A/N: I'm so sorry! School's a bitch…I hope this makes up for it…

Disclaimer: I own assassin's creed! …wait…you're not talking about the video game?

Then no, I do not own assassin's creed.

Chapter 5

In which the boys learn the wonders of the Wii and there is cross-dressing.

Desmond awoke to darkness, he quickly looked around but still only saw darkness. He started to panic when he felt something slide against his eyes and realized that he was wearing a

blindfold. "What the fuck? Where am I? What's going on? The last thing I remember was untying Shaun and him punching my lights out…why am I blindfolded? Why haven't I taken my blindfold off? God

I'm such a moron…"Just as his fingertips brushed the offending object he felt something rough and course prevent his hands from coming any closer. "Well isn't that just great? I'm blindfolded and tied

up. Oh dear god, please don't let Lucy be anywhere near me." Desmond relaxed against what he guessed to be a bed before yelping as a hand ghosted up his thigh. "Non preoccupi il mio amore,

cancellerò I suoi tocchi dal vostro corpo e li sostituirò con I miei propri." A silky smooth voice purred into his ear as the hand returned this time stroking his hair. "Who-who are you?" He stuttered out as

a second hand grabbed his leg and a second mouth licked and nipped at his inner thigh. "And why am I naked?" "You know us very well Desmond." The voice answered with a thick accent as the first

hand gently tweaked his left nipple. "I-ah! I don't know anyone who would tie me to a bed a molest me!" He felt the first mouth press a kiss to his temple as the second mouth removed it's self from his

thigh and spoke. "You know all about us, you have lived our lives and experienced all that we have, but we now feel that you should repay us for all the knowledge that we have bestowed upon you."

"With your gorgeous body." The first voice added with a smirk.

Desmond shivered as the second mouth resumed its activities, but now on his other thigh and the first mouth kissed its way down to his other nipple and gently sucked. "St-stop!"

Desmond cried out as he felt a third hand wrap itself around his cock and gently begin to stroke. "Come, come now mia amore you know you want this." Desmond opened his mouth to argue but

instead let out a moan as the second mouth moved up from his thigh and gently latched on to one of his testicals. "That looks like fun…Altair! Switch me places!" "No." "But I wanna make him

feel good to!" "Then quit whining and do something." Desmond panted as Altair quit the assault on his body and argued with the other man.

"I'll show you something!" The other man shouted as he leapt away from Desmond knocking his blindfold askew in the process. Desmond blinked a few times before looking at the

two men in front of him. Ezio had managed to pin Altair's arms to the bed with his legs and was now sitting on the older assassin's chest and undoing his pants. "Get off of me you annoying

ingrate!" "Make me." Ezio taunted as he removed Altair's erection from his pants. "What the fuck is going on?" Desmond whimpered as he watched Ezio gently lick Altair's cock from head

to base and massage his balls with both hands. He blushed hard and shifted his legs trying and failing to hide his now erect penis. His cock throbbed as Altair let out a deep throaty moan. Ezio

chuckled as he swallowed the elder assassin and buried his nose into the man's coarse pubic hair. "Ezio, as much as I love fucking your face, shouldn't we be getting our payment from –oh dear

god- stop that and listen! Shouldn't we be getting our payment from Desmond?" Ezio sighed as he released Altair's cock from his mouth and removed himself from the older assassin. Altair sat

up and smacked Ezio in the back of the head before grabbing Desmond's head and crushing their lips together. Ezio opened his mouth to yell at Altair but stopped and stared instead. Altair

roughly nipped at Desmond's bottom lip and smirked as the younger assassin-in-training moaned and opened his mouth. The older man swept his tongue over everything and completely

dominated Desmond. Ezio quickly untied his leather breeches while wrapping his hand around his cock and roughly stroking it to the hot scene in front of him. Desmond whimpered as Altair's

calloused hand gripped his co-

"Desmond! There's no time to explain, just put on this wig and dress!" Desmond shot straight up and gasped for air. As he sat there panting, Rebecca threw a plastic bag filled with

clothing at him and proceeded to peer out the rear van windows nervously. He took some deep breaths and willed his erection away before looking at the woman. He furrowed his eyebrows in

confusion as he looked over what she was wearing. "Uh Rebecca? What's going on? Why are you blond and dressed up like a naughty catholic school girl? And where's Lucy and Shaun?" Rebecca

turned her head towards him as a priest and hooker suddenly ripped open the door and jumped into the back of the van.

"I managed to distract him temporally by asking where the nearest 7-11 was."

"How in the hell did that distract him?"

"You remember the guy that the officer was yelling at over the radio?"

"Yes?"

"He was the guy who stopped us."

"Oh."

"Well his name is Cletus and he's the officer that found us, unfortunately he found us before we had changed into theses costumes so I asked him where the nearest 7-11 was and he started griping

about how he didn't have a clue where anything in this town was, it was at this point that Lucy knocked him unconscious."

"…uh Shaun?"

"What desmond?"

"Why are you dressed like a hooker?"

At the cabin…

"No no no no no! Don't tilt your head back! Tilt it forward!"

"But that's just gunna make the blood run out his nose."

"Yes, but it's better to have it run out his nose then have it run down the back of his throat and have him puke blood everywhere!"

