out anew and the dark figure stepped from the flames.
"Impossible! You cannot have known I was coming!" The orc warlock snarled. Clad in seething dark purple robes, runes of fel energy etched on the clothing and on the orc's face, the eyes of the creature burned with evil strength as fiercely as the skull-headed staff the warlock carried did.
"Oh please. After all that shit with spooky noises and nightmares? That was stupid enough of you, and I thank you for that. It's always good for orcs to be skilled in their specialty." Rielle sneered. "But then you go and pull that little fire trick, whatever that is? You think I wouldn't notice an abrupt lessening of heat and the subtle way the air changed direction? When I'm RIGHT THERE, ADDING WOOD? Hah. There is no hour you can get up at that will put you ahead of me, orc. I don't know where you came from, why you were pulling all this hugga-mugga crap, or why that won't do any more…but I really don't care."
"You have NO IDEA what you trespass on, draenei vermin." The warlock retorted, raising a hand covered in burning green fire. "You will learn the hard way, as my masters feast on your flesh and soul!"
The fire blazed out, reforming on the ground into a vicious imp. The imp immediately began mirroring its master, summoning up its own fel blaze…
Until Rielle ran up and lashed out with her foot, kicking the imp through the air and straight into the warlock, knocking them both backwards into the fireplace with a bellow of rage from the orc. The imp began to protest, but its complaints about contract status quickly quieted as the warlock seized it and half-threw, half-smashed the demonic minion aside, sending it face first into the nearest wall, where it slid down with a groan.
"Rielle get your armor on!" Zackel said, running up to join the Draenei, staff at the ready.
"I don't need it. Not for an orc of THIS stripe." Rielle said, spinning her axe around, her stance mirroring her confidence, despite the fact that she wasn't wearing any of the heavy metal armor she'd used to battle in Wintergrasp and the ogres she'd found when the whole mess had begun. "Lucky for me that so many orcs are all of the same stripe. So much of the Horde, really. I hope they never change."
"SUFFER!" The warlock snarled, thrusting out a hand as a crystal shattered in his grip. Shadows pooled before him, the voidwalker surging up with a moaning snarl, embers of virulent incandescence igniting in its head. Zackel recoiled, his eyes wide with panic, and Rielle glanced at the mage for another brief second.
That was all the warlock needed to fire off a bolt of dark power, the attack striking Zackel in the chest and throwing him across the room with another cry. Rielle briefly rolled her eyes. Figured that the mage's old demons would ensure she'd have to deal with the current one solo.
"Alone again. Naturally." Rielle said, and charged.
The voidwalker surged to meet her, but the draenei swiftly eluded its despair-inducing claw and slashed out with her axe, cleaving through the voidwalker's side. It emitted its strange moaning wail even as it lashed out again, but Rielle once again slipped under its thrusting hand, whirling around it and hammering her axe down into its back. The creature shrieked, but it also tried to turn around and seize the alien warrior, whose rapid whirling dodges had now caused her to be pinned up against the wall. Another clawing blow cut off Rielle's escape and gorged several lines along the wall.
Rielle's only response was to give the voidwalker a rude gesture.
Evidentially, the demonic minion understood it, and sent both hands towards Rielle's throat. They never got close, as Rielle's weapon became a spinning blur and simultaneously knocked the voidwalker's hands away and slashed them up even more. The demon recoiled from the furious defense.
It proved to be it's final mistake. With speed beyond most comprehension, Rielle's axe was back into offensive position and slashing out, cleaving most of the voidwalker's head and upper body off. It thrashed about, and Rielle finished the job by spinning and bringing her axe down, slicing the creature straight down the middle and breaking it apart into motes of disintegrating shadow.
Zackel was not having as easy a time. An exchange of fire and ice bolts had ended with Zackel's magic incantations abruptly turning into horrific gibberish, or what he thought was such. Had Rielle heard it, she might have been chilled to the bone. However, by the time she approached, the warlock had followed up his curse with a lancing bolt of purple energy, stunning Zackel long enough for the warlock to begin sucking his life energy away, the process driving the mage to his knees.
