Disclaimer: Twilight and characters still belong to Stephenie Meyer. But I asked for Edward for my birthday, maybe he'll be waiting for me when I get home from work...


Chapter Eighteen

"Don't blame me, she'd be alive if you had been here."

My eyes flew open and I gasped, panting as the terror of the nightmare washed over me. I rolled over and punched my pillow. It had been over a week since my last nightmare. I had hoped they had gone for good. Obviously not. I took a shaky breath and tried to calm the tremors that raced through my body. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I stared at my face in the mirror, my palms rested on the counter top. Would he ever leave me alone, or would he haunt my life forever? Would I always see my mom lying lifeless on the floor and know that despite what everyone said, I killed her?

I sighed and turned the tap on the faucet. I rubbed the cool water over my face and tried to focus on what the Cullens and Bella said, trying to rid my self of the traces of his voice that still lingered in my brain. It wasn't my fault. I'm just a child, she chose to marry him. She chose to stay with him. She chose to stay out of the way every time he beat me.

But I chose to stay late, even though I knew what could happen.

I groaned and turned away from the mirror and my guilt filled eyes. I wanted to believe I was healing, but I don't think I have made as much progress as people think I have.

I went back into my room and sat down at my electric piano, the headphones in place over my ears. The notes of Bella's lullaby filled my ears and took me away from the memories of my past. She loved me. It had been four days since we had said the words. Not a day passed since that she didn't repeat them to me. I still couldn't get used to it. I never expected to meet someone like Bella. She is good, all the way to her very core.

At five, I left the piano and headed for the shower.

At five thirty, I headed downstairs. The kitchen was empty and still gray in the morning light. I flicked on the under cabinet lighting, creating a dim light so I could see. I filled my cereal bowl and stared out the window over the sink as I ate. The trees on the edge of the forest were a brilliant array of colors, ranging from burnt orange to auburn. Soon, the trees would lose their leaves completely. Rain fell from the gray sky, droplets sliding across the window. The gray gloom outside made it seem warm and peaceful in the kitchen. Behind me, I heard the coffee machine begin to percolate and I knew it was only a matter of time before Carlisle joined me in the kitchen. I put down my spoon and went to the porch to grab the paper for him. I bent down and picked up the paper. Sensing something, I straightened and tried to see through the pouring rain.

Nothing. But the strange tingle between my shoulder blades didn't ease. I scanned the trees one more time before turning and reentering the house. I put the paper on the counter for Carlisle and went back to my cereal and the window.

"Good Morning," Carlisle said as he entered the room a few minutes later.

"Morning."

He grabbed his coffee mug that says "Dad. The great, the magnificent, the man with the wallet" and went to the coffee pot. "Thanks for getting the paper." He poured the coffee and added one package of sweetener.

"No problem." I rinsed my now empty bowl out and turned to him. "Carlisle?" I asked.

"Mm?" He flipped open the paper and took a sip of his coffee.

"There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about," I said, nerves beginning to show in my voice.

Carlisle put down his coffee. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah. It is just something I've been thinking about. See, a couple of months ago my biology teacher--,"

"Mr. Banner?" I nodded. "Good man," Carlisle muttered to himself. He picked up his coffee and motioned at me to continue.

"He said that based on his observations he thinks I have potential and should consider getting myself on a track to medical school." I shifted anxiously, feeling stupid. Carlisle was probably going to laugh in my face.

He turned and I knew that I had his full attention. "Ever since he said that, I've been thinking about it. I've never really thought much about my future. But I hear you talk and I know I want to help people. I think I want to be a doctor."

I was nervous and rambling. I must sound like such an idiot to him. "I know I'm just a junior, but I was thinking you might know what I should do."

"Edward." Carlisle's eyes were glittering precariously and for a second I was afraid he was going to cry. "Nothing would make me more proud. I would love to help you with this endeavor. Would you like to come to the hospital this weekend with me? I could show you around, make sure it is really something you are interested in."

