Disclaimer: Twilight and characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.


Chapter 16

"No you didn't," Esme said slowly. "Your stepfather did."

"But she's dead because of me," I said just as slowly.

"Explain that," Carlisle said, his voice sounding confused.

"You know my stepfather hit me." They nodded. "When they first got married, he only hit my mom. When I got old enough, I stepped in and told him to hit me instead. He complained about it, but I think he liked beating on me instead of Mom, especially as I got older. He got home at five every night, so I always made sure I got home first. I swore to my mom that he would never touch her and I kept my promise for seven years."

"So wrong," Esme whispered. Carlisle put a hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently.

"Go ahead, Edward," he said.

I looked down at my finger as it traced the thread pattern on my comforter. "Then, one day I stayed late after school, playing baseball with some friends. I got home late and he was there. And she was dead." I looked up and met Carlisle's eyes. "I was selfish, irresponsible and I broke my promise. My mom paid for it with her life. I killed her."

"No, her husband killed her," Carlisle stated.

I rolled my eyes, everyone kept saying that. "He would never have hit her, if I had been home," I tried to make him understand.

"That is wrong," Esme growled, unable to keep quiet any longer. "All of it is wrong." She put her hands on my cheeks. "Honey, you are her child. You protected her for so long, gave up so much to make sure she was safe. It only further strengthens how good you are." Tears began to build in my eyes again. Esme's eyes filled. "You can't take all the blame for her death. You can't lose more of your life because of them. You have to forgive yourself and let it go." My tears overflowed, spilling onto my cheeks.

"I don't know how," I whispered.

Esme pulled me closer to her, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I leaned my cheek on her shoulder. Her embrace was so different from Bella's. Bella's arms sent electrical currents through me, no matter why she held me. Esme's held only comfort, unconditional comfort. I took a deep breath and felt myself relax for the first time since I had woken up screaming. She gently rocked back and forth, murmuring soft comfort into my ear, her hand running up and down my spine. My eyes drifted closed.

"He's asleep," I heard Carlisle say a little while later.

I waited for Esme to release me and for them to leave the room. But instead, her arms tightened around me. "This poor boy," she whispered. "I don't understand how a mother could let someone to that to her child. Especially when you have a child like this. He should have been treasured. How can she not know how lucky she was?"

"I know, darling. She must have been very damaged."

Esme made a disgruntled sound. "I don't like that he feels such blame for her death. Not at all."

I groaned inwardly, but didn't want them to realize I had listened to their conversation. I stayed resting against Esme, keeping my breathing as even as possible.

"I can understand why he holds himself responsible," Carlise said softly. I fought to keep my body from stiffening. "He has such a sensitive soul and he took his role as protector so serious. He needs to understand that despite that, it was not his fault."

"We will help him."

"Of course my dear, in everyway we can," Carlisle agreed. "We should let him sleep now."

I forced myself to stay limp as I was lowered down to the pillow. I felt lips press to my cheek, then Esme's voice whispering near my ear, "Good night my sweet son, have the sweetest of dreams."

I heard the sliding of fabric as they got off the bed and the click of the door as it closed. I waited a few more minutes, staying still until I was positive they were back in their room. Then I got up and went to my music system. I found the head phones and the right CD and then waited for the night to pass.

The next morning, I found Carlisle in the kitchen, like usual. He watched my walk in and I saw the frown on his face deepen. "Morning," I said, feeling a little self conscious. I grabbed a bowl and the box of Honey Bunches of Oats.

"Morning," he answered, quieter than normal.

"Is something wrong," I asked hesitantly. I stopped pouring the cereal and looked at him, my heart suddenly seeming to beat in my throat instead of my chest.

Carlisle sipped his coffee while he watched me. He put his cup down and sighed. "Alice and Emmett left for school."

"Already?" Now it was my turn to frown. I looked at the clock, but I knew I wasn't running late.

"No, Edward, you aren't late," he said as I turned back around. "They said they needed sometime to think, to talk."

