Courage is endurance for one moment more…

-Unknown Marine Second Lieutenant in Vietnam

Tim reads the quote and vaguely remembers it from somewhere. It strikes him that it is just fitting that Gibbs had chosen this as his memorial quote to Kate; after all, she'd jumped in front of a bullet for him before getting right back up again and brushing it off…right before Ari fired the kill shot that took her from them. He looks up and wipes at his eyes before turning his gaze back to the piece that Gibbs had written.

First time I worked with you ( I would do the first time I met, but the day as a whole meant more. I'm sure McGee won't mind; will you McGee?)

Tim grins at Gibbs' comment and shakes his head.

"No Boss, I don't mind at all." He lets his eyes carry on down the page and is soon engrossed in Gibbs' entry.

This isn't easy for me Kate, as you well know. I have no idea what I'm supposed to write or even if it's the right thing to do. But, and that's a big but, I kind of know that this means a lot to Tim, who started this tribute to you. You were the only one who's ever called him that with any regularity. I admired that about you. Doing things differently never bothered you. I know it meant a lot to him.

Anyway, the first time I met you was on Air Force One. Huh, I don't want to sound repetitive here, but you were a bright one, Kate. I always remember the look on your face when you told me that I wasn't an M.E. assistant. You were right, I wasn't.

As the case went on, it became more obvious of how much you were putting on the line to help us out. I will admit, I knew you weren't supposed to do what you did, but I needed the inside scoop and you were the one person who could give it to me. I have no idea what you thought of me then, but I do know, that the looks you sent my way, were territorial to a fault despite the fact that I collected your….well you did puke into an evidence bag for me.

Anyway, a lot happened during the course of that case, but the one thing that stands out in my mind is the night that we all went our separate ways. I caught up to you walking away from the crime scene and can still remember that conversation, word for word, to this day.

Me: "I heard you quit, Agent Todd."

You: "Happy news gets around fast. Yes, I resigned. It was the right thing to do." It was so matter of factly and had the bluntness that I already liked and respected in you.

Me: "Yup. Pull that crap at NCIS. I won't give you a change to resign."
You: "Is that a job offer?"

You looked so damn shocked, that I got in the car and laughed at the look on your face. Even though it was dark out, there was enough lamp light around that I still got to see your expression. It was a picture, but it was the best decision I ever made, Kate and you were an outstanding Agent.

Funniest Moment

I owe McGee a head slap for this heading. Do me a favor and remind me to give him one next time I see him. Nevermind, the shock of finding my input here in the first place will probably be enough. Just hope I'm there to see his face.

There's so many funny memories here Kate. How to pick the one that stands out?

Ok, a short and sweet one to start off with. You remember Tony falling asleep in the car? You'd never experienced my way of waking him up before so I thought I'd introduce you to it. You told me you'd wake him up but I told you I had a better idea. I slammed on the breaks and Tony jerked awake looking scared out of his wits. You know, I expected some kind of witty comeback, but no. You looked at Tony and asked with a laugh "Bad dream, Tony?" It was the amusement and chuckle that got me and even though I'm a stony faced marine that earns the second B in his name everyday, it still made me smile.

Second (and last). You remember this was earlier in the same case, where McGee id'd that strip joint, Teaz I think it was called. Well, I remember the conversation trailing to hot dancers and that was it. You were watching Tony carefully and just as he was going to tell McGee something, you just stared at him, making him ask what you were looking at him like that for. You just calmly said "Oh, I'm just waiting for you to say "Boss, let me take the lead on this one."

It was a classic comment from you, and I've gotta tell you, hearing those words coming from Tony's mouth a couple of minutes later with that pause that said he knew he'd been busted was priceless. That was one of the times where I let my guard down and let myself laugh with you about it.

The day you...No! The day I let you down – and lost you

What can I say. It was the worst day of my damn career. I remember you being like a pitbull when it came to protecting me and I couldn't even do that for you.

You made sure I wore a vest; you slept on the floor of the squad room; hell, you jumped in front of a bullet for me on that rooftop, just minutes before that. You did everything for me and I failed you in the biggest way. I should have seen it coming but didn't. You stood up and we were talking. You snapped back a reply to Tony and smiled when we told you you'd done a good job but….But Ari had other plans and fired that Lapua Full metal Jacket, bang centre in your forehead. You went down and I just knew that there was no way you were getting up again. It broke my heart Kate and damn near tore me apart from the inside. What worse? My grief and guilt wouldn't let me live it down and I actually remember seeing you so angry and demanding answers about what had happened as I sat alone at my desk trying to process what had just happened. That conversation still haunts me to this day, Kate.

You: "Why me Gibbs." You were standing there with that bullet hole in your forehead asking me a question that I just couldn't answer. It was when you asked "Wasn't stopping one bullet for you enough?" that really undid me. I didn't have the answer for you then. I still can't answer that Kate, I just can't.

You asked me why you died instead of you. The only answer I can give you is the same one as that night; I don't know. I know I didn't answer your question of why you died instead of me and the only thing I can say to that is; I wish it had have been me. But, we both know that it wasn't meant to be. I've had to learn to accept that and haven found the strength to live with it to, to show your teammates that it's okay to keep going.

Kate, I'm sorry and yes, it is a sign of weakness, but in some situations It's not. This is one of them.

You were a damn fine agent Kate, and a damn fine woman. I do miss you and there isn't a day gone by that I don't wish that there was something that I can do to make it up to you.

