"You don't mind?"

"Should I?" Gibbs countered Tim's question with one of his own. He didn't mean for to sound gruff, but the quiet question from his agent has thrown him slightly.

"No I….It's just…your bit at the botto….."

"Don't worry about it. It won't hurt for them to see me admit I'm human." Gibbs clamped his hand down on Tim's shoulder momentarily and reaches up to take book down off the cabinet.

"Boss?"

"This is a pretty powerful memorial. What made you do it this year and not the others?"

"I don't know. I guess I just felt as though I had to do something and it just felt right somehow. It was only supposed to be for me to write down my thoughts because…" Tim paused and gently took the book from Gibbs. "This was the only way I could get things out."

Gibbs nods and leans back against Abby's computer desk. "Figures. You read it?"

"Yeah. I don't know what to say, it wasn't expected."

"No. But it's all the more special for it. You did good."

Tim is startled by the quiet praise and his mind wanders back to the contribution Gibbs allowed himself to make. Shame soon follows suit at the thought of everyone writing down their thoughts, after all, he hadn't planned on the rest of the team joining him in this endeavor; he'd never even asked them if they wanted to.

"Boss, I don't… I didn't…" He mentally kicks himself for the stammering that seems prevalent in this conversation.

"I know, Tim. Trust me, I know." The boss soothed. "Doesn't matter."

"How can it not matter that I didn't even ask them? I don't understand. How could I have done a good thing when I didn't do anything?" Tim's brow furrowed with confusion as he stands there trying to work it all out.

"McGee. Can't you just take my word for it?"

"Um. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. It's just…..." Tim's answer is subdued and quiet making Gibbs eye him warily.

"What's the problem?"

"I should have asked them."

"Why?" Gibbs finds himself putting his coffee mug down so that he can fold his arms. "Who was it supposed to be for?"

"Boss?"

"Originally. Who was the book for?" Gibbs stands and watches as a myriad of emotions flicker over Tim's face.

"Kate."

"Wrong."

"Who else?" Tim's cocking his head at the answer and tries desperately to think of who else it can be for. "Boss…"

"You. Damn it, McGee. The book was for you. No one else was gonna see it, right?" The exasperation in Gibbs voice is palpable and rings through the un-usually quite office.

"Well, yeah. But they did." Tim shrugs "And I'm glad they did, it's just… I didn't ask them if it was alright. I didn't want to burden them about today."

"Have they ever asked you? How many times have they come to you and said 'Hey McGee, is this okay?'"

"Never. What's the point, Boss? I mean, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't get it." Tim rubs his eyes and walks back towards the cabinet and gazes in at the wonderful shrine that Abby has created.

"Everyone handles this day in their own way, McGee."

"I know, Boss."

"Then why would you suddenly feel guilty for dealing with it in your own way again this year?" Gibbs has got no idea what is going on in his agent's mind at the moment and wants nothing more than to figure this out.

"I guess, seeing everyone have something to add, has made me aware that maybe we shouldn't have been trying to do it alone."

"Doesn't make you responsible."

"Yeah. You're right, Boss. Thanks." The fact that Tim's tone is too quiet, alerts Gibbs and gives him an inkling of what exactly is going on with this young man. If he's right, then it's an easy fix. If he's wrong however, it could plant a seed of doubt in the man's mind and cause him to start suffering from anyway.

"Tell me something, McGee."

"Okay."

"Have you figured it out?"

"Figured what out, Boss?"

"That it doesn't belong to you." Gibbs watches the confused emotions flicker over Tim's face.

"What doesn't?"

"I know what survivor's guilt looks like, Tim. I've carried it around myself a time or two." The emotions on the younger man's face shift from confused to something else altogether, which tells Gibbs that he's hit the nail on the head.

"Boss?"

"You've made sure that you don't carry it with you everyday and it's obviously gotten easier for you over the years. I'm just wondering if you've realized that it was never yours to begin with."

"No. It never crossed my mind that it wasn't, Boss." Tim admits quietly.

"Why not?" Tim doesn't notice the way in which Gibbs is eyeing him; it's not a wary eye, it's one of concern. If the kid is still carrying survivor's guilt about with him after all this time, then why hasn't he noticed?

"You taught us not to believe… Thought we didn't believe in coincidence?" Tim stammers

"Ah, Right. Okay. So then you just figured out how to hide it better? Or, have you actually let it go?"

"It never completely goes away, come on, Boss. You know that. It's always there in some way or another." Now that Tim is finally squeezing that last little bit of his feelings out, he's starting to feel the burden lift and feels lighter than he does in a long time.

"Yeah, you're right. I do know what you mean. Which brings us back to the fact that what you did with this book, was a good thing."

"Boss, I didn't do anything. At least, not deliberately, anyway." Tim realizes that he is still holding the book and reaches up to place it back on top of the glass cabinet. "It was all just…I'm just happy it worked out."

"You brought it down here so the team could continue to share their memories with each other, didn't you?" Gibbs watched as Tim straightened the book and stepped back before turning to face him.

"You don't mind, even though yours are in there, too?"

"Nope."

"I feel honored that you're willing to do that, Boss. I mean as far as you knew, what you wrote would have stayed between you and I. I would have kept it just between us, always, Boss."

"I know."

"I miss her, Boss." Tim sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair. "Its just so hard, knowing that I lived when she was….was taken from us."

"I get it, McGee, but all we can do is carry on. Not just for her, either. You can't live like that. You have to do it for yourself. It is your life."

"How cruelly sweet are the echoes that start. When memory plays an old tune on the heart." Tim replies by quoting something that he'd read years ago and has stuck with him.

"Huh? I know that one. Who said it?"

"Eliza Cook. Boss, Kate's left echoes with all of us and we take them forward every day so that we can use them to our advantage. What if we don't do her justice?"

Gibbs doesn't know what to say, and so he gets up and places his hand firmly on Tim's shoulder once again.

"Just gotta keep tryin', McGee."

FINIS

MY DEEPEST APOLOGIES TO MY WONDERFUL CO-AUTHOR FOR THIS STORY - SHELBYLOU - YOU DID AN AWESOME JOB!

I am so sorry, I did not list your shared authorship on this - before now. Here's hoping that doing so here, will let everyone know, of your wonderful work.