"Hi there!" Rielle said with violent cheer as she stepped in front of the warlock and introduced her axe to his chest.
The imp had just about finished getting up when the warlock came crashing down onto it and crushed it beneath its form. Rielle almost felt sorry for the little creature.
"Glu-gah!" Zackel wheezed, as Rielle quickly zipped over to him.
"Get a grip, mage. Can't always carry you." Rielle said.
"Voidwalker…"
"I know." Rielle said, patting Zackel on the shoulder a brief moment before tightening her fingers and hauling him up. "Warlock was quick on the draw, too. But that uses up all your excuses. Move it or lose it."
Zackel snorted, and Rielle smiled slightly to herself as she felt the temperature drop. Zackel was, when it came down to it, a pretty good egg. He just needed some prodding and protection.
"Accursed-ARGH!" The warlock yelled as Zackel lanced out with a flying blade of ice that impaled through his body. "YOU WILL SUFFER ALL THE MORE FOR YOUR DEFIANCE, WEAKLINGS!"
"What exactly are we defying anyway?" Zackel asked.
"Beats me. There's an orc here, it wants to kill us, that's all I need." Rielle said, even as the warlock recovered. "Damn it. That fel armor of theirs is sometimes tougher than I recall."
The words the warlock spoke almost hurt Zackel's ears, as the orc produced another crystal and shattered it in his hand. The creature that emerged from the dark pit that formed almost hit the ceiling with its crimson armored protrusions, causing Zackel to take another step back. Rielle gave Zackel another glance, a slightly mocking grin on her face.
"Come on mage. I don't recall a felguard barging in on your love nest." Rielle said.
"So I am called to slay another failure, of the ones who could not see the glories of the Legion." The felguard said, pointing at Rielle with its hideous axe. "Come foolish DRAENEI, the power you rejected will…!"
Zackel never saw Rielle move. Neither did the Felguard. The Orc warlock saw a blur.
The Felguard split in half at the waist, not even having the time to let out a final cry. It's halves hit the ground around the same time as Zackel's jaw.
And Rielle wasn't done.
Though, due to the nature of her swing, Rielle could not bring the edge of the axe into the warlock's head as she continued her charge towards him. The flat of the weapon nearly did the job anyway, blood exploding from the orc's head as Rielle bludgeoned him with her weapon and sent the orc crashing into the wall. The warlock slid down into a limp, semi-boneless pile, and the draenei gave a dismissive snort, stepping back and lightly touching her forehead.
"Fel. If you're going to come out and expose yourself after all that sneaking around, you could have at least had the courtesy of being trouble enough to make me break a sweat." Rielle said. She was aware Zackel had approached her side again, and she turned her gaze once more to him, and the look he was giving her. "What?"
"Nothing…well, hardly." Zackel said, looking down at the felguard's remains and then back up at Rielle. "It's just…you're amazing. Really. Just…amazing."
Rielle's gaze softened a bit, and she nodded in reply.
That was when the orc tried to blast Rielle with his staff.
Rielle, unfortunately for the warlock, was not as slow as Zackel, as she dodged aside and lashed out with her hooved foot, smashing the orc back into the wall as she felt ribs snap beneath her blow.
"You call this glory? You call this STRENGTH?" Rielle hissed. "You have no CONCEPT of REAL strength. Hiding behind your masters, behind all those energies…and in the end, you have NOTHING. Why we fled from your worthless EXCREMENT of a race, only the light knows…!"
"But you do know draenei."
Rielle turned as Zackel's hand reached out and seized the alien by the throat.
Or rather, the malevolent blue aura that had settled over Zackel reached out and seized Rielle, lifting her off her feet. For the first time in a long time, Rielle was actually shocked into inaction.
