Don't Care!
After Watson had left, I was depressed and lonely. I took as many cases as I could to distract myself from the pain, but worthy crime was scarce, so I spent most of the time in depressed solitude missing my friend. The cases were a relief and a distraction from my problem, but I missed Watson more than anything. Then between 6 and 12 months after Watson left Ms. Hudson came up to tell me that someone had come to see me. I had just received a letter informing me of a mystery that was taking all my attention, so I didn't feel like I had the time to see anyone. At the time Watson came up the room was well lit, and I was pacing deep in thought about the case. I protested against accepting the visitor, but finally I gave up after Ms. Hudson insisted. Then I heard footsteps that sounded very familiar.
I quickly realized that it was Watson and my emotions went into over drive. I was so relieved to see him after so long, but I was so angry at him for leaving me for her. I decided to smile and motioned him into a chair; it was nice to have some company after all. But there was a slight fiery angry glint in my eye, he obviously noticed.
"Are you okay?" Watson was shocked at my steely anger.
"Yes I'm fine." I replied my voice softened and I sat down in one of the chairs next to him. Sadly wedlock suited him very well; I was positive he had gained a shade more than 7 and a half pounds. I had the case to deal with and Watson had returned but I still felt so lonely. He had left me for her I was so angry, but I couldn't shout at him; it would be suspicious and, more importantly, I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted to scream at him for leaving and I wanted to laugh with relief and happiness at his return, I was so confused. But mainly I felt angry and betrayed; as I saw it, my best friend had just abandoned me. I had never had a friend before and trusted no one, and my best friend/the person I loved, had betrayed me and left me. I guess you never know what you have until it's lost. When I was alone I never felt lonely, I just carried on with business, now that I had befriended Watson, I feel lonely when I'm not with him.
And then there was this jealousy… I was so angry at her for taking him, and I knew it was part of the love, but that didn't help me understand it at all. For, you see, I had never felt love before this, until I met Watson, I had never believed it existed, and I really didn't put much thought to it. Love, in my opinion had been simply an excuse for behavior, and the tool of romantics. It's quite ironic that I, who have such disdain for the emotion am writing a journal all about it, but this is a record of my truths.
The feeling of love, as I have discovered, is also more powerful and uncontrollable than any of the other emotions. I had obtained perfect control of all of my emotions; it was very convenient for staying focused in a case and having a nonbiased opinion. It also is what enabled me to hide my emotions from Watson for such a long time, but as I previously stated, love is more powerful; it was starting to break through my formerly impervious barrier (and when it went, who know what would follow). The jealousy and longing were starting to get out of control; it got harder to keep all of these in. Based on all of this I made the emergency decision to, at the moment Moraiaty allowed me to write a final letter, I wrote revealing my feelings for Watson. Afterwards I left to hide, unable to face what Watson would think of me after reading it, and to protect him from my uncontrollable feelings.