Love is Selfish

The thing that really alerted me as to my true feelings was the arrival of Ms. Mary Mortasan. The instant she arrived I felt something; Watson was thinking about her, and when I asked he merely confirmed it. Then I was even more confused, I now was angry at her, and at him, but I didn't get why. Their relationship deepened and I got angrier. I was confused, as I said before; I had these feelings of caring and protectiveness that I felt had no root. Then there was this anger, this jealousy, I got angry at her, but there was a mystery to solve so I focused my attention on that. I was worried that Watson would notice my absent mindedness, but it was normal enough that he ignored it.

In the darkness of the case I saw their hands reach out to each other's, I tried to feel happy for Watson he had found love, when it hit me, I had also found love, in one that did not, could not love me back. It was then that I realized my hand longed for Watson's too. Yet I knew I could not, would not reach out to him, for my honor and his. I forced myself to smile and contented myself with giving him simple words of caution. He of course, as I had expected, did not change his opinion, and why should he. But love is selfish, very selfish; I wanted him all to myself.

But knowing what this feeling was didn't make me any less confused as you would think, it made me more so. As I said before, I had never felt love before this so I had no idea how to protect myself from it, let alone control it. The case of The Sign of Four had ended so I spent all of my time studying all the evidence I had of the emotion. But my research was temporarily halted by the announcement that Watson was planning to marry Miss Mortasan!

I knew it was coming, I had known since they had fallen for each other in the case where they met. My awareness as to what was to come still did not prepare me for the announcement. I was looking through my files for records on love; I had nothing to do with no case, so I returned to my obsession, when Watson, who had been out all day returned with her. I welcomed them in and continued my search as they sat. Watson was the first to speak;

"I wasn't aware you were working on a case."

"I'm not, I have to find something to do in the meantime," I grimaced, but continued "and I decided to review old cases and records of people to sharpen my knowledge." It wasn't a complete lie…

Watson nodded in response "I'm glad you've found something to keep you preoccupied instead of taking up the needle. " He gave that heart melting smile of his, and then continued "It's good that I can leave you with knowledge that you'll be okay."

I almost screamed, he was leaving me, thoughts rushed through my head too fast for me to comprehend them, I was angry, and I knew it was her fault. But I couldn't do anything, I lamely realized; Watson's happiness had become more important to me than my own. I couldn't selfishly keep him away from the girl he loved; anyway, it would be very suspicious. Of course I would congratulate him; I would participate no matter how much I wanted to be in her place (minus the dress of course). I managed an "okay" after quite the pause; I had to get all my emotions under control first.

"Holmes, is something the matter?" Watson asked nervously

"Nothing at all." I faked a smile, thank goodness I was so used to acting; I wanted to tell him to call it off, for me, for us, but I wouldn't, I couldn't.

"As long as you're okay…" He then released a smile so broad that I thought for a moment that it was fake "We're engaged!" he then held out her right hand and showed me the engagement ring.

The announcement nearly knocked me off my feet, it was as I had expected, but previously I still had hope. I gave a slight frown "Congratulations, I fear you didn't heed my advice though…" I managed to smile slightly despite my situation.

"Well of course I didn't, one can't hide form true love."

"Oh well… I suppose you'll be leaving soon…" I asked nervously, deep in sad thought, he was right, one can't hide from true love...

"Well, first there will be the wedding, of course."

I sighed, will this pain ever end, I thought, "I assume you want me to attend…" I tried to decide if I should.

"I was actually wondering if you would be the best man." Watson asked nervously "I know what you think of such things, so I'll understand if you would decline, but it really would mean the world to me."

It obviously doesn't mean enough, I thought, but I chased the thoughts away. I had to do it, Watson was my only friend, and I was his closest. I braced myself and answered "I would be honored, my dear friend."

He smiled "Thank you, I owe you."

I was tempted to say yes you do, but my feelings of for him forbade me again to ruin his moment. He seemed so happy, and it made me feel amazing to see his face light up. They left for further wedding plans and I was left to my thoughts. I would miss him so much, but his happiness was so amazing to behold. My mechanical mind of science had fallen to the unexplainable of feeling. And I had the feeling that this wasn't technically legal in this case.