The first thing she did was lock eyes with the mage, only to find that what she knew of Zackel Wintersoul was nowhere to be seen. Only a blazing hate remained, fueling an insidious fire that Rielle could feel burning on her throat.
In the corner of her vision, she saw the orc break apart and disintegrate.
"Because you know where your STRENGTH ends and POWER BEGINS."
("What the FEL are you doing, you stupid mage!"
"Putting my foot down. I was willing to follow this resolution, but if you're going to play that way Rielle, I can too. Let's see how you like it when you get cast in the sideline role."
"When I get out of this ice, you are so dead!"
"Quiet. I'm writing now.")
"Stupid creature." The entity possessing Zackel rasped in cruel merriment, even as acrid smoke began rising from its grip on Rielle's throat. "So easy to puppet. Pull the secrets from your mind, craft the enemy in a form that ignites your rancor, and cast your gaze to see it. And while you strike at shadows, I am free to strike at you."
Rielle's axe lashed out, only for another talon-clad hand of blue ether to catch the axe blade and stop it in its tracks.
"Pointless. Like all your efforts. By the time you even began to realize what crack in the world you'd fallen into, I'd already gleaned all your most important traits. Even my more overt probes didn't make you realize the true danger. Now it's too late." The entity said. "You have little use to me, alien. Mere raw materials. The true potential lies within the mind of the magician. And since I have already seized him…"
The entity swung his arm up, smashing Rielle into the ceiling before mirroring the strike and hammering her into the floor.
"You will be disposed of."
With a shriek of rage, Rielle sprang back up to her feet, axe at the ready.
"So defiant. No wonder they made the accusations they did." The entity said, raising an arm. "Well, if you intend to strike me down, do so. Just know it will take the life of the mage at the same time."
Rielle's eyes widened a touch before narrowing to slits, her knuckles turning white on her axe.
"But as you yourself have said, who needs anyone? Certainly not…"
Zackel's body spasmed, and the entity's words abruptly broke down into a yell. Then the synchronized motions of the phantasm emerging from Zackel and Zackel himself shattered, as Zackel dropped his staff and clutched at his head.
"What…no! This can't be happening! Not after my efforts!" The entity said. "You…"
"OUT OF MY HEAD!" Zackel yelled, pushing his hands out and trying to seize the entity. "Maybe you snuck up on me, jumped in and took over before I knew what was going on, but light be damned if YOU'RE STAYING IN HERE!"
"NO! YOU CANNOT-RARRRGGHHHHHH!" The entity shrieked, as it was literally ripped off Zackel's form, the mage staggering backwards as it occurred. The blue malignant energy pulsed before reforming into a spiked, clawed humanoid spirit.
"You think so little of me. You're not the first." Zackel said, wiping blood from his nose. "But if you think I'm just going to fall to my knees and submit, YOU HAVE ANOTHER THING COMING!"
"This means-!" The entity yelled, before Rielle's axe went tearing through it's form. It emitted a cry of pain and rage that drilled into Zackel's ears, but the attack did not prove as effective as Rielle's efforts against the false voidwalker had been. The entity turned around, facing the draenei warrior, pure fury burning in her gaze as she attacked again.
"Rielle, wait! It's not…!" Zackel yelled, but the draenei was beyond any state where she could have listened, instead lashing out with repeated blows at the entity. The assault went right through the strange malignancy, every single swing, and while it did not ignore the strikes, their effects seemed to be minimal at best. Zackel watched for a few seconds before he scooped up his staff, trying to, and just managing, to skirt around the pair. Normally he would have attacked, but after watching Rielle's attempts, he had no idea if anything he did wouldn't just go through the creature and strike her instead. Instead, he tried to carefully join Rielle at her side.
He wasn't careful enough.