The conversation I overheard the night before came crashing back to me. "Oh," I whispered, finally understanding.

"I'm a bit disappointed in them," Carlisle continued. "I would not expect my children to react this way."

"No, please," I looked at Carlisle anxiously. He couldn't get upset with Alice and Emmett, not because of me. "It's fine."

He shook his head. "I will talk to them afterschool. I'm not sure I understand what they are thinking right now."

I looked down at the counter and nodded. I didn't like this at all. "I should get to school," I said softly. I pushed away from the counter and walked towards the door.

"Edward, what about breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry," I turned back to Carlisle and gave him the best smile I could manage. "See you after school."

I went to my Volvo and started down the driveway. But instead of heading to school, I went the opposite direction. I breathed a sigh of relief when I pulled up to the small house and saw the red truck still in the gravel driveway. The police chief's cruiser was no where to be seen. I got out of my car and leaned against the passenger door, my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket. I waited for her to appear.

A few minutes after I arrived, the front door opened and Bella stepped out. She was looking down, so she didn't see me at first. I was grateful for the few minutes to watch her unnoticed. She pulled the front door key out and went to slide it into the lock. She dropped the key and I saw her lips move as she muttered under her breath. Her thick hair was pulled back today, tied in a pony tail on the back of her head. She was wearing her brown coat, but I could see a hit of the blue shirt she wore underneath. I smiled when she finally got the key in the lock and then moved away from the front door. As she came down the steps, she looked up and her smile grew. "Edward!" she cried.

She ran to me then, tripping slightly on the grass. She threw her arms around me, and I held her tightly. "Bella," I said softly, answering her call.

She gave me one more squeeze, then stepped back, her small hands staying on my shoulders. "I'm glad to see you," she said quietly.

"Me too," I said. She had no idea how true that statement was.

Her teeth bit down softly on her lower lip. "I was a little worried," she confessed.

"About what?"

"I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me again. I know I didn't react well to your news and I thought maybe I had pushed you away." Her eyes searched mine. "I don't think I could bear it if you left me."

My hands flew to her cheeks. "That could never happen," I whispered. Then my lips descended on hers, kissing her with all the strength I had. When the kiss ended, I stood with my hands still on her face, caressing her cheeks with my thumbs. "I expected you to run far away when you discovered my secret," I admitted, my voice rough from the kiss.

"That could never happen," she said, repeating my words. She lifted up to her toes and pressed a kiss my lips.

We stood, her hands on my shoulders, mine on her cheeks for countless minutes as her eyes moved over my face. "What happened?" she finally asked.

This girl knew me too well. I closed my eyes and let my forehead lean on to hers. "I had another nightmare last night. Worst one, probably ever." My stomach twisted painfully, just remembering. "I couldn't control myself and Carlisle and Esme heard. They ran in and we talked."

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, gently massaging my shoulders. "Did you tell them everything?" Bella asked.

"Yes," I breathed, not opening my eyes.

"What did they say?"

"They didn't care." My voice held the awe that I still felt towards their reaction. I felt Bella's lips turn up under my palms.

"Of course they don't." Her voice sounded so confident, as if there was no other option. "You are a good person, Edward."

When I didn't answer, I heard Bella sigh, felt the breath flutter across my chin. Her hands ran down my arms until she was holding my hands. "You are an angel Edward, someday you will realize that," she whispered. She kissed me again, blocking any argument that might have come from my lips. "Come on," she said when it was over. "We need to get to school."

I opened the passenger door for her and she climbed in. The drive to school was quiet. I felt Bella's hand lightly rubbing my mine. I gently squeezed her fingers, but didn't say anything. My secret was out. Accepted and forgiven. Not even forgiven, because according to them all, there was nothing to forgive. It should comfort me, take the weight I had been carrying around off my shoulders. But for some reason it didn't feel lifted. The weight was still there, mocking me with every assurance they gave me. And no matter how hard I wanted to shake free, I just couldn't.