My eyes widened. I had not expected that offer. "Very much."

Carlisle beamed at me. "Well then, I will mark it in our visitor's book at the nurse's station." He finished the last of his coffee. "You know I would be proud of you no matter what you choose to be, right?"

"I know." I smiled because I did know that. But I wanted to pursue this. It felt right.

"Okay." He picked up his bag and walked over to me. "I will see you tonight." He squeezed my shoulder. "Have a good day."

"You too."

Later, I stood in the parking lot at school waiting for Bella's red truck to pull in. When it did, I walked over to it and opened the driver side door. "Good morning, love," I said. I leaned into the car and kissed her.

"You're all wet!" she laughed and pushed at my shoulders. I saw the drops of water falling on her lap.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly and I backed out into the rain.

Bella climbed out of her truck and grabbed the front of my jacket to pull me down to her. I drank in the sweetness of her kiss. "Good morning," she said against my lips before she kissed me again.

"Definitely," I agreed, my mouth still moving with hers. I wrapped my arms around her waist and ignored the rain falling. Somewhere, far off in the distance, the bell rang letting us know that we had five minutes to get to class.

"I don't want to stop," Bella muttered.

"Me neither." I trailed kisses down her jaw and pressed my lips to the pulsing hollow at the base of her throat. "But we should." One of us had to be responsible. I tried to pull away, but her grip tightened on my jacket. I gently kissed her forehead and she sighed. "I love you," I whispered against the smooth skin of her forehead. I took her hand and walked her to first period.

I slid into my own seat in Calculus with seconds to spare.

"Okay class," Mr. Andrews began, after he had taken roll. "Today we are going to have a competition in order to prepare for tomorrow's test." He divided the class into two teams and then he scanned the room. "Edward and Ty, please come up to the front of the room."

I glanced at Ty and saw him eagerly stand and make his way to the board. Ty was a senior and the run away leader for valedictorian. He had received early acceptance letters from Notre Dame and Yale. He was also Mr. Andrew's favorite student. I stood up, ready for the challenge.

"Okay. I will give you the problem and your job is to solve it, showing all of your work. If you can't figure it out, you can pass the marker to the next player on your team. First one done earns the point for their team. Any questions?"

We shook our head. I picked up the marker and held it ready against the board.

"Okay. Your problem: Differentiate y equals the quantity one minus four x plus seven x to the fifth power end quantity, to the thirtieth power."

My hand flew across the board as I worked though the steps. The cheers coming from both teams were a hazy muffle as my brain manipulated the numbers. I found my answer, circled it and slammed the cap onto my marker. My side of the room burst out in cheers and I saw Ty one step away from the answer.

Mr. Andrews came over and looked over my steps. "Well done," he said, a bit grudgingly as he added a point to our side.

"Thanks," I said. I looked at Ty and smiled. I liked Ty and didn't want any hard feelings. Fortunately, he smiled back at me. The competition continued and my team did well. Any time any player got stumped on a problem, the marker was immediately thrown in my direction. It felt good to be a part of a team and help out. We ended up winning by one point.

The rest of the morning passed quickly and the high from Calculus didn't disappear. I met Bella outside her fourth period class so I could walk with her to lunch.

"Hey!" She ran up to me and quickly kissed my lips. "You look happy."

I nodded and told her about my successful day in Calculus.

She shook her head. "I don't think there is anything you can't do."

"Just sleep," I said, keeping my voice light.

Bella's smile faded slightly. "You had a nightmare last night, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't too bad. Don't worry about it." I smiled, encouraging her to do the same.

"Do you want to come over afterschool?" Bella asked as we entered the cafeteria.

"Of course," I said. We got in line and loaded our tray with pizza, fries and two apples. When we arrived at our table, Rosalie pulled out an envelope and waved it around.

"I got the pictures back from Halloween," she said.