"Rielle…!" Zackel said, before Rielle swung her axe backwards and nearly took Zackel's head clean off. Zackel's frantic stumble-dodge finally caught the draenei's attention, and she swung her head around to look at the mage…
The entity's hand swung out, seizing Rielle and spinning to the side, the creature smashing the warrior into the wall with a thunderous crack. With one quick follow-up whirl, the entity turned, Rielle still in its grip, and hurled her across the room, the draenei hitting the wall opposite of where Zackel was with another sickening noise.
"NO!" Zackel yelled, raising his hand and firing out a spray of ice blades. His worry proved true, as the ice blades ended up being as effective as Rielle's axe. The creature quickly swung around, nearly backhanding Zackel into next week.
"As I said. This means nothing." The entity said. "I've waited too long to be defied by the pathetic amount of resistence you can muster. Waiting for something with suitable power to come along, so I could be reborn into this wretched world and all its delicious multitudes. You're a poor choice, but I'll take it. No matter what either of you has to say." The entity said, turning back towards Rielle, who was trying to get to her feet. "Not like it's a new story. It always has the same ending, warrior. What they said, what they thought, what you decided…it all means nothing. Nothing before POWER. In power, all things are merely there for the powerful…"
The temperature's slow dropping was lost on the creature. The error of such an oversight suddenly became clear when ice began to form on its body.
"What's this?" The entity said, turning back towards Zackel, who was not as knocked-senselessly as it had appeared. He was back on his feet, arms out, misty blue energies surging from his form and into the entity's own, causing the ice on its body to grew. "What are you trying to do? Make me freeze to death? I AM BEYOND DEATH FOOL."
"Maybe. Enough for my companion's efforts to be less effective than they normally would." Zackel said. "But…I know a thing or two about power too, whatever the hell you are. I know that if you want to carry out whatever sick plan you've been festering away in here for who knows how long putting together, you need to have a form that can interact with this world to carry it out. As you are, the advantage is yours, and maybe if you'd just tried to kill us, I'd be helpless. But you screwed up. You went inside me. Tried to form a link. And with that link…I'm going to balance the scales. Give you a more properly 'firm and here' form, SO WE CAN HAVE IT OUT PROPERLY."
"What…no!" The entity snarled, as it realized that that was exactly what Zackel was doing. The mage was somehow using its ice to make the entity manifest into a more physical state. As it was, it could ignore the draenei's blows. If Zackel poured more power into his transfer… "YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED! YOU ARE WEAK! JUST LIKE HER! CAST IN DIFFERENT SHADES, BUT BOTH PATHETIC AT THE CORE!"
"Says you." Zackel said.
The entity lashed out, smashing its hands into Zackel's body. Zackel stumbled back, his robes tearing beneath the entity's assault, but he kept up his own, more and more ice forming on the form of the creature. The entity tried to escape by forcing its way into Zackel's body and mind again, only to find that the strength Zackel had mustered to kick it out was still intense enough to KEEP it out.
"NO! YOU CANNOT DEFY ME!"
"Watch…me…" Zackel rasped through bloody lips. "Won't…fail again…"
"DIE!" The entity yelled, smashing Zackel with a blow so potent the mage was nearly turned inside out, Zackel flying through the air and crashing down onto the stone floor. The entity surged forward to continue, only to find Zackel holding up a hand from the ground, the ice almost fully covering its spectral form.
"Should…mind…" Zackel whispered. "Surroundings…"
The entity did not have eyes to blink. Instead, it just turned around.
Rielle's axe came down a second…
("OH NO YOU DON'T!"
"Ack! What are you doing Rielle! I had it all wrapping up nice-!"
"Yeah, with me as the dumb muscle who doesn't know her ass from her elbow while you play the tortured atoner who's going to make good and look good in the process! Give me the writing…instrument…thing! I'll finish this!"
"No darn it, we don't have to fight over this, we started this to wrap it up, we can't…!"
"Ack! Watch it!"
"What?"
"NO YOU TWIT DON'T TURN THAT…!"
CRASH!