"Edward?" Bella questioned softly.

I looked around and realized that somehow, I had gotten us safely to the school parking lot, parked and now Bella was waiting for me to turn the car off and get out. "Sorry," I murmured. I turned the key and the soft purr ceased. I got out and came around her side, opening the door.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly.

I nodded. She put her arms around my waist and gave me a hug. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and we made our way to class, still wrapped in each other's arms. I didn't want to leave her side when we arrived at her first period. "I have to go," she said.

"I know," I replied, not removing my arm from her shoulders.

"I'm here, sweetheart," she said next to my ear. "I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled at her. "You always know what I'm thinking."

She shrugged and smiled up at me. "That's because I can read your mind."

I laughed. "Sure feels like it sometimes."

"I wish I really could read your mind," her voice became serious. "Then I would know exactly what to say to chase the shadows out of your beautiful eyes." She reached up and gently ran her fingers under my eyes. "They are so haunted, so vulnerable. Yet so beautiful and strong at the same time."

"Bella," emotion made my voice raw.

"And they do funny things to my stomach," she added with a grin.

The tension slid out of me and I smiled back at her. "I will see you at lunch."

"Without a doubt."

I brushed a gentle kiss across her lips and then darted across the campus so I wouldn't be late for Calculus. As I lowered myself into my chair, I touched still tingling lips and smiled.

Lunchtime was…awkward to say the least. I met Bella outside her fourth period class and we walked to the cafeteria together. My stomach knotted when I saw our usual table, filled with the usual people. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper sat at the table, their trays already full. Bella, completely unaware of the turmoil rolling my stomach, went straight to the line and grabbed her tray. "What do you want?" she asked as she placed a bagel and an apple on the tray.

"I'm not very hungry."

Her eyes flew to mine. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I sighed. I had no idea what was going on. I didn't feel secure enough with my place in the group of friends to start talking about something when I didn't know all the details. I grabbed a slice of pizza and set it on her tray. "Don't worry," I added when I saw her still looking at me. I leaned over and kissed the lips that were frowning at me. I trailed my lips across her jaw. "Promise, sweetheart, I'm fine," I breathed next to her ear.

She nodded and I saw her brown eyes cloud over briefly. I chuckled softly and picked up our tray. I was paying for the food when she finally caught up with me. She tucked her small hand into the crook of my elbow and we made our way to the lunch table filled with our friends.

"Hi!" Bella said happily.

I caught Alice's eye, but she looked away quickly. "Hi Bella," she tried to sound upbeat, but her voice lacked the usual bubble.

I looked at Emmett and saw him frowning slightly at his sister.

"Hey Bella, Edward," Jasper said. "How's your day going?"

"Good," I said, still confused about Emmett and Alice's behavior. I picked at my pizza, but didn't eat any of it. The lunch hour passed slowly. Conversation at our table was stilted without Alice's usual exuberance. Bella, Jasper and Rosalie tried to carry on the conversation, but eventually they lapsed into silence. I saw the others exchanging looks, but no one said anything. Multiple times during the hour I wanted to get up and leave, but Bella's hand stayed firmly on my thigh, holding me prisoner with her gentle touch. Finally, after what seemed like days instead of one little hour, the bell rang, ending the torture that was lunch. I picked up our tray and threw away the untouched food.

I held Bella's hand as we walked through the crowded, noisy halls. We took our seats in biology lab. "What--," Bella started.

"Edward, can I see you for a second?" Mr. Banner said from the front of the room. I got up and walked to his desk.

"Yes sir?" I peered at his desk and saw my latest test sitting on top of the pile of papers in front of the teacher.

"I graded your test last night," he began. He picked the stapled pages up. I saw the bright red 'A+' marking the top. "I have to say, I've never had a student do as well on a test before. I know it's only one test, but I've seen you in labs. Do you like science?" He paused and looked at me.

"Yes sir," I answered. "Math and Science are my favorite subjects."

"You are in Calculus, yes?"

I nodded.

