Gibbs feels relief wash over him when he returns the book to Ducky's desk 30 minutes after finding the solitude he needed to write his tribute. Although he would have loved nothing better than to hide out in his "office", that hadn't been an option for several reasons and so had tucked himself away in a seldom used tiny office with a lock on the inside of the door. Apparently, the crisis with the body transport was taking longer than anyone had anticipated and Autopsy is still very much devoid of any kind of life. He places the book back on Ducky's desk and is careful to leave it exactly as he had found it; slightly covered with the paperwork that Jimmy had left behind. Feeling better for having seen more intimately, a glimpse of what has truly been going on in the minds of his team today, he silently vows to give them the space they need to regroup.
Just as he is heading out of Autopsy, Gibbs calls and checks on Ducky to make sure he is alright given the length of time it has taken him to sort out the accident. The M.E. reports that all is well and that he is on his way back to his 'office' with the Marine and will begin the Autopsy as soon as he has everything ready. It's a relief; not only has he managed to get his bounty back where it belongs, but the heavy pit of worry about where his friend was, has lifted. Gibbs is soon heading back to his own desk and sits down in the long since vacated squad room. It isn't long before he is called back upstairs to the Director's office for a chat; a chat that proves to be much ado about nothing which just serves to irritate him. As he heads back down the stairs, movement in his area of the squad room brings his own movements to a complete standstill. He is thankful for the dark shadows that have been cast on the dreary afternoon and watches silently as his Forensic Scientist returns the book to Tony's desk and slips it back beneath the stack of work still taking up space there.
Gibbs is thankful that it has been relatively easy to keep his team busy and away from their desks today by having them chasing down people of interest to the case, following leads and in McGee's case, staying on top of the electronic clues they needed. He is still standing there smiling sadly as he watches Abby beating a hasty retreat from the squad room. It's mainly because he knows the reason she is there in the first place and can only guess at what kind of covert operation has taken place to get everyone's thoughts and memories down in the pages of the book. He himself, is part of that after feeling the need to add to the small tome and completely understands her need to actively express herself within the pages of Tim's book. If anything, reading the words that are now contained within its pages, has brought the affect of Kate's death, front and center in his mind and he has a better understanding of how that day has continued to affect his team.
It has been an unusually quiet day, but Gibbs knows that even if his team had been at their desks today, it would have been stifling for each and every one of them. As each of his agents always strive to maintain the status quo; which in this case, would usually call for keeping everything to themselves, they would have worked extra hard to keep working silently so as to not disturb the others.
The dinging of the elevator brings Gibbs out of his rambling thought and he looks over to see his Senior Field Agent walking out and moving towards his desk. The slump of his shoulders and the look of exhaustion that lines Tony's face, tells Gibbs that his Agent is more than ready to call it a day; something that is highlighted further when Tony see's that he is alone in the squad room and sinks down into his chair and rubs his eyes tiredly with the base of his hand, an action that makes Gibbs think about how impossibly boyish he looks sometimes and shakes his head. For some reason, he is frozen on this very spot on the stairs and watches with curiosity as Tony's hand moves down and comes in contact with the stack of papers that partially hides the book on his desk. As he watches, Tony shuffles the papers and uncovers the book fully before opening it once again to the front cover.
Tony sits there and glances over the Dedication before turning to the section that he had written earlier on in the day. He stops when he's reached the point by which he ended earlier and sighs heavily with relief when he sees that there is still room on the pages to add the one memory that he can't believe he's forgotten. He picks up his pen and starts to write furiously as he adds to his tribute.
Kate, I can't believe I didn't write about this earlier. I guess it didn't fit in to the three categories that I used but they weren't set in stone so I should have just gone ahead and done it anyway. The one thing I have always been grateful for, above all others, is the time that you spent with me in isolation. Not just because it was one of the last moments that we shared, but because you cared enough to stay when you knew I was sick; even if there was a chance that you'd get it yourself. I can't even put into words, how much that meant.
You did tell a little white lie though, didn't you? You said you had it too and it wasn't until I spoke to Ducky when I was moved out of that glass cell, that I found out you didn't actually have it and you stayed because you wanted to make sure I had a friend there.
Thank you for that, Kate. You made it so much easier for me and I'm just sorry, that you had to see some disease from the dark ages knocking me off my feet like that. I knew then, that you were a true friend and I loved you…..Still love you for that. I can remember when it took hold fully and you were standing by the side of my bed wearing that mask. I remember apologizing for teasing you with the movie references because I know how much they used to drive you up the wall. In true Caitlin Todd style, you replied:
"Teased? You've tortured me. For two years all I've heard is John Wayne and Clint Eastwood, James Bond."
I couldn't resist one last jibe, sorry about that, and listed all the actors who played James Bond before finally asking the question that had been burning in my mind – "Why are you wearing a mask?"
I couldn't understand why you would need one at the time, but now….Now I do, Kate. Now I do. At the time, you just told me it was because you had a cold and I asked you why you weren't sick. You told me it was because you were stronger than me and when we bickered about it, my lungs rebelled and I could feel myself choking. That's when Brad ushered you out, I heard him telling you to leave as I leaning against Nurse Emma – you remember her, she was hot – as she pounded on my back. Brad helped and I remember glancing over and seeing you crying as you looked through the glass partition that equalized the pressure. You went straight to Ducky and hugged him, but then I was lowered backdown and next thing I knew, the boss was there tapping the top of my head and telling me I wasn't going to die.