"…okay Mr. Smarty-Mage, what do all those colors coming out of the writing thing mean?"
"I think it means we better try and gather them up before…"
"Too late."
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHH.)
"Forget the power of technology and science, for so much has been forgotten, never to be re-learned." Rielle said, her massive powered armor creaking as she moved. "There is no peace amongst the stars, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting gods."
Zackel's only response was to raise his shuriken gun and kick the igniter on his jet bike.
"Forget the promise of progress and understanding…" Rielle said, as she watched the endless crashing hordes of green approach. "Here, in the grim darkness of the far future, THERE IS ONLY WAR."
"…why so I have the feeling we got confused somewhere?" Zackel said to no one in particular. "Oh well. THE EMPEROR PROTECTS!"
"WARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!" The destroying legions bellowed back.
"…wait, I think I got my battle cry wrong too."
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"RRRAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!" Deathbringer Saurfang roared, his axe smashing the gnome death knight and female paladin aside like they weighed nothing. "Is this the best the living can present me? Your doom is even more assured than I believed!"
Blasts of arcane and holy power slammed into Saurfang, but he barely seemed to notice, turning towards the human mage and dwarf paladin and making them collapse in agony with a gesture. While priests frantically tried to counter-act the boiling blood within their forms, Saurfang whirled around, seized a rogue by the head, and hurled him off the spire with a cry. A massive bear pounced on Saurfang next, only for Saurfang to ignore its claws and seize it in turn, smashing it into the ground and kicking it across the spire.
"Worthless! ALL WORTHLESS!" Saurfang thundered, his eyes flickering to his next target. "COME! MY MASTER DEMANDS MORE BLOOD!"
"I'll drown him in yours." Rielle replied, bringing her axe up as she charged. Saurfang swung his own back, and the two met in a gigantic eruption of strength and fury.
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"Why hello! I'm Rielle Draeneisdonthavelastnames, from the popular but not as popular as Diplomacy WOW fanfic, Cold Comfort Castle!" Rielle said.
"And I'm standing next to her!" Zackel said in an odd tone.
"You know, the world of professional sports has seen some very unsportsmanlike conduct recently." Rielle said. "Drug use is rampart, player salaries are obscene…"
"And tennis is still boring!"
"That's why the world needs a new form of athletic entertainment! One that's not only fun and exciting, but appropriate for adults and children!"
"And inappropriate for everyone else!"
"Of course, I'm talking about the sport that's sweeping Azeroth! The sport known as…GNOMEBALL."
"It's fun, because you get to use a hammer!"
"And wholesome because you get to hit gnomes with them!"
"Over and over again!"
"Heh heh. Exactly."
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"So, let's review." Jim Raynor said, standing on the bridge of a starship. "The situation as it stands now: Kerrigan is the Brood Queen. We Terrans and you Protoss are scattered to the four winds. You found out that the Xel Naga, who invented you and the Zerg, are moving back in to join our little fracas."
"That is correct." Zeratul said.
"And it doesn't strike you as strange that we've been sitting around with no alteration to this status quo for TEN YEARS?"
"It is truly an abnormal situation. Where the blame lies, even I cannot say." Zeratul said. "However, I believe our situation could be worse."
"How?"
The alien waved a hand, and on a nearby view screen, Rielle and Zackel appeared, both of them looking at what appeared to be a human woman, if said human woman had been forcibly combined with a scorpion and a corpse.
"Yeah, definitely think we'll need more than three here." Rielle said. "What say you, Zackel? Seven or twenty-three?"
"I AM THE QUEEN OF BLADES, MISTRESS OF THE ZERG, AND THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THIS QUADRANT!" Kerrigan bellowed.
"Really leaning towards twenty-three." Zackel said.
"Blasted usurpers! I am not worth experience! I do not drop purples! I do not have mechanics to study or achievements to grant! Accursed overlords! Three expansions to this secondary realm and we don't even get a lazy handheld port or something!"