"Have you considered yet, what you want to do with your life?"

"No sir," because truly, I hadn't. In Chicago, I had focused on surviving each day. Now, I was completely focused on surviving the past. The future had yet to matter.

The teacher squinted up at me. "I know you are only a junior, Edward," he said, "But I encourage you to start looking at your options. With your obvious talent, the sky is the limit. I would highly recommend you consider a path to medical school."

My eyes widened and I immediately flashed back to Carlisle, discussing his day and the awe I had felt for him that day. A doctor? Me? "Thank you sir," I managed, despite the thoughts that were now cropping up in my brain.

"Please consider it, I would be honored to write you a letter of recommendation, when the time comes."

"Thank you," I said again. I turned back to my desk and for a brief second, Carlisle's face appeared in front of me, shining with pride when I told him I wanted to be a doctor. Maybe, maybe it could be a way to prove myself. Prove that I was worthy of their kindness and more importantly their love. This was an idea I was definitely going to have to explore.

Mr. Banner had already started his lecture by the time I made it back to my seat. I felt a something tap my elbow and I looked down to see a piece of paper with messy scrawl covering the first line.

What did Mr. Banner want?

I smiled and wrote back. I did really well on my test. He thinks I should consider medical school.

I slid the paper back to her and watch her eyes widen as she read what I had wrote. Really? That's pretty impressive. Knew you were smart, babe.

I smiled at her. Before I could take the paper back, she pulled it towards her and hurriedly wrote a new sentence.

What happened at lunch?

I groaned softly. I had forgotten about that in the more recent excitement. I'm not sure.

She looked at me through her lashes and I shrugged. I took the paper back. Don't worry, I'll figure it out. And then because I didn't want her to think she didn't matter to me, I added, I will tell you as soon as I know what's going on. Promise.

She read my last sentence and looked up at me. "Thanks," she mouthed.

I reached under the table and gave her hand a squeeze. Then I turned my focus back to the lecture at hand.

The rest of the day passed slowly. I didn't want to admit it, but I was nervous about going home. I had no clue why Alice and Emmett were acting so strange, but I was little afraid to find out. What if they couldn't get past what I had done? What if they asked Carlisle and Esme to send me back? I knew they had promised, but if their own children were against the idea, how could they possibly keep me?

By the time I walked through the front doors after school, my stomach was twisted in painful knots.

"Edward?" Esme met me in the foyer. "Oh good, you're home. Come, we are having a family meeting in the dining room." My heart slammed to a stop, then starting beating rapidly. I walked into the dining room and saw Carlisle, Emmett and Alice already seated. My backpack slid off my shoulder and landed with a small thud on the ground.

"Edward," Carlisle said, "Please join us."

I swallowed hard, trying to remove the lump of panic that had settled into the base of my throat. I glanced at Alice, but she was staring at her hands. Instead, I looked at Carlisle, his mouth set in a grim line. Oh God, oh God, I prayed. Please, don't let them send me away. Please, please, please. That single word echoed through my brain as I waited for the meeting to begin. Esme took her seat across from Carlisle, who sat at the head of the table. Alice and Emmett sat on one side, I sat on the other.

"Okay," Carlisle said when everyone was seated. "I wanted us to meet, because we have something very serious we need to discuss."

My hands squeezed my thighs as I fought to keep my breathing normal.

"Alice, Emmett, you mother and I would like very much to know why you left for school so early this morning," Carlisle continued.

Alice raised her eyes until she was looking her father in the eye. "I don't know how to handle what happened yesterday," she said. "Edward ran off the field so fast when Mike accused him of killing his mother."

"So you believe that he did that? That he is capable of doing such a thing? Alice," Carlisle's fierce blue eyes filled with sadness. "I am disappointed."

My eyes flashed from Carlisle to Alice and I saw her eyes filling with tears.

"Dad," Emmett said, jumping to defend his sister. "I really don't think Alice thought that. But it was a bit overwhelming. I mean, we know something is wrong, but we don't know what."