"Oh! Let's see!" Alice squealed.

Rosalie opened the envelope and started passing around the pictures. Squeals and laughter accompanied almost every picture. The lunch hour passed quickly, thanks to the entertaining pictures.

In biology, we were working on a project with our lab partners. Bella and I were exploring the fascinating world of proteins, lipids and carbohydrates. We had to make a poster illustrating the uses of each. Bella went to get a poster board and the markers. I watched her stumble over a book on the ground and bit back my smile. She looked back at me, her face a delicate pink. She shrugged her shoulders and continued to get our supplies. I took out the books we had checked out the previous day at the library. I opened to the appropriate pages and was just beginning to read when she sat back down.

"I think next time, you should be the one to get the supplies," she huffed.

"Why?" I teased.

"Because you are capable of walking across a classroom without tripping."

"Aw," I laughed softly. I glanced at Mr. Banner and saw his attention else so I quickly leaned over and pecked her lips. The delicate pink turned bright red.

"I can't believe you just kissed me in class," she hissed.

"No one saw, besides, you look so cute, I couldn't help it."

"Edward Masen," she said. "You are becoming quite the flirt."

I winked at her and she hit me in the shoulder. "Come on," I said as I felt heat on my own cheeks. "We need to get to work."

"So protein," Bella read. "Is used for shape, structure and as an energy source." She tapped the book. "I think we should draw a picture of it and the write the uses next to it. It also says the food sources, so we can add that too."

"Okay," I nodded. "Sounds great."

"Here," she pushed the paper and markers at me. "Your handwriting is way better than mine. I don't want to mess it up."

"You couldn't." But I picked up a pencil anyway and started to draw an outline of a protein. Bella worked silently next to me, taking notes on the information we needed to complete our poster. By the time the bell rang, all we had left was to add some color. And we still had one more day to work. "Nice job, partner," I said.

"Back at ya." We walked out of class and I had to leave her by the gym. Lunch and fifth period were definitely my favorite parts of school.

In Spanish, we had to present our speeches that we had worked on for the past few weeks. Our speech was supposed to be on something we were grateful for. Thanksgiving was two weeks away, so this made sense. Emmett volunteered to go first and I saw Mrs. Goff rolling her eyes. I snickered softly. I had helped Emmett write his speech, going over the grammar for him. But he had refused to change his topic and his accent was horrible. Personally, I think he messed it up on purpose, but it was hilarious.

Emmett spent the next three minutes explaining why he was grateful for food and massacring the Spanish language. He was entertaining though and the whole class laughed throughout his presentation. I watched Mrs. Goff and wondered what his grade will be.

I volunteered to go next. I took a deep breath and then delivered my speech. I spoke of the Cullens. And even though I had tried to keep my speech light hearted and predictable, it was hard to keep the depth my emotions towards the Cullens out of my voice. I would be eternally grateful for them. They had saved my life and nothing I ever did could repay that. As I wrapped up my speech, I glanced at Mrs. Goff. She was smiling at me but I saw her swipe a finger under her eye.

At the end of the period, she handed out the grade sheets for the speeches. "How did you do?" I asked Emmett when he got his green paper.

"C+," he grinned. "I got a D on accent, but an A- on grammar. Thanks bro." He held his fist out. I tapped it with mine. "What'd you get?"

I glanced at my paper. "An A."

"Shocking." Emmett laughed.

When the bell rang, we walked to our lockers. "I'm going over to Bella's," I said to Emmett. I reached into my bag and took out my keys. "Here, you guys can take the Volvo home."

"Thanks, will you be home for dinner?"

"Probably not. But tell Esme I will call if that changes."

"Will do. Have fun with your girl."

I waved good bye and then turned towards my locker. An envelope was sitting on the top shelf. I frowned and picked it up. The word "Vampire" was written in bold letters across the front. I lifted the flap and pulled out the single sheet of paper.

You brought a snack.