"Hey, what can you say?" Zackel said, primping. "The love goes where it goes."
"…Tarrasque, deal with them."
The gigantic clawed monster the size of larger dinosaurs ripped itself out of the ground, shrieking as the mage and warrior took a step back.
"…yeah. Definitely twenty-three." Rielle said.
"Maybe thirty-eight."
"Let's go start those recruitment efforts." Rielle finished, and the two turned and ran, the alien monster snapping at their heels.
"Well I suppose it could have been worse." Kerrigan groused. "They could have forgotten about us entirely after Ghost was canceled."
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"So…what do you think it means?"
"Well, let's review." Rielle said, looking up at the gigantic shape in the sky. "There's a small moon floating above the Exodar. It just made a new volcano by shooting CHAINS THE SIZE OF RIVERS into the ground. And lest we forget, the Naaru have DISAPPEARED. You know what I think? I think it's the end of the weerkuay world."
"Again?"
"Oh come now Sparse." Rielle said, turning to look at the mage. "Say it like you mean it."
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"Hey Marshall, what gives?"
"What Quinn?"
"Why are you playing Zackel as so damn oblivious? Rielle's been sending him signals that could probably be seen from space."
"True, true, but we have yet to find out some final crucial details about Zackel. If we tipped our hands too early, realistically all we might get is some PWP. I think the way I've crafted this, we'll end up with something else…"
"Something ELSE, Marshall? You know what the other players think about your something elses."
"What can I say, Quinn? Aren't all great love stories tragedies?"
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"DEATH IS MY CALLING…"
The long chain swung the axe down, cleaving the centaur in half in a shower of gore.
"VIOLENCE MY CREED…"
Unfathomably powerful fingers tore the head off the blood elf, its namesake splattering on Rielle's chalk-white skin.
"I WILL WASH AWAY THE PAST…WITH THE BLOOD OF THE TITANS…"
Armies of mechanoids advanced to confront Rielle. Her only response was a sneer.
"CHAOS…WILL RISE AGAIN."
Blood. Destruction. The rending of flesh. The tearing of bone. All driven by a wrath beyond comprehension.
"AND IN THE END…THERE WILL BE-ONLY-CHAOS!"
And on top a mountain of corpses, twin axes dangling from chains on her wrists, Rielle looked up and shrieked.
"SARGERASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
There was a pause, and then a sweaty-faced Zackel pulled himself up next to Rielle, having finally climbed the heap of bodies.
"…you know, that cry of sworn vengeance kind of loses something when it's a name with more than two syllables."
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"Ahhhhhhhh…another beautiful day in the lands of my empire, Northrend." Arthas said as he sat on the Frozen Throne. "A perfect time to go out and spread more terror."
"Good MORRRNNNING Arthas." Kel'Thuzad said as he floated in.
"If it isn't my most loyal servant Kel'Thuzad. How goes it?"
"I made your favorite. FROZEN SCONES!"
"Oh boy! Frozen scones! That just happens to be the snack which I have the most delight in snacking upon!"
"How's the frozen scones Arthas?" Lady Deathwhisper asked.
"These frozen scones are delicious. Now, how goes the war efforts?"
"The war efforts are going wonderful my liege. In fact we have all sorts of amazing weapons and armor stored in our giant 'nice things' vault."
"Splendid!"
"Uh! Arthas! Arthas!" Professor Putricide said as he ran in.
"This better be important because I am trying to enjoy my tea." The Lich King said.
"Th-there are adventurers in the Citadel!"
Arthas' tea sprayed into the air from his spit-take of surprise, the liquid instantly freezing and falling to the ground.