"I'm going to kill that piece of plastic!" Ezio roared as he lunged forward, knocking Altair and Artemis to the ground, and began gnawing on the Wii controller. Artemis let out a cry of rage as he tackled

Ezio and began trying to wrestle the controller away from him. "GIVE IT BACK! LUCY WILL KICK MY ASS IF SHE CAN'T DO HER YOGA!" Artemis screamed as the taller man sat on him. "No! Questo sin

contro la natura deve morire!" Ezio screamed in reply as he threw the controller at the nearest wall. Artemis stared in horror as the controller flew across the room, ricocheted off the wall and pegged

Ezio in the forehead. "Ezio: 0, strange object: 2." Artemis couldn't help but erupt into a fit of giggles as Ezio stared in utter shock at the innocent piece of plastic lying on the floor next to the shorter

boys head. "Can you get off of me sometime today so we can play the Wii Ezio?" Ezio slowly nodded as he carefully stood and backed away from the controller. Altair snorted in amusement and helped

Artemis up off the floor. Artemis walked over to the coffee table, which had been pushed out of the way to give them more room, grabbed several Kleenex out of the box, and walked back over to Ezio.

"Here," he said as he gave the older boy the Kleenex. "Put these under your nose, they'll help stop the bleeding." Ezio nodded, increasing the blood flow from his nose, and took the Kleenex. "Now that

our dumbass is taken care of can we play this thing? I'm quite curious as to how it works." "Sure." Artemis answered as he picked up the controller that had given Ezio so much trouble and placed the

strap around his wrist. "I told you that you would need the strap, this way if I accidently let go of the controller it won't hit me in the face." Ezio nodded with a pout on his face and just continued to

glare at the troublesome object.

"So I simply wave my arms around like this and the pictures on the television screen move?"

"Sorta, you have to hold the controller like this though."

"Like this?"

"No it's backwards. Like this."

"…ok."

"Alright, now what do you want to play?"

"….I have never heard of any of these things….what on earth is bowling? Does it require a bowl?"

"Errrr no, let's just try boxing ok?"

"Fine."

"We'll need the nunchuck for this, let me grab them."

"Nunchuck?"

"It hooks into the controller."

"What does it do?"

"Um, just watch." Artemis hooked up the nunchuck's and turned back to the TV to start the game.

"The object of the game is to knock out your opponent's character."

"How do I do that?"

"When you punch with the controller you character on the TV punches to…..like that see?"

"…..like that?"

"Yea! And if you go like this your character can block or doge attacks."

"Alright, when do we begin?"

"Let me start the game, don't worry, I'll go easy on you." Artemis told him with a wink.

"3….2….1…Begin!"

"…..10…..9….8….7….6….5….4….3….2….1….knockout!"

"…did I win?"

"How in the hell do you knock me out with one punch?"

"I suppose I'm just that good."

"I demand a rematch!"

"Don't worry Artemis, I'll go easy on you."

Back with the others...

"How the hell do you sit in this thing?"

"You just have to angle you legs like this…..see?"

"Like this?"

"…why in the hell are you wearing women's underwear?"

Desmond slammed his legs shut as the chief of police walked into the room and sat down heavily in his chair. Shaun shifted uncomfortably in his leather skirt while Lucy fiddled nervously with her

collar. The chief of police, or chief wood as the plaque declared, leaned back in his chair and sighed. "My name's Chief Wood-" He paused when Rebecca snickered quietly and waited for her to stop

before continuing.

"Now, I've read the report you filled out with Officer Duke but I would like to hear the story from you four personally if that's alright?"

"That's fine Chief Wood, as long as we get our van back we don't mind telling the story again." Lucy replied with a smile as she peered out from behind a pair of thick horn-rimmed glasses.

"Well then ladies, please, start at the beginning."

"Well you see, it all started this crazy blond chick jumped out in front of our van while we were heading to the store."

"You go to the store dressed in your Sunday best?"

"I had just gotten done doing a baptism and Julia needed tampons and fast so I didn't have time to change and I'm the only one here who can drive. "

"Ah, so the crazy blond jumped out in front your van?"

"Yes, and then she pulled out a gun and stole our van."

"…..how long ago did this happen miss….?"

"Anita, Anita dick."

"Urm, miss dick."

"About two days ago."

The chief ran a hand through his dark hair as he hit the intercom on his desk.

"Cletus?"

"Yea morning?"

"Its chief wood to you cletus, don't make me tell momma on you again."

"Fine you big baby, what do you need chief wood?"

"The story checks out, I need you and duke to go get these nice ladies their car alright? Or is that too hard for your little brain to comprehend?"

"Go fuck yourself morning!"

"I'm telling momma!"

Rebecca glanced at Shaun who looked like he was about to start bashing his head against the wall and cleared her throat to get the chief's attention.

"Um sir?"

"You do that you tree-huggin, baby-rapin, pig-fuc-…..just go get the car Cletus."

The chief let go of the intercom button before cletus could make a reply and turned to the ladies. "It'll be about 20 minutes ladies, if you would like to you can wait in the lobby; I gotta go on a donut run

so I'll be back." As they waited in the lobby of the police station Desmond started to giggle.

"What in good heavens do you think is so funny?" Shaun questioned.

"The chief of police."

"What about him?"

"His name's Morning Wood."

"…."

Shaun simply shook his head and Rebecca contemplated bashing it into the wall. "I must have been Hitler in a past live for god to hate me this much." Shaun moaned as he slid further into his seat. "Na,

god just doesn't like you." Lucy replied with a smile as she threaded her fingers through desmond's wig.

"Desmond?"

"Yea Rebecca?"

"Why are you wearing woman's underwear?"

Once again I apologize for the wait, and I hope you enjoyed the taste of what's to come.

Please review!

Translations:

"Non preoccupi il mio amore, cancellerò I suoi tocchi dal vostro corpo e li sostituirò con I miei propri"

Do not worry my love, I will erase her touches from your body and replace them with my own.

"No! Questo sin contro la natura deve morire!"

"No! This sin against nature needs to die!"