"Have you thought to ask?" Esme voice entered the conversation, her tone low and motherly.

Emmett squirmed and it was strange to see such a strong man to so. "We didn't think he wanted to talk about it."

"I didn't," I jumped in, hating the way everyone looked so sad because of me. Every eye turned to me. "I mean, I just wanted to be treated normal, and you guys did. I really appreciate that."

"Edward, still--,"

"No," I said, cutting Carlisle off. "You don't know what happened, but Emmett," I turned to him now, "You defended me even though you didn't know."

"What?" Carlisle turned to his son. "What is this?"

"Look at his hand," I said, smiling just a little, despite the panic that was still crawling at my throat.

"Emmett!" Esme said, noting the bruised knuckles, "Did you get in a fight?"

"Of course I didn't, Mom, geez! But my fist did run into Newton's slimy face a couple of times." He caught his mother's glare. "He had no right to say that to my little brother."

I bit the inside of my cheek at his words to keep the hope from flaring up.

"Then tell me," Carlisle said now. "How you can go from protecting him, to avoiding him?"

"I don't know!" Alice finally broke. "I told you I don't know how to deal with this. Em said last night that he's sure the man who hit you killed your mom--,"

"Yes," Carlisle interrupted, "That is exactly right."

"And I know that! I mean, I knew that. I never once thought you actually would do that!"

Her big hazel eyes looked at me, tears streaking down her cheeks. "Please forgive me Edward. I just don't know what to do!" She jumped to her feet, her tiny hands clenched into fists. "I can't beat up Mike Newton, like Emmett, I can't hold you like Bella can. I can't do anything! I want to help, you are such a good person, you don't deserve any of this! When you broke that vase and broke down, I wanted to help so bad. But all I could do was clean up the darn thing, and that's nothing!"

Carlisle sat back, and a satisfied smile on his face. "That's my girl," he said proudly.

"Alice," Esme got up and went to her daughter. "Honey, you do so much by just being his friend."

"But I want to DO something!" she cried. "I feel helpless. I hate feeling helpless."

At her words, I couldn't help but smile. I had known the first day I met her that Alice was a doer and a helper. I stood up and walked around the table. She flung her self at me and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck.

"I'm sorry," she cried. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Yeah," I rubbed her back and smiled. "I think I can manage that." I pulled her back and looked at her red face. "Did you know that coming downstairs and seeing the vase was cleaned up made me smile for the first time since I broke it?" She shook her head. "Do you want to know why?" She sniffled and nodded. "Because I knew then, that someone cared enough about me to make sure I didn't see the damage that I had caused."

"I do care," she cried softly and she wrapped me in a hug again. "Thank you. Bella is right, you are an angel."

I snorted a bit at that, but let her hold me for a little longer. Relief was flooding through me, making me feel a bit dizzy.

"You know what I think?" Esme said, her smile nearly bursting off her face as she watched us.

"No, Mom," Emmett said, "What do you think?"

"I think we need a night out tonight. I know it's a school night and a work night. But we need to go out to dinner. A night out as a family."

Carlisle smiled and Emmett pumped his fist. "Yes!" Alice cried, but happily this time. She put her hand through the crook of my elbow, then did the same to Emmett. "Dinner with my two brothers!"

We started walking towards the front door, when suddenly Alice let out a squeak. "Wait!" she said. She let go of us and started to run up the stairs. "I need to fix this," she said waving a hand in front of her face.

Emmett's laughter boomed out and the rest of us joined in as Alice disappeared from view.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Carlisle. "You are here," he said quietly, but with fierce compassion. "Now and always. You are family. Don't ever doubt it again."

I reached out and hugged the man tightly. I felt Esme hug me from behind and for a brief minute was a locked between them. And I felt warm and cared about. But more importantly, for the first time in nearly ten years, I felt the safety of unconditional parental love.

A/N: I hope this chapter turned out okay, I struggled with writer's block on this one. Please review and let me know what you think :o)