"PSHHTT! ADVENTURERS IN THE CITADEL? AH SHI-LIGHT DAMN-FUC-PISS! NETHERSPIT! WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN HERE? YOU KEPT THEM OUT FOR OVER A YEAR, WHAT DID THE GUARD GO FOR A…OH LIGHT DAMN IT!" Arthas cursed. "Kel'Thuzad! Kel'Thuzad! Unlock all the doors! I can't have the ASS-VENTURERS break any more of them! You see what they did to the Black Temple, just blew a hole in the side, ruined the ambience! Oh light-shi-Open the nice things vault! Tell my minions to hide all the items on their person! KLEPTOMANIACS KEEP STEALING ALL MY STUFF!"
"Arthas! The adventurers just took out Lord Marrowgar!" Kel'Thuzad said.
"STUPID USELESS ASS MARROWGAR! I GO TO ALL THE TROUBLE TO CRAFT HIM, AND WILL HE LISTEN TO ME TO STOP YELLING BONE STOR-YOU KNOW WHAT, HE JUST LOST HIS BOSS STATUS! He's now a normal-ass enemy! Like all those Damned!"
"Uh Saurfang, Putricide, and Lana'thel are gone too."
"What? OH LIGHT DAMMIT! LIGHT DAMMIT! L-L-Lana'thel LIGHT DAMMIT! LIGHT DAMMIT! Lana'th-LIGHT DAMMMMIITTTT! You know I kind of liked Lana'thel too. Stupid ASS!"
"Don't worry Arthas, I'll take care of-oh oh wait, they brought Fordring!" Kel'Thuzad said in the next room. "Uh uh he's got me in a headlock! And uh he's using the Ashbringer and uh uh, sup I'm dead again."
"What? ALREADY? LIGHT DAMN IT! All right, okay Arthas, you didn't sit frozen in ice all the time to not learn any moves. I got Frostmourne, yeah, yeah, and lots of Scourge, yeah, and I got all sorts of ways to kill life, I can do this. Yeah, yeah. I'll just stay here, on my throne, and kick their asses myself. Yeah, yeah, maybe the adventurers are off their game, and they'll only die once. Yeah, okay, sitting down, waiting…"
…
"DIE MONSTER! YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD." Fordring declared.
"IT WAS NOT BY MY HAND THAT I WAS…wait what is this, this is completely wrong. All of it." Arthas said. "Really, cut the crap, Fordring. What are you doing here? I kept you all locked out firmly for months and months, and now suddenly you just walk inside? I mean, I was really looking forward to this day, and now you and I think I counted twenty-five other douche bags are here to kill me, and I just woke up, not five minutes ago-"
"TRIBUTE? YOU STEAL MEN'S SOULS, AND MAKE THEM YOUR SLAVES!"
"What? What the fel, Fordring, I didn't even say the word tribute and…"
"YOUR WORDS ARE AS EMPTY AS YOUR SOUL! MANKIND ILL NEEDS A SAVIOR SUCH AS YOU!"
"I KNOW, THEY KNOW, THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY, you're just blindly following the script aren't you, this was a stupid parody, fine, gotta keep going, fine, lemme get this wine glass real quick…"
…
"WHAT IS A MAN? A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF-BULLLLLLLLSHIT, I'M DONE!"
…
"HYDRO STORM!"
"OH SHUT UP!"
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"You shouldn't have rejected me, Zackel." Jasciona said, as Rielle pounded furiously on the sphere of fire she was trapped in. "Now more than you have to pay."
"If you've fallen this far, Jasciona, then you've already lost." Zackel replied. Jasciona narrowed her eyes, even as the Night Elf Sentinels formed up around her.
"You want to fight me? You're not the brightest." Jasciona said.
"You won't know what hit you! IN THE SLIGHTEST!" Zackel yelled, abruptly posing with the gnomes that had appeared around him, all of them thrusting their arms into the sky at an angle.
"Fire ball girls! Take this sucker out!" Jasciona said, leaping into the air as she and all the night elves threw fireballs.
"Let me tell you what it's all about!" Zackel replied, as he and the gnomes stood their ground. "You and your fire balls, and your purple night elf chicks! You're talking the talk and it's all pretty slick!"