Thanks for the two years you gave, they'll never be forgotten

Semper Fi

Gibbs

P.S. I can just hear you now, Kate, asking me if I've gone soft with all this touchy feely stuff that just isn't me. Don't make me reach up there and head-slap you. Once in a while it doesn't hurt to let it out. Okay, I'll admit it, I got caught up in the memories. After all, five years is a hell of a long time to be holding' them in, don't ya think? Besides, you and I both know Tim can be trusted to keep this just between us.

Tim feels tears of shared pain and sadness roll down his cheeks before closing the book. There's so much to take in and process and even though he's known all along that the rest of his team have never stopped feeling Kate's loss, this is still hitting him like a huge shock wave. The last thing he ever expected was to see his teammates write in his book and record their emotions and memories forever. It's overwhelming but beautiful. But, the biggest shock of all is that Gibbs has done so, as well, and with such deep open honesty.

As he brings the cover down on the book, he notices the obvious sign that there is more hidden within the pages, that he's missed. He lets his fingers run down the pages to the gap that tells him that there is some other addition that has been made and finds loose pages from some other source, tucked into it, securely enough, they hadn't even been noticed before, much less fallen out. Tim gently picks up the loose pages feeling unsure of what it is he's found; He opens them and feels his heart stutter with shock…..Kate's sketches!

While he's never seen these particular sketches before, he has seen her work, they all had. She was a great artist, although rarely allowed herself the pleasure, at least around the team, anyway. As he looks at each page, he finds there is one sketch he remembers seeing her work on. It was the one of Tony laid back in his chair behind his desk, with sunglasses on as he carelessly chatted away on the phone.

Kate had been working on that very sketch the morning Tony came back from his two weeks of recovering from the plague. That was the same day the three of them had almost been killed by the car that had been rigged to explode. It was the beginning of the end. The case that had taken Kate from them before it was over, just a few short days later.

Fresh tears found their way to Tim's eyes, as he marvels at Kate's work; her attention to detail, her vivid re-creation of who they all had been to her. The very fact that Gibbs has decided to share them, with him, of all people, squeezes Tim's heart and does what nothing else has ever managed to do, allows him to begin to let go of the burden of guilt that he's carried with him all these years. After all, if the boss can freely share this much of himself with Tim, it has to mean that the only person still blaming Tim is Tim himself. Suddenly, he gets it. There is no more place for guilt in any of this. It's past time to let even the last ideas of that long misplaced emotion go.

With so much emotion and so many memories now enclosed within this book, one thing is clear to him. This book is no longer his, alone. Now, it is all of theirs to look back on and cherish. Wiping his eyes, Tim decides that the first thing he needs to do is secure Ziva's contribution and in a way that will show her that she has nothing to feel badly about. With careful precision, he trims up her written pages and completely tapes them onto their own blank pages.

Likewise, with the sketches, Tim sets about securing them into the book as well. But, for that, he chooses to boot up his computer and scan them into the system, using a program that allows him to crop them and resize them, he fixes them so that they can be better fit into the book in a way that they will be one with it. After he's printed them off, and done what needs to be done to affix them into the book, he looks back through the pages, and smiles a sad smile of appreciation mixed with the grief that had started this process to begin with. Then, Tim gets up from his chair and takes the book from his desk heads to the back elevator, with the book in his hands.

From his place just out of sight, Gibbs has watched Tim's return to the squad room. As the young man settles into his chair and processes the realization that something is different with his book; the expressions that filter through his expressive eyes, tells the story as no words ever could. The impact of his teammates writing down their own memories and pieces of their souls is expected; the tears, however, are not. Watching Tim read through the book is tough. Gibbs knows what's in there and it was tough for him to read through, so he knows it's hard for his agent as well.

Even so, it's when Tim obviously realizes that Gibbs has written in the book as well, that the young man's eyes truly express the depth of his shock and awe. When Tim finds the sketches and fresh tears once again begin to trail down his face, Gibbs finds his own face suspiciously wet. The defining moment for the young man, comes when he has obviously given himself time to really think about the sketches he's repeatedly sifting through. Gibbs can see it in his eyes; that moment when it hits his agent, that Kate's work wasn't just placed in the book by Gibbs because of what they've meant to the boss all this time. They were being shared with Tim, as a symbol of accepting what was and moving on.

Gibbs forces himself to remain still and let Tim handle this in whatever way he needs to and is really not surprised when the young man takes care to insure that both Ziva's writing and Kate's sketches are made permanent parts of the book. As he watches Tim take the book and head to the elevator, Gibbs feels the need to go after him and make sure he's all right.

Tim takes the elevator down to Abby's lab and wastes no time in going directly to his destination. The glass display case that Abby set up down here for Kate, has no room on the inside for the book, but that's not a problem because if it were to be placed inside, no one would be able to read it without having to go through the trouble of getting it out and putting it back in when they were done. No, the space for this priceless treasure is already available and it's right on top.

Suddenly, Tim realizes that Gibbs didn't add his personal pain and contribution to this book for anyone else to be privy to it. The man's p.s. at the bottom of his writing gave truth to that. There's a good chance he won't appreciate this decision. As he stands in front of the case, Tim stands the book upright and only slightly open, just to see how it looks sitting among the other tributes to Kate. He steps back and looks it over one last time but doesn't walk away yet because he's fairly sure this is no longer the right thing to do. He knows it's right for his teammates but for Gibbs? Tim won't betray the man's need for privacy like this He reaches to take the book back off the shelf…

"That's a good thing you've done, Tim." Gibbs' quiet reassurance reaches him from the doorway.