Pairing: Hank/Evan, implied but unnamed Hank/Jill
Spoilers: None
Warnings: Slash, incest
Author's Notes: More of an inside look at Evan's thoughts and feelings. I really like this one. The song is 'Love Is A Battlefield' by Pat Benatar and I don't own it. Review.
Evan isn't oblivious to his brother's insecurity. He can feel the hesitancy in Hank's treatment of him. How he reacts to Evan. He can see it in Hank's eyes, as much as he tries to deny it to himself.
He doesn't want to lose Hank, doesn't think he can do it a second time. But the doubt that creeps up on him as he lies next to Hank in bed, curled in his arms, tears his mind to pieces. Hank doesn't notice because he's too consumed with things of his own. His confusion and longing. Evan knows. He's also good at hiding that, which is also why Hank doesn't know about his own doubt.
He tries to force it away, telling himself that he's being paranoid and ridiculous. He doesn't believe himself. The doubt lingers, driving him insane with questions like, do you think Hank would be happier with her? Is he happy with you? Do you even know anymore?
He never gives her a name, though he knows quite well who it is. To name her would be like admitting she's won. So, he knows, but doesn't give her a name, even in his own mind. The doubt continues to eat away at him. He refuses to go to Hank though, their relationship is fragile enough as it is. He doesn't want to be the one to shatter it.
Unbidden, lines from a song he's heard before enter his head. We are young. Heartache to heartache we stand. No promises, no demands. Love is a battlefield. We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong. Searching our hearts for so long. Both of us knowing love is a battlefield. You're begging me to go. You're making me stay. Why do you hurt me so bad? It would help me to know. Do I stand in your way or am I the best thing you ever had?
And then, he knew the answer to the question the song had posed when Hank turned to him, eyes full of pain, and said four words that broke him.
"We need to talk."