Jimmy is sitting at Ducky's small desk eating his sandwich whilst he reads through the inventory list that he's brought over to occupy his mind whilst he eats. He knows that they aren't short of anything because he's done this a couple of days ago; still, Dr. Mallard looked as though he needed some alone time just now and Jimmy's going to do what he is told and follow the orders that he's just been given. Over the years of working with Dr. Mallard, Jimmy has long since learned to recognize the difference between work that is essential and work that he calls 'busy work'. This is the latter and he generally knows that there is a reason why it's handed to him and he completely understands that sometimes, like now, it's apparently necessary to just stay out of the way of whatever's going on.

With a sigh, he stands up and puts the remainder of the sandwich in his mouth before reaching down to pick up the clipboard. He's already turning towards the cabinet and is oblivious to hardbound object that is nudged off the desk. A pang of curiosity shoots through him at the dull thud that he's heard and he turns around slowly, to see a book lying innocently on the floor. His head cocks as he moves back towards the desk and before he knows it, he's kneeling down to pick up the innocuous object.

Instead of putting the book back on the desk, he's intrigued to the point that it's going to kill him if he doesn't open it and look inside. It's not a story book; that much is obvious. So, he opens it and starts to read. He knows it's wrong and feels as though he's intruding on some deep, personal revelations that he really shouldn't be privy too. But he can't stop, feeling drawn in more and more by every word that he reads. His heart stutters slightly when he's at Ducky's page and he lowers himself into the chair that's there so he could read on.

'I am a part of all that I have met.'

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

only the echoes of time,
like ripples in the water,
or a mother and a daughter,
and the sun shining below,
although it's out of sight,
we know its shining through the night,
but we don't know if it will last,
although it's here today,
today will turn into the past,
and so we wait with hopeful minds,
hope for a life eternal,
for echoes we leave behind,
echoes in time...the echoes of time...

- Adam

THE FIRST TIME I MET YOU CAITLIN

Ahh, my dear, the first time I met you was under rather unusual circumstances, was it not? It really didn't surprise me that you were a strong willed young secret service agent who protected the president. All I saw was a beautiful young woman who knew how to handle herself in any given situation.

I will admit that it was strange seeing you walking around so confidently. You never seemed to let anything faze you in any way; a trait that has been profoundly instilled into your team mates; well at times anyway.

I remember walking onto Air Force One and seeing Elmo, a dear friend from way back in the days, you know I do believe he was the one who….No, please forgive me, I am digressing once again. Anyway, Elmo asked me how I like the steaks he air-expressed to me. It is certainly a strange relationship that we have. I will admit it works very well, my dear. I heard Tobias asking you a rhetorical question that went something along the line of "He air-expressed him steaks?" You simply shrugged and told him it was a big state and "look how long it took him to get here." I'll admit to chuckling to myself at the memory even now and hope that you too, find the humor in the situation.

Oh how you argued about whose jurisdiction it was and the look on your faces were priceless when I told you it was my…I believe the term was 'T-Bone' and attempted to order everyone off the plane. Of course both you and Tobias argued and I let you both stay. I will admit it was a good choice and you gave me a lot of relevant help when I needed it. You always did have an eye for details and it showed. Of course it was that eye for the little details that caught us out that particular time and you stormed back onto the plane with your hand hovering over your weapon, and in no uncertain terms, told Gibbs that he wasn't an M.E.'s assistant; very astute, I must say. I was impressed further by the fact that you told us that there were no soft shelled crabs within a thousand miles. You were more than slightly affronted when you found out we were, in fact, NCIS and still argued about jurisdiction by pointing out that the poor boy that died was eating lunch with the president when he died, meaning it fell into your lap and not ours.

It was quite refreshing seeing someone standing up to Jethro the way you did both on that day and on various other occasions too. If my memory serves, my dear, there was a time discrepancy that we found, one that you were quite upset about and apologized to me. There was never any need to apologize to me; never.

There was something that was just so lovable about you and no matter what you could make me smile, Caitlin. From that first day, I could see what a wonderfully, beautiful person you were.