Zackel and the gnomes crossed their arms in front of themselves, and an ice shield appeared around them, the fireballs snuffing out on it.
"You think you're so great, but you're missing the point." Zackel said, pointing at Jasciona, his fingers in a gun shape. "You gotta have friendship, and courage, and whatever!"
"That doesn't even RHYME!" Jasciona yelled as she landed.
"Shut up!" Zackel retorted, and froze Jasciona's feet to the ground with a gesture. When she tried to blast him, he encased her hands in ice in turn.
"No! I lost! How can this be!" Jasciona said.
"Open up your eyes…!" Zackel yelled, charging in and swinging his staff. "MAYBE-YOU'LL-SEE!"
Zackel swung a home-run blow right into Jasciona, as she was thrown into the air.
Then, in a very strange occurrence, she stopped in mid-air with a stunned look on her face, and abruptly turned into money. Zackel watched the coins clatter to the ground.
"…okay. And I thought the time I found that crossbow on that spider was inexplicable."
88888
THE WORLD BELIEVES THAT THEIR ENCROACHING DOOM LIES IN THE FROZEN NORTH.
THE DARKNESS BELIEVES THAT THE POWER SLEEPING BENEATH THE PLANET WILL SOON ERUPT AND FINALLY CLAIM IT ALL, WITH ITS CORRUPTED CHAMPION OF SCORCHING METAL AND RAGE.
THE CRAFTERS BELIEVE THEIR REALMS ALONE, THEIR WORK SO UNIQUE.
SOON, THEY WILL ALL BE PROVEN WRONG.
SOON, THEIR WORK WILL BE EXPOSED AS THE MINUTAE IT IS.
SOON, THERE WILL BE A WAR IN HEAVEN. AND THE WORLD WILL BURN TO ASH DESPITE ALL THOSE WHO WISH TO CLAIM IT.
IT COMES.
VAE VICTUS.
88888
Zackel: A-one-two-three…
I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST FROSTMAGE
THAT THE WORLD HAS NEVER HEARD 'A
YOU'D THINK THAT WOULD BE STRANGE
BUT I'D SAY HOGGER IS ABSURDER
See the world was pretty good until Sarg changed his name to Surt
Then Azeroth became No 1 in being a world of hurt!
Since then everything has pretty much gone straight in the ditch
First Illdian's shirtless ass, now the king of the Lich.
Name's Zackel Wintersoul and check the first review
I'm gonna save the world, Kirby says I'm not a Sue!
Arthas: I'd like to inform you what my wrath is want to do.
Your lands are the ass and this sword is-MY SHOE!
I'M NEXT UP IN THE QUE
EVERY ONE OF YOU IS THROUGH
(Zackel: Wrong.)
Arthas: HA HA HA HA!
(And you smell like poo)
Zackel: Sure Arthas! Not like I got shit to do!
Might as well spend all my time locking horns
With you and your crew!
C'mon Jazzy there's no Titans to deal with this clash!
Let's go make Arthas mourn the frost we shove up his ass!
"Hey! Zackel!"
Zackel blinked his eyes open at the voice and the poking hand.
"I want breakfast. And it needs muffins. Go make some muffins." Rielle said.
"Huh? Oh." Zackel said, rubbing his eyes. "Sure, sure. One second."
"Something wrong?"
"Oh no. Just…weird dreams."
Writer's Note: I apologize for my characters thinking they could tell the story better and instead turning the story into a sugah-high crackfic. This is why fictional characters shouldn't muck with stuff that crafts their existence. Just be glad I axed my way out of the bathroom before the REST of that Mega Man 2 rap parody/ripoff got posted. I think it would have taxed your patience beyond the breaking point…
You're all glaring at me. You want plot resolutions. Yes, I know.
Next chapter. Really. The situation is about to transpire that will bring all secrets to light.
In the words of the Cryptkeeper, I call it…
IN VINO VERITAS