I slide the paper back in the envelope with a shaky hand. That made no sense. Someone had obviously seen our costumes on Halloween. My head swiveled around to see if anyone was watching me, waiting to see my reaction. I didn't see anyone. But at the last minute, I saw Mike Newton step away from his locker and meet my eye. He smirked at me and then walked away. Mike Newton. Of course. I looked back at my locker and noticed the ventilation slots right above the shelf. He must have slid the envelope through those. I shook my head and crumpled the envelope. I gathered my things and went to find Bella. She was still at her locker, talking to Alice.

I crept up behind her, my finger to my mouth, hushing Alice. She ignored me, continuing her conversation with Bella. When I was directly behind my girl, I put my hands over her eyes. "Guess who," I whispered next to her ear.

I felt her lips lift against my palm.

"Hmm, Jasper?" she guessed.

I held in my laugher. "Try again."

"Emmett?"

Alice started to giggle and she waved to bye to me. I mouth bye and watched her walk down the hallway. "Not quite." I leaned down and nuzzled her neck.

"Edward," she groaned.

"Very good." I took my hands from her eyes.

"I knew it was you the second you touched me." Bella turned and gave me a hug. "How was your day, baby?"

"Pretty great, actually. How was yours?"

She tilted her head and reached up, her fingers tracing my lips. "Any day that I get to see a smile as beautiful as this is a great day."

I laughter softly and kissed her fingertips.

Bella smiled as red crept up her cheeks. "That was a little corny."

I shook my head. "Not at all. I know what you mean. My day is always made a little better when I see you smile."

"Come on," she said. "Let's get out of here."

We walked out to the parking lot and I opened the driver's side for her, and then climbed in next to her. The old truck roared to life. I watched Bella maneuver the huge vehicle through the parking lot. It was such a big truck for such a small girl. But she handled it surprising well. It was definitely slow, but it would keep her safe.

"Do you have a lot of homework?"

I tore my eyes off her hands. "Not too much. Calculus, of course. Reading for English. A worksheet for Spanish. What about you?"

"Pretty much the same." She turned off the truck and we stepped out into the rain. We ran to the front door and hurried into the dry house. We went to the family room and set down our backpacks. I knelt by the coffee table and pulled out my Spanish worksheet.

"I'll be right back," Bella said.

"Okay." I started my worksheet and by the time she returned, it was done. A bag of cookies dropped on the table. My eyes flew to hers. "Did you make those?"

She nodded. "Last night. Chocolate chip."

I nearly groaned as I picked up the bag and opened it. I took a bite and closed my eyes. "Mmm…" I moaned. "So good. Thanks babe." I leaned over and kissed her.

"You're welcome. But you need to go back on your side. No distracting me right now. I have to get my homework done."

I sighed but went back to my side of the coffee table. I pulled my math book out and lost myself in the world of Calculus. For a long time, the only sounds were the scratching of our pencils.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I wrote one more number and then looked up at her. She had her elbow on the table, with her fist in her hair as she leaned over her Trigonometry book.

"I really don't understand this. At all." She sighed and pushed the book in my direction. I read through the directions and nodded to myself.

"Here," I went around to her side of the coffee table and worked out a problem for her, talking through all the steps. She watched intently, determination in her brown eyes.

"So this number always goes here?"

I nodded. "It's like a puzzle, you just have to use what you know and manipulate it so you can use it in the problem you're solving."

Bella rolled her eyes. "That's half the problem. I can't remember what I'm supposed to know!"

"Here, you try to the next one and I'll watch."

"Fine," she sighed. I watched as she wrote out the problem. She bit her lip and tapped her pencil against the paper. I was about to help her out when she wrote the step out.

"Good," I murmured. "What should you do next?"

She looked up at me and smiled briefly. "That's further than I usually get." She looked back down at the problem and went back to tapping her pencil. Slowly, she wrote out the next step. "Wait!" she cried. I saw the light bulb go off in her head and she quickly wrote the final answer and triumphantly put a box around it.