MY FUNNIEST MEMORY OF YOU, Caitlin

I am sorry to say, but it was that time in autopsy when young Anthony very nearly got himself blown up with the car. Sadly, it was one of the last days we had with you, my dear, the next day you were gone.

It wasn't an action, on the contrary, the scene was quite serious. But your Freudian slip was delightful and I have never forgotten it. It was a situation where our little friend decided to come back to work early whilst recovering from y-pestis. After the examination, you said:

"Damn it, Tony. I should just take you home and get you in bed." That was where you seemed to realize what you had just said and paused. The look on your face; Hmm, the look on Anthony's face, both were priceless.

You told us that you didn't mean it that way and I'm sure you didn't, but that little slip is something that still makes me smile to this very day, my dear.

I must say that almost as equally amusing was the occasion in which you and Anthony came to me for ahem, (marital counseling, shall we say?). Oh yes, your relationship with our young man was quite unique and at times was a source of amusement for everyone that saw it.

THE DAY WE LOST YOU

I shall always remember getting that phone call, my dear, dear Caitlin. It was one that all team leaders hate having to make and Jethro was no exception. I had never heard that tone in his voice before - guilt, disbelief, angst alongside a whole myriad of other emotions; some of which were all too familiar for him, as we now know, were ones that he last used when he lost Shannon and Kelly. I could tell that he was trying to push out the words that were necessary, but they were forced and I just knew as soon as I heard his greeting that one of his children had fallen.

"Duck. Need you to come in." I remember this sounding so flat and defeated that at first I didn't recognize my old friend. That in itself told me that something was very, very wrong.

"Jethro, what's happened? Is everyone all right?"

"No, Duck. "

"Jethro?"

"It's Kate." Ahh Caitlin, those two words. The two little words that stopped the world. I still remember the harsh impact of shock and disbelief that held me in its clutches that night.

"In my suite?" I still wonder why you had to be taken; why you ended up my guest. It's something that I'll never be able to understand.

"Yeah, Duck."

"Oh, dear heavens!"

I remember driving to NCIS and walking into Autopsy with a ten-ton weight lying in the pit of my stomach. I walked in and hung my umbrella, coat and hat on the stand…that night was terrible. It was as if the unrelenting rain was caused by our grief at knowing you were gone… and walked over to the table upon which you had been laid. I didn't turn on the lights until after I'd gently unzipped your cocoon but somehow the light bought forth a realization that you were in fact, gone and were now my guest, as I had never wanted you to be. I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes and said the only thing I could through my constricted throat.

"Oh, Caitlin, I am so sorry." It wasn't much I'm afraid and didn't do my emotions justice, but the sight of you lying there, alive and well no more, tore at the very threads of my heart.

You know, Jethro told me I should have bought in another M.E. I had just finished your….Well, I had just finished and he walked into tell me that Ari had fired into Abigail's lab. I covered you up and pulled out the bottle of bourbon that I keep for situations that call for it and that's when he told me. He was gazing at you with sorrow in his eyes. I told him I couldn't. I don't know why, but I was compelled to do it and couldn't have a stranger looking upon you as merely another body on the slab. No, you deserved to be looked after by your family; rest assured, I treated you with the utmost respect, my dear, after all, you deserved to be treated like a delicate flower.

I don't know what else to say about that night. I apologize because the words have failed me. All I want you to know, Caitlin is that I miss you very, very much. You were an amazing, bright person who had the ability to shine.

Winston Churchill once said 'Although prepared for martyrdom, I prefer that it be postponed'. Alas, my dear, it wasn't postponed for you. I live every day, hoping and praying that all of my family come back to me safe and sound, though I know that you are watching over them and helping as much as you can.

"To a Scot, the past clings like sand to wet feet,
and is carried about as a burden.
The many ghosts are always a part of them, inescapable."

Geddes MacGregor

Good night and God bless, my dear, dear Caitlin.

Jimmy carefully closed the book and placed it on the table. The words make him feel as though he is once again, grieving for the person that he had so little time with. With a shake of his head, he put his glasses back on and opens the book. With a smile, he is picking up the pen and writing everything that is contained in his heart.

Tim is still sitting in the conference room after enjoying lunch with Abby, who has left the room with the intent of getting a fresh caf-pow. They had talked freely about things, but had somehow managed to skirt the topic of Kate. It was something that he is only now, thinking about as he clears up the remnants of their food and scoots them all into the trash. He finds it strange that the conversation never took that turn seeing as it's the anniversary of her death, but in all honesty, he knows that they will talk soon enough because that's just who Abby is; she needs to be able to vent her emotions.

He finds himself glancing around the conference room and is satisfied that it is as tidy as when they entered. He carries the trash can back over to its spot near the window and gazes out at the vista that is stretched before him. It's beautiful and from where he is standing, he can see the river. He starts to get lost in his own thoughts as he remembers the moments that he shared with Kate. His mind stutters on a memory that he thought was beautiful at the time; heck, it still is. With a small smile, Tim is talking to Kate as though she is there.

"Hey Kate. You remember Corporal Ernie Yost? He was the medal of honor recipient that came to us and confessed to murder. I didn't believe it, none of us did and given the fact that he was such a sweet guy made it so much harder to believe that he was capable." Tim's unaware that his arms are crossed across his chest and stays in front of the windows, gazing without actually seeing.

"I'll never forget the time he asked you whether or not you danced. You just smiled, and said 'yes, sure.'. He'd started off by asking whether we liked Benny Goodman. It was kinda funny because he said he liked Artie Shaw the best but he'd argued the point but it's each to their own. Yost moved forward and took your hand and pulled you in to dance. Do you remember the song? I do."

Tim is so lost in his memories that he doesn't realize that he's actually started to sing the song.

"When they begin the beguine
It brings back the sound of music so tender
It brings back a night of tropical splendor
It brings back a memory evergreen…"

Tim trails off when he feels a lone tear roll down his face and chuckles to himself. He can't believe how emotional he is getting right about now.

"Wow. Look at me Kate, I'm standing here crying." Tim breaks off to wipe his face and is surprised to find that he is actually feeling better by standing there and talking to Kate. "Huh, I sure wish you could answer me right about now. I miss talking to you. Anyway, You started to dance with Yost and the atmosphere in the squad room seemed to shift. Even DiNozzo felt the haunting beauty of what you did by selflessly dancing with him. I know it got to you too and when you turned, you were crying. It was beautiful, elegant and heartwarming all at the same time. That was you Kate. That was just who you were."

Tim was now standing there in silence letting the tears roll down his face. He is mildly surprised by the fact that, after all these years, he is still affected by Kate's death this way and makes a silent promise, that no matter what, he will continue to remember her and what she did for him.

Jimmy is still sitting at the desk when Ducky walks back into the room. He closes the book quickly and tucks it back under the clipboard.

"Mr. Palmer. How is the check going?"

"Good. I think we're fully stocked on everything." Jimmy watches Ducky's eyebrows rise at his comment and he hands over the clipboard. The fact that he has done this recently means he knows everything is ok and so he cheated and filled out the form without doing the job.

"Ah, yes. Very well. Can you run down to Abigail's lab and see whether or not she has those results for us yet please?"

"Of course Dr. Mallard."

Jimmy offers up a small smile and moves out of autopsy, leaving Ducky there to go about his business. As he walks through the doors, he hears the elevator ding and watches with a heavy heart at Gibbs strolls off with his coffee in hand.

"Palmer." Gibbs greets him with a short nod and steps out.

"Er, hi Agent Gibbs. I just need to…I've gotta…."

"Better get going then."

"Yeah." He walks into the elevator kicking himself for his nervousness everytime he see's Gibbs. He is still kicking himself as he punches the button on the elevator and sighs with relief as the door closes behind him.

"Duck." Gibbs is walking into autopsy when he calls out. It's something that has become force of habit over the past couple of weeks because as much as he hates to admit it, his friend has been elusive.

"Ah, Jethro. What can I do for you?"

"Dead Marine coming in. The LEO's already did the grunt work and are turning it over to us." He's watching Ducky's expression as the man nods solemnly.

