Thank you for your reviews! Sorry it took me so long school is a bitch.

Disclamer: Sadly I do not own Assassin's Creed, for if I did Altair would be able to swim and all the hot guys would be shirtless.......

Chapter Three

In which Ezio learns he's not in Florence anymore and Altair kills the toaster.

"Do you think its dead?"

"I told you she had a pulse."

"What do you mean she? "She" has an Adams apple!"

"I have seen women with them before."

"Your gay aren't you?"

"Do you want to go back out into the white frozen water?"

"……..you're mean."

"And you're going to die a painful death."

"You mean like the metal box that burned your finger?"

"……I think she's waking up."

Artemis groaned as he raised a hand and covered his eyes. 'Note to self, never, ever, EVER, try to help someone in the animus again, getting kicked out of it sucks ass.' He whimpered in pain as he sat

up and opened his eyes. Silence reigned throughout the room as artemis stared at the two master assassins standing before him. "Oh dear god I'm still stuck in the animus aren't I. No, I can't be, this

must just be bad dream, I'm gunna close my eyes and when I open them they will be gone." Artemis closed his eyes tightly as Ezio looked questioningly at Altair who shrugged in response. "Urm," Ezio

cleared his throat and artemis opened his eyes and looked at him. "What figment of my animus induced hallucination?" "Ana-whaty?" "Animus, and you know for a figment of my imagination you look a

lot like Ezio Auditore, and you look like the splitting image of Altair Ibn La-Ahad…." Artemis said as he pointed to each assassin respectively. "That's because we are. Well at least I know I am, I'm still

not sure that he's Altair." "How about I come over there and shove my-" "Hey! There's a lady present!" Artemis looked around quickly and wondered how fast he could get out of the house and up a

tree before Lucy decided that he needed to be shoved outside in the snow in his underwear again. "I told you that he's a man!" "I have never met a man with hair that long!" "Your hair is pretty long

for a male." "Everybody in Italy has long fucking hair! It's the style mister look-at-me-I-have-short-hair!" "……what's Italy?" "……oh shit….." Both assassin's turned to the smaller male who was currently

standing the in doorway to the kitchen. "What the fuck did you do to the toaster!"

With Lucy, Desmond, Rebecca, and Shaun

"Twenty-eight bottles of beer on the wall twenty-eight bottles of beer, you take one down and pass it around, twenty-seven bottles of beer on the wall. Twenty-seven bottles of beer on the wall-"

"Rebecca darling? Can you please shoot me? I'd do it myself but desmond tied my hands together, or better yet, you can just untie me and I'll shoot desmond!" An ominous thump sounded from the

back of the van and Shaun instantly shut his mouth as he eyed the rather large knife that had missed his head by an inch. "Now, now Shaun, we wouldn't want me to slip and suddenly wrap you end

of the van around a tree now would we?" "On second thought…just shoot me becca at this point it seems that it would be the least painful way to die."

Back to Altair, artemis, and Ezio

Artemis stared on in horror at the mangled piece of metal that had once been his beloved toaster. "What did it ever do to you!!?" The young boy cried out as he rushed over and scooped it up into his

arms. "I told you not to attack it." "Like hell you did." "I did! I clearly remember saying 'don't throw your knife at that.'" Altair snorted. "Yea, after I had already thrown one of my knives at it." "Yes, but

I do remember trying to stop you from throwing it into the wall." "OH DEAR GOD THAT'S LUCYS ROOM!!!" Ezio briefly glanced at artemis before looking at the large hole in the wall. "So that's why that

room smells like a woman…" Altair looked at the hole then at artemis in confusion. "What's a 'Lucy'? and why should we be worried about it?" "Last time I pissed her off she switched out all my

underwear for thongs and hid all my pants for a week." Both older men looked at artemis. "What's a 'thong?'?" Said boy turned red and stroked his toaster."Never mind, but how in the world did you

manage to make a hole that big?" Altair opened his mouth to speak but Ezio beat him to it. "If you think this is bad you should see what he did to the small box that made weird noises." 'Oh dear lord

please don't let it be the TV, I will never hear the end of it if Rebecca and Lucy don't get to watch Bones every Thursday... 'Artemis let Ezio take his hand and lead him into his own bed room. "See!

Look!" Artemis stared in horror at what had once been his brand new droid cell phone. "My cell phone!!! Do you guys have any idea how much that cost me!? Or how hard it was to get it here!?!?!?"

Both assassins's stared blankly at the grey-eyed boy as he ran his hands through his hair and tried not to hyperventilate. "Ok, rule number one, you guys are not allowed to have throwing knifes,

hidden blades, short swords, smoke bombs, swords, crossbows, guns, or safety pins without supervision, ok?" "Why should we listen to you?" "Because if you don't I will lock you outside in the snow,

understand?" Both assassins are nodded warily. "Now give me all your weapons." Altair looked at Artemis like he had just requested that Altair cut off his own balls and force feed them to a templar.

Ezio on the other hand began pulling weapons out of nowhere and giving them to the long haired boy. "I refuse." Artemis sighed at the stubborn look of determination on the elder assassin's face.

"Fine, how about I let you keep the hidden blade but you have to give me everything else?" "Deal." As Altair removed his weapons Ezio looked at Artemis with puppy dog eyes. "Can I keep my hidden

blades too?" The younger boy nodded and Ezio's face lit up like someone had told him that the courtesans were half price. Artemis halfheartedly smiled and turned to look at the rather large pile of

confiscated weapons. "Ok, now that that's done, let's get you some clothes." He turned and walked out of the room and into the one right across the hall. "You guys should be able to where

Desmond's clothing until Lucy and Rebecca get you some of your own." He said as he began ripping clothes off of hangers and throwing them into a huge pile on the bed. Altair turned to look at Ezio

only to see that he was currently digging though the pile of clothes as Artemis dug some more clothes out of a dresser. "Here alty! I found something for you!" Altair's eye twitched and just as he was

getting ready to poke Ezio eye's out with his hidden blade the younger man tossed him three articles of clothing, a plain white shirt, some loose fitting jeans and a white hoodie. Ezio himself grabbed a

blood red shirt that said 'You! Out of the Gene Pool - Now!' a pair of black skinny jeans and a purple and black checkered zip-up hoodie. Altair snorted as he read the shirt while removing his clothing.

"Do you even know what that shirt means?"

"Yes! It means that you have to get out of the pool filled with jeans."

"No Ezio, that shirt means that you're too stupid to reproduce."

"You think I'm stupid arty?"

"No! Well, maybe just a little, but-"

"No, I know what you mean, you just mad cuz I called you a girl."

"I am not!"

"Are too."

"Are not!"

"Are too. "

"Are no-"

"How the fuck do I put theses on?"

Both younger men turned to see Altair with his pants around his thighs and attempting to zip his zipper.

"Santo figata, look at the size of his penis!"

"……"

"He's hung like a horse!"

"What's like a horse?"

"Your fucking foot long cock!"

"THUMP!"

Both assassins's turned to look at the young boy now laying unconscious on the floor covered in underwear and socks.

"Do you think he's dead?"

"No, he'll live, now will you help me with this damned thing?"

"No."

"Why?"

"You're bigger than me."

"You're so childish."

"……can I touch it?"

"Will you help me with the godforsaken piece of metal?"

"Yes."

"…..fine. But make it quick."

o.0 …….I is so evil…..

Please review!!!!!

Rykaphoenix