"Very good." I kissed the top of her head. "See, it's not that hard."

"Says the genius," Bella replied.

I scooted back to my side of the table, not wanting to get distracted. "Keep going, I'll check your work if you want me too."

"Thanks."

We got back to work and again the only sounds were those of pencils scratching. This time though, Bella's cries of discovery interrupted the quiet every now and then. I smiled every time I heard her soft rejoicing sound.

"Here," she said after a while, holding her paper out to me.

I scanned over it, my smile growing. "Very good sweetheart." I lifted up to my elbows and kissed her gently.

"You are a good tutor."

I rolled my eyes. "You were easy to teach. You just needed to be shown how."

She smiled and pulled out her copy of Romeo and Juliet, the book we were reading for English. I went back to my Calculus. Now the silence was filled with my pencil sounds and her pages turning.

Finally I reached the end of my assignment. I slid the paper into my binder and placed it in my backpack. I looked up and watched Bella read. She was sitting on the couch now, her legs tucked under her. A lock of her thick hair had fallen into her face, but she was so focused on her reading, that she didn't notice. I got up slowly and quietly went to the couch. I knelt in front of her and very gently pushed the wayward hair behind her ear. Bella looked up from her book. The smoldering flame I saw in her eyes startled me. Before I could say anything, her lips were on mine. I heard the thump as her book hit the ground. I put my hands on her cheeks and kissed her deeper.

"Edward," she moaned against my mouth. I was powerless to resist her and I pulled her down until she was in my lap, straddling my waist. My hands went to her hair, pulling her mouth closer to mine, kissing her. I felt her hands at my back, fisting over my shirt. Blood pounded in my brain, the same pounding echoing in my heart.

I felt her hands lifted the shirt from my back and I raised my arms to help her. My shirt fell into a puddle beside me. And lost in the moment, I forgot. Her burning fingers touched my bare skin and I shivered. Then I heard her gasp. And then I remembered.

"I'm sorry," I said hoarsely as I reached for my shirt. She didn't say anything as she stared at my chest. "I forgot, I know I'm ugly. I'm so sorry."

A hand closed around my wrist and I saw her head moving side to side. She looked up at me and her brown eyes her burning fiercely. Not the smoldering passion of before, now it was the fires of anger that lit her eyes. "You. Are. Not. Ugly." She yanked the shirt away from my grasp and tossed it aside. Then her fingers gently went to the raised pink skin of my scars.

"Bella, please, don't." I knew they were ugly, the marks that striped my chest. My back was worse and I hoped she wouldn't see it, but my shirt was now across the room.

"God, how he hurt you." Her eyes were focused on her fingers as they moved along the pink lines. "I cannot stand it." Then she leaned down and gently kissed one of the marks. I gasped and felt tears prick my eyes. She reached up then to hug me. I felt her stiffen as her fingers hit my back.

She scrambled from my lap and went around behind me. I hung my head, knowing what she was going to find. My hands fisted on my thighs. But I didn't move. I couldn't hide from her.

"Oh my God," she whispered. Again I felt her fingers touch my skin, followed by the gently brushing of her mouth. I felt the wetness as her tears began to fall.

She came back around and sat on my knees again. She forced my head up, forced me to look in her eyes. "Don't be ashamed. Edward, you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen. These marks, they only add to your beauty, because they show how incredibly strong you are. They show what you've been through. But you survived. Sweetheart, you survived and you are the sweetest, most caring, smartest, bravest person I know."

The tears fell silently down my cheeks.

"Please say something," she whispered.

"I love you," I said, my voice raw with emotion. I kissed her cheeks gently, trying to erase the tears. "Please don't cry, love."

She laughed softly. "I can't help it. You've told me that he hurt you, but to see it and know what must have been done to you to create these marks, it breaks my heart."

"They don't hurt anymore, I promise."