"Have they done the autopsy?"

"Nope. That's where you come in. We got the call before it got that far. Need you to go meet them in the garage when they bring the body in."

"When?"

"Now."

Ducky shakes his head and heads out without another word, leaving Gibbs standing there in autopsy. Gibbs chuckles to himself and starts to turn to head back up to the Squad room. Just before he does, something catches his eye in the desk. With a curious frown, he is moving over, picks up the book and turns it over in his hands, recognizing it as the one his agents have been writing in all day. He draws in a deep breath and slowly lets it out before opening it and reading the first page….

DEDICATION

To someone who helped me out in more ways than anyone can ever imagine. Kate, your strength, compassion and friendship infused me with a sense of equilibrium and comfort that has never been forgotten. You were the stability that I needed and you gave me so much in the short time that I knew you; something that has stayed with me over the years and is still with me today.

There's a great quote from a Jazz musician that always makes me think of you, Kate, and the things that you taught me:

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself."

-Abraham Maslow

He recognises the handwriting and smiles wanly at the dedication that his youngest agent has written. It's just like Tim to do something like this and yet, it somehow gives him a sense of peace knowing that his boy can be so thoughtful. He reads down further but is interrupted by his phone ringing.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"Jethro. I'm afraid this may take a little bit longer than we originally thought. The transport got into an accident when coming into the yard and the driver has been injured.

"How bad, Duck?"

"Oh, not too bad. It looks as though he has suffered a concussion from where he impacted the steering wheel. I would like to stay with him until the EMT's come, just to be safe."

"Sure thing, Duck. What about the body?"

"I'm sure our young friend can wait for half an hour until the medics arrive. Can you send Mr. Palmer down if you see him, please? He can help."

"Yeah. Okay."

Hanging up the phone, sits down in the chair and, with perfect symmetry to Jimmy's previous stance, he is sitting there reading the book and all the emotions and memories that it contains. Before he knows it, he has read through every entry that has been lovingly written and is reading Jimmy's short, but touching entry.

We all leave a mark on the world from our living, one that remains after we die. It is foolish to imagine that memories are inert, that the past is merely nostalgia. What happened before remains as surely as what is here now, and those who pay attention can see those marks and feel the life that infuses supposedly inanimate objects.

An excerpt from The Memories We Leave Behind, by Excaliber

Special Agent Caitlin Todd

As much as it pains me to say, I was the new guy at the time and didn't really get an opportunity to get to know you. Why would you want to have anyway? I mean, I'm just the nerdy Autopsy gremlin after all. I never was very good at introducing myself and look awkward at the best of times. You? No, not you. You were the epitome of confidence and managed to get along with everyone easily.

I might not have been a friend, or spoken to you much, but I do remember the impact you had on the team. I remember milling about and seeing the interaction between you, Tony and McGee. You all had a flair and a dynamic that meshed really well, it was easy to see why you were all in the MRCT team.

My most prominent memory of you all as a team was when Tony contracted Y-Pestis through opening that letter. It was a daunting case for all involved, but the scene in Autopsy put everything in perspective for me. The team camaraderie, the joshing, the way in which you all gelled. It was strange seeing as you were all baiting each other, but underneath I could see that team spirit.

Gibbs chastised McGee over not handing him the letter and in true Tony style, he managed to turn it around to blame McGee. You on the other hand, stood up for Tim which was something that needed to be done. You had a cold that day which was unfortunate, but I don't think Tony could have asked for a better person to be with him throughout the ordeal. When you found out you were going with him to Bethesda, of course, you argued the fact. I can still remember the conversation:

"It's a cold. I had it before I came in this morning."

Ducky told that you were more susceptible to airborne pathogens so you should go with him. It wasn't until Gibbs told you to play it safe that you finally resigned yourself to going.

"That's safe? How long are we going to have to stay in isolation?"

It was funny, because you were told at least overnight and your face dropped at that. I had to admit to being amused by Tony's joking about double beds. I think he said something about the crease when you push them together, right before he got a big head slap from Agent Gibbs. As you were leaving, you warned Tony that you didn't feel well and he offered you a foot massage. The last thing I heard you say was:

"I don't want you anywhere near my feet. I don't want you touching my feet."