Had I known that was going to be one of my last, poignant moments with you, then I would have said thank you sooner; when you were alive. I didn't and that's something that has stuck with me.
Thank you Kate. For everything.
Tony sits back and closes his eyes momentarily as the memories of that day and the weeks that had followed it now fill him with a renewed sense of grief and sadness. With a heavy heart, he closes the book and quickly returns it to the place where he found it; In Tim's desk drawer. Tony breathes a sigh of relief when he has returned the book safely and without being noticed, and is able to return to his own desk without any problem or interruption.
From his perch on the stairs, Gibbs can only smile at Tony's movements as well as his completely visible sigh of relief. Taking pity on the guy, the boss remains out of sight until he's sure Tony has settled back into his working frame of mind. Once that time comes, Gibbs finally returns to the squad room and settles down at his desk to go through the reports that have stacked up there.
As Ziva and Tim straggle back to their desks shortly thereafter, their own exhaustion is just as palpable as Tony's. All three of the looked as though they were all ready to drop and so, Gibbs decides to cut them some slack by letting them go home early. He doesn't even wait for them to get comfortable in their chairs before letting them know.
"Pack it in for the day." He announces to the shocked trio and waits for the inevitable second guessing that always comes just after the shock wears off.
The funny thing is, it's always guaranteed to be followed by all three of the packing up their gear lightning fast and heading out before the boss changes his mind and demands that they stay later than late to teach them the woes of not taking what was handed to them without question. Tonight, however, he gets none of that. After the day they've had, even though most of it was handled privately and in their own way; none of them are in the mood to either argue or stay late.
In less than 5 minutes, his team has closed down their work stations, packed up and gone, leaving Gibbs to his own company, save the arrival of his litany of thoughts that have remained at bay all day; except, of course, when he'd let them run free as he'd written them out in Tim's book. He sighs deeply before standing up to get himself a refill of coffee. He has nowhere to rush off to anyway and doesn't want to navigate the rush hour traffic. And so, he settles for the walk to the coffee shop to get away from the crowds rushing out and to stretch his legs. With the end of the day being here, Gibbs doesn't even attempt to hurry back and enjoys the leisurely walk to and from the coffee shop.
Tim heads out with his teammates and wishes them a goodnight as they all go their separate ways in the parking garage. Even Abby, Ducky and Palmer have been given the rare gift of calling it a night at the unheard of hour of six o'clock and he watches as they all walk to their cars. He moves towards his own and gets in, but as he sits there without turning the engine on. He watches the familiar cars pull out one by one but feels no compulsion to follow in their wake.
No, the compulsion Tim feels is, in fact, the complete opposite and he finds himself reluctant to leave and it takes him a while to realize why. In fact, it isn't until a certain memory assaults him, that he realizes that it's more than likely the reason why he is still sitting there. He's forgotten the book he'd gotten for today and brought in this morning. The very book that he'd specifically dedicated to Kate before this work day began. He climbs out of the car and retraces his steps until he is back in the squad room and sitting back down in his chair so that he can access the book easily.
As he opens the drawer and takes out the item that contains his thoughts and memories, he is struck by how different it feels. During the course of the day, it seems to have lost its newness and if at all possible, it feels heavier.
How is that even possible?
It's the one question that he just doesn't have the answer too, but his gut is telling him that something has changed with the book and in the time it has taken between putting in his drawer earlier this morning and pulling It out now, at the end of the day, something has happened to make it different. With a feeling of trepidation, he opens it and carefully looks it over from the very first page.
It's not long before he engrossed in the pages that he has written earlier on in the day, but once he reaches the end, he notices that the page isn't crisp like it should be, no, in fact the corner curls slightly as if it has been turned and more than once. He plays with the little corner for a few seconds and turns the pages, only to have his breath catch in his throat at what he saw.
Well, that certainly explains the difference.
He flicks through the pages because he is all of a sudden driven to see what other additions had been made. When he gets to the last page, he realizes that every member of the team, including Ducky, Abby and Jimmy have written something and it's that knowledge that makes him sit back, turn to the beginning and read every entry, word for word.
He has to admit, that the awe and raw emotional overload he feels is unexpected and tears at him in a way that he is thankful to have a team and friends as wonderful as the ones he has. Each entry is immensely personal and heart-wrenching and act as its' own beautiful tribute to Kate. Everyone from Tony all the way down to Jimmy has added a piece of their heart and soul to Kate within the pages of this now priceless book that he knows without a shadow of a doubt, is no longer just his for the keeping, It's theirs to cherish and hold close to their hearts as much as he does at this very moment in time.
Tim is blown away at Tony's unburied tribute, including his obvious afterthought about one of the nicest things Kate did for him, staying with him in isolation when he had the plague; at Ziva's heartfelt contribution, despite her obvious unwillingness to do so in a manner she so clearly considers to be intrusive; at Abby's outright sense of continued sisterhood through her memories of Kate; of Ducky's continued personal battle with his own measure of grief at Kate's death; and even of Jimmy's unexpected contribution and admittance of his personal mission to watch over them all, even from the distance he always keeps.
As he comes to the end of Jimmy's thoughts and words to Kate, tears have already been slipping down his face for a while and Tim realizes that there's even more to read, if the wear of the pages is anything to go by….how did he skim past that when he flicked through earlier? Gently, he lifts the next page and again, feels his breath hitch at what he has uncovered. Gibbs!