I watched her lean down and kiss another of the scars. "I wish I could kiss the scars on your heart as easily."

"Aw Bella, you have. In so many ways. Everyday you do. Every time I see you smile or hear you laugh. Each time you say you love me. All of it is healing the scars, one at a time. Since I've met you, I've smiled more than I have in all the years since my dad died. You are like the sun." I wiped at the tears still falling from her eyes. "You've created light where before there was only dark and warmth where there was only cold. I may not be completely healed yet, but without you, there would be no light, no warmth in my world."

She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my neck. "I never thought I could feel this way about another person. I love you so much, it almost hurts."

I smiled and ran my hands along her back. "I know the feeling."

"It's getting late. I need to start dinner before Charlie gets home," Bella said, her fingers still lightly caressing my back.

"Hmm…," I sighed, enjoying the feeling on my bare skin.

"Speaking of Charlie, probably not the best idea for him to find you here with no shirt."

Darn it. She was right. I felt her kiss my shoulder and then she eased off my lap. I went over and picked up my shirt. I turned and saw Bella watching me. She shook her head. "You are one beautiful man," she said as her eyes roved over my bare chest and arms.

Not quite sure what to say to that, I eased my shirt over my head and covered myself. I went over to Bella and helped her to her feet. "So what's for dinner?" Then I whispered into her ear. "You are beautiful too, you know."

She blushed. "Hm…I was thinking meatloaf." But she smiled shyly at me, so I knew she had heard.

We went into the kitchen and I leaned against the counter so I could watch her cook. Apparently, the meat had been defrosting in the refrigerator so she pulled it out. I watched as she measured breadcrumbs, milk, garlic and dried mustard and then dumped the ingredients into the ground beef. Then she pulled a carton of eggs out of the fridge.

"I had no idea meatloaf was so complicated," I commented as she cracked an egg into the meat mixture.

"Silly boy. What did you think it was? Meat in the form of a loaf?" She cracked another egg and then added a few sprinkles of soy sauce.

"Uh, yeah, actually."

Bella burst out laughing as she mixed the meat. She got a pie plate, sprayed it with Pam and then arranged the meat concoction into a loaf. "You are funny."

I rolled my eyes. "Meatloaf was never on my menu," I said. "I kept it simple. Fajitas, spaghetti, chili, that kind of stuff."

Bella nodded as she took some potatoes out of the cupboard. "You're staying for dinner, right?"

"If you want me too."

"Obviously." She took out three potatoes, coated them with butter and stuck them in the oven with the meat loaf. "All done." She came around and jumped up on the counter, so she was sitting next to where I was standing. I moved so that I was standing between her legs. She reached up and brushed my hair off my face. "What else did you make?" she asked.

"Hamburgers, chicken. He liked mashed potatoes, so I made a lot of stuff that went with that. Pork chops, steak. Stuff like that."

"Are you a good cook?" Her fingers ran along my jaw.

"I'm not sure I would say that. I had to learn by trial and error. When he first started to have me cook, I had no idea what I was doing."

Bella frowned. "How old were you?" Her fingers never stopped their soothing circles over my face.

"Ten," I said softly. "He had me start doing the cooking right after he beat me the first time."

"Oh." She kissed my hair. "Would you cook for me sometime?"

"Yeah, I could do that. You can be the judge if I'm good at it or not."

"You are good at everything. I doubt cooking is any different."

I laughed. "We will see about that."

"Edward?" Her voice was suddenly serious.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

A/N Hey all! I hope this chapter didn't move too slowly. I just wanted to show Edward and Bella through the day, build their relationship a little bit. I don't want to rush this story. But if it's too slow, please let me know.

Okay, so I know that in my last chapter notes I said it was my birthday Monday and reviews would be a great present. But I didn't think I would get another chapter posted before Monday and here it is Sunday night and I'm posting again. So yeah. Reviews = fantastic birthday present hehe. Love you guys!