It was the levity that everyone needed in that situation, especially seeing as it rapidly went downhill from that point on. Talking to Tony and McGee, I later learned that you stayed with Tony until the point where he was struggling. You stayed, Agent Todd, despite the risk to your own health, you stayed. That showed courage beyond belief by my book and I respected you for it.

Huh, guess I have more memories than I first thought because I can remember the day you and Tony walked in arguing about Tony stealing your lunch. The funny thing was the fact that you came down to Autopsy to ask Ducky to be an official mediator. If my memories are correct, when Ducky asked whether Gibbs could do it, you just said "Ooh", with McGee, it was Tony who vetoed that idea because you didn't respect him (or so Tony said) and so you chose the good Doctor.

I left at that point because we were busy and I had stuff to do. I asked the good doctor what happened after I left and he told me that he advised you to Relish the experience and that he thought it was like giving marriage counseling. Apparently it was over a Tuna fish sandwich of all things and Dr. Mallard said that when he gave you his advice, you were still asking what it all had to do with your sandwich. I think the Dr.'s rendition of what happened was so funny, that it had me giggling for an hour.

I will never forget that day we lost you and whilst I wasn't really involved, the tension and grief that rolled off of your team mates was overwhelming. I mean, it was bad enough that you were taken from them, but Agent Gibbs and DiNozzo actually saw you die! Something that haunted them for a long time, and still continues to haunt them slightly now. It was strange walking into Autopsy that day and seeing Dr. Mallard looking so forlorn. He was half way through your autopsy and when I walked in, he shoo'd me away, I guess he wanted to protect your modesty, Agent Todd. He's like that and I know you held a very special place in his heart. Once he was done, he called me back and explained the situation to me. Sure, I already knew what had happened, but seeing you laying on the table was too much and I had to walk away from the building to gather my thoughts together.

I know I've never been part of the close knit group that your team has become; that family. But, that outside position has allowed me to see; allows me to tell you now, that your team learned from you, and still carries parts of what they learned from you; almost as if your words and actions are still echoing in their lives to this day, Agent Todd.

It took a while for the obvious pain and sadness to fade out of everyone's eyes. When they thought they were alone and the expressions of loss and despair seemed so deeply rooted, is when It was worse. On the occasions that I crossed their paths during these private moments, I always felt slightly shaken at witnessing it. Thankfully, it was always from a distance, so they were never aware that I had seen them at these moments.

Nevertheless, the residual emotions that your loss brought to them, remained a part of these people that I continued to work closely with. As time passed, there continued to be an underlying layer of emotion that continued to rise to the surface, of course, especially in Agent McGee and it took me a while to pinpoint it as guilt. I don't know why, but I just knew that it was you they were thinking about; I have to say, that I still see it on this very day, year after year and I now understand why much better. I will admit that pain and loss isn't a stranger to me anymore than it is to them. That didn't make it any easier to see and whilst I wanted to comfort them, I wasn't a part of that or the tight circle that you all lived in

The hardest thing to see, hands down, was seeing McGee sitting back in his chair gazing at your desk. There were nights where I go up to the squad room to drop off reports and as soon as I stepped around the corner, I could see him sitting there just staring at what was your personal space; your small domain within the large office. It was heartbreaking to see and I hope to never bear witness to it again. It was never clear to me why he would have felt guilty for what happened to you. But, then again, no one has ever spoken of that day again.

I never asked him about it and apparently, he has found a way to push that guilt away; or at least learned to live with it somehow. And the rest of your team has done the same. They've shined, no doubt in part because of what they learned from you.

Rest in peace, Agent Todd, your NCIS family is well even as they still miss you.

Jimmy Palmer,
Assistant Medical Examiner

With a sigh, Gibbs stands up and closes the book. He's not one for words and certainly not one to show his emotions, but this is something that he feels compels to contribute to and so, he takes the book and walks out of Autopsy to find the sanctuary